Rush did not know how to dance. Khrynia, on the other hand, did. Watching those two negotiate the dance floor together was amusing to say the least.

Ascension celebrations in Athlum inevitably followed the death of the previous Lord, and so they were always slightly subdued. Still, David could learn to enjoy it, even though his head had been hurting since a few days ago. He knew the reason behind that and didn't want it to be a cause of worry or distraction. This was the major changing point of his life and everyone was wishing him well, he could not possibly trample upon their kindness by enveloping himself in anguish. This was still considering other people's feelings and using them as his own motivation, miles away from actually putting himself before others, but the learning curve was steep and he believed he could be forgiven for this.

A new piece of music started. David asked Emmy for a dance.

"You look wonderful tonight."

She let him take her hand, on the verge of snickering. "And you are handsome as always."

"Is something funny?"

"It's just the way you said it..."

Emmy did not have much skills in dancing, having always shunned the classes in favour of sword practice, but that didn't really matter. It was just a fun way to spend some time together.

"Lord David, may I ask a question?"

"Certainly."

"When your mother passed away, I marched over to you and declared myself to be your older sister from then on. Did you... resent that?"

David remembered that event vividly. "Of course not. Why did you say that?"

"It's just that for a long time, I felt I wasn't what you needed... I'm sorry, I shouldn't say that. It sounds like I'm accusing you. But I just want to be more useful to you."

For the next part of the music, David stayed silent, trying to find a way to put his feelings into words.

"There are different kinds of needs. From some people I seek guidance, from others I seek a trustworthy blade. You are capable of both, yet from you... you give me something else as well. Childhood memories, a good laugh, friendship, unflinching devotion, a hard knock on the head when I deserve one."

For a little while, it seemed like Emmy was about to cry, but she chose to laugh instead.

"I'm sorry I've caused you grief. Letting others know how I feel is not something I am good at, but I am working on it."

"My lord..."

"Thank you for all your hard work for Athlum, and for being such a great sister." He put his arms around her very gently. The last time he did this, they were still children and Emmy used to behave more like a boy than a girl. Now, she was a comely woman and David had to be much more careful. It would not do to embarrass her or upset any of her potential suitors. "And you truly do look beautiful tonight."

She hugged him back. "All the women here are wanting to kill me right now."

"Just wait until I dance with Rush."

And dance with Rush he did, if holding each other and simply shuffling their feet to music could be called dance. If anyone looked at them unkindly, he did not know because he'd closed his eyes. What other people thought didn't matter - this was his happiness.

So he was learning to put himself before others, after all.

The celebration went on late into the night. After the music faded, the guests departed and the lights turned off, David saw his generals to their coaches.

Emma boarded her coach, adjusting her dress as she did so. She looked dazzling in that dress. The heels she wore made her taller than David, but he didn't mind that because they made her even more stunning.

"Tomorrow begins your duties as the Lord of Athlum. I will be ready for your orders, my lord."

"I hope I will be able to do my father proud."

"You already do." Her daughter got on from the other side, and the driver was ready. "Good night then, Lord David. Do try not to let Rush distract you from your rest too much?" She gave him a certain look. Beside her, Emmy looked scandalised by what her mother just said.

"Oh, that I cannot guarantee," he replied with a crooked smile and waved them off. After Pagus's and Blocter's coaches pulled out as well, there was only the sound of the night in his ears. Outside his castle, at the highest point in the land, Athlum stretched out before him, her cities and towns mostly asleep, and Yarman Plain and Blackdale too far for view. His father's legacy.

His country.

David went back inside and looked for Torgal, who was packing his few belongings for his journey to Nagapur tomorrow.

Torgal answered the door, already dressed for bed. "Lord David? Is there something you need?"

"I just came to say good night."

"If you have need of me when I am in Nagapur, please do ring - "

"You will come back every few weeks, Torgal. I will be fine."

Blinking slowly, Torgal nodded.

"But I will still ring you even if nothing is happening, if you don't mind?"

How Torgal's face changed, and the way his ears tilted slowly forward, his single earring swinging gently with the movement, was quite incredible.

"Of course I don't mind. I would not want you to feel neglected."

Oh, that was brilliant. David chuckled a little, then said good night.

He walked around the castle, alone. Security had been stepped up, but everyone else, even those who usually worked at night to keep the castle running, had gone to bed, as per Athlum's tradition that all castle workers should get a full day of rest after an ascension. The rare silence highlighted the sheer size of this place David called home. And home it was, strange as it might be. The towers many people revered were where he played hide-and-seek with Emmy and Blocter, the gardens the public queued to see every spring, his front lawn.

And within these cold stone walls were the most important people in his life. The Generals and Emmy, a family he was born into although not related by blood. And Rush.

Where was Rush?

David followed his instinct and made his way back to the great hall. There Rush was, cravat removed and stuffed carelessly into a trouser pocket, its ends spilling out, and he was opening the buttons at his collar and cuffs. David walked into the dimly lit hall, pristine leather shoes hardly making a sound on the dance floor.

"You look good in those clothes."

"I look weird in them." Rush pulled a face at him.

"Do you think so? Did you not notice all the attention you were getting?"

"I noticed how much attention the Dragonslayer was getting."

David snorted. "Not you as well."

"What? I think it's a cool title."

"What it is is a fad."

"So? Loads of things are. These clothes are just fashion too."

David inclined his head, conceding the point to Rush. "But I do think you look good."

Rush smiled, wry.

"What are you doing here, Rush?"

"I don't know. Just want to hang around a bit. That was a good party. Not the sort I'm used to, but still."

It was far too formal, but it was a state event so there was no choice. "If you want to avoid these events in the future, just let me know. I won't force you to go."

A shrug. "I really think it was fine. I can't dance, but what the hey."

"We danced well together."

"Well, that's different," said Rush with a small smile.

They stood in the darkened hall, no words exchanged between them for a while. Earlier on in the evening there were silver utensils on starched tablecloths, exquisite foods, pleasing music, happy faces. Now this was just a very large, empty room. Perhaps he was the sentimental type of person who could see symbolism in everything and he was not in his strongest state of mind right now, but the change unsettled David.

"What's with this little furrow thing between your eyebrows?"

"Just a small headache."

Rush peered at him, looking concerned. "You okay?"

"It has been this way since I told Emma about my mother a few days ago. I cannot explain this, but although it's not comfortable, I feel as though this should happen."

It was almost as if his senses were slowly waking up and finally recognising something had built up inside of him over the years. Everyday, whenever Rush asked innocently, "how're you?", "everything good?", that something pushed upwards a little further. Even the simple question just now, and the look of concern from Rush, made the pressure intensify, spreading like a web. David knew he must not run away from its black tendrils.

"I'm not going to pretend to understand."

"I will explain as soon as I find the words to explain."

"There's no rush."

"Then who are you?"

David received a very unimpressed look, a combination of narrowed eyes and angry pout. He offered no apology, only a grin. The stare down lasted only a moment before Rush found the humour as well. His chuckles echoed in the hall.

David felt his chest was about to burst, his head about to crack open.

"Rush. Ask me that question again."

"Hm? About your eyebrows?"

"The one after that."

Rush caught on. "How're you, Dave?"

There the feeling was again, the desire to answer honestly, the desire to find the honest answer.

"I don't know."

There was so much David wanted to say. At the Final Fortress, he told Rush that he had come to terms with what was to happen to his father. That was not a lie, it was his father's choice and he was proud of him as he was proud of having the Gae Bolg. He accepted his mother's death and did not regret what he did. He killed the one man he had sworn to kill. He had spent all his life preparing for the role he finally took up today. He had people who he loved and trusted supporting him. Everything was fine. Everything was going to be fine.

And yet.

He leaned forward, resting his forehead on Rush's shoulder. A hand came to rest lightly on his head, fingers in his hair.

"You're upset."

"I think so, yes. You are right."

Rush said nothing more. Just waiting.

The pressure was in his head now, behind his eyes, between his ears, across his skull, everywhere, pulsating.

He choked, just once.

"Now, of all times... would it be ungrateful of me..."

"No." The fingers in his hair tightened. Perhaps Rush had more to say but decided what he said was enough. If anyone ever told Rush he was tactless, then they did not know Rush at all.

David stayed there, staring at their feet but seeing nothing.

He let go.

He heard himself scream. The sound was alien. The way his chest heaved, how every muscle trembled, was a foreign sensation. The pain in his head became a colour, his eyes saw nothing but white as years of sorrow bled out from the dark web that bound him, like the light of the Gae Bolg from the black markings on his arm. Powerful and devastating, yet comforting.

He breathed like a man on the verge of drowning, then screamed again. His anger, his frustration, the agony of watching his mother's condition deteriorate, the pain of the mercy killing. The wall of silence, unable to tell the truth to those he loved, disallowing himself from being affected by any of it. The fear of not being strong enough, of not being able to protect those who mattered to him, of causing disappointment to those who devoted their lives to Athlum only to serve a weakling. Watching the village in Eulam disappear in a sea of flames, a testimony to his powerlessness. The same fear as Emmy's - he was not what everyone needed. He was inadequate. He didn't master the Gae Bolg fast enough. He didn't grow up fast enough. He would live a life of regret and despair, just as he felt in Eulam.

He kept screaming, unsteady on his feet, losing balance, but two hands caught him, the grip firm, bruising, steadying him. Then he choked, and screamed again, choking. He missed his father. It was not fair. Killing Hermeien might mean saving a lot of people, but it didn't bring his father back. The poisoner had already been executed. There was no more vengeance he could take. His father was right, revenge was a dead end, but it was simply not fair. If it wasn't for Hermeien, they could have had so much more time together as a family. His father wouldn't have had to devote his life trying to secure peace, he wouldn't have had to die so young. It wasn't fair.

He tried to breathe, taking in air in short gasps.

Life, indeed, wasn't fair. Even though he had lost too much, too early, he had also been given an unfair amount of blessings. There was the mitra woman, his soul mate and mother figure; the sovani man, his mentor and a constant in his life; the qsiti teacher; the brother and sister. And now, Rush. All these people guided him, protected him, held him together when everything else fell apart. He never did anything to deserve them. If this was because he had the "natural charisma" Emma once told him about, then that was the best gift he could ever have.

He had lost a lot in his life, but he had also gained so much. And he knew when the wave of sorrow subsided, laughter would follow.

Breathless and drained, he thought he would fall, then realised Rush was holding him.

The arms around him shifted, supporting his weight better. "I've gotcha."

David wanted to say thanks, but only nodded instead, briefly wiping his eyes so that he could see. When he tried to speak, his voice was hardly recognisable, as if his throat had been rubbed against a whetting stone, perhaps a sign that he should just stay quiet and concentrate on breathing.

Rush waited again, and eventually David pushed himself off him after finding the strength to stand, his head dipped, a hand over his eyes in an attempt to dam the flow, with some success. Knowing that he would not be judged was one thing, to have Rush put up with something like this with the patient of a saint was something else. It was liberating, although also embarrassing at the same time.

"So, here's where I come in with some crappy metaphor about how you can stand on your own but sometimes it's okay to lean on people," Rush said with a smirk, putting a hand on his hip the way he often did, his other hand rubbing his ear. He pulled a face. "Ow, I think I've gone deaf in one ear."

David could only smile and shake his head, slowly so that it felt less like his brain was rocking around in his skull.

Silence returned, this time settling over like a blanket, or sharing a bed with Rush - warm, comfortable. David felt calm beginning to return, the tremors within him subsiding, along with the throbbing in his head. Rush came to stand beside him, shoulder to shoulder, looking across the hall towards the balcony beyond a pair of glass doors. Not much could be seen at this hour, but David could picture the familiar sight of Athlum, all her cities and towns, rivers and mountains, and her people.

For the first time, he felt ready to take care of this country.

"Dave, I have a confession to make."

"What is it?" David had to cough hard to get his voice to function again. His throat felt as raw as the edges of his mind. He hoped Rush was about to make another joke rather than say anything serious.

"On the train to Ghor, I passed by your cabin on the way to the bathroom and saw you through the window on the door. I thought I'd seen you before. Anyway, you... caught my eye and I really wanted to talk to you, so..."

The revelation was a shock. "When you said someone unpleasant was in your cabin..."

"Yeah, that was a lie."

David laughed, incredulous. Thanks to this, he was starting to feel slightly more normal now. He could see why Rush picked this very time to reveal the truth. "You lied to me the moment we met. And I always thought you are a very honest person."

"You can't fault a guy for trying his chances!" Rush shoved his hands inside trouser pockets. "What'd you think if I went in and said 'hey, haven't we met before?'"

David shook his head once more in a resigned manner. Point taken. "Terrible chat-up line."

"See?"

"Does this mean," he was exhausted now, but also comfortable just standing here with Rush, which was the truth although it made no sense, "I was able to escape from the Third Committee, find the strength to handle what happened to my father, survive in monster-infested Siebenbur, repay a debt I owed Allan, take Wilfred Hermeien's life, and be able to smile as I stand here... all because you liked the look of me?"

"I didn't do most of that." Rush rocked back on his heels. "But, well, if you put it that way... yeah, I guess?"

"You did do all of that, and more."

"And more?"

"You stripped me of my - "

"Oh no, not that again!"

David gave Rush a sidelong glance. "You still don't like my throes of passion?" Hands behind his back, he strolled towards the door. "That hurts me, but I understand. You can sleep back in your own suite then. Good night."

Soft snickers came from behind him. "Is that the castle's equivalent of getting relegated to the sofa?"

David could barely hide his own amusement. He half turned as Rush caught up with him. "Of course not. I simply don't want to force you to sleep in my bed."

"You could come sleep in mine instead."

They stopped. Eyes met in the semi-darkness. Rush shifted on his feet. "That's if you like... you did say, when we were in Siebenbur..."

"I did." David's heart beat faster again, but for a different reason. "My face might taste a little salty right now, but if you still like the look of me..."

Rush was laughing. "I sure do."

David smirked. "Then take me to your room and do your worst."

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THE END

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That's all for this story. Thank you very much for reading. :)