**Note from the Writer:

This parody isn't completely based on the book, but it isn't completely based on the movie either.

Avid Lord of the Rings Fan: Well what is it based on then? If it isn't based on the book but it isn't based on the movie what is it based on? How can it be Lord of the Rings then?

Writer: Well look, I'm combining both of them in a way that I will get the crucial scenes and won't waste time on scenes that really establish nothing. Plus, I'm adding Monty Python influence.

Avid Lord of the Rings Fan: So you're just copying Monty Python and giving them an evil ring! What is the point of this then?! You're destroying the trilogy, you are brutally murdering it and—

The avid Lord of the Rings fan involved in the conversation above was kidnapped by men in black suits and was never to be heard from again.

*******************************************************************

Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away…no wait, that's not right. Long ago, the Dark Lord Sauron made an offer nobody could refuse…no wait, that's not right either. How can this story begin, I mean I clearly can't copy a poem written by Tolkien, yet there is no way I can use the special effects created by Peter Jackson. What is a Narrator to do?!

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. The Narrator went to open the door, and when he did, he found a pale, stiff looking man with blonde hair and a French accent. "Vu are ze man narrating ze parody of Ze Lord of ze Rings, correct?" he asked. The Narrator nodded. The French man then punched the Narrator in the face, and when explaining why he did so, the man said, "Start zis story ze proper vay!" Then, the man exited and slammed the door. The Narrator woke up in the morning, convinced himself that it was only a bad dream and the black eye he had did not exist, and continue narrating.

Many years ago, several rings were created. Three were given to the elves; of course the 'beautiful' people get it first. It's not fair really; you never see ugly people wearing amazing rings do you? No you don't, but the ugly people need it, because ugly face with beautiful jewelry isn't too bad, yet ugly people with ugly jewelry? Not good at all. Anyway, seven were given to the dwarves. That doesn't seem right either. They have all of these jewels and gold, you'd think they would have their own rings already! Finally, nine rings were given to men, which would all be taken off if they saw an attractive woman in a bar.

The Dark Lord Sauron felt left out with everybody else getting rings, so he made his own. He created an evil ring in a volcano called Mt. Doom, which is not really normal, but this is a fictional story in a fictional world, so it is not questioned. With this ring, Sauron gained power, and Middle Earth was in danger. In order to fight Sauron, men and elves joined together against Sauron's forces in a battle so epic, you need to watch the movie or read the book to gain the details rather than read this low budget fanfic.

The battle went as follows: in the right hand corner, men and elves; in the left corner, Sauron's army of orcs. The elves and men win round one, but during round two of the fight, Sauron joined the battle. The referee gave Sauron one red flag for joining after starting time, but the match continued. Quickly, Sauron murdered many men and elves, including King Elendil, ending round two. Finally, round three, Elendil's son Isildur grabbed his father's broken sword and cut off Sauron's fingers, one of which had the Ring on. Sauron then went through a sudden death scene that should have made his performance in the movie nominated for Best Actor.

Isildur took the Ring for himself, and was later murdered for it. The Ring fell to the bottom of a lake, being unable to swim since it was a ring. Many years later, two hobbit-like creatures—

"Two what?" interjected a reader unfamiliar to the Lord of the Rings

Two hobbit-like creatures, the Narrator repeated.

"What are those?"

They shall be explained later in the story, now be quiet! Anyway, these hobbit-like creatures named Deagol and Smeagol found the ring. Smeagol killed Deagol for it, and kept the Ring for his own.

"Boy, these weird creatures sure are mean. What are they exactly?" interjected the unfamiliar reader.

They are like hobbits, and hobbits won't be introduced until later so shut up! Now, --

"Well you don't have to be rude about it…"

The Narrator, clutching the gun he held under his desk, tried to ignore the comment and continue reading. Anyway, the creature Smeagol, later known as Gollum, stayed in a cave for five hundred years and obsessed over the Ring. One day, a hobbit named Bilbo Baggins ended up in the cave and found the Ring, keeping it to this day…

"You did it again!"

Did what again, the Narrator asked, annoyed.

"You mentioned these hobbits but you didn't explain what they were! You're a liar! FALSE ADVERTISING!"

The Narrator sighed. Now look, he repeated--

"Look we even got it in writing! There's no use in denying your error!"

I shall explain about hobbits in the next chapter, I promise, just let me continue the story! The Narrator sighed and thought to himself 'this had better be worth the paycheck...' And to think, this was only the Prologue! There's a long way to go yet...