Hey folks! No worries- I'm not dead! I've just been REALLY busy. But, I WILL update Taisho Sakura soon! Be patient for just a LITTLE bit longer! Now, time to read: Naruto in Therapy!

I don't own Naruto. ^^

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PART ONE: UCHIHA SASUKE

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(Sasuke enters a therapists office, sits on sofa. I'm behind the desk)

Ellie: Hello, Sasuke.

Sasuke: Hn. Why am I here?

Ellie: Because Tsunade said you needed therapy. That's why you're here.

Sasuke: Whatever.

Ellie: Let's start with a word association test. I'll say a word, and you say the first word that comes to mind. Shall we begin?

Sasuke: Whatever.

Ellie: Weasel.

Sasuke: Death.

Ellie: I see. (writes) Love.

Sasuke: Betrayal.

Ellie: (writes) Orange.

Sasuke: Loser.

Ellie: (writes) Pink.

Sasuke: Annoying.

Ellie: (writes) Sharingan.

Sasuke: Strength.

Ellie: (writes) Orochimaru.

Sasuke: Power.

Ellie: (writes) Yuri.

Sasuke: Gross.

Ellie: (surprised, writes) Avenger.

Sasuke: Me.

Ellie: (writes)

Ellie: Now, for the ink blots.

Sasuke: Ink blots?

Ellie: I'll show you an ink blot, and you tell me what you see. Got it?

Sasuke: (nods)

Ellie: (pulls out a pile of paper, pulls one out) What do you see?
Sasuke: Uchiha clan symbol.

Ellie: (writes, holds up another paper)

Sasuke: Sharingan.

Ellie: (writes, holds up another paper)

Sasuke: Curse seal on my shoulder.

Ellie: (writes, holds up another paper)

Sasuke: Itachi's face.

Ellie: (writes, holds up another paper)

Sasuke: Konoha symbol.

Ellie: (writes, holds up another paper)

Sasuke: Akatsuki cloud.

Ellie: (writes)

Sasuke: So? Am I done?
Ellie: Not yet. There's one last thing I have to do.

Sasuke: And that is?
Ellie: I'm going to ask you several questions. Answer them truthfully.

Sasuke: Hn. Just get it over with.

Ellie: The night of the massacre, Itachi told you he killed them to test his capability. Did you believe him?

Sasuke: No. I believed that he did it because he hated the family.

Ellie: (writes) When you left Konoha to go to Orochimaru, did you go to protect the village?
Sasuke: No. I went to get stronger to kill my brother.

Ellie: (writes) When you saw Naruto and Sakura for the first time after two and a half years, you told Naruto you spared his life on a whim. Was that the truth?
Sasuke: No. I had a reason.

Ellie: (writes) Explain.

Sasuke: I didn't kill him because I didn't want to be like my big b- Itachi.

Ellie: (smirks, writes) After learning the truth about the massacre, did you feel bad for killing Itachi?

Sasuke: …A small bit.

Ellie: (writes)

Ellie: Well, Sasuke, I think I have the analysis done. Would you like to hear it?

Sasuke: Hn. Sure.

Ellie: (looks at notes, nods once, looks at Sasuke) You badly wanted to kill your brother, but you felt your teammates held you back. You believe that the Sharingan and Orochimaru made you strong, and depict yourself as avenger. Am I right so far?

Sasuke: (nods)

Ellie: You're also gay.

Sasuke: Huh?
Ellie: 99% of males your age find yuri, and I'm quoting them, "hot."

Sasuke: And the remaining 1%?
Ellie: They're gay.

Sasuke: I'm NOT gay.

Ellie: (doesn't believe him) Sure, sure. Now, you truly love your clan, and you still think of your brother even after his death. Perhaps your way of mourning him. You also believe Konoha and Akatsuki have the same goals- Control.

Sasuke: I don't mourn his death.

Ellie: You thought Itachi hated the family, even though he always put the clans goals before his own. You left the village for power so you could kill him, and almost killed Naruto to gain your Mangekyo Sharingan. However, you refused to kill Naruto because you didn't want to be like Itachi. You also admitted to feeling bad after Itachi's death. You still think of Itachi as your brother, as you almost addressed him as such. Oh, and I have some independent theories about you. Would you like to hear them?
Sasuke: Go for it.
Ellie: (takes deep breath) You're an ASSHOLE for abandoning the girl that loved you, you're an EMO-BITCH, you think everyone's out to get you, and you team up with a psychopath, a water-dude, and a slut/whore! And you compared them with your old team! Sakura and Karin are NOTHING alike! Not to mention the fact the only thing you ever frigging said to Sakura was that she was 'annoying' and that you didn't like her, and then you had the nerve to THANK HER, KNOCK HER OUT, AND LEAVE HER ON A BENCH! She could've been RAPED or KILLED, you BASTARD!

Sasuke: I thought you therapists were supposed to be calm…

Ellie: DO I LOOK CALM TO YOU?! (clearly pissed off)

Sasuke: No.
Ellie: RHETORICAL QUESTION, DUMBASS!

Sasuke: Oh…

Ellie: DIE! (brings out a chainsaw, flamethrower, grenade launcher, and a drunken Lee)

Sasuke: Oh shit. (runs)

Ellie: AFTER HIM! (chases, dragging Lee after me)

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