Siren: This is our parody. It is horrible. Just awful. Don't read it.

Muse: We don't own Tales of Symphonia.

Siren: Who let you talk?

Muse: Since when do I need permission to talk?

Siren: *sprays with water* Bad kitty!

Muse: Get on with the parody!

(ZAPPING NOISE)

Yo, listen up, here's a story

About a little guy that lives in a blue world

And all day and all night and everything he sees

Is just blue, like him, inside and outside

Blue, his house, with a blue little window

And a blue Corvette and everything is blue

For him and himself and everybody around

Cus he ain't got nobody to listen

And that marked the beginning of the regeneration of the world.

"Lloyd Irving, wake up!"

Suddenly, a chalk eraser hit him. "Wake up, you lazy asshole!" Following the chalk eraser was a tub of whipped cream, a cafeteria table, and a little girl with pigtails.

"Ack! I'm awake, for Christ's sake!" Lloyd chucked the screaming girl back at the teacher.

"I know," Raine responded. "I just wanted to throw things at you. By the way, Lloyd Irving? What a gay name. Why the hell would a game company name their heroes names like Lloyd or Emil?"

"Don't you have a question to ask me? You know, something that might explain to someone watching us what the current problems in the world are and how we plan to fix them?"

"No. No, Lloyd, I don't."

A bright light flashed. Everyone screamed.

"Calm down, everyone!" Raine took out her stick and began to beat random children with it. "I said, calm down! That's just the oracle!"

"What the hell is the oracle?" Lloyd asked. "Is it some kind of food?"

"Ooh!" Colette looked around excitedly. "I love food!"

"No, it's not food." Colette's face fell. "I'm going to the temple. Stay here and study on your own." Raine left.

"Why the hell would she do that? What a lousy teacher. I hope she dies in a fiery car wreck. Like Shingleton." Lloyd walked over to the doorway. "Come on, Genis, let's go to the temple. I want food."

"Who the hell is Shingleton? What food? What the hell are you talking about?" Genis stood up. "Lloyd, have you been smoking pot? A lot of pot?"

Lloyd shoved his joint back into his pocket. "No…" He looked around for a distraction and found it in the shape of Colette. "Uh, hey, Colette, don't you want to go to the temple?"

"Not particularly. I have bad memories of that place. The priests there molest me." Colette bowed her head sadly. "But Grandma said it was a small price to pay for salvation."

"Oh, so that's why you're so sexually repressed. I just thought you'd been neutered," Lloyd said dumbly.

"Uh, Lloyd?" Genis said quizzically. "Two things wrong with that. One, Colette can't be neutered. Two, how did you get that she's sexually repressed?"

"Shingleton told me."

"You really need to get off the pot."

"Pot has nothing to do with it, Genis," Lloyd said, grabbing Colette's arm and dragging her towards the door. "Hey, what's that hole in the wall?"

Suddenly, Colette burst into tears and slapped Lloyd. "Jerk!" Then she promptly ran out of the schoolhouse.

"What'd I say?" Lloyd asked innocently.

"Lloyd, don't you remember? Colette doesn't like to talk about that time when-"

"Ahhhhhh!" Colette's high pitched scream cut off Genis' explanation of whatever disturbing image the authors were going to give you.

"Was that a scream?" Lloyd asked.

"No," Genis said sarcastically. "I thought it was a just a giraffe."

"Oh, well, in that case-"

"Let's go!" Genis yanked his friend out the door.

They walked out and discovered Colette and a dying priest.

"Are you okay, random dying priest?" Lloyd called as they got closer.

"Desians…attacked the…temple…"

"How do you know they're Desians and not some organization that looks exactly like Desians, but is secretly trying to bring them down from the inside?" Genis asked suspiciously.

"Ugh…I'm dying…" He looked at Colette. "Chosen, please…save the world…" Then he died a very anticlimactic death.

"What an anticlimactic death," Lloyd remarked. "It's kind of like when Finny died in 'A Separate Peace.' He just kind of…died. Like, you didn't even get to see him die. The doctor just told Gene that his friend was dead."

"Well," Genis asked, "what would your alternate ending be?"

"Okay, check it out. Here's what would happen: Gene would walk into the operating room to see the doctor cutting Finny open to harvest his organs and sell them on the black market. Then, Finny would begin to have a huge seizure and spontaneously combust. As this is all happening, a random Army truck would smash through the wall and they'd all die."

"Is this what you think about in math class?" Genis asked.

"Can you get this dead priest off of me?" Colette asked from where she stood with the dead priest, whose hand was up her dress. Lloyd punted him across town.

"There. Problem solved. Let's go to the temple."

Suddenly, Frank appeared.

"Whoa!" Lloyd blinked. "Dude, did you just come from nowhere?"

"Yes." Frank turned to Colette. "Colette, are you going to the temple?"

"Yes, Father."

"Be careful."

"What the hell?" Lloyd yelled. "You're a terrible father! What kind of parent just lets his daughter go off to a dangerous, monster-infested, bad guy invaded temple of a fake goddess, by herself?"

"The kind who lets her be molested by dead priests."

"You know what?" Lloyd pulled out his swords. "Screw you, man! You don't have a purpose in this story!"

Frank bursted into tears. "I know! I'm useless and pretty much everybody hates me! I need a hug!" He looked up to see that Lloyd had killed him.

"Ha! What now? No hug for you!"

"Lloyd?" Genis tapped his friend's shoulder. "How did you figure out how to fight without going through a tutorial?"

"Easy. I just pressed random buttons until he was dead."

"Fantastic. Fan-fucking-tastic. I'm traveling with a sexually disturbed blonde chick and a pot smoking idiot."

"Don't forget the crack, Genis. Never forget the crack." Lloyd pulled out a small bag of white powder and kissed it. "I love you, crack." His voice went to falsetto, pretending to be the crack, which was apparently answering him. "I love you, too, Lloyd."

"…Let's just go to the temple."

Siren: Don't you feel your IQ dropping as you read? Isn't it dumb?

Muse: By the way, if you haven't read 'A Seperate Peace', a word of advice. Don't.

Siren: So, this was a short, fast chapter. Hope you liked it. If not, get a sense of humor.

Muse: Very mature.

Siren: You want mature? Go write fanfiction with my grandmother.

Muse: You should stop reading now.