Title: I Didn't Mean It

Disclaimer: Don't own it; never have, never will.

Rating: M

Pairing: Taichi/Yamato

Inspiration: "Paternal Reversal" by Bayside [Listen to it!]

Warnings: Strong language, drug abuse, abuse.

***

Taichi, your life's not over

But you've given up all you live for.

"I can't stand this place, Yamato. I'm leaving, whether you come with me or not."

Taichi revved the engine. "Now, are you gonna get your stuff, or are you gonna go in there and stay? If you stay, I'm not coming back for you. Ever."

Yamato glanced at his apartment building through watery eyes. "I can't just leave, Taichi. Where do you think you're going to go? You'll run out of money. You'll have to come back here one day."

"I'd sooner die."

"You're dead to me, then. How the fuck can you leave me? Just because he doesn't approve of how you turned out? If you leave me now, I'll try my best to forget you ever existed!" the blonde yelled, hastily leaving the passenger's seat and slamming the door to Taichi's beat-up old Honda Civic.

The brunette shifted to drive and slammed on the gas pedal, nearly crashing into a parked car as he sped off angrily.

He drove for what seemed like an eternity. He grew tired and pulled off to the side of the road. Taichi didn't recognize the scenery surrounding him. The brunette had no idea where he was.

He reached over the passenger's side, scowling when he realized the seat smelled like Yamato's cologne. Pulling open the glove box, he retrieved a small, clear bottle of white pills. He choked down six of them without water, and shifted the car into drive once again.

The road spun around him, and he just laughed. Why give a fuck about Yamato, anyways? He wasn't anything special. Taichi moved his hand up to his face. His eyes strained to see, and his cheeks felt puffy and wet. Fuck Yamato. I love him so fucking much…

Back in Odaiba, a certain blonde was having his own difficulties coping. He remembered what had finally caused Taichi to snap.

Yamato had received a phone call from his troubled boyfriend. Tai was hysterical, crying his eyes out.

"Yammie, Yammie-baby, I need out. I need to leave. He told me… he says I'm not his son anymore. Yama, I can't take it. I tried so hard to be the perfect son for him. Didn't I? I did well in sports, I did well enough at school… why does he hate me so much, Yammie?"

Yamato was shocked. How am I supposed to respond to that? "You've got me, Taichi. You've got Hikari and your mom, too. They love you. Your dad loves you too, he's just… in shock, I guess. He'll get over it, I promise."

Yamato took the bus to Taichi's house and comforted him. His father had gone out.

That was four months ago.

It seemed that once Taichi began believing that his father didn't love him, something changed. It was like he lost the luster that once defined his being. His once gleaming chestnut-brown eyes grew dull. He started taking pills, a lot of them. Yamato didn't know exactly what they were, he was afraid to ask. All he knew was that Tai didn't get them from a doctor.

The brunette seemed to blame Yamato for his problems, or so the blonde assumed. After all, he became totally disconnected from the blonde. Taichi didn't want to spend time with Yamato. It was as if he just used him for sex. He didn't even kiss the blonde anymore, and averted eye contact whenever possible. Yamato put up with it, in hopes that Taichi would come out of his zombie-state.

Then, there was today. Something had happened, but Yamato didn't know what. Maybe Taichi's father had made a comment, or something along those lines, but it had Tai on the phone, crying for Yamato again.

Yamato felt sick when he realized he was smiling, listening to his upset boyfriend on the telephone. He was just so glad Taichi was feeling something, anything.

When the blonde finally arrived at Taichi's home, the brunette was standing outside, loading a small suitcase into the trunk of his car.

"I'm leaving, Yamato. I can't take it anymore."

The blonde stood still, shocked. "What about me, Taichi? I know you don't notice, hell, you don't notice anything anymore. But I've been here for you. I've been waiting for you, hoping something will pull you out of this fucking… depression, or whatever it is, that you've been in. You're going to leave me, just like that?"

"Come with me, then, if you want me so fucking much." The brunette replied in a bitter tone. He was shaking. "I don't need you, Yamato. I never needed you."

"Don't be like that, Taichi. You know I love you. I love you more than anything, Taichi. Please, please don't leave me!" Yamato pleaded.

A hand crashed hard across the blonde's cheek. "Don't say that! I'm leaving. Stop trying to make me stay, Yama!" The blonde rested his fingers gingerly against his cheek as salty tears caressed the burning red hand mark.

"Get in the car. I'll drive you home."

Now home was where the blonde was, but Odaiba felt empty without Taichi. Yamato walked towards his desk and picked up the framed photo of Taichi and himself. Hikari had taken it in the spring; the pair was snuggling in a large plaid blanket under a large oak tree. The blonde's eyes were closed and his head was resting on the brunette's large tanned shoulder. Tai looked down at his boyfriend, smiling.

I didn't mean it when I said,

Said that you were dead to me

You mean the world to me.

***