Chapter Seven

In the aftermath of the hectic morning, full of the ghosts of the past, Dani sat cradled against the chest of her husband reconciling his flashes of furious anger with the gentleness she knew was at Charlie's core. He was a patient father, full of smiles and time for his daughter. Dani knew instinctively it would be this way with all their children. He was an attentive, enthusiastic and skilled lover and patient with her, even at times when she didn't deserve it, in their bed and out.

Their nine-year age difference seemed to balance him and while at times he could behave with the enthusiasm of a ten-year-old boy, the joy and wonder he felt - and shared enriched all their lives. At other times, he seemed to have an "old soul" one that had been here before, mastered life and came back again and again to teach others the way. He paid attention in a way that only who had lost everything and got a cherished second chance could.

Dani knew the decision to allow Jack Reese into their house was her husband's, it was after all his house, his money they lived so well on, but she also knew that he divorced himself from his family for reasons entirely his own. Her family was all they had. Charlie explained his reasons for breaking with his father to her and Dani understood why Charlie hated his father and what Charles Crews Sr had done to Charlie's mother. The anguish of being forced away from Charlie had proved too much for his mother, and Charlie believed it killed her – and Charlie's mother may have been the only one who truly believed he was innocent all those long years. It hurt him terribly and there was not enough Zen in the world to forgive that act.

But Dani recognized beyond the calm, patient man she knew and loved, lurked another Charlie – one who was mighty and terrible, like a lion or a fire-breathing dragon from one of Sam's storybooks. His prominent display of aggressiveness and physical prowess this afternoon was a constant reminder that just below the tame surface lurked the predatory instincts that had kept him alive for twelve years in federal maximum-security prison. While it should scare her, it didn't, it made Dani feel warm and secure, safe and protected. Not that Dani Reese needed protecting and not that she would let anyone do that for her – well, not anyone but Charlie Crews. For him and only for him and their daughter, Dani made special concessions.

The alacrity at which Charlie's transition from mild mannered Detective to superhero this afternoon occurred was breathtaking. She replayed in her mind the focused determination and absolute commitment he showed when his family was threatened. She knew for certain Detective Charlie Crews would take a bullet for her. He had proved a dozen times over that he would trade his life for hers.

Sometimes it angered her because Dani felt Charlie was too cavalier about risking his own life and almost religious about protecting hers. But Dani also realized it was in Charlie's nature to love completely and some days she stood in awe of her husband, but never in fear.

She was transported in time and memory to the day they first met. It seemed like it was just a moment ago. She could see him standing there looking into the sun for what? Answers? Faith? Patience? She had no idea. "Looks like the dog took a bullet for the kid and then took off the shooter's finger. Anybody ever love you that much?" he'd asked. How could Dani have ever possibly known then - the correct response would be "Yes, you."

In the other room, her father 's deep voice reverberated off the marbled floors, unintelligible, but gentler and softer than she remembered. Her mother's more musical voice did not carry, but the pauses let her know it was a two-way talk. Her mother needed her father, while she had been gracious in accepting Charlie's offer to move in and live with them after Sam's birth, she knew her mother missed her own house and her own things. Charlie just didn't feel right about leaving Roya out there alone, always the gentleman, her husband.

Her father was a complex mystery to her, just like Crews had been – until Dani stopped trying to figure him out and just let him be. Dani liked who she was with Charlie Crews. Not so different than before, still stubborn, head strong and a bit domineering, but Crews did not care about that, he cared about her and when she let herself accept that - life in general got easier. It was sometime after she realized that she belonged with Crews, before she let herself realize she loved him. It was a gradual transition and one that surprised both of them.

She always knew Charlie loved her, but Dani no longer believed she had the capacity to place her faith in someone, which is what love requires to exist. But slowly with Crews painstaking patience, her faith returned, faith in him first and then her faith in herself. Just like one of Crews Zen sayings, when she was ready - it came, the realization that all she ever wanted was sitting in the passenger seat everyday, munching on apples and talking absently to fill up the space.

Dani remembered the day they both realized they could not deny their special relationship any longer. It came when they could spend all day in the car and felt no need to talk. There was no need to fill up the space with idle chatter; it was enough to simply sit, to be still and to be together. Charlie simply reached over and took her hand in his and that was it. It made her want to cry when she thought about the simplicity and elegance of their love. It was the day she stopped trying to outrun her shadow and realized that it was him, Crews. He was her shadow in sunlight and she was his in darkness – together they were balance.

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Charlie Crews sat on his chocolate brown, buttery soft leather couch deep in thought. His daughter slept peacefully in the arms of his wife, who reclined against his chest, not asleep, but relaxed safe in his embrace and deep in her own thoughts.

In the kitchen, he could hear the soft voices and hushed tones of his mother in law, Roya talking with Jack Reese, her husband – his father in law – his jailer and tormenter. It was apparent that despite all he had done to both women, they were willing to forgive him and allow Jack to come back.

Forgiveness was not something Dani was particularly good at either. More than one of their disagreements had resulted in her holding a grudge and for longer than he'd thought she should. But she always forgave him in the end, because she loved him.

Maybe that was what was going on in his kitchen right now between Roya and Jack. Eventually, you always forgive those you love because you have no other choice. You can't control who you love – love simply is.

Charlie was faced with a choice. Was Zen something he believed in and lived, or something he paid lip service to and used as a tool? Because to hold malice in your heart is not Zen, Charlie thought.

Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal, intent on throwing it at another – the only one who gets burned is you.

Charlie hated Jack Reese for who he was, what he had done and the pain it caused him and the loss. Crews lost his family, his job, his freedoms, but he had walked through that fire and came out cleaner and purer of heart. He emerged like tempered steel, stronger, yet more flexible, with all his past burned away. He now had a new family, one he loved more than life itself; he had a better job – one he shared with his partner and wife; and he was free - both financially and physically - he could do anything he wanted.

He had the freedom to make the choice that would heal scars and mend wounds no one could see - but they could all feel. Even Sam and Ripley could sense the disruption, the unnaturalness and Charlie knew his daughter did not know the face of evil, pain or torment, but still she could sense it. Charlie knew he should not do as he alone wished - he should do what was best for them - he just had to decide what that was - and then let himself accept it, so they could all move forward.

"What to do, what to do" he said absently to Ripley who lay at Charlie's feet. "Its so hard, Ripley, knowing what to do." The little dog looked at him expectantly, but had no answers. This dilemma was all Charlie's to figure out.

"Hmm" was a mumbled response from Dani, lost deep in her own thoughts and lulled to the edge of sleep by his rhythmic breathing.

"Nothing, sssh" he said softly stroking her head. "Just be still, Dani". He kissed her head and smiled into her hair, which to him smelled like sunshine would if you could smell sunshine.

His daughter was angelic in her mother's arms, not the feisty little spitfire she was during waking moments. When vertical, Sam lived her life wide open, the best of all of us he thought. She laughed freely and loved with her whole heart. She was everything innocent and wonderful. He fiercely guarded them both to prevent Dani further pain and Sam from any at all. But Charlie had to wonder if who he was protecting was really himself.

He considered the man Jack Reese was and concluded he did not know - he only knew the act and the act is not the man. A bad man can do something heroic in an instant but that does not make him a good person. A good man can make a bad choice, in Charlie's line of work he saw that all the time. People went to jail for the act, not because they were intrinsically evil. And sometimes intrinsically evil people never went to jail – like Roman.

Was Jack Reese evil or did he make a poor choice? Dani and Roya loved him still and that meant that some aspect of Jack Reese was good. Did he fall, hit the bottom, and the bottom broke and he fell again? Did Jack Reese just get lost? Charlie did not know. He found this was not a choice that could be made with his head, because he did not know enough facts – it would have to be made with his heart – not for Jack Reese, but for Charlie's girls, Dani and Sam.

He glanced down at his wife who was still stroking Sam's face and hair almost subconsciously. "Did you know that I don't really care if I have a son?" he told her. She looked up at him, but said nothing. "Most men are focused on having a son, but I would love nothing better than to have a house full of little girls just like you and Sam." It was an absolute truth that made tears spring to Dani's eyes.

"I love you Dani, so tell me what to do." Charlie said plainly.

"I don't expect you to forgive him." She answered and after a pause "or to forget what he's done, but…" She waited for him to lock eyes with her before continuing.

"If you were gone for five years without a word, I'd take you back the minute you walked through that door Charlie, I wouldn't be able to help myself. It doesn't make any sense, but I know that is what I would do."

"Sure after you beat me up and made me spend a month of Sundays on the couch" he tried to tease her gently.

But her furrowed brow told Charlie, Dani was quite serious "Oh, I'd be mad Charlie, beyond mad maybe, but I could no more not take you back than I could lift the Coliseum or breath under water. It isn't something I feel like I have any control over and some days it scares me – how much - how connected I am to you." She admitted.

"Your mom feels the same way about your Dad, I suppose." He said kind of sadly.

"I think so. He's still in big trouble with her Charlie, but she'll forgive him, she'll take him back – she has to – it's…" she stopped reaching for the word.

"Love" he said simply and Dani just nodded.

Be soft in your practice. Think of the way as a fine, silvery stream, not a raging waterfall. Follow the stream. Have faith in its course. It will go on it's own way – meandering here, trickling there. It will find the grooves, the cracks, and the crevices. Just follow it. Never let it out of your sight – it will take you.

In the end there was no decision to be reached, there was the choice to fight what was coming or to let it come – Charlie chose to let it come.

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Epilogue (five months later)

Charlie Crews paced the hallway like a tiger in a cage. Jack Reese sat patiently while his concerned son in law raged under his breath. 'What is taking so long?"

Scrubbing his hands through his red hair, Charlie Crews sighed loudly "How can you just sit there?"

Jack smirked; the normally calm and imperturbable Zen Master was beside himself with worry for his young wife. "Crews…it will take as long as it takes. The doctors know what they are doing."

Jack worked hard over the past five months to rebuild his relationship with his wife, and their connection to Dani and her family. Sam had skeptically regarded him after their initial meeting and pronounced that she never had a "Grampa" before, followed hard upon by throwing her arms around him and hugging him with every ounce of strength in her tiny body. He felt like the Doctor Seuss character in the Christmas cartoon Dani watched every year when she was a child - whose heart swelled ten times it's size.

Sam was a joyous child who did nothing in halves, once she committed she threw her entire heart into the endeavor. Jack found he was a much better grandfather than he had been a father and he enjoyed learning who his granddaughter was. Even Sam's shadow, the ever present and clearly protective border collie, Ripley learned to begrudgingly accept him with mild wags of his tail, but never those full body wags reserved for the family. Ripley remained with Charlie, not entirely convinced this old leopard had changed his spots.

Crews remained somewhat cool to him, but cordial for Dani's benefit and yet somehow the two men found themselves the sole occupants of the second floor lobby waiting for the arrival of the latest addition to their fractured little family.

Dani was having the baby by Cesarean section and Charlie couldn't be there. Roya had taken Sam home to prevent her from becoming agitated by her father coming unglued. If Jack ever doubted Crews love for his daughter, he could see it manifest in the panic in the younger man's eyes now.

Hatchets buried and fences somewhat mended, they were never going to be fast friends, but Jack would never doubt the devotion of Charlie Crews to his daughter.

After what seemed an eternity, but was in reality only a brief four hours, the doctor emerged from the swinging double doors to give the "talk". Crews froze and paled, Jack honestly thought he might fall over.

The doctor smiled broadly and pronounced "congratulations you have a son", which most men would have broken out the cigars at. Crews simply stared at him, waiting, the man said "Mr. Crews, did you hear me?"

"How is she?" Charlie asked, his concern first and foremost for his wife. Jack had to admit he could not have selected a better man for Dani, even with his checkered past and the bias he originally held against Crews.

The doctor seemed taken aback, as if somewhat offended that Crews thought his wife was ever in danger. "She's fine, of course."

"When can I see her?" Charlie asked expectantly. Although Crews clearly loved his children, but there was no question to whom his heart and soul belonged.

"She'll be in recovery in about twenty minutes, I can have the nurse call down when she get's there, but she's very tired and she's not going to up to entertaining visitors" Crews stared at the man darkly. "But we'll get you in there to see her Detective" he added, swallowing hard at the look Charlie gave him.

"Don't you want to see your son Crews?" Jack said slapping Charlie on the back.

Charlie twisted his head to look at Jack without moving. "You go" he said flatly. "I need to see Dani" and the true desire and need to be with his wife was there in the tone and timbre of his voice. The young man was not relieved and would not be - until he could see, feel and hold his wife.

"Dani's tough as nails, son. She's going to be fine." Jack said quietly, trying to reassure Crews. "She finds out you are out here worrying about her, she'll be pissed at you" He tried to get Crews to loosen up.

"I…she… we….I" He gulped a breath, but no more words would form. Tears welled in Charlie's eyes and Jack felt immensely sorry for the man's suffering and worry.

"Did you decide what you are going to name the boy?" Jack said trying to distract Crews. "Charles Crews, III? Maybe you could call him "Trey"? Jack offered.

"No" Charlie said distractedly "I don't want him to have my name to carry around, to remind him of what is in my past…" he trailed off.

"But you didn't do those things, son" Jack offered.

"Doesn't matter, some people will never believe that. Dani and I don't want him to Google his name someday and see all that stuff." Charlie said firmly.

"Then what will you call him? Surely you two have talked about it?" Jack asked.

At that precise moment the nurse emerged announcing she was there to take Charlie to see Dani. The young man bolted like a three year old colt from the gate at Pimlico, throwing back over his shoulder, his answer, almost as an afterthought, "we going to call him Jack. Jack Evan Crews" as he strode out of earshot down the corridor to see his wife in Recovery.

Jack Reese stood in the lobby of that hospital and cried.

THE END

Author's Note: I wrote this with an angsty kind of vibe throughout, but in the end I chose to end it happily. Although some may be disappointed at the end of the conflict, all conflicts must end. They do when we decide that what we are holding onto is preventing us from moving forward and being happy. Attachment is a form of suffering and it doesn't matter if you are attached to an expensive car or the belief that you are right and someone else is wrong. In the end those "things" don't matter, what matters is the now and trying to make it the best now possible for the most people. So I chose Zen - as I think Charlie would.