Knocked UP

Standard Disclaimers:

I don't own anyone in the DBZ saga, nor do I seek to gain profit from it.
I DO, however, seek to giggle my head off in glee as I put certain characters through the joys of...

*dramatic pause*

PARENTHOOD

Before and After...

Prologue:
It's your fault!!

In the beginning there was beer. Beer was the known element of inebriation and inhibitions gone to crack. It was consumed under the heavens and in personal hells, whether they be within the depths of a roaring game on the television or in the back alley of a bar after getting fired for trying to kick your bosses ass. Either way, beer was both good and evil.

Last night, however, It was evil. EVIL, EVIL, OH SO EVIL. If it could laugh, it would have died holding its sides.

Normally it couldn't get the best of people like them, but last night they had indulged...and indulged....and indulged. They had sucked down so much of it that there were fifty bottles sitting about in various places and THREE kegs sitting close to empty in various spots of the room. Oh, there was more than enough to go about. Several bodies had taken it upon themselves to relieve the beer from its prison and enjoy the blessings of beer goggles like they had never seen. It was almost too funny just thinking about the massive throb that awaited them all. If the beer could smirk, that cat from wonderland would not have been happy.

The sun came about and shined on someone. He didn't budge. The sun sighed and rose a little higher. It would be a little while before any of them rose.

*********************

The faint prattle of the television blaring from last night's game wasn't what woke him. In fact, he didn't really notice it until much later in the day. One onyx eye pried itself open ever so slowly, awareness coming into view as the fog of last night tried to relieve itself from his brain. It wasn't leaving so easily. One glimpse of the sun and he was turning over much to the protest of his head. The violent throb of the early morning regret known as a hangover kept him here in the land of the living, oblivious to what he had rolled onto. He tried to bury his head into the pillows a little more. He grabbed the one resting under his head and flung it over it only to meet solid warmth rather than the soft lump that was a mattress. A slight grunt kept him awake just a bit longer. Curiosity had gotten the better of him this once.

Blinking under the falsified darkness, he lifted his head just a bit. Strange...mattresses were not tanned. Well, not tanned and moving without just reason. Definitely not breathing either. He blinked again just to get a bit of his vision back and noticed that this was NOT the mattress he was laying upon. It was someone's chest, someone's well defined chest that didn't have a pair of fleshy mounds he could fondle drunkenly. This plain was flat as the day it was pressed into this world and toned with years of endless training. The massive pectorals rising every now and again flexed themselves in their sleep, a slight sign as to the power hidden under them. Had he not been so out of it, he may have taken a moment to notice what his wakening snorts were doing to a certain nipple just below his lips...

"Stop it before we have a complete repeat of last night..."

He barely registered that the owner of the chest had muttered it and not the chest itself. He looked up and saw nothing more than a bushel of black being rubbed tiredly as he too woke from the workings of last night. Just what the hell had gone on last night?? And why the hell was he willingly laying on this flat chest trying to find a little more sleep? He didn't really care. Sleep was sounding way too good right about now.

So was the bathroom he realized in one horrible moment. His bladder had decided that then and there it wanted to relieve itself in the worst way. The last thing he needed was to pee here of all places! It was bad enough he was lying here still! Rather than suffer the humiliation of being known as a drunken bed wetter, he rolled over and sat up only to hold in a scream as his lower back killed whatever plans his bladder had for him.

"Oh my GOD," he hissed through his muttering, "What the hell did I do last night?!"

He didn't dare stretch himself out any further than he had. He waited for the pain to subside. Did someone smack him back there? Was that why he was so out of it? Passing out from the pain of a blow would have been his first guess, had the sudden wet squish from his lower regions not alerted him. He looked down. Oddly enough everything was still in working order from what he could tell. He also noted, smirking a bit lightly, that certain parts of him were exposed and left for the cleaning. So that boneless feeling wasn't just from getting stupefied last night. Someone had gotten lucky...really LUCKY from the way he felt his backside throbbing. He briefly wondered who the lucky bitch happened to be. Couldn't have been the woman. He didn't smell like her.

He didn't smell like any woman actually.

In fact....he almost smelt like....outside....

"What time is it?" the other body mumbled.

"How the hell should I know?" he muttered softly. "The sun is up..."

"....SHIT. Tell it to go away damn it...."

The sun wouldn't have gone back even if it was threatened to be destroyed. It was laughing too hard to even notice the slight train of thought puckered upon the smaller man's face as he looked back at his bed mate. From the smell of it, he had gotten lucky as well. REALLY LUCKY. The man smelt of another man and a female...although the scents were strangely familiar. Maybe he had gotten a brother and sister...but there wasn't anyone that closely related here. Strange....why did that scent smell so familiar??

He opened his legs to gently get the kinks out of them only to be met with a slight squish that sent shudders up his spine. He was briefly aware of the scent yet had no more than a moment to dwell on it. His bed partner had gotten up and grabbed him by his waist.

"W-what...w-what are you--?!"

"I told you to stop it..." he muttered moving to seat him just over his crotch. "I told you last night that drives me nuts..."

"HUH?! What the fuck are you talking about?!" he practically screamed. "I don't--"

"Hmm...you don't remember last night do you?"

"Of course not you idiot!! If I did, I wouldn't be here!!"

"Yessss, you would," he muttered darkly. He found himself shivering violently into the grip that held him so steady, breathing heavily as the face of his captor focused within his drunken haze. This touch was familiar, pleasant even, though the strange sensation between his legs had not let up. If anything, he could have sworn he was dripping. But, that wasn't possible.

Was it?

His brain didn't want to work then. The fog had covered his eyes and left him sitting there, waiting for something his body wanted but his mind protested against without a clear thought. He tried in vain to see what he meant, but he found himself looking up at the ceiling muttering incoherently. He was hot, hotter than he had been, and in a great deal of mixed pleasure and pain. He squirmed to get away from it only to have something hot and hard move in places he had forgotten. Pain died and left him a mounting mess of muttering flesh wanting more of whatever was happening. He wasn't too sure...didn't want to be sure...

But he was sure the moment he found himself looking into those eyes.

"N-no..."

"YES..."

"N-no! Wait...stop a moment!!" he cried through the fog of pleasure he was in. "Oh god...stop...please!!"

"Can't...I told you that drives me nuts!!"

Drove him--?!

Sick realization came playing back to him in fractured pieces. Glimpses of last night only fueled the fire in his belly, urged on the screaming he could care less about as a tail came along and rubbed him wrong in the right places. It was all he could do not to pass out, clenching and crying out as he fell forward to grip at that flat chest he had woken up too. He felt himself rise not of his own volition, numb with is passing senses until they came to life full flare seconds later. He rose and sat back, absently grasping the sheets.

Oh...the beer was laughing. It was laughing hard and loud as the sounds of the others came awake from his crying out. The bed had a good say in it, louder than it had been last night to the hung over guests sleeping in the other rooms. Somehow he didn't bother to mention this, already feeling his spine numbing up nicely for the second go. He was too occupied in wondering just how many times this would happen before someone came knocking.

He got his answer when the clock spat out that it was eleven and a mop of blue came peeking in.

"OH SHIT!!"

Five he wondered absently as he fell forward once more. The door closed and the muttered panicking of that blue haired woman only marred his thinking a bit. At the moment, he kept his gaze on the one below him, breath idly blowing on the nipple he had missed before.

"For the record...that will only land you on your backside..."

He quickly moved his head and settled for the next best thing; that pillow he had been looking for in the first place. He closed his eyes and tried to find the sleep looking for him.

Tried. His brain quickly regained all coherency and he sat up only to be pinned by a set of lips belonging to none other than his RIVAL.

"We'd better move..." he murmured.

"We?!" he snapped. "Now it's we?!"

"Um...yeah, unless you have a better idea."

"How about you throw yourself out the damned window?! You've got some nerve ordering me around...!!"

"Babe...you might not want to yell at me...."

"WHY THE FUCK NOT?!"

Somewhere in the back of his mind, the door opened again and this time there were more gasps of complete shock through the fog of beer than hadn't quite left them. He would have thrown him off and clamored for some decency had his mind not taken fifteen minutes to breathe right. He rested on his arms panting heavily under the assault of those hips. Somewhere along the lines his rival had sought his way up to his ear, kissed the back of his neck and muttered, "It will land you on your face..."

Somehow...he didn't mind it.

Onto PART 1!