Hi guys! Okay so compared to the rest of y'all I've only recently jumped on the HIMYM, BroTP, NPH bandwagon. I got HIMYM Season 2, 3 &4 up to ep.4x07 from a friend in February 2009 and now I'm totally addictedessed. I've only ever written fanfic for LOST but I've kinda been losing my mojo on that front. The HIMYM fic idea I toyed with for ages but then I thought that if I did that I'd be betraying my LOST WIPs so I didn't but then this idea just refused to go away over the last few weeks and here it is.

Please RnR and/or email me if you've got anything you'd like to say, I have dialup internet so it makes it pretty darn hard most of the time to be as interactive as I am used to.

I just have to give a shout out to all the amazing HIMYM fic writers out there. I did not think fanfic for a sitcom would work but y'all make it work.

Chapter 1 - Bros before Hoes

Robin leaned her face on the cool swirled Italian marble tiles and took a deep breath. 'Oh God, I feel like dying… or passing out in a coma… anything to make the regurgitating stop.'

The tiles were making her face tingle and as the cold seeped comfortingly into her skin, Robin placed both her palms on the floor, then brought her hands together to make a pillow as she lay there.

The queasy feeling eventually went away leaving her tired and sleepy. Her eyes drifted shut as she silently cursed herself for drinking all that tequila with Barney last night. What had she been thinking? But Robin knew what she'd been thinking; she'd been thinking that getting drunk with Barney and smoking cigars while they waxed poetical about the multitude of joys to be derived from alcohol would deflect attention away from the fact that they had had sex the day before… again.

"Hey Robin, are you alive in there!?" Ted asked through the closed door.

Robin grunted, irritated by the interruption into her recently gained unstable equilibrium.

Ted knocked on the door, "Robin!"

Robin rolled over onto her back and scowled at the ceiling. It didn't help that her ankle-length purple silk dress had now tangled around her legs.

"Yeah, I'm alive! Just got alcohol poisoning that's all." She yelled at the door.

She waited for the sound of his retreating footsteps and when she didn't hear them she groaned in frustration as she sat up. She looked around the beautiful hotel bathroom and dragged herself up to her feet, holding onto the edge of the sink when her world tilted crazily. After a few deep breaths, the room stopped turning and she ran the cold water faucet splashing icy water on her face. Opening her purse, she pulled out the mini-mouthwash bottle she'd bought at Shoppers Drug Mart, gargling the minty flavoured liquid. The water was still running as she scooped up some water into her hand and chucked it into her mouth. Rinsing that out, she shut the faucet and blotted her face with a facial tissue. She dabbed her lips with gloss and made a face at her pale reflection. Pulling her shoulders back she turned towards the door and unlocked it to find Ted still standing there.

"Are you okay? You look like shit." Ted said as his eyes raked her slightly swaying form.

"Thanks Ted, I try."

Robin pushed past him and started walking back to the reception hall where Marshall, Lily, Barney and bunch of people from GNB were celebrating. Ted raised his eyebrows at her comment, following her at a more sedate pace.

"What is this party for anyway?" Robin tossed the comment over her shoulder.

"I think the technical term is 'Team Spirit Party', one of those euphemisms Corporate America uses to make itself feel better for still paying a select few ridiculously high salaries while hundreds and thousands of people are being made redundant and losing their homes." Ted explained.

He nearly knocked Robin over as she hung back in the entrance way, the lights were very bright and she was still a little unsteady after her recent trip to Bile Central. He placed a hand on her arm and she shook her head to try and fight off the vertigo.

"Wow, you are really in bad shape."

"Shut up Ted and help me walk to our table." Robin snapped.

Ted complied steering her towards the rest of the group.

He pulled out her chair and she sat down with a graceless thump.

"You okay there Scherbatsky?" Barney teased her with a quirk of his lips.

Robin narrowed her eyes at him, he was wearing a black tuxedo and sapphire blue and black tie that was doing incredibly flattering things to his eyes. Unlike her, his skin was giving a slightly golden glow and his cheeks were slightly flushed from all the Scotch he'd been drinking tonight.

"If hurling for five minutes straight is ten on the okay scale, I'm a solid twenty."

Barney's left eyebrow went up with amusement. Marshall, Lily and Ted moaned in disgusted sympathy.

"Not my fault you can't handle your tequila, Canada."

"Oh it's totally your fault and if you value your Barnacle Junior you'll keep that smug smile off your face or I'll have to give you some-are teeth." Robin threatened.

"Whatever Scherbatsky, I saw your idea of fighting before stupid Ted broke it up – Thanks Ted - and I am not worried." Barney retorted.

Robin balled her hands into fists on the table and made as if to stand, Lily grabbed Robin's arm and put her left arm around Robin's shoulders.

"Okay, okay that's enough. This is Marshall's first GNB office party and I really don't want you guys to ruin this for him." Lily warned in her best kindergarten teacher voice.

"Barney, seriously reconsider what you're about to say or do or as Slap Bet Commissioner I'll invoke a special order for Marshall to slap you."

Barney's face drained of all color and he glared at Lily. Robin smiled at him brilliantly.

Ted rolled his eyes and started to say something but was interrupted by a petite curvy redhead in a figure hugging Gucci black dress when she tapped him on his shoulder.

"Mr. Stinson says you're an architect."

He turned with a charming smile in place, "Yes I am."

"I'm a structural engineer and I've got this project I'm working on, the architecture team we had quit and our plans are only half done, and I don't mean to ruin your evening but do you think I could pick your brain on some things?"

"Ted. Ted Mosby… architect." He extended his hand to her.

"Pleased to meet you Ted Mosby, I'm Shona Dempsey."

"The pleasure is all mine Shona… and I'd love to answer any questions you've got for me why-"

"Don't you guys go and discuss Shona's project somewhere a little less noisy than our table?" Barney interrupted.

They both turned to look at him and then Ted nodded while Shona gestured for him to stand up.

"Okay. We can go over to my table in the corner." Shona suggested cheerfully, tucking her arm into Ted's, she led him away from the group.

Barney chuckled to himself as he took a sip of Scotch. Robin dropped her head into her hand. While Marshall and Lily nudged each other as they watched Ted and Shona.

"Ooh I love this song, let's go dance!" Marshall exclaimed as Frank Sinatra started to croon Moon River over the sound system.

The two of them ran off to go join the other couples on the dance-floor, jarring the table sharply as they went. Robin jerked upright, startled, and felt her stomach heave in protest.

She shot Barney a murderous glare.

"What?"

"How come I'm hurling my guts out while you're looking like that!?" She waved a hand in his general direction.

"Like what Scherbatsky?" Barney asked his tone knowing.

"Like you're about to step onto the red carpet." She made a face as soon as the words were out of her mouth.

Barney tried very hard not to laugh.

"Please Scherbatsky, B-Man don't do green at the gills, whenever I'm hung-over, I just become more awesome-"

"Oh shut up!" Robin snapped impatiently.

Barney had to swallow the laughter bubbling up inside him.

"And don't you dare laugh at me!" Robin ordered with a rigid forefinger.

"Wow you're a mean post-drunk."

"Thanks to you."

"Hair of the dog that bit you Robin… come on, you know that!"

"I didn't have time for hair of the dog, this network called me at 8 o'clock in the morning and they wanted me to interview at nine thirty… I was not gonna go for my interview with my breath reeking of tequila."

Barney put down his now empty glass and signalled to the waiter before looking back at her sympathetically. She really did not look well. Sighing with a martyred look on his face he got up from his seat across the table and moved to sit in Lily's seat.

"Alright Scherbatsky, I'll take some of the blame and in the spirit of the Team Spirit we are feting tonight, I'll let you lean on me."

He put his arm around her in a move that was reminiscent of the night when their friendship and the entire group dynamic had been sent careening into outer space. Robin gratefully turned her face into his shoulder and sighed miserably, her right arm snaked under and her left over his arm effectively trapping him.

"I'm wrinkling your tux." She observed.

"Yes. Yes you are Scherbatsky, just know that this is a one time only thing, never to be repeated."

"Okay." She said in a soft voice laced with sarcasm.

"Okay." Barney echoed, his attention distracted by all the memories that came flooding back from the innocent contact.

'Way to go and leave yourself exposed Stinson.' Barney thought to himself as he realized that it was far too early in the evening for their pose not to draw attention.

The waiter brought Barney another Scotch and set a bottle of water in front of Robin. He winked at Barney and went to the next table. Barney grabbed the whiskey and downed half its contents in one gulp. His muscles wanted to slam the glass down but out of consideration for Robin he set it down gently. The undiluted drink burned its way pleasantly down his throat and he enjoyed it with perverse satisfaction.

He looked around the room and observed Ted and Shona deep in conversation, Ted's body language told Barney that his friend was halfway towards convincing himself that Shona might be the one. He rolled his eyes in disgust. That boy just refused to learn, get some and get gone! What was the point of being Ted's wingman if the guy just refused to adhere to the rules? Barney tried not to think about one glaring example of his own breaking of the rules. Sleeping with his bro's ex, having feelings for his bro's ex, occasionally having sex with bro's said ex. So maybe it wasn't one example but three examples. He winced at that thought. What would Ted do if he found out that Barney and Robin had been breaking the code with increasing frequency over the last two months? And what did said continuous yet sporadic breaking of the code even mean?

"Stop fidgeting." Robin ordered, her words muffled into his shoulder.

"The waiter brought you some water Scherbatsky, take a sip or you'll hurt his feelings." Barney cajoled, as he opened the bottle for her.

"No… sleepy." She mumbled drowsily.

Barney looked down at the sable tresses that were spilled over his shoulder and front, gently tickling his neck and chin. Her right arm was resting on his thigh and torso, creating a warm and pleasant heat.

'She's like a cancer spreading all over my body. She's going to devour me and leave nothing left.' He mused, catching himself as he leaned down to inhale the scent of her coconut shampoo wafting up at him in small invisible clouds. He grimaced and jolted his shoulder up, forcing her to sit up on her own. She looked around confused.

"Alright, Jeez Scherbatsky how's the B-Man supposed to get himself a lil' somethin' somethin' if you're adorning my shoulder like a mink coat?" He complained.

"Maybe the B-Man should have thought about that before he offered me his shoulder to lean on!" She snapped.

"I didn't think you'd set up shop there!" He snapped back.

"Screw this, I'm going home." Robin said as she tried to stand up.

Barney grabbed her arm before she lost her balance and fell. As soon as she was steady she wrenched it out of his grip and snatched up her purse.

"I hope you go home with a skanky ho and she gives you syphilis!" She hissed at him before she stalked off.

Barney stared after her dumbfounded by her outburst. He looked over at Ted who was being led out of the room by Shona. His bro gave him a thumbs up and Barney smirked despite himself. He looked at his whiskey and drained his glass before getting up himself to follow Robin.

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Robin was practically running out of the hotel. 'What the hell was that?' Had she really almost fallen asleep on Barney Stinson's shoulder in front of a couple dozen people!? And more importantly, why had he let her do that in the first place? One of Barney's unspoken but iron-clad rules was not to let any kind of emotional, Marshall and Lily type of behavior impede him on his pioneer trail of awesome womanizing. So why had he done something so considerate as to let her rest her head on his shoulder and practically cuddle him in public? And at a work function no less?

The concierge opened the door for her with a worried look and she understood why when she stepped outside and felt the icy New York air wrap itself around her. Shivering she stepped back into the hotel and walked back the way she came, she'd forgotten her coat and it was too cold for her to stand outside and hail a cab in her sleeveless silk dress.

Barney walked towards her holding her faux fur coat in his hand and wearing a tentative smile.

"I know you're from Canada but you're a New Yorker now Scherbatsky, you're no longer used to cold the levels of the Great White North."

Her teeth chattered against her will as she accepted the coat, and hurriedly put it on. She did not notice that she had shunned his conciliatory helping hands. He recovered quickly, putting his arm through hers and leading her towards the foyer.

"Come on let's get out of here. I've got a sick bro that needs to get into bed and sleep off her hangover."

Robin was too grateful for the support and added body heat he provided to snap one of the many hostile remarks hovering on the tip of her tongue.

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She had not meant to but by the time they got to Ted's apartment, she was soundly asleep on Barney's shoulder, curling herself into him like she had done earlier but this time her knees were nudging his thigh as she had tucked her legs underneath her. Barney forced himself to think about that disastrous limo ride on Ted's birthday. His right fist clenched so hard his knuckles were white as he fought the urge to rest his cheek on the top of her head.

Barney paid the cab driver and then gently shook Robin awake, she mumbled in her sleep and curled into him even more, refusing to wake up. Barney really wanted to get her into the apartment so he could escape to the bar and maybe find himself a leggy brunette bimbo to slake his desires on without the catastrophic repercussions that came attached to Robin. So after a few more futile attempts he lifted her out of the cab and carried her upstairs. She did not notice snuggling into his arms and murmuring incoherently.

When he dropped her unceremoniously on the bed, her eyes opened instantly and she looked around, taking in her surroundings in bewildered surprise. Barney was taking her spiky five inch heels off her feet with a grim set to his mouth. His shoulders and entire body were tensed as if he was preparing to sustain a physical attack.

"Barney?" Her voice came out husky.

"Just helping a bro out… here put on your pyjamas, I'll wait in the living room." He finished off curtly thrusting the clothes at her like their very existence offended him.

Robin tucked her hair behind her ear and clutched at the night-wear in a dazed state, her mind was working at a sluggish pace and she could not process all the different thoughts and questions running through her mind.

"How did we get here?" She finally managed to ask, but Barney had already left, shutting her door with a passive aggressive click.

"Okay, weird." Robin said to herself as she got out of her coat and dress and put on her pyjamas.

When she joined him in the living room he was standing in the kitchen sucking back a beer like a man dying of thirst.

"Thanks for bringing me home Barney." Robin's voice was soft and tentative.

Something was going on here and her hung-over brain was just not up to figuring out what exactly was eating at him.

He set the beer down and gave her a half-hearted smile, "No problem, Scherbatsky… Now go brush your teeth so I can tuck you in, get down to the bar and get myself a hot, tart nightcap. What up?"

Robin frowned at him but went to the bathroom and did what she was told. When she was done Barney was waiting by her bedroom door to open it for her, which he did with a gallant bow. A dull headache started to throb, sending ripples through her brain as she tried to decipher what the hell was going on. So she put it all away and decided to think about it tomorrow.

She pulled the covers back and got into bed; Barney pulled the covers around her and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"You want me to tell you a bedtime story?"

"I'm hung-over Barney not terminally ill."

"Please Scherbatsky, B-Man only tells dirty stories, if you were terminally ill the last thing I'd do is tell you a bedtime story 'cause you'd go into cardiac arrest."

"No Barney I don't want you to tell me a bedtime story."

"Okay your loss."

"Naturally."

Barney got up abruptly and walked to the door, "Night Sherbatsky, I trust this makes us even on the whole lame blame Barney for your light-weight Canadian low alcohol tolerance schtick?"

"Yep, I'd say we're even, now go get yourself a night cap and make sure you lock the front door, I don't think Ted'll be back tonight."

"Hope not, I used some special wingman skills hooking that shit up while he was out playing nursemaid to you in the bathroom."

"Goodnight Barney." Robin said emphatically, turning away from him and closing her eyes.

He smirked at that and closed her bedroom door. He strode out of the apartment and locked the door with the spare key Ted didn't know he had had made years ago.

As soon as he stepped away from the door Barney felt the constricting and very confusing feelings that had threatened to suffocate him since he'd carried Robin upstairs, dissipate. He really needed to go get himself some strange, erase the memory of the most awesome woman he had ever known writhing beneath him and screaming out his name like it was the secret password to get into heaven.

THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY

"How's the job hunt going Sparkles?"

"Its not and don't call me that."

"Well I got something that will make you feel better than all those other unemployed losers."

"What?"

"Me."

"No way Barney, we're not doing that again."

"Come on Scherbatsky, I know you want to."

"That's not the point Stinson, last week in Marshall and Lily's elevator, we nearly got caught."

"Please… as if that didn't turn you on even more."

"No."

"Hmm."

"What do you mean hmm… and what are you doing?"

"You said we weren't doing that again you never said that I couldn't slide my hand under the waistband of your sweats."

"I guess… I. didn't."

"Seriously Canada what's with the sweats, remember the first rule of being awesome is to suit up."

"Even while I'm at home, unemployed and unsuccessful in the job hunt?"

"Yes."

"Oh my God."

"I know."

"How do you know just where and how to touch me?"

"Please. I'm the most awesome person you know for a reason."

"Ohhhh! Okay, stop talking and help me get this off you, we've gotta hurry because Ted will be home in twenty minutes."

"Get this off you… yeah you did! High five!"

"Barney!"

"Ahh… why don't we go to your room?"

"C-c-cause… ohh."

"Robin?"

"It's more fun this way."

"You're a naughty girl Sparkles."

"Sparkles… you're going to pay for that Stinson."

"I really, really hope so."