Hey! Haven't written anything in, well, forever, so I decided to do a Lily/James story.: )

"101 Pickup lines that will defiantly not get you a date with Lily Evans"

"Oi, Prongs!" shouted sixteen year old Sirius Black to his best friend.

"What, Pads?" replied a very dejected sounding James Potter. He had just been rejected by the oh-so-lovely Miss Lily Evans. (Or as Sirius like to call her, the "she-devil-goody-goody-hoping-to-get-us-expelled-and then-take-over-the-library-to-claim-as-her-own.)

"Guess what I've decided to do for you?" Sirius sounded remarkably like an over-excited puppy if you asked James.

"What did you decide?" James asked, both interested and suspicious. After all this was Sirius Black, and usually anything that would make him this excited was not a good idea.

"I decided to actually help you with the s-dg-ghtgueattotltcaho instead of just horribly mock you. Prongsie, this is exactly what you need."

James blinked. "How did you memorize that?" He asked incredibly. Then, "…How do you think you're going to help me?"

"Pick-up lines, of course!" Sirius stated as though it were obvious.

James looked spectical. "And these will work?"

"Yes. And you will use them on the s-dg-ghtgueattotltcaho, and I will help you, and then you will never speak of that demon again in my presence."

James seemed to think. "Alright Pads. I'll give 'em a shot."

.-

Line #1

"Hey Evans-"

"What do you want Potter?"

"Well Evans, since you asked oh so politely, I'd like to have kids someday, and I wanted to know how your parents created such a beautiful creature."

"Really Potter, if you don't know, I'm sure Madame Pomfery would just love to explain the details of that to you." "You know, I've always learned better through physical demonstrations." "Why Potter, I never knew you felt that way about Madame Pomfery! I'm sure she'll be flattered." *Lily walks away, leaving a stunned James behind* _ Line #2 "Honey, if your eyes sparkled any brighter the sun would be out of a job." "Really? Dang, I was so looking forward to blasting you to the sun, after, of course, I figured out how to get your big head out of the atmosphere. But, I guess just any star will do now." Line #3 "Oi, Lils-" "Don't call me that Potter." "Are you free tonight or will it cost me?" *SMACK* "How dare you imply that I'm a prostitute!" *Lily storms off* "…Prongs! There you are! ...What's with you?" * dreamy sigh* "She touched me. Willingly. I can die a happy man." _ Line #4 "Congratulations Evans! You have just been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me!" "Hmmmm…..I don't like that prize, can I return it for something better? Like, oh what's better then that….. Oh! I know! How about I go drown myself in the lake!" "Ouch…..you did deserve it though." "Shut up Remus." _ Line #5 "Hello lovely Lily! Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?" "Potter, you do not know how creepily stalker-ish that sounds. But then again you, in and of yourself, are completely and utterly stalker-ish. Goodnight, Potter." Line #6 "Hello my Tiger-lily! How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?" "One; I don't belong to anyone, especially not you, Potter. Two; Don't call me Tiger-lily. And three; You're not wet, and neither am I, although I could solve half that problem." "Oh re-" *SPLASH*

Line #7

"Hey Lily-flower, I wonder what our children will look like."

"That's just plain creepy Potter."

"I bet they'll have your eyes, and my good looks; what's not to love?'

"Everything that has to do with you. Now, go away I'm trying to finish my essay."

Line #8

"Hello my silly Lilly-Billy. Hey, I've got a pimple on my butt, wanna see it?"

"Eew. No."

Line #9

"There are 265 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?"

"There are 265 bones in the human body. How would you like one less?"

Line #10

"If you were a duck and I were a deer, and we had sex, we'd make a duckdeer, and it would sound like this:"

*Strange loud quaking noise*

"'Duck dear?' Is that some sort of warning? Because you can't duck to avoid sound, though, I guess that I couldn't expect any less from you Potter."

Line #11

"Evans! You, me, handcuffs, and whipped cream: interested?"

"No, but your fan-club sure is."

Line #12

"Evans, go out with me. But before you accept, I think that you should know, I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be?"

"Wow, allergic reactions to the word "no", I like that. It deflates your big head a little, and it makes you suffer!"

Line #13

"Hey Evans, save a broom, ride a quidditch player."

"I've always preferred flooing over flying."

Line #14

"So you think I am full of myself?"

"Potter, do the words "arrogant, bullying toerag" mean anything to you?"

"Well, would you rather be full of me instead?"

"No, but I'm sure that Peter would."

"What!"

"Woopsie, wasn't supposed to tell you that."

Line #15

"LILY! ARE YOU WEARING MAKEUP!"

"What's it to you if I am?"

"You shouldn't wear makeup. It's messing with perfection!" "….I'll give you points for it being neither cheesy nor sleazy." "So you'll go out with me!" "And, you lost them." _

Line #16

"Hey Evans!"

"What Potter!"

"Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes."

"Heard it before."

"What! From who?"

"Sirius. He thought I was Ann Kane from Ravenclaw. I have to admit, it was quite a shock to have some boy wrap his arms around me from behind. It amazingly sounded a lot less cheesy coming from him though."

Line #17

"You know Evans, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together."

"Heard it."

"From who! Sirius again!"

"No. Glidderoy Lockhart from Hufflepuff."

"Why that little-"

*James storms off*

"Lily, that was evil. I always knew there was a reason I liked you."

"I know, Alice my friend, I know. We're sinister."

Line #18

"Hey Evans! Wanna sit down!"

"No, why would I?"

"Well, your legs must be pretty tired."

" Now tell me just why would my legs be tired?"

"Well, because you've been running through my mind all night."

"Yes, I have. Trying to get away from you."

Line #19

"Can I have directions?"

"Potter, you know this school better then you're probably allowed to. Why would you, of all people need directions?"

"Because I just can't seem to find the way to your heart."

"You'll manage just fine without."

Line #20

"Your daddy must play the trumpet, because he sure made me horny!"

*blinks*"You're attracted to my dad? Sorry Potter, but he and my mom are still happily married. Maybe I can set you up with my sister's boyfriend. But his a little on the chubby side, and if you like chubby boys, I'm sure Peter would be more then willing."

"Wha-No! Evans that's not what I meant!"

A/N: Wells, there are the first twenty.I would like at least five reviews before I update. ;) And if you spot any grammar/spelling problems, I apologize.