Title: How Jack Fell Down

Author: LexKitten

Summary: Jack returns from a mission with a nasty concussion and a bump on the head. He can't remember how he got it – and Sam doesn't want to tell. PG pointless fluff.

Rating/Spoilers: Teen. Up to early Season 6.

A/N: For the Sam and Jack ficathon at GW. Prompt "Sam and Jack + a lot of mud. The word "rocks." Bonus points if someone gets hurt."

Because even world-saving USAF officers can act like children, once in a while.

***

"Nothing more than a mild concussion," Janet announced, as she secured a gauze bandage around Colonel O'Neill's head. "And a nasty bump. Don't let the kids at school tease you and call you egg-head, ok?"

Jack touched his head and winced painfully. "Oww. What happened to me?"

"You hit your head!" Jonas said, smiling brightly. "You were knocked unconscious for almost twenty minutes! This is my first team concussion," he added excitedly.

"I'm happy for you," Jack scowled. "How did I hit my head? The last thing I remember is splitting up to look for the naquada." He turned his head – slowly and carefully – towards Sam. "Did we get attacked by Jaffa?"

Sam felt her cheeks heating up, and her pulse racing in her wrists. "You mean, you don't remember?"

Jack winced again, replying, "why - should I?"

Teal'c turned his narrow, suspicious gaze towards Sam, burning into her with that look of stoic understanding that only Teal'c could master. "Indeed. You did not tell us how O'Neill came to be injured."

Sam laughed loudly – a little too loudly; some of the other doctors and patients in the infirmary turned to glare at her. "Nothing - nothing unusual happened," she assured them. Which wasn't exactly true …

***

"Alright gang, pick a friend and take a map," Jack shouted, holding out geological maps of the surrounding alien world, taken from UAV scans. Jonas spun around quickly and opened his mouth, ready to 'pick his friend', but Jack cut him off. "Carter's with me," he declared. Jonas shut his mouth.

"Then Jonas Quinn and I will partner," Teal'c said. Jonas shrugged, looking a little downcast, and extended his hand to Jack for a map.

"Ok, you guys take the east side and head for this shiny red dot," Jack instructed. "And hopefully, there'll be a bunch of grey rocks pointing out a big naquada deposit below. Carter, we're going South."

"Yessir," Sam replied automatically, all business. At least, she was at that point. After a quick radio check, the pairs split off on their separate paths, Jonas and Teal'c navigating a heavy woodland, and Jack leading Sam up a steep grassy hill.

It was a nice planet, Sam mused to herself as she trudged along behind Jack in their customary comfortable silence. Green land, grey sky, and a kind of pleasant mugginess. It reminded her of scenes of the unspoiled English countryside that she'd seen in BBC Jane Austen movies. The low clouds overhead even threatened a little rain. The only drawback was the slushy ground. It made for slow going up the hill.

There was a little cluster of rocks crowning the hill, and an ugly slimy mud-slide down the back, leading to a little slushy pool of dirt and grass. Jack pulled out the map and peered incredulously at the rocks. "Red-dot-marks the spot," he declared. "Get out the naquada-sensor-gadget and let's get surveying."

Sam rummaged in her pack for the 'gadget' – an oh-so-technical description of the element compound sensor - and started towards the nearest rock. And that's when she slipped.

It was one of those totally innocent, bound-to-happen, could've-been-anyone, type of things. She put her boot down on a particularly squelchy clump of grass and the ground gave out beneath her, sending Sam plummeting backwards butt first into the mud. In complete defiance of all her training, she flung her arms and legs out, so that when she landed they were all up in the air and she looked like a sprawled turtle. Mud went everywhere – all over her back, her legs, her arms, and oozing into her hair. And a single spec flew through the air and hit Jack in the cheek with a 'splat'.

The Colonel turned slowly, staring down at his 2IC with his mouth hanging open in surprise. And then - he laughed. He laughed loudly and raucously, slapping a hand to his thigh and pointing mercilessly at Sam.

Sam acted before she had time to think. Her body moving with a mind of it's own, she lunged forward, grabbed Jack's outstretched hand, and pulled him down towards her and the muddy grass. Unfortunately, Jack fell slightly to the left, towards the muddy slide, and he just kept on falling. Sam, who forgot to let go of his hand, went tumbling after. And that's how the two of them ended up wrapped together, bouncing down the muddy-hillside.

They landed in the mud-puddle-pond at the bottom of the hill with an audible splat.
Jack was flat on his back, mud-flecks on his cheeks and his eyes wide with surprise. Sam stared down at him, feeling just as shocked and unbalanced as Jack looked. Which was when she realised that she had landed on-top of him. Their bodies were flush together, side-arm to side-arm. Sam was pinning down her CO.

Sam opened her mouth, hoping that if she started with 'sir', something intelligible would follow. "S-sir…" she stuttered.

Jack narrowed his eyes at her, "Carter," he said, very quietly. "Did you just pull me down into the mud?"

Sam swallowed back a lump that was forming in her throat. "Yes sir, I think I did."

"Right," said Jack. Suddenly, his hands flew up from beneath her, and grabbed her tightly round the shoulders. With a heave, Jack flipped Sam over and pounced on her so that he was now pinning her down. Sam squirmed beneath him, but Jack's heavy thighs were pressed tightly on either side of her hips. "Ho-no, I'm getting my revenge first."

She didn't mention just how inappropriate it was for a senior officer to straddle her in the middle of an off-world mission, though the thought did cross her mind, along with other, less rule-abiding thoughts. Jack, bent on revenge, didn't seem to have considered the regs yet.

He plunged his hand into the dirty slunge beside them and heaved up dripping handful. Sam shut her eyes. She heard Jack chuckle, and then felt a large mass of cool, wet muck hit her square in the forehead. Jack's fingers followed, as he rubbed the mud into Sam's fringe clucking happily to himself. Sam opened her eyes.

Jack stood up and stepped off her, surveying his handiwork. "There, now we're even," he declared.

Sam reached a hand up to her hair and gingerly felt the gooey slime that was beginning to solidify. "You ruined my hair," she said, feigning a pout. Then she sprang to her feet, readying herself in an offensive stance. She felt her heart start to race with adrenaline. "We are far from even."

And then the mud was flying: kicked and lobbed and splashed from one high ranking, world-saving, respected U.S. Air Force officer to the other. Jack bellowed and snarled as Sam's well-aimed projectiles slammed into his shoulders and neck, splattering him with brown goo. He chased after her, grabbing her from behind,round the waist and rubbing mud into the little gap at her neck where her flesh was clearly visible above her jacket. Sam squealed, struggling free and making a run for it towards the hill. She made a faint to the left, and managed to duck under Jack's outstretched arm and wade away behind him. Giggling, she lobbed two quick handfuls of mud at Jack's waist. He was already so dirty, Sam couldn't tell if they connected or not.

Jack tried to snarl at her, but he was grinning too broadly, and when he called out his angry growl came out more like a laugh. "Carter, I am going to get you so bad, it'll take you a week to wash this stuff off."

He bent low, scooping up the thickest clumps of wet brown mud from the bottom of the pond, and carefully moulding them in his hands.

Sam knew she had seconds before he unleashed his attack. She scrounged in the wet slime for a weapon of her own, and her hand connected with a rather hard almost spherical ball of mud. Perfect.

She probably should have realised that it was far heavier than a ball of mud should be, or that, under the slime, the lump had a charcoal glint. But it was the heat of the moment, and Sam just didn't notice.

Jack stood up, preparing to lob his dooms-day-mud-ball at his 2IC.

Sam was ready. With a masterful pre-emptive strike, she launched the heavy handful, aiming directly for Jack's head. As it spun through the air, flecks of mud spiralled away, revealing a dull grey sheen that Sam was only too familiar with. It was a chunk of Naquada. An extremely heavy chuck of naquada. It connected with the side of Jack's skull with a terrible crunch and the Colonel fell back into the pond like a felled tree, completely unconscious.

Sam had just knocked out her CO … in a mud fight.

***

Sam suddenly realised that everyone was still staring at her, waiting for her answer. "The Colonel slipped," she said quickly, "slipped in the mud and hit his head on a rock." She looked at each of them earnestly, willing them to believe such a simplistic story.

"Well, that explains it," Jonas declared. Teal'c and Janet shared a knowing look, less convinced.

But it was Jack's face that Sam watched, as he furrowed his brow suspiciously and gave her a prying stare. "Carter, c'mere a sec," he instructed.

She turned guiltily to face him. He held up a hand, curling one finger at her, motioning for her to come closer. She walked carefully to the side of the bed. "Closer," he said. She leant towards him, following his coaxing finger till their faces were only inches apart, his suspicious brown eyes scouring her face for clues. Slowly, with the concentration of a forensic expert, he ran his thumb along her check and down to her jawline. Sam caught her breath. Jack held up his thumb, which was now covered in a thick layer of mud

"If I'm the one who fell," he said in a low husky voice, "how come you're so covered in mud?"

***