A/N: Well here it is. My very own interpretation of an Interview between Rita Skeeter and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Hope you guys like. Read and Review! :D XD
An Interview with Lord Voldemort.
By Rita Skeeter.
Special Daily Prophet Correspondence.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Here I am sitting in the private Dungeon of the most feared Dark Wizard of our times and having a perfectly civil, candid face to face conversation. I might Lord Voldemort does look kind of cute while sipping Fire Whisky from the goblet.
R.S.: Hello! !
L.V.: It's LORD VOLDEMORT to you, you mere MORTAL!
R.S.: Right. So Mr. Mort, your age is 89?
L.V.: It's 84. And it's LORD VOLDEMORT.
R.S.: So I assume you don't have any problem with me using quick-quill notes? Or do you?
L.V.: Eh?
R.S.: Okay! Let's continue.
L.V.: Wait! I err--
R.S.: So where was I? Yeah, how do you feel when everyone out there calls you the Man-who-ALWAYS-let-the-boy-live ?
**Lord Voldemort Sputters. Spills the content of firewhisky which he was drinking.**
L.V.: I shall kill all those who dare to insult me like that!
**Oh! Boy! Wasn't Lord Voldemort angry!**
R.S.: Err....then you might just add the whole wizarding world after the name of Harry Potter in your people-I-ought-to-kill-list. It's BTW a joke out there.
L.V.: Joke? They make a joke out of me? These people have to be taught a lesson!
R.S.: So are you now going to admit that your facial plastic surgery went horribly wrong?
L.V.: WHAT?
**Lord Voldemort definitely looks uncomfortable and edgy.**
L.V.: I never went under the knife!
R.S.: Of course, you wanted a Clark Gable Nose and instead you got Snake's slit in the place. I believe you. You NEVER went under the knife.
R.S.: BTW, off the record, I heard your scarlett contacts are custom made from Germany?
L.V.: You bet! Darn! Costly they are too.
**Lord Voldemort then giggles like a teenage girl.**
R.S: Now out there in wizarding there is a LOT of speculation about your "relationship" with Wormtail.
**Lord Voldemort blushes**
L.V.: Wormtail and me Share a relationship of Servant and Master. He only serves me.
R.S.: Right. Ofcourse there is NO underlying meaning to the word "serving" here. What about Bellatrix then? Is she also serving you?
L.V.: Eh? What's wrong in that? They all are my loyal followers, you dimwitted lady.
**Rita Blushes at being called Lady, apparently she knows she is NO lady**
R.S.: About your nemesis, Harry Potter?
**For a second Lord Voldemort shudders visibly upon taking the name of his most fearest enemy.**
L.V.: What about him?
R.S.: YOU weren't able to kill him for the Seventh time?
L.V.: That unnerving git has an uncanny streak of never ending luck.
R.S.: So you imply that you cannot Kill Harry Potter?
**Lord Voldemort looks angry, and speaks through gritted teeth.**
L.V.: I will KILL HARRY POTTER!
R.S.: Hmm....when? J.K.R. is NOT going to write an 8th Book, you see.
L.V.: What? That's a breach of contract. I was SUPPOSE to murder that kid!
R.S.: Uh-huh, you've just been duped royally!
L.V.: NO! I want an 8th book! I want an 8th Book!
R.S.: Errr.... So I guess all your Death Eaters have deserted you?
L V.: NO! They just wish to remain to under invisibility cloak in my presence.
R.S.: Hmmm...Interesting.
R.S.: So you NEVER came to know that Severus Snape was a spy of Order of Pheonix?
L.V.: No comments.
R.S.: Aren't you greatest of all the legilimence?
L.V.: No comments.
R.S.: So how's hell anyway?
L.V.: NO comments.
R.S.: Are you regretting that you made horcruxes in first place?
L.V.: NO comments.
R.S.: Are you going to answer any of my questions now or am I just wasting ink?
L.V.: No comments.
After this, Lord Voldemort. One of the fearest and darkest Wizard of our times went into Lunacy Attack and unfortunately I had to cut short my very interesting interview with him.