In Humane by Yofune-Nushi

Summary: What means "not" human which makes you human.

Disclaimer: Hoshino owns the series.

Just a little story that I thought "why not" and decided to post.

What means not the human that you considered yourself before to be is uncovering your hand and leaving your, so white it makes you stick out like a sore thumb on a supermodels hand, hair exposed without care for what it means to feel self-conscious of yours physical appearance because you just can't ponder about others feelings like that about you anymore when you are on the job from daybreak to sundown.

What means not the human that you considered yourself to be before is walking the road of knowing that your body is a tool to be used like the trigger of a gun exploding the bullet powder into the air and making everyone choke in the fact that destroying to protect is what you made yourself for.

What means not to be the human that you considered yourself to be before is looking at the present only with aims to a future that you are unable to see yourself in as you are now because you are not suppose to exist in that type of future as the thing you are desiring to be most in your soul, body, heart.

What means not to be the human that you considered yourself to be before, is liking the feel of adrenaline pump so intoxicating through your beating heart as if you are making love in the most honest and spiritual way every time you pierce through every pitiful being who's true saddening beauty can only be seen and appreciated by you and feeling both saddened and honorable at such a relationship you have devoted yourself so entirely to that you will never know what's it's like to love like this ever again in life because you will never cheat upon these sorrowful and yet so beautiful beings that should never exist in this world.

Because these beings are some of the best examples of humanity to you and only you and you love them so much because you see behind the ugliness and evil acts to know that the truth about them is filled with nothing but love, kindness, sorrow for what they are and do, and the want to be freed from this shell that they have been cocooned within.

Because these humans in ways actually seem less like monsters than the ones you encounter in real life you want to send them on to the next so that they can have the chance to be with and be seen as the beautiful creatures that they are and not for the stupid and awful things that people in life have degraded them to without a second thought for any but their own need to not deal with them as anything but toys to break or make.

What means not to be the human that you considered yourself before is to not be relaxed and let your guard enough to allow closer contact from others because you had no understanding of the differences between human and weapon until you were faced with the crossroads of what you could have been to what you choose to be. Now you've grown closer bonds but with the reserve ness of knowing weapons must work best when not interchanged with any other.

What means to not be the human you once considered yourself to be is to stereotype yourself as if you were a dice rolling across the dirt road and acting out what side was displayed because that is what the road you rolled across decided for you in your mind.

You know what you are and that is more important to whom you are and you smile and say the things even you have doubts about because you want to touch upon the things that can never be yours to have and hold with your bloody conning unintentional soul saving mouth full of words.

You do not see the physical anymore except for in blurs and your eyes and hands can only reach out fully with your whole being to the realm of what does not or should not exist in this plane of existence and your body kind of feels cold while your heart aches and feels as sweet as a apple pie with a side of vanilla ice cream on a Sunday morning.

Because you understand so much and choose to accept so little of yourself you are not the human you once considered yourself to be and yet you are still undeniable so human that you can not grasp even your own nature.

What means to be the human you should consider yourself to be is being more human and knowing the value of humanity more then you ever have in your whole life and loving yourself as well as others for it without barriers to kill yourself over.

Your own humanity will someday know you very well as does everyone who loves you in the way you are kind of afraid to accept and yet actually still happy in ways you can accept.

Notes*

Something that just came to me on a whim, Allen is so contrary. Some stuff fits with current Allen while other stuff seems to fit better with past Allen due to the whole "walking your own path" thing.

Personally I find one of Allen's biggest flaws is how he tries to stereotype himself so much and be one thing for a number of reasons to protect himself and make others feel more comfy with how simple or whatever he wants them to believe he is, I guess? He's what you would call a number one natural protector, for more reasons then one.

Anyway, the title "In Humane" comes from have different meanings and relating to depsite how great Allen's humane qualities are he has labeled himself as not human anymore last we've heard. The akuma as well because despite how horrible they are, they still have humanity as we can see through the the eyes of Allen.