Okay. Okay, I just finished watching "A Piece of the Action," and I just cannot stop laughing. That was like the best episode of Star Trek I have ever seen. Oh my god. Okay breathing. Om. Om. Om.

MUST WRITE FANFIC brb

[frantic typing]

k here it is

x

Spocko Gets A Piece of the Action

x

"I'd advise you to keep dialin', Okmyx,"

The words were going to ring in his mind forever. Spock covered his eyes, positively slumped over his science station. Did I really say that? What could possibly have possessed me?

Spock jumped when he saw something blue out of the corner of his eye. Dr. McCoy was standing next to him, looking amused.

"Can I help you, doctor?" Spock nearly growled.

"Oh, I'm fine, Spocko," said McCoy, looking much too full of himself for his own good. "Just wonderin' how you were holdin' up. That pinstripe doesn't seem to have burned itself into your skin, but I bet the marks're still there if you look closely enough."

"Thank you for your input, doctor," said Spock coldly. "My time on Sigma Iotia II was satisfactory, but I think I have moved on."

"Good to know," said McCoy. "You two were worrying me there for a while. I know how Jim gets into his little games, but you seemed pretty excited by the goings-on, judging by your—"

"I warn you, doctor, if you finish that sentence, I am not responsible for the nerve pinch that could occur."

"Alright, alright, I get your point." McCoy put his hands up. "But don't you threaten me like that again, bud, or I'll call a hit on ya, so help me."

"Listen, buster, I'd take you out before you can even blink," Spocko roared in response, pinning McCoy to the science station. "Don't threaten me, chump! You don't know who you're messin' with! I'll fill ya with lead before you can say cheese! They'd never find your lump at the bottom of… the…"

There was a long silence on the bridge as Spock trailed off.

"If you two are done?" said Kirk from the captain's chair, the amusement evident in his tone.

Spock coughed delicately, releasing McCoy, who was grinning obscenely.

"Excuse me, Captain," muttered Spock, tugging at his shirt and returning to his station. "I seem to have gotten caught up in the moment."

He glanced back. McCoy was actually sitting on the floor next to Kirk, he was laughing so hard. Kirk had sealed his lips to keep the laughter in. Wide-eyed and innocent, he grinned at Spock.

"I knew you'd want a piece of the action, Spocko."

x

A few months later, the whole crew gathered in the mess to give Spock his birthday present. Curious but restrained, Spock tried to insist that he open the package in his room, but Kirk and McCoy wouldn't hear of it. So he opened the gift at the table. Inside the thin white box was a brown pinstripe suit, complete with a starched white shirt, a pink tie and matching handkerchief, and a brown felt fedora.

Spock was furious with them, of course, and lectured them for ten minutes about a crewman's responsibilities while dealing with hostile natives as they held back snickers. But he took the suit back to his room.

After that, the crew members made sure to knock before entering Spock's quarters. Sometimes they were delayed at the door, listening to frantic scramblings. Spock would let them in composedly after a while, but sure enough, if they looked closely, they would see a bit of brown pinstripe poking out of a thin white box tucked haphazardly under Spock's bed.

x