Points to Note: This fic revolves mainly around Artemis and the twins with Butler and Holly butting in every once in a while for their share of the limelight. ^^ The AF archive seriously needs to add the twins to the character list. Hmm…Boycott! Nah, that's too tedious XP

Timeline: Set before TTP.

Disclaimer: Lalala, don't own anything. Lalala.

Achilles' Heels

Artemis Fowl the Second did not understand kids.

He supposed that at one point in his life, he too had been a simple child, but truly, those were days that he preferred to put far behind him, locked in the darkest corners of his mind. Too much of his childhood had been composed of annoyance at being miniature and being patronized at every second word to be fondly remembered. He had been ecstatic when he had made his first breakthrough scientific theory at the age of five, and adults actually began to give him the respect he deserved. Granted they were all under the impression that he was a sixty-something retired brain surgeon, but it was the thought that counted and bolstered his ego.

However, the point was that Artemis and children did not mix together smoothly. At all. So when he returned from his unexpected three-year trip, only to find out that he was a big brother, he had been, to say the least, astonished. And at a complete loss of what to do.

It was embarrassing, but true. Artemis Fowl had no idea really as to how to be a big brother. Of course, he had done everything in his power to prevent the fact from being too obvious; number one rule of business was, after all, to never let the client (the twins in this case) know that you were not in control of the situation, even when it was evident you weren't. And Artemis Fowl was a master of bluffs and such; hadn't he maintained the entire Fowl Empire at the age of eleven? Yes, Artemis was quite adept at keeping up the illusion that he was in complete control of the situation long enough to actually gain total control

Unfortunately, for him though, it was surprisingly difficult to learn how to be a proper brother. There were not many books out there on how to be a brother, and a majority that did exist were so outdated that Artemis had not even bothered to consider them. He had even attempted to study the interactions of Butler and Juliet for a clue as to how siblings behaved. Unfortunately, with Artemis being a Fowl and Butler being, well, a Butler, there was little aid to be found there. Artemis was quite sure that his mother would not appreciate him attempting to teach the twins how to hit a moving target a hundred meters away.

Equally unfortunately, his brothers, like hounds on a trail, had managed to catch scent of his ignorance in the field of brotherly-ness and had been quick to take advantage of it. Much to Artemis's dismay, they weren't above forcing the boy to bend over backwards for their every whim. Such as the time they made him waste endless hours programming Professor Primate's voice box to play phrases in several different languages, included Pig Latin.

The twins, three year old Myles and Beckett Fowl, had not made a good first impression on their elder brother. A lasting impression, yes. A good one, no. The twins had been brought up well aware of the fact that they had a big brother who was never around and yet incessantly seemed to make their parents unhappy. After witnessing their mother hug a photograph of his and weep, the two had vowed to make the missing brother pay.

It was Artemis's misfortune that their young minds had retained that thought and nurtured into a not quite hatred, not quite love. When he had shown up on the doorstep of Fowl Manor, it had been the twins who first arrived to greet him. With two heavy stomps on both feet and dual punches where it hurt. (They had been aiming for the stomach, but their lack of height made it difficult to reach that high).

The minutes following had been chaotic as Butler restrained the twins who fought like rabid dogs to resume their attack while Artemis struggled to will the pain away. Then his parents had arrived and there had been hugs and tears, which did nothing to raise his brothers' opinions of him. The glares the two had subjected him to for the remainder of the day showed that much. Not that it mattered as Artemis was less than fond of the twins by then as well.

And, to add fuel to the flames, his parents seemed determined to force their boys to bond. They made countless excuses and reasons as to why Artemis should be the one to read the twins a bedtime story, or why it should be Artemis who should accompany them to a park. The motives they presented where whimsical and doubtful, but in the end, Artemis was unable to refuse them. The reminder of having left them for three years without explanation played a great role in that.

And so, he was currently at a nearby park with two disgruntled toddlers in tow. Butler had not been invited, much to both their distress. Butler was loath to let any of the young Fowls out of his sight for longer than a minute, and the twins behaved a bit less hostile to Artemis if he was around. While he was considerably much less hairier than before, the twins were still quite intimidated by his presence. Then again, veteran assassins and mobsters were intimidated by the Eurasian bodyguard.

It had taken much beseeching on Mrs. Fowl's part to convince Butler to let the brothers be. They could not bond if he was there, breathing down their necks, she insisted. There were only going to a park, they would be fine. Artemis was responsible enough to take care of two children for a few hours. In the end, Mr. Fowl had resolved the issue by allowing Butler to accompany the brothers. He just had to stay at least five hundred meters away.

Artemis was well aware of the fact that Butler was presently stationed somewhere within the limit, with binoculars trained on them. The bodyguard would be giving Mrs. Fowl a full report later on, so he made it a point to take notice of what the twins were up to every now and them. The rest of his attention was focused on his laptop.

Artemis looked up from his work in time to see one of the twins, he was pretty sure it was Myles (or maybe it Beckett?) jump off a tire swing right onto the other twin. No, he was positive the twin who had been tackled was Myles. He could clearly see the old ape clutched in his chubby arms. As he watched, Beckett(perhaps?) jumped off his counterpart and took possession of the toy before heading off to the slides.

Artemis sighed. Never mind. His observational skills required improvement.

Though, to be fair, he had had only three short months to attempt to learn the character of his new brothers. And the twins had not gone out of their way to make it any easier on him. They insisted on wearing identical outfits, haircuts, and even band aids should one of them be ever be injured. Their speech patterns had been the key foundation that Artemis had come to rely on to differentiate them, but he had recently learned that twins would often switch identities. It was rather discerning just how well the two could masquerade as each other.

A shout caught his attention and he looked up from his laptop again in time to see one twin attempt to give Professor Primate flying lessons by launching him off the jungle gym. The other twins, Myles if he was correct, was not happy. He grabbed the toy and ran. Within seconds, Beckett was on the ground, giving chase.

Artemis wondered briefly if he should intervene before deciding against it. There was no real reason for him to interfere in the small dispute. The twins could handle themselves; they fought often, but forgave each other even quicker. Artemis though, had yet to earn their forgiveness. As he saved the file he had been working on, the young genius wondered briefly exactly what he was doing wrong.

He had been kind, and caring, and even obeyed some of whatever juvenile requests they cmae up with. And yet, the twins continued to dislike him. He brought up his plan to 'bond' with the twins on his laptop and studied it. Maybe it was time for a strategic retreat; he might need to withdraw his efforts just long enough for him to reexamine his plan on getting along well enough with his brothers for his parents to cease their well-meant forced companionship.

His cell phone rang suddenly, bringing him out of his thoughts. Almost absently, he answered it, most of his attention focused on the plan. Perhaps he should spend a bit more time with twins, and even participate in one of their immature games. Perhaps.

"Yes?"

"Artemis, the twins have moved out of my line of vision." Butler said on the other end. Artemis's conscience gave an annoying little wince as it caught the veiled rebuke in the bodyguard's voice. He quickly surveyed the playground, and sure enough, the little blonds were missing. "Will you please collect them?"

Artemis was already on his feet. "Of course." He replied before disconnecting the line and slipping the phone into his pocket.

He secured his laptop under one arm before heading in the last direction that he had seen the twins, all the while, mentally reproaching himself for his lack of attention and the twins for their lack of obedience. He had informed them quite clearly that they had to stay in the playground well within his, and Butler's vision. The two had not exactly agreed, but they had not argued either. Artemis had thought that they were already aware of the dangers of being without adult supervision. Apparently not.

He sped up slightly as he passed the little curb that marked the end of the playground. The twins were going to be given a lecture on how to obey commands when he found them. And he would he finding them soon. The only reason that he had yet to catch sight of them was because they were hyperactive little brats that were unable to comprehend the meaning of fatigue.

He paused at the edge of a line of trees that signaled the end of the park and start of the road. He should have run into them by now. Even the twins were not as speedy as to have run around the entire park in the time it took Artemis to notice their departure. Unless they were purposely hiding from him. It would not be the first time if they were; the two often hid back at the manor when Mother or Father asked him to find them. He usually ended up losing close to fifteen minutes of valuable time searching only to discover that the twins had already met up with the parent in question.

Though this would be the first occasion that they had attempted this outside of home. Something odd stirred in the depths of Artemis's stomach as he turned a corner and failed, once again, to see any hint of blond. He ignored it as he took out his cell and dialed Butler.

The bodyguard answered on the first ring.

"Artemis? Where are you, why haven't—"

"I am unable to locate the twins." Artemis interjected, his voice calm.

"Stay where you are." Was the immediate reply. "I'll be right there."

Artemis hung up without answering. He shifted the laptop still clutched under one arm slightly. It was beginning to get heavy. He examined the clearing again. No twins anywhere. Where were they?

Butler reached him within five minutes of the call. It took him only ten minutes to search the entire park and realize that the twins were not hiding from Artemis.

The twins were simply no longer in the park.

Poor Arty learns the hard way that one should never take their eyes off children whilst babysitting. ^^

Please tell me what you think, thanks!