umm wow, so i haven't updated this in like, 6 months now?

AHHHH!

i'm a bad person D:

but luckily i found the start of this chapter hiding in my documents as i was procrastinating on my homework (teehee!) and decided that this was much more important ;)

but what i end up doing will suprise...well...all of you :P

enjoy! (:

--mtc.

Chapter 4

He slammed the door in her face.

His 15 year old, boyish instincts had taken over his body to a point where he didn't know what to do anymore. As soon as the thud of the closing frame filled his ears, he realized that what he was doing was immature. But in all honesty, he didn't want to deal with her. Not now, not ever. He had messed up, and that was ever so clear to him, but he was too much of a coward to confront his problems head on. The fact that he was slowly losing Lindsay was too much for him to handle, and this unfortunate feat was clouding his thoughts and tearing him up inside. He wished it would all just go away, but the persistent knocking on the opposite side of his apartment door reminded him of everything that was currently going wrong in his life.

"Danny, would you open up the goddamn door? You can't leave me standing out here forever."

He pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers, and reluctantly opened the door.

"What do you want, Rikki?" he spat as the woman smiled up at him.

"You." Her hand reached up for his face, and her lips came crashing down on his, the bitter taste causing him to gag. He quickly thrust a hand between them, shoving her away, the shocked expression on her face causing him to laugh.

"What the hell was that for?" she spat as he crossed his arms and smirked. "I thought you wanted this, Danny."

"No Rikki. I don't, I don't want any of this. What happened between us the other night? That was just sex Rikki, just sex. We were grieving, and neither of us was thinking straight. Obviously I wasn't, because I sure as hell would never hurt Lindsay like I did."

"Lindsay," she scowled. "That bitch doesn't deserve you—"

"Don't you EVER talk about Lindsay like that!" his voice boomed throughout the building, surely waking some of his neighbors. "You have absolutely no right to speak of her like that, you hear me?

"And why the hell not? All that brat gives you is a cuddle buddy. You need something more your level." As the venom poured from her lips, she ran her arm up and down his arm, her fingers leaving a burning trail over his flesh. But not the fiery sensation that was left whenever he and Lindsay touched, this was different; Rikki's touch left him feeling the need to run after a fire extinguisher, as if his skin were singed.

He flinched away from her touch in pain and distanced himself from her as her face contorted into an evil-like glare. She was truly scarier than anything he had ever seen in a horror film. And he knew that the only way to get rid of her was to end this whole ordeal once and for all.

He had to rid her from his life.

Taking a bold step forward, he began to speak maturely, hoping that she would remember that she was an adult and actually take into consideration the words he was saying instead of resorting back to her teenaged ways, acting as the possessive bitch that each high school had.

"Rikki, I'm sorry that your son died, you have no idea how much that has hurt me. And I know it's killing you too. But I can't go on like this. We were grieving, right? Well maybe we should find a better outlet for that. You need you family Rikki, not me. I'm not someone you wanna get involved with. Go be with the people that can support you, because I can't. I'm telling you right now, I can't give you anything more than that one terrible night of sex. They can give you the love and the support that you need right now. This whoring yourself out thing? That's not you, and you know it's not you. Go home, get some rest, and buy yourself a plane ticket outta here. That's what you need right now, not meaningless sex."

He expected her to retort and try to get at him again, so when she began walking towards him, his initial reaction was to flinch away. But when she collapsed into his chest sobbing, he knew that he shouldn't turn her away. She was finally letting out her emotions in a positive way and turning her away would be immature. As much as it pained him, he let her cry against his chest for a few minutes. She picked her head up from his now soaked t-shirt and looked up at him.

"What am I supposed to do Danny? I lost my little boy, I ruined things between you and your girlfriend…I'm a terrible person, aren't I?"

He wanted to say yes, yes a thousand times over, but he knew that she wasn't a truly horrible person; after all, he had helped ruin things between Lindsay and himself. Thinking those thoughts again only brought more pain to the situation.

"You're not a terrible person Rikki, you're grieving. You just need to do it in a more productive way."
"But how do I do that? How do I just get over the fact that my little boy is gone and never coming back?"

"You can't," he replied simply. "You can't just forget about him, he's your son and he always will be. You have to let yourself accept the fact that he's gone and try to live your life without him in it. The best way to do that is to go home."

"I can't be there Danny…I can still hear him laughing down the hall…"

"You have to face that." Remembering the little boy's laughter was painful to Danny and his own tears were beginning to fall down his unshaved cheek. "Go home, sit in his room, let yourself cry. You have to do this Rikki, it's the only way to move on."

She gave him a hug, but this time he didn't flinch away. He returned the small gesture quickly to make it less painful for himself and pointed down the hall.

"You have to do this." He repeated himself before almost forcing her down the hallway. She offered a nod in appreciation and thanks and walked across the hall to her apartment.

Danny could hear her sobs break out through his closed door.

They only seemed to encourage his own as he realized that he needed his own confidant, just as Rikki had needed him.

He needed Lindsay.

But he couldn't go to her for fear that he would be turned away, which he knew was only his fault.

He took his own advice and realized that he needed to face everything, finally deciding to lie in his own bed although he could still feel the bugs crawling all over him; he knew he had to do it. He brought a beer into his bedroom with him to help nurse his sorrows as he drank himself into a deep, restless sleep, his dreams filled with the little boy's death followed by horrible images of Rikki's face contorting to look like the devil. He awoke in a hot sweat to a loud rapping on his door and jumped up at the shock as he realized that it was after three AM. Figuring it would be Rikki he prepared himself to be used as a human tissue, but what he saw when he opened the door surprised him.

It was Lindsay, still wearing the pajamas from the day before; she looked like she hadn't gotten out of bed.

She knew.

She knew that he needed someone to cry to; he needed someone to talk to and to make everything better, and as much as it caused her pain, no amount of her suffering through relationship problems could add up to the pain and suffering brought on by the death of this little boy.

He needed her more than she needed to be away from him.

Without saying a word, she stepped inside and let him wrap his arms around her waist, sobbing fiercely into her shoulder as she walked them over to the couch. She ran her hand up and down his back soothingly and let him cry for hours until he finally cried himself to sleep like a small child. As his head rest on her shoulder she couldn't help but reveal a tiny smile. He always looked so vulnerable when he slept, but the fact of that matter was that he actually was vulnerable at this very moment. All of his walls had come crashing down when that little boy died, and now that he had someone to let out all of his feelings to, he was like a little kid again. She couldn't leave him, not now, not like this.

She shifted him carefully so that they could both sleep in a somewhat comfortable position and closed her eyes as the sun began to rise over the city. It would be a restless and almost pointless attempt at sleep, but he needed her to be strong and she couldn't let him down, no matter how much pain he had caused her. She could be as mad as she wanted later, but for now she needed to be there for him. Closing her eyes, his familiar scent wafted through her system and began to play with her dreams; images of better days playing in her mind as they lay together on the couch.

As she dreamed, a silent tear fell down her cheek and hit his arm, causing him to unconsciously begin to cry again himself.

Without realizing it, they hugged closer together as they slept.

They had to face it: They needed each other.