Stupid Geniuses Ch 1

Since I started the Stupidity Series, I've been saying I would rewrite this. You guys gave me such amazing reviews after I finished it made me want to give it another shot. Hopefully if you like Stupidity, you'll like this! And no, you don't have to read the Stupidity series in order to understand this. XD

"Let's get working Kumori!" Pron Boss says hanging his overweight stomach over my work-space.

"Yes, sir," I say sighing and pushing my glasses up before blinking. He's still standing there. And drooling. "Can I help you?" He blinks and wipes some drool onto the back of his hand, mumbling something before shuffling back to his office. Stupid pervert. I sigh and get back to checking books in before Kairi pokes her head into my room.

"Call for you on line four," She says with a dazzling smile.

"Thanks," I mumble sliding my wheeled chair towards the phone. "Mitsukai Kumori,"

"Hey girlie!" I hear my best friend on the other line. "I'm taking you out tonight; you've been working too hard."

"Yuki…" I start but she cuts me off.

"Don't you 'Yuki' me! I'm taking you out and you're going to love it. I'll pick you up at your apartment at seven." Click. Bzzzz. I gingerly set the phone back on the receiver and look down at my watch. I get off in a few minutes so might as well call it a day.

I wish something exciting would happen… I think idly flipping through one of the books someone checked back in. "Bleh," I grimace and slam it shut, seeing the cover. Come Come Paradise. Oh god, help me. Who would read this kind of crap?!

"There's my book…" Pron Boss mumbles coming back inside and sneaking his book into the back. I sigh, rubbing my forehead with an oncoming headache. The clock hits five and I pull my coat on against the biting cold of November. I shove my hands in my pockets and start back home. My stomach clenches when I hear voices following me.

Sh!t~ I knew we should have gone out front~ My inner wails throwing herself on the ground. Now we're never going to make it home alive!

"Hey," A hand claps down on my shoulder and I scream in surprise. "F*ck b*tch!"

"Don't touch me! I know how to…DO THINGS!" I turn around and see a silver haired man, his eyes sparkling.

"Oh really?" He says, his eyes glinting happily. "You know, I have some time and there's this cardboard box a few streets down-"

"Shut up, Hidan," The masked man next to him says in a low growl. "Listen girl, there are seven of us and one of you. Take us back to your house and you won't get hurt."

"Seven…?" I frown. I only see five.

"Look, there's Kisame, Kakuzu, Zetsu, Itachi and me!" Hidan holds out his hand "That's…"

"Five," I say patiently.

"Jashin dammit we lost Deidara and Tobi again!" He says glaring death. "Stay with the b*tch, I'll find the retards," He stalks off and I rub my arms against the cold.

"How are ya?" Kisame asks, grinning pointily down at me. I squeak under his gaze and flinch away, making him shook a confused look at guys around us.

"Kya~ Sempai! Tobi didn't mean to wander off!" A masked person…type…thing says running towards us. "Tobi is a good boy!"

"I'm going to kill you, yeah!" A blond guy runs after him, glaring.

"Sem-PAI!" He wails and his arms start flailing as he slides on some ice, going straight towards the ice water in front of him. He goes head first towards the water, wailing undistinguishable words that suddenly stop when there's a sickening slap. I run as fast as I can (without sliding) over to the railing and look down to see Tobi sinking down into the watery depths.

"Aren't you going to help him?!" I yell over my shoulder, seeing the Akatsuki starting to fight again.

"Huh?" They all stop and look at me like they're clueless. I swear under my breath and kick my shoes off, lifeguard training kicking in as I dive into the freezing water. My glasses make it hard for me to see under water and the icy prickles make my eyes water.

No! You have to find Tobi! My inner yells punching me in the back of the head. I glare at her mentally and swim towards the bottom, Tobi's hands waving around uselessly in the current. My lungs start to burn and I repress the urge to inhale.

Sh!t! I think and swim faster towards him. I grab his hand and pull him towards me, looping my arm around his waist as I kick frantically towards the surface. I'm almost to the surface when my lungs scream for air and my vision starts to blur.

There's a splash next to me and a huge hand goes under my arm, the other gently taking Tobi from me. The hand goes from my arm to around my waist and a rope thingy is tied around my waist as we break the surface. I gasp and start hacking up water as the ocean starts getting farther and farther away.

"Take Tobi next, he's unconscious," Kisame says treading water bellow me as the thread sends a friend down to help the first. It picks up Tobi and Kisame starts climbing the ledge back up to the railing.

"Tobi needs to slim down," Kakuzu says and I almost scream again when I see the threads going back into his arm. He sets me down gently and puts his head on Tobi's chest. "He's breathing," He confirms, nudging him in the side with his foot. I shiver, looking down at Tobi and try to remember what all those first-aid classes said about unconscious people.

"Here," A voice says softly and suddenly there's a robe draped around my shoulders. I look up to see the guy that looks like a mutated science fair project smiling a little. Well, half of his face is. The other is set in a thin line.

"Thank you," I say pulling it closer. The white side of his face smiles a little more and I smile back.

"The f*ck did you do that for?!" He says the black side of his mouth moving. "She's freezing! I don't want her death on my hands," His eyes narrow. "And now we're going to freeze! Happy now d*ckwad?" I shrug off the robe thing and offer it back to him. He shakes his head and gently pushes it back towards me.

Ten minutes and two near fist-fights later I'm sharing the coat with Zetsu. His arms are around me and I'm curled up inside his coat. It's zipped all the way to the top and I can just barely see out of the neck. Only my eyes and forehead are showing.

"What the hell?!" Hidan withdraws and looks at us like we're a mutant puppy. Okay… so what if we do look a little creepy? That doesn't mean- Oh wait. Now that I think about it, that visual is really, really weird.

I giggle a little, thinking about all the weird looks we're going to get.

"Where do you live?" Itachi asks and I wriggle my hand out of the coat to point in the direction of my apartment.

…line…line…line…line…

"Third floor, fifth one on the left," I say as we walk up the stairs, me still inside of Zetsu's coat. I start to fish my keys out of my pocket then freeze. "You guys are the weirdest muggers I've ever seen. What the hell do you want with me anyway?!"

"We're not muggers, yeah," Deidara says looking annoyed. "We're ninja, un!" I blink a few times then squirm out of my captor's grip, fairly easily.

"Um…" I pull my keys out of my pocket, unlock the door, slam it, and lock it again in record time. Running to my room, I pull out my cellphone and start punching in the number for the police as there's banging on the entrance to my home.

"Open up b*tch and nobody will get hurt!" Hidan yells as the kicking starts.

I ignore them, like any normal person would. Once in my room, I lock the door and hide in my closet, under a bunch of dirty clothes.

"Nine-one-one, what is your emergency?" The operator says cheerfully.

"Hi, I've got a bunch of guys that think they're ninja trying to break into my house. Can I have a couple of police officers over here?"

"I'm dispatching a unit now. They should be at your door in a few minutes. What is your address?" I tell it to her and she stays on the line with me as the front door is kicked down. "Are you okay?" She asks when I give a small shriek.

"They just kicked down the front door! I locked the door to my room and I'm hiding in my closet," I squeak, working hard to stay calm as I hear their footsteps running up and down the hall.

"The officers are almost there, they just got caught in a traffic jam on third street." She says soothingly. "They're almost there, Kumori-san, don't worry." I nod, not really caring that she couldn't see me. A few more minutes pass and the closet doors open, making me scream.

"Kumori-san?" I see the friendly face of a police officer and he smiles. "Don't worry, those muggers ran off as soon as they heard the sirens." I nod weakly and he holds his hand out to me. I take it and he pulls me to my feet.

"Thank you so much officer," I say smiling a little. He nods.

"If they come back or if you see them again, call us. We'll keep an eye out for them,"

…line…line…line…line…

"'Mori-chan!" My best friend giggles sitting down next to me. "Oh my Kami this is so much fun! Are you having fun? I'm having fun!" She giggles tipsily and almost falls out of her chair. "Oops!"

"Yuki, you're drunk," I sigh tucking a strand of fiery red hair behind her ear.

"Am not!" She pouts. "I'm just a little buzzed!"

"Sure," I sigh, taking a sip of my virgin strawberry daiquiri. We fall into silence, the pounding music pulsing through the air.

"Hey Kumori," She says nudging me and pointing across the bar. "That guy's checking you out."

"Really?" I grin hugely at her and look over, my heart dropping into my stomach.

"You should go talk to him! He's cute!" She shoves me and I know I can't say no. I walk over, trying to look casual as I slip my hand into my pocket and put my hand on a can of mace I carried whenever Yuki dragged me out for one of her 'adventures.'

"Why the hell are you following me?" I hiss taking a seat next to Itachi. He takes a sip of his tea and grimaces slightly before pushing it away.

"We have a mission to complete and you're part of it," He says coolly, his gaze meeting mine. "You can take us back to your house quietly or we can get your friend into this," He nods and I see Hidan talking to Yuki, her laughing at something he said. My stomach drops down to my toes.

"Okay, let me just-" I pull my hand out and try to spray him but he catches my wrist like it was nothing. His grip tightens enough to make me flinch. His eyes narrow and an idea hits me. I force fake tears into my eyes and try to pull my hand away but he stays firm. "I said let go of me!" I scream loud enough to get most of the bar's attention, especially the bald and heavily tattooed bouncer. The bouncer looks over and I close my eyes, trying to jerk my hand away. "Let me go!"

"What are you-" The 'ninja' asks frowning. The bouncer walks over, his hand clapping down on Itachi's shoulder.

"Is this man bothering you, miss?" The bouncer's voice is rough and gravely. I nod as Itachi lets go of my wrist.

"H-He was hi-hitting on me and then he started touching me! I-I told him to back off but he didn't! I was so scared!" I fling myself at his chest and start bawling. He pats my back gingerly and I smirk. Thank you acting lessons!

"Come with me. I'll take you somewhere you'll be safer and you can contact your family," I nod and stick my tongue out at Itachi's shocked face over my shoulder.

"T-This isn't a back room or something," I stammer as the bouncer's grip on my shoulder tightens.

"I know," He says chuckling and leading me towards the door. "You fell for it, Kumori. You're with us now,"