R/A/I/N

By: Etern

Disclaimer: I claim no rights to Kingdom Hearts and its characters.

Warnings: BoyxBoy love--if you don't agree to that, leave now.

"I don't want the world to see me/

Cuz I don't think that they'd understand/

When everything's made to be broken/

I just want you to know who I am." ~ "Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls

It is raining.

The clouds are opening, the droplets are falling unhindered, relentless in their plight to cover the earth in tears.

To cover the broken souls in God's kisses.

Bask in it, repent for your sins if you can. Hope that it can all just wash away…

Sora finds him in this rain.

It's only to be expected. He has sinned, he has given into the darkness. How can one repent for that?

They can only try to. Try to smile, try to live a life that feels as though it's so full of holes, a life that seems too normal and pleasant. Too good for a creature of the dark. They can only try to lie to themselves, tell themselves its ok based on others.

Over the beat of the rain, Riku can still hear them all.

"Oh, that doesn't matter anymore. You're home, and that's what counts, ok?"

~No, dammit, that's not it. It doesn't just end like these journeys. Some things stick with you, don't you see?~

"Ri-ku! Are you thinking about what you did again? I told you, I forgive you. I forgave you, let it go."

~Why do you forgive me? What gives you the right? How…can you forgive me when I can't forgive myself? I'm not being too harsh, I only have the truth. I don't know how much longer I can keep smiling before my face crumbles. Please…~

"—dammit it was a month ago already! It doesn't matter, we're back Riku! We're back! Why…can't you be happy about that at least?"

~What is left for me here? There's only memories, and memories lead me back to those places. Don't make me go, please. Don't make me sit on that damn tree again and stare into that fucking sunset. I can't fantasize anymore, not anymore. Not when I know the truth of the world. Not after all I've known. No.~

"—why are you so quiet lately? I know its weird being back, but nothing's changed. You'll see Ri, everything will just be fine. Nothing's changed."

~Are you lying too? Are you trying to tell yourself that nothing's changed to cover up that everything has? Just fucking look at us; we can't look at shadows. I sleep with my light on. Sometimes, I wonder if I have a heartbeat at all. Can you really look me in the eye and tell me that, day after day? Can you?~

"It's…so peaceful here. I missed it, didn't you? It feels good to be back. Good to get back to where we left off. It's good…that nothing has changed."

"—Nothing's changed. Nothing."

Don't lie anymore. Don't lie, because there are already too many. And under the rain Riku is breaking them, one by one.

Beneath the copse of trees Sora watches him, and his legs tremble. A broken form, a lost heart. He grows dizzy but steps out into the torrent, already soaked in the tears and anguish of the roaring sky as he reaches out, tries to find his broken voice.

What is there to say but a whisper, scratching against the surface of wounds that have never fully closed. A whisper that could lead to oblivion.

"Riku…?"

How often that name has been said, cried out in tears, in joy. Lately it has mainly been in tears though. There is no fight left in Sora anymore; his little heart has been whittled down, and yet he has tried to be so strong. For Riku he has to be strong.

Riku will never know that some nights, he buries beneath his blankets and screams the nights away.

Riku will never know that some days, Sora looks around him still searching for enemies, still searching for evil in the faces of those who pass them by.

Riku will never know that Sora doesn't know it all. That Sora, in fact, knows very little at all.

But somewhere, he knew he already knew that.

He has tried to be so brave for Riku this past month that he actually deluded himself into thinking that Riku was actually getting better.

Little comments, scribbled in the back of his mind.

Oh Riku's smiling more today. Thank god. Maybe now I can drop my smile a little.

Riku went to the play island today on his own. That has to mean something, it has too.

Riku doesn't look so distant today…

Riku's wearing brighter colors today…

Riku's laughing…

In a way it has turned into an obsession, this desire of Sora's to help Riku. He'll do anything to make him smile; he notes every little change, records it, files it away. He is obsessed with the older boy.

Maybe it's because he is afraid that he'll leave again. Maybe he's afraid that the darkness still tempts Riku as much as it tortures him. Maybe he's just afraid of being alone again.

But the only thing he really knows is that Riku is all he has. All he has ever needed. He can not let him suffer, he can not leave him alone.

And so he lies to make it better. Lies to the both of them each and everyday.

He was naïve enough to think that Riku never noticed until today.

Until he sees his form slumped on the hard earth in the rain.

Reversal—everything was going back and he can not keep up. The crumpled form of Riku looks like nothing more than a silvery shape through the curtains of rain. He wants to believe that it's all a mirage. He wants to lie, even as he grows sicker inside.

"Oh god, Riku…"

Riku says nothing. Riku does nothing. Riku barely breathes.

His face is pointed to the ground, eyes wired shut so tightly the darkness behind him contains spots.

Faded colors that manage to worm their way from his clenched lids to fall down his face with the sky's water. They make a rainbow of a puddle at his feet. All the good things, at his feet. All the lies that have brought him here.

A sob is stuck in his throat and is slowly strangling him.

From across the distance, Sora feels his own legs finally start to give out. But he can't go down, not with Riku in sight. Not when Riku needs him.

One step, two, three, a thousand, a million, never ending footprints washed away in the sand. It is crossing an ocean of memories, of feelings, and it stretches on almost endlessly.

It all ends at Riku's side, as it always does.

Sora's eyes are as dark as the sky.

Something is tearing, thunder ripping through the heavens with a roar. Sora wants to reach out to Riku, but is afraid. Afraid because all of Riku's weaknesses are his own, and if he looks into that pain filled face he'd have to feel them. He'd have to admit the truth that he has long tried to deny.

Everything's ok. Between us, I mean. We'll always be best friends. I…promise.

But how can he just ignore Riku in his time of need? He is soaked to the bone, and yet he is not shivering. It is as though he can not feel the cold at all. It is as though he can't feel anything at all.

Maybe he can't.

Sora is shaking with too many things. He promised Riku he would be there for him always—that had been a promise from when they had been so very young. Perhaps too young. How could Sora fight Riku's demons when he couldn't even fight his own?

He bit his lip so hard it bled. A trail of red amongst the clear liquid that covered his face, dripped from his mouth, his eyes, his nose, his hair. Tried to melt him away. He almost wished he could just melt away. He wished that Riku could too.

That way, they wouldn't be here. That way, Sora wouldn't have to see Riku this way, the way he has always feared. That way, he wouldn't crumble to the ground and never get back up.

But it is all too late for that. He is already on the ground beside his friend.

We'll go together, I said to you that night, that day, that time. And I had meant it, in every sense of the word. I guess this proves it, right Riku? You fall, I fall. We all fall down.

With the rain…

They could only wait for it to wash away. If it only would. If it only could.

With his friend, Sora turns his face down to the ground, stares into the rainbow puddles and chokes back his own sobs. He has always been so strong, that he has forgotten what it is like to be weak. He has forgotten what it is like to show emotion, especially around Riku. So to feel all of it now, inside of him…

He wants to run away. He wants to get out of the rain that is washing away his strength and find a place to take cover, to recover. But he can not let himself leave Riku. Not again, not like before. Things would be different now.

The only question left unanswered is how different?

His hand does not feel as though it is attached to him as he reaches it out towards the silent, wrecked boy. It has to be a dream, a horrible dream.

The thunder splitting the sky above like bullets lets him know that it's not. His hand connects with Riku's shoulder, and they both flinch.

They have avoided all physical contact since they the World that Never Was. They have not been able to look one another directly in the eye either. For over a month, Sora and Riku have been stuck in the depths of their own failings.

All that changes under the rain.

Riku's eyes, at the touch—so unexpected, so blatantly human—open with a snap, the colors falling away into aquamarine hues as through the downpour they collide, always collide, with sapphire ones.

And from there it's a crash course.

Sora…

It's all right there, on the surface, swelling up like a puddle, like a river about to break through that dam. There is nothing to stop it anymore, here, at the true brink to everything.

Sora…

Two heartbeats, racing louder and louder, louder than the thunder, the rain. They can hear it, both of them. They can hear the others, and in it, feel all the lies washing away. All the Okays and the smiles, all the strained words of comfort that in the end hold none of the clarity of a raindrop, and all of mud. So much mud they are sitting in, so much…

Riku…

A message, relayed through the heart. One beat. Two.

Oh god, Riku, I'm so…

The rain is falling faster now, harder. Tears are streaming just the same. Lips move, forming words that can't be said. Words that the other already knows.

I'm so…

Nothing. The rain is beating them down, and yet they remain, side by side on the ground. Nothing seems to bring them down. Riku's eyes glisten with everything he has suddenly never known. Sora's eyes shine with everything he has all but forgotten about.

Time seems to fall away. There is silence. There is truth.

And Sora, denial dead, shot by the dark clouds, by his best friend's red rimmed eyes, breaks it all. A final blow.

"Nothing's like before…"

I'm so sorry…

Rain and tears become one as two hearts meet through lips, through a kiss that changes everything that was already so long gone. There is passion brought back to life as Sora's arms wrap around Riku; there is hope as Riku crushes Sora to his chest.

~Like everything in life, we share our pain. Like everything in life, we share our love. ~

Is this what it's like to feel again?

Is this what it's like to come home?

Nights of hiding from the shadows, days of avoiding the sun. They have both sinned. Riku had given into the darkness, and Sora had let him. Sora had tried to cover up the truth; Sora had tried to rebuild a relationship that was in shambles.

He had never thought that maybe a new one altogether had to be reconstructed.

Riku's tongue was like warm rain in his mouth, and he leans closer and closer to get more, to fall in and under, an ocean that is undiscovered.

Maybe…I can start a new journey…

~Maybe everything will be ok. Maybe it doesn't have to be a lie all the time. Do you see that, Sora? There can be the sun in rain. You've given me the sun in rain. I can…hear your heartbeat. I can feel you...~

Gasps, moans, hands clawing and grasping for something to hold onto, only to find each other. It is enough. It is more than enough.

Against Sora's lips, Riku smiles. Against Riku's lips, Sora lets his body grow weak, let's himself be weary. Let's himself fade away into Riku's arms.

So, this is oblivion?

They pull back trembling. They do not let each other go. They won't ever again, they know. Above, the thunder screams. It screams in all their fears, let's the fall away in the rain. Let's them splatter on the ground to coat the world, fix it. Correct it. Below, the rain washes away their tears.

They are in the middle of a storm, but they are a peace.

Against soft skin and the melody of the raindrops, a whisper.

~"I love you…"~

A new beginning. A rebirth by rain. A new start for the both of them.

~"You and I, we'll be okay…"~

Maybe there still is a place to call home. Maybe there is still is a way to repent. Maybe there is still time for forgiveness.

Riku's tears have dried, and there is only Sora. In his arms, shaking. In his arms, upon the ground. It is all he could ever ask for.

Maybe it is time for him to be strong again. Maybe there is time for him to move on.

Maybe just maybe, if he has Sora…

The morning comes and the rain has stopped. There are only puddles left behind, and in those puddles, the reflection of the sky.

It is limitless.

"Hey Riku…?"

"Yes Sora?"

"…I'm glad that nothing's the same."

"Me too, Sora. Me too."

…as limitless as the rain—

It is easier to fall than to rise—Proverb

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