Guess who.

Me, of course! I'd be really worried if it was someone else writing in this word document, because that would mean someone else had actually read what I've written.

And that would be really terrible.

Especially when I've written all this horrible stuff about how I'm trying to fall in love with Jake (as hard as I can, but it's still not working) and babbling on about the vampire I love. Yeah, I love him. I'm alright with the fact I love him now, sort of resigned to it really.

I AM SO TIRED OF EVERYTHING

I love Jake, I really do, but he doesn't get that I really, really don't like his surprise hugs or surprise kisses or surprise anythings because it's weird to do that with your best friend. Sometimes, out of the corner of my eye, I can see my vampire's smile fall into a snarl when he does that. And it hurts me because I know that I'm making him unhappy- making them both unhappy.

Yeah well let's switch the subject because this is getting really uncomfortable for me to type about.

Today was another sunny day! I told dad that there wasn't much point for me to go to school when none of them were going, because it wasn't as if I had any friends to spend it with anymore. 'Cause y'know, everyone's so scared of our family. There wasn't even anyone I could talk with to do some good old PR for the Cullen family.

He looked sad, and I still don't really understand why. Dad can get so moody sometimes, and I can't tell why 'cos I'm not a mind-reader like he is (I've got the opposite power, haaa).

Jake had to hang out with his pack today, because they were missing their alpha. He asked me if I wanted to come, and I said no because I felt like I'd be intruding into their super special private pack moment. And hung out with my vampire instead!

We went to the woods, but we didn't go to the bluebell meadow. Instead, we found the tallest tree in the entire wood and climbed all the way up, until it felt that I could touch the blue sky and the sun and if I opened my mouth, I could eat the cotton-wool clouds. It was perfect.

We talked a lot about a lot of things. I talked about how this, us, could never ever ever ever happen, and he talked about how he would make it happen.

"It would require a little bravery on both our parts."

That's what he told me when he first began to talk about his Plan. A Plan that was so utterly insane that maybe it was close to being brilliant. It would work, except that I could never bring myself to leave Grandad, Grandma, all my Aunts and Uncles and definitely not Momma or Dad. And Jake. If I left Jake, he would die. And that would kill me.

I told him that I was sorry, and he said that it was alright, because we couldn't help who we fell in love with. And I could tell that he felt sorry for me more than he felt sorry for himself, because I loved someone so unnatural and different, so alien to our family. And I asked him if maybe he could stop loving me.

"I could no more stop loving you than I could stop existing."

And he laughed and told me that my heart was beating so hard that it was fit to burst. I love him when he laughs. I told him that I couldn't stop loving him either. He told me he was glad of it, though he was sorry that it made me sad.

I think today was the best today I've ever had.

Jake came back from his alpha's day out and went out searching for me in the woods, and my vampire and I only jumped off the tree in time. He wasn't happy when he saw me and my vampire together. He demanded to know why I was with him, and I said that we were hunting together. He said, rather nastily, not his type of hunting he hoped. I glared at him and stormed off, because that was simply unnecessary. He sort of ruined it, to tell the truth.

He ran after me and said that he was sorry, but I was so super angry that I knew that if I spoke to him, I might say stuff I didn't really mean and be sorry for it later. So I just didn't say anything.

Momma just came into my room (thank God for ALT-TAB) and we had a long talk about Jake. The problem with talking was that everyone could hear exactly what we were talking about, so Momma wrote and I projected words back at her.

This was how it sort of went, abbreviated (because otherwise it'd take like twenty minutes to type out everything):

Momma: Jake is really, really upset and sorry about what happened today.

Me: So am I. Why isn't he here to tell me that?

Momma: He's scared that you're still angry at him. He's apologised already to- you know.

Me: Can you tell him to come up later, please?

Momma: Of course, sweetheart.

Then I smelt the wonderful and delicious scent of BLOODICECREAM. That conversation ended quickly. I'm going to grab the yummy blood ice cream right now- I'll write more after I'm done!

And I thought of this just right now (maybe the fragrance of blood ice cream inspired me?):

Rule 6: Don't hang around with another guy when your imprinter is gone. Especially if he's a vampire.

Jake is adorably sad after I ignored him, but I'll talk more about that later. Blood ice cream now, typing after.

A/N: It's been a really long while. Everything will be rolling by the next chapter, and that's a promise. ;)