Bad Ideas Gone Wrong Productions presents

Loophole

A Fruits Basket Spamfic by Geoduck

Akito peered through a hidden peephole to the antechamber. There he was...the monster. For a disgusting, revolting creature about to meet his doom, the monster seemed curiously nonchalant. Akito cursed inwardly. The Sohma family head hated it when visitors weren't terrified.

Akito walked back over to the window and assumed a characteristic poses (Number four: `Disheveled scrawny androgyne with bird perched on finger'), and called "Enter." As the door slid open, Akito sneered at Kyo with a smile of langorous menace.

Then the bird crapped and flew away. Dammit. Stupid bird.

Maintaining dignity with the iron will characteristic of the head of the Sohma family, Akito spoke softly to Kyo. "So, my pathetic, weak monster. It's been some time since you've seen me."

"Yeah. A year." Kyo sounded chipper. CHIPPER, for heaven's sake. This would not do, this simply WOULD NOT DO!

"When I last spoke to you, monster, you still had not beaten Yuki."

"That's right."

"And, have you beaten him since then?"

Kyo smirked. "Nope."

Akito's smile switched from `langorous menace' to `sadistic freak.' "In that case, you have lost our bet, monster. Just as I always knew you would. A pathetic, weak monster like you could never beat my Yuki. And as agreed, I will lock you away until you die."

"Well...you haven't QUITE won the bet yet."

Akito looked at Kyo coldly. "WHAT?"

"Well, you see...the bet was that I had until I graduated from high school to beat Yuki, right? Well, it's kind of embarrassing, but I actually flunked all my classes this year, so I won't be graduating."

Akito's eyes closed. `Calm blue ocean...calm blue ocean. I know, I'll count to ten, just like those pitiful creatures in that anger management class told me to.'

"So, uh, maybe I'll have better luck in my classes next year. I'll just drop by twelve months from today and you can threaten me again, okay?"

Equilibrium restored, Akito spoke slowly to Kyo. "You...FAILED...your classes?"

"Yep. Every one. Typical of the cat to screw up that badly, huh?"

"AGAIN?"

"Kinda funny...for the life of me, I just cannot get the hang of high school!"

"YOU'RE THIRTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD, DAMMIT! WHEN THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL?"

"Oh, I'm sure I'll manage it sometime. Don't worry, you'll be locking me away in your torture chamber before you know it! Seeya, Akito!" Kyo waved jauntily and stepped out of the room.

Akito threw a standard tantrum (two vases shattered, one hole kicked through a rice-paper screen), and sat down to sulk. `Note to self: in all future wagers, set a firm timetable.' A snort of derision "Damn technicalities."

END

Author's note: This was originally written back in 2003—this version, however, is slightly revised from the original due to certain revelations that have been made about Akito's character since then.