ok this is going to be a dark drabble thingy :/ its about mac after he lost claire, on the day of the attacks. i as usual do not own anything, please R&R oh and its also from macs POV

Every part of me felt like it was being torn apart by some, inevitable, unseen force. The scream that was rising in my throat, now was unable to make it way past my lips. My eyes burnt at the tears that were now bubbling at my eyes, stinging my cheeks as they ran down my face. I dug my fingernails into my palm, squeezing so that they pierced my skin. Maybe physical pain would relive my mental and emotional anguish. In fact, it just made it worse. It made it feel real. This was really happening, and nothing I could do would stop it. And in a blink of eye, she was gone. Gone forever never to be seen again. Taking my heart with her.

I fell to the floor, letting my knees bang heavily on the hard carpet floor. My eyes still fixed to the little TV screen. I hear a rushing in the lab behind me. I can tell they are as shocked as I am. But not as hurt. Not as lost. Not as broken. She was my everything, my life, my soul, the very air I breathe. Now she was gone. How can I live without her? To that I don't know the answer. Maybe I won't live at all. I feel my piece dig painfully into my side, as I sit upon the floor. Just one squeeze on that trigger, and its all over. Nothing is stopping me now. I have nothing to live for, no-one to live for. Wouldn't it be easier to just end it all? Then I can be with her again.

Without really thinking, I stand up. My legs almost as numb as my brain and heart. I find my legs leading me towards the lift, out off the lab, away from the lab, along the streets of New York. Death can still be tasted in the air, and the foul stench of grief fills my lungs. Soon it is to be me who join the dead. I'm sure no-one saw me leave the lab, with my gun still in my hand. I get nearer my apartment, the one we used to share. Grief continues to eat at my pain, nibbling at my faults and fears. Soon there will be nothing left to devourer. Nothing of me or you will remain. We can be together once more.

Blindly I stroll though the rooms collecting our stuff, like we are going on holiday. I get your pink toothbrush, and my blue one. I pause as I place them softly on the floor together, my eye being caught by the metal on my ring finger. I wish we could reunite the tokens of our love one last time, but its too late now, instead I slip mine from my finger and place the two toothbrushes inside. Perfect fit. I need you in someway here with me, when I commit this terrible sin. Slowly I cross my legs and lower myself to the floor, picking up my gun and our brushes in my shaking hands. It didn't need to end this way, I think as, I place the gun to my temple. It really didn't have to be like this, slowly, ever so slowly, I pull my finger tighter until I hear the click.

My eyes snap shut, expecting a bullet to tear straight though my brain, but nothing happens. I turn my head to see a hand resting upon the safety catch. I follow it, and see her looking down at me, with those green eyes I know so well, but this time they are laced with fear, pain and sympathy. She slowly coaxes my gun out of my hand, as soon as it is in her hands, she drains it of its bullets and casts it to the floor. She crouches down next to me and looks deep into my eyes, she doesn't smile, because both she and, I know its not going to be ok, nothing is ever going to be the same. But just the fact that she is here with me, makes me think that, maybe, just maybe, I have a chance of getting though this.