Author's Note: The other day I was reading one of the ever so plentiful Lily/James journal fics. All Lily's journal ever seemed to mention was James: her irritation at his constant requests for dates, her disgust at all the sappy (but inevitably gorgeous) women who throw themselves at his feet, her shock at finding herself imagining the feel of his quidditch-toned abs, her worries that her grades in transfiguration would get even worse because she was too busy staring at his quidditch tossed hair. So, I said enough was enough and pulled out my handy-dandy keyboard to attempt to pen a slightly more realistic story. Thus, in her first few journal entries, Lily may not even mention James, but don't worry the pairing is Lily/James and eventually (and hopefully more realistically, they will get together).

So, I'm giving writing a shot, and if you end up liking this different take, I'll even throw a couple more chapters your way.

Droopy Breeches

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Tasteless

My Prefect Notebook:

As written on May 30th, 1976

In this notebook I shall dictate the various and sundry difficulties involved with being a prefect. Frankly, some might say that starting a Prefect Notebook in May of my fifth year, and first year as a prefect, is just a ruse to start a journal, but that is simply not the case.

This notebook is most definitely and unequivocally a prefect duties tallying roster because now who'd want to steal that? Right. No one. Whereas every girl in my dorm and one particularly irritating boy from our neighboring dorm would never stop with the thieving if they thought this was a journal . . . which it isn't . . . it's a prefect duties tallying roster. For example:

1. Supervise the separate detentions of those over-affectionate third years I found in that broom closet on the fifth floor.

Note: Maybe I could convince McGonagall to let me give them lectures on romantic conduct for their detention. Not that I'm an expert, but third years? Ewwww. They shouldn't be in closets yet. These kids are thirteen and fourteen. They have stubbornly magic resistant acne, various newly swelling body parts that they SHOULDN'T know how to use yet, and all these emotions oozing from their lacking-in-deodorant bodies that when mixed with snogging could result in some severe problems. I know that I live in a more liberated age of free love, and really it's great that woman now can use birth control to be just as promiscuous as they like, but . . . Ewwwwwwwwwwww. Third years? They barely look older than second years, who barely look older than first years.

EWWWWWWWWWWWW. First years! What if there are first years snogging in broom closets because they feel that the more liberal attitudes of the late twentieth century encourage them to. Don't they know how many potions with potentially horrific side effects Filch stores in the broom closets? Some sweet little first year boy might find that the sweet (TOO Young!) first year girl he was so innocently trying to eat the face of now has blue skin, and fangs, and three arms, and weirdly non-natural swelling body parts! Also, what about those dusty rags and brooms! Over exposure to dust at a young age can lead to asthma, which can shorten your life expectancy by years, and in severe cases lead to death.

If I don't stop those horny third years they're going to give all the first years asthma, then die!

So . . . Basically, I need to talk to McGonagall.

2. Talk to head (dishy) boy Fabian Prewett about switching my patrol partner. Maybe he'll let me switch back to patrolling with Remus. After all, I was the one who requested Sev . . . no, Snape as a patrol partner in the first place. At the time Fabian thought it an excellent example of inter-house cooperation, but really, traditionally prefects from the same house patrol together. It was quite selfish of me to mix everything up.

Then again, how many times will I actually need to patrol before the end of the year. Three? Four? I can be sick that often. What I can't do is face Sev—Snape right now. I'm such a coward. I don't really want to face Remus either. So, I guess skiving off patrol is my best option for the time being. Huzzah, for Lily Evans Hogwarts's newest delinquent.

3. Propose a cease to prefect patrols at this late point in the year. After all, exams are over, the students deserve a chance to celebrate. But, all broom closets must be magically locked, we don't want the younger students celebrating too hard.

4. Ummmmmm . . . more tasteful pranking . . . yes, too many students are pulling pranks that lack taste. Namely, pranks that aim more to humiliate than amuse. Like that incident at the lake with poor Se— No. Never mind. Who really cares about pranking? It's the end of the year and celebrating students need to blow off some steam. I'd rather they spend their time pranking than canoodling within the confines of Hogwarts's filthy, filthy broom closets.

Who am I kidding? This is a journal. I just can't live without some means of venting my thoughts. My friends certainly won't do. I recall the last time I let slip how much I admired Fabian's nice firm . . . moral character . . . Marlene told him I thought he had a nice arse. My friends can't seem to comprehend the fact that I might be attracted to a bloke for more than just the superficial surfacey things, as nice as Fabian's might be.

But really, despite what my friends think, I don't like Fabian in that way. We've been decent friends since meeting in Charms Club my second year. Marlene likes to say he charmed his way into my heart or that he's my Prince Charming. Really, puns were never this bad when I went to my nice Muggle primary school. But, Fabian is like a big brother to me. He's pure blood, but he can't stand all the persecution that the magical society traditionally heaps upon muggle borns. He's defended me from Slytherin gits and just regular gits. Lately, he's also been helpfully defending me from horny gits who fancy that because I'm a redhead I'm of the passionate nature and looking for someone to be passionate with . . . in the fifth floor broom closet. Yeah, that's a no. If third years shouldn't be snogging in closets than neither should I. I guess I'm just immature that way. Snogging still strikes me as a gross, icky, unpleasant thing and not the only reason school's worth attending as the many girls of the sixth year dorm always assure me.

Back to Fabian, he's a really great bloke, but not the bloke for me. His hair is almost as violently red as mine and if we were to procreate our children would inevitably be cursed with this same devilish shade and all the freckles, pale skin, and fifty percent higher chance of getting skin cancer that comes with it. Plus, if Fabian and I were to procreate we might have to kiss. I hear that procreation is hard to manage without kissing . Actually, you could do it, it would just probably be tricky. Hmmmm . . . Okay, mind out of the gutter. The point is Fabian and I are just friends and not likely to become more than that because 1. He's about to graduate. And 2. Boys are gross.

Wow, I've just spent more than an hour writing nonsense in my Prefect Notebook/ journal. I really need to be more subtle or my friends will catch on, steal this, and spread my secrets (like how I contemplated procreating with Fabian Prewett . . . oh no!) all around the school. Yeah, I know it sure sounds like I have great friends.

Love,

The Honorable Prefect,

Ms. Lily Evans

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History of Magic

May 30th

Dear Prongs,
Have you ever been struck with how pointlessness of this class grows exponentially after we take our exams? I hope we didn't pass our O.W.L.s then we'll never have to sit through another Goblin Revolution again.
Love,
Padfoot

Dear Prongs,
Why haven't you responded to my first note? Is it because you don't like me anymore? Do you not like me anymore because you met my mother last summer and you've just been struck with the possibility that I may someday become like her? Prongs, buddy, I promise to stay on the right path if you just promise to keep on loving me. So, say you still love me and show it by responding to my notes.
Love,
Padfoot

Dear Moony,
You're sitting closer to Prongs please make him respond to my notes. I'm regressing into memories of my childhood.
Love,
Padfoot

Why do you write all your notes as formal letters? Also, I refuse to become entangled in any fight you and Prongs might be having. If he is spending his time paying attention to classes, even though they become exponentially more pointless at the end of the year, then more power to him.

Dear Moony,
I totally agree about the classes thing. Also, writing notes in this formal letter style is the proper way to communicate. My mother, though a hag, taught me all the proper manners of which the youth of today are so sadly bereft. Prongs and I aren't fighting. Or, at least I don't think we're fighting. Moony, can you think of anything Prongs and I might be fighting about?
Love,
Padfoot

Well, did you mock Prong's love life recently? He's sensitive lately, and sometimes he finds it hard to deal with you, who frankly have all the sensitivity of a dropped anvil.

Dear Moony,
Dropped anvil? What?
Love,
Padfoot

I'm tired of this. No more notes.

Dear Moony,
Come on. This is the best class for notes. Binns, hasn't punished a notepasser within the since the Goblin Revolution of 1509.
Love,
Padfoot

Dear Moony,
Did you catch my bit of History of Magic humor there? There wasn't a Goblin Revolution of 1509 . . . so, really, Binns has never punished a note passer. Ha. See, I can pay attention and pass notes.
Love,
Padfoot

Dear Wormtail,
No one appreciates me. You love me right?

Hey, how come I didn't get a salutation on my note? Moony and Prongs both got salutations and they wouldn't even respond to all your notes.

Dear Wormtail,
My hand is starting to cramp up and my last note to Moony hit McKinnon on the head as I threw it. Pardon me if I'm getting a little sloppy and lazy. McKinnon is giving me scary looks. So, do you love me?
Love, Love,
Padfoot

Sure. I love you just like I love my other male friends.

Ooooo . . . kinky.

No introduction and no salutation? I'm hurt.

Just get Prong's attention for me will you. Otherwise I might just have to leak your love of all your male friends.

Says the man who signs all his letters with love.

But when I do it it's sexy.

I'm tired of this. Will getting Prong's attention make you stop?

Of course. I love you Wormy I really do.

Is there any particular reason why you're making Wormtail throw parchment at me, Padfoot?

Oh, now you want to talk. Now you'll answer my notes. You know, maybe I don't want to talk anymore.

Fine with me.

No, wait! Without your love I'll shrivel up and fade away. Just tell me what's wrong, Jamsey. When I'm bored and you wont play with me I get clingy. But just remember, I'm here for you. Tell Dr. Padfoot what's wrong.

Did you hear Mary Macdonald talking to Marlene Mckinnon at breakfast this morning?

No, but I was just struck with the alliteration that is so prevalent within this noble academy of witchcraft and witchery. Funny also that they are both Lily's friends. LE, MM, and MM . . . Does that spell anything?

Macdonald said that the night after the Defense O.W.L. Snivellus was camped out outside the fat lady because he was so desperate to talk to Lily.

So. Surely you've noticed that Lily and Snivelly have a more cordial relationship than is typical of Gryffindors and Slytherins. They were friends before Hogwarts.

But I haven't seen them together nearly as much this year and this was after the Defense exam, after he called her a Mudblood and refused her help. But, Macdonald says she talked to him. Why would she talk to such a git, but she wont talk to me?

If you recall what happened after the Defense exam you were the one who initiated the gitish behavior.

Moony, why are you participating only after Prongs has real news to write about?

It intrigues me that Snape knows where our Common Room is. Do you think Lily told him about it?

Why would Lily betray such information? Does she have no Gryffindor pride?

Evans has always been a queer bird. I guess she and Snivelly suit each other.

Don't say that. She's way to good for him. I have no idea how that slimy git wormed his way into her heart.

If it makes you feel any better, Mary told me that Lily seems to have ended her friendship with Snape.

Wow, where do you get all your info Moony?

I listen. Did you know that listening during Lunch and even classes can lead to gaining all sorts of valuable information. Such information can even come up on exams.

Things you've heard during lunch have come up on exams before?

I was just trying to illustrate a point.

Do you think Lily is grieving after the end of her friendship and needs someone to help her emotionally recuperate?

Sure, but if she is I very much doubt you, Mr. arrogant bullying toerag, would be looked upon as a favorable candidate for that position.

Hmmm . . . do you think Fabian Prewett would be a helpful grieving buddy for Evans?

No. Not Fabian. He's a chaser with me. He knows I have her claimed. He wouldn't dare.

Personally, I don't think our big bad got twelve O.W.L.s head boy is going to be very intimidated by you. I've seen him talking to Evans quite a bit, and you must admit she is a catch. If I were the head boy and in a position of power over miss Prefect I might be tempted to . . .

Tempted to what? Who leaves incomplete sentences, as though pausing in thought, on a note?

James, I really don't think you need to be highly worried about Lily's relationship with Fabian. As far as I know Fabian has been madly in love with Emmeline Vance for years.

You really are a fountain of gossip today, Moony.

I can't believe that these notes are longer than my class notes. I understand that this class grows exponentially more pointless after exams, but I'm still ashamed of myself.

Good point Moony. So, Mr. Knowledgeable, how permanent did Lily's blowout with Snape seem? Does the slimy git know his place now? I could cut down on the hexing if he'd leave Lily alone.

You may cut down, but I wont. Snivelly knows about Moony now, and I'm not going to leave only a little promise with Dumbledore keeping him silent.

Do you really think hexing him is the best way to ensure his silence? Lily will never change her opinion of you unless you behave with a little more tact.

So, hex him in secret?

No more notes until lunch.

Are we really going to communicate with notes during lunch?

It would be a new twist on planning the big end of the year prank.

Because no one will suspect we're planning something if we pass notes in the Great Hall instead of talking.

Sarcasm doesn't suit, Moony.

Yes. He's rather tetchy today. Lets get some food in our special hairy friend.

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June 7th, 1976

From the notebooks of Sir Prongs namely James Potter

The school year is winding down, leaving my friends and I with nothing better to do than laze away our time down by the Lake. When the sun starts to get a mite bit too hot or we tire of the monotonously green grass we'll pull a prank or two or perchance a lot.

Lately, Moony only joins in on the special occasion pranks. The ones this year were: the Christmas Mistletoe Attack, the Halloween Limb Loss Game, and the fabulous End of Year Professor Pin-ups. Moony keeps Padfoot and I from letting our pranks slip from amusing to tasteless. If only he'd been more willing to help, the Professor Pin-up idea could have been prevented. Though I must say I've never seen Slughorn looking quite so splendidly exposed. Whoops, there I go being tasteless again. I should stop. I need to stop. Actually, the stopping of tasteless acts is exactly why I've decided to commit my actions to paper.

After Paddy, Wormy, and my delightful self had finished a prank involving the suits of armor thinking that every Slytherin (third year and above, we're not cruel) had turned into a dragon in need of slaying I ran into Moony packing up in our dorm room. Wormy and I packed this morning and Padfoot will pack on the train, so I figured I could spare some time to help Moony.

Unfortunately, I'm about as good at household charms as I am at Divination. Moony's carefully ordered clothes piles scattered across the room, under tables, covering mirrors, out the open window.

Me: (in a sweet little repentant puppy voice) Sorry Moony, mate. I'll just summon them back.

Moony: No. I don't need my progress impeded any further. This is what comes of waving your wand without thinking. Or really, using magic so irresponsibly. Or really, just acting so rashly.

Me: What?

Moony: This is precisely your problem with Lily. You see her, want her, then act, and inevitably your tasteless actions cause more harm then good.

Me: (A little lost as to how my bad Charms turned into a lecture about Lily) Tasteless?

Moony: Like that incident down at the Lake. Sirius whined, you saw Lily, Snape walked up and Bam you made a complete idiot of yourself and caused Lily to fight with Snape. Now, Lily is miserable and she likes you even less than she did before, and all because you acted without thinking.

Me: Lily feels miserable? But I thought she'd been fighting with Snape for months.

Moony: Yes, that's true. But this incident seems to be the final nail in the coffin of their friendship, and I can tell she's upset. She asked to have rounds with me.

Me: What? How does that indicate anything other than the fact that she's a stickler prefect?

Moony: Before she would go on rounds with Snape. The fact that she wants to switch means she's avoiding him. It means their friendship may really be over, and it means you caused it.

Me: (Understandably upset) I caused it! I'm not the one who called her a mudblood. I'm not the one who is up to my greasy nose in the Dark Arts. I'm not the one pals around with those wanna be deatheaters Mcnair, Avery, and Mulciber. I'm not the one making her miserable, it's that slime ball Snivellus.

Moony: That slime ball that you had the decency to save a few months ago in a rare act of selflessness. I'd thought you might be growing up a little, but with that incident by the Lake.

Me: Whoa, firstly the saving Snivellus thing wasn't about me warming up to him or anything. It was all for you. I wouldn't have stretched my neck out except that I know you would really have regretted eating such a greasy little spider the morning after.

Moony: Pity. I'd like to think that your act reflects more upon how truly decent you are than upon your feelings for me. (Moony sighs and gathers all his scattered possessions. Then he fixes me with his seldom used Prefect stare, the one he only whips out for when Sirius and I have been truly tasteless.) I don't mean to scold, but I truly think you can be more. I won't waste time lecturing Sirius or Peter, they won't listen, but you have a goal: Lily Evans. If you look upon Lily as a goal, a person to be gradually wooed, and judge your actions in that light you might find you have more success.

Me: So . . . you're saying if I take it slow—

Moony: And behave more tastefully.

Me: And behave more tastefully, I will be able to win Lily?

Moony: Well it's certainly more likely, and maybe, just maybe, you'll find yourself changing too. Remember magic may make things easier, but not everything can be done with magic.

Me: But, how am I going to judge the tasteless thing?

Moony: (As he gathers up his things and leaves the dorm, abandoning me with my muddled thoughts) Just think. Always think before you act.

So, listening to my trusted friend, I thought, and I figured one way to easily judge my actions and plans is to commit them to paper. When an idea is solidly on the page it tends to be rather more obvious whether it's stupid or not. For example:

Hex suits of armor into seeing all Slytherins (third year and up) as dragons and pursuing them accordingly.

Whoops. Now that I think of it, this could have been a bad idea. For one thing, some of the armor have maces and axes and lances and junk. I suppose Lily frowns upon inflicting actual physical harm to students even if they are Slytherins. Also, selectively targeting Slytherins clearly indicates that this prank was perpetrated by a Gryffindor, and Sirius and I really don't need to stock up detentions for next year. So . . . in hindsight, this prank was tasteless. Lily wouldn't have approved.

I wonder what she thought of the Professor Pin-up.

Tastefully yours,
Prongs

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Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed it, because I have the second chapter almost finished. Please review. Praise, Criticism, badly spelled profanity, I'm up for anything.

Droopy Breeches