A/N: I'm going to dedicate this story to AnimeWolfGirl, even though she'll probably never read it, because it was her story, "Ask The Zelda Crew", that gave me the idea for this fic. Happy reading!
Kina: Welcome to the Barrows Channel! We're here to tell you the innermost secrets of the infamous Barrows Brothers.
Guthan: We are not! You said this was a game show!
Kina: Er…yeah…a game show. That's what I meant. And it's called…uh…Guess the Barrows Brothers' Innermost Secrets!
Verac: This may get old at some point…
Dharok: Where are we?
Ahrim: We're at some studio. Guthan was drawn in by the promise of a game show.
Dharok: Oh.
Torag: I feel like smashing something with my hammers…
Kina: No!! This is fragile and expensive equipment! Ahrim, watch your brother!
Ahrim: Nah.
Kina: What do you mean, 'nah'?
Ahrim: Just what I said. Nah.
Kina: But he needs to be kept under close surveillance. Look!
Torag: (smashing down front door with hammers)
Ahrim: So? That door isn't irreplaceable.
Kina: But…(sighs heavily) Never mind. So, Guthan-
Guthan: What?! Who died?
Kina: (looks around in confusion) Died? No one died. I was just going to ask you the first question, so pay attention. What is the stupidest thing that Dharok ever did?
Guthan: Hmm…tricky question. I'd say that would be the time that he decided to do a spinning attack on an enemy and nearly chopped his own head off. As it was he ended up cutting through quite a few tendons in his left arm.
Kina: I see. Not the sharpest tool in the shed, is he?
Verac: Nope. Torag's not either. When he was little, Torag thought he could fly, so he jumped off the roof. Broke his arm and his leg.
Torag: (stops smashing door) I was three! I was not responsible for my actions. The blame goes to him! (points at Ahrim) He's the oldest!
Ahrim: So? Just because Mom and Dad said that I was responsible for you brats doesn't make it my fault. You should have known better.
Torag: I was three!
Kina: Okay, okay, break it up. Let's not start off this show with an argument. Next question. Karil, what is Verac's deepest, darkest secret?
Karil: Uh…well, I think I'd probably have to say that it's the fact that he still sleeps with his teddy bear. But he may have a different one that I don't know about.
Verac: I do not sleep with my teddy! Fuzzy is packed away-
Guthan: Fuzzy? Its name is Fuzzy?
Ahrim: Ah…clear evidence that he still sleeps with it. He knows its name, and it's a childish one at that.
Verac: Fuzzy is not an 'it', Fuzzy is a 'he'.
Ahrim: (facepalm) Need we say more?
Kina: Well, that's very…interesting.
Ahrim: Interesting is a good word. Or immature. Or just plain stupid. Pick one.
Verac: None of the above! How about cute?
Other five brothers: CUTE?!!!
Karil: Verac, are you feeling alright?
Ahrim: (puts hand on Verac's forehead) He does feel a little warm. Maybe he's coming down with the flu.
Verac: (brushes off hand) I'm fine! (coughs) Really!
Kina: If you're sick, get out! I don't want to catch it.
Verac: (sneezes) I'm not sick!
Torag: I'll get him out. (pulls out bag of pretzels) Here, Verac, boy!
Verac: (looks up)
Torag: (walks toward door) Come here, Verac!
Verac: (follows pretzels eagerly)
Kina: Phew! Thanks Torag. I can't risk getting sick. Who would host the show?
Ahrim: We'd manage…
Kina: No you wouldn't! That'd be dreadful! Anyway, next question. Dharok, who was Ahrim's first girlfriend?
Dharok: Well…uh…er…eh…I don't think he had one. Ever.
Karil: He's not very sociable. Kind of an introvert. A bit emo, even. He never really attracted the ladies.
Ahrim: (sulking) I'm not emo. And for your information, I had plenty of ladies after me.
Guthan: Ri-ight. So why didn't you ever have a girlfriend?
Ahrim: They weren't my type.
Guthan: Uh-huh. If you say so.
Voice from outside: I'm telling you Kari, this place is deserted.
Another voice from outside: But I could swear I heard voices.
First voice: That just means you're going insane. There, look at the door. If this place was occupied the door would have been repaired.
Kina, Guthan, Ahrim, and Karil: (glares at Torag)
Torag: (sheepish smile)
Second voice: But this is Falador! Why would the door be destroyed at all?
First voice: Let's go in and find out.
(footsteps approach building)
Kina: (whispering) What do we do?
Ahrim: (also whispering) Hide?
(footsteps stop abruptly)
First voice: OMFG! You're supposed to be dead!
Ahrim: (looks up) Aw, crap.
Second voice: Uh…Ty? What's going on? (short pause) Oh…I see. Aren't they supposed to be dead?
Dharok: Uh…(looks at newcomers) Who are you two?
Owner of first voice: (stares for a minute) Oh…Right. I'm Lord Tylixe, and this is Commander Karimoyra. She's my second-in-command.
Commander Karimoyra: Call me Kari. Now, who are you? You can't be the Barrows Brothers. They're dead.
Ahrim: (facepalm) Not this again. 'But you're supposed to be dead!' Classic line. Very irritating. Sorry, Lord Tylixe, but you sort of fell into noob territory there.
Tylixe: I am NOT a noob! And if you ever call me one again, you will face my wrath!
Kari: Ty, don't start that. Your hollow threats are becoming irksome.
Tylixe: (scowls)
Ahrim: And yes, we are supposed to be dead. Or at least that's what everybody's supposed to think. We were getting sick of people constantly running up to us, asking for our autographs or our armor. So, we 'died'. And now you've found us out.
Torag: It's all her fault! (points at Kina)
Kina: Excuse me?! My fault? How?
Guthan: You're the one who dragged us out here for this game show!
Karil: Um…Guthan, you kind of volunteered us. Quite eagerly, if I remember correctly.
Guthan: I did not!
Karil: You did too!
Guthan: I did not!
Karil: Did too!
Guthan: Not!
Karil: Too!
Guthan: Not!
Karil: T-
Kina: ENOUGH!!!
(sudden silence)
Kina: That's better. Now, since you two have found us out, why don't you join us? We can't have you running around telling everyone the Brothers' secret.
Dharok: Yeah…we'd have to kill you. Like, kill you 'til you were dead.
Kina: But if you help us, we'll let you live.
Ahrim: What's with the 'we'? You're just some game show host who got in the way.
Kina: Humph. It's my show. So, what do you guys think?
Tylixe: I will not be ordered around by anyone! I am Lord-
Kari: We'll think about it. Ty, come here a minute.
(goes over into corner)
(Tylixe follows)
(they converse)
Tylixe: Alright, we'll join your show. But I must be a prominent and important member. I will not be anyone's subordinate.
Kina: Of course not! You'll be my equal. But I still get rights to executive decisions about the show.
Tylixe: (stony silence)
Kari: He agrees.
Tylixe: (glares at Kari)
Kina: Great! Now, back to the show! The next question is…
A/N: Thanks to my friend Alex for letting me use his RuneScape character, Tylixe. And Karimoyra is my character, but I don't have to thank myself. Hope you liked it!