Darkness. Static.

"Can you hear me?"

Darkness. Static. Pain.

He groaned weakly. What the hell had just happened?

"Ace, can you hear me?"

His eyebrows fought to pull his heavy eyelids slowly open to try and make out the source of the unfamiliar voice. It was muffled, fighting to be heard above the crackling static that buzzed in his ears. His blurry vision fought to focus on the object before him that flashed and flickered in and out of focus. He blinked slowly. It was his arm.

His eyes drooped closed again to the warm, soothing darkness; another painful groan rumbling from his chest and resonating into the metal floor beneath him. Now he remembered what had happened.

"Ace, please, help me here. I need you to get into Wildfire for me so we can make our escape."

"Sure," he mumbled weakly, eyes still closed. "I'll just somersault across. I'll be with you in half a mo."

A relieved sigh rippled through the computer's programming. If he was shooting her sarcasm, he was going to be fine. "I've upped the repair signal for your light bee to maximum," she added happily. "It should be enough to get you on your feet, but I'll need to hook you up to Wildfire's systems to get you functioning normally again."

With a spluttered moan, Rimmer rolled onto his back and opened his eyes to the dark, foreboding towers that stretched up above him into black infinity.

"How far did I fall?" he wheezed.

The computer's CPU gave a series of beeps. "According to best calculations, I would say roughly 425.78 feet."

Rimmer cocked an eyebow and snorted. "Roughly?" he mocked.

"I must admit, I was slightly concerned that your light bee wouldn't take the damage," she added with the soothing, unfazed tone of an air hostess whose plane was hurtling towards the ground at 100,000 miles an hour. "I don't have any success rates recorded beyond 375.62 feet."

With a great deal of difficulty, Rimmer hauled himself unsteadily to his feet, his long gangly legs staggering for balance like a new-born foul as they buzzed in and out of focus. He wobbled slightly before regaining equilibrium.

"Thank you for having the good grace to not tell me that before I followed your instruction to throw myself off the gantry," he chided.

"Helpful to know for the future though. Wouldn't you say Ace?" she probed gently.

Rimmere marvelled at the buffed red paint of Wildfire sparkling in the flashing guidance lights of the landing bay. A small, almost imperceptible smile began to tug at the corner of his mouth.

"Definitely."

Once she'd guided the ship out of the SS Orion's landing bay and out into deep space, the computer talked Rimmer through the process of linking his light bee up to Wildfire's mainframe to perform the electronic repairs; an act that he would be repeating many times in his years to come.

"So," the computer began brightly. "Ready for another adventure?"

Rimmer threw the dashboard a barely concealed look of contempt, his image still crackling and distorting.

"Are you serious?" he asked, incredulous.

The dashboard shimmered with white lights as the computer chuckled to herself. It was far too easy winding up the newbies.

Rimmer's head sank back into the cool leather of the pilot seat, an exhausted sigh heaving from his aching chest. "God, I think I need a stiff drink after that."

The computer smiled to herself as she regarded her new recruit through her cameras. His wings may be a bit battered and bruised around the edges, but he was going to make a damn good butterfly. She programmed in the jump to Dimension 357, the home of Galactic Bazaar.

"I know a great little place I think you're going to like..."

***********

M'Aiden Ty-One thumped the scanner with his fist angrily, sending a deep, ugly crack through the glass.

"Dammit, Pizzak," he growled, turning on his fellow simulant. "He's managed to get away!"

Pizzak looked unpeturbed. Instead, his face split into a gleaming, metal grin, as he waved his hand in dismissal.

"Ace Rimmer can go to hell in a rowing boat for all I care," he replied evenly.

Pizzak swept back his dark, heavy cloak and stepped across to the ship's mainframe, calling up the data files he'd captured. M'Aiden stood behind him, his grey eyes flitting over the reams of information that encircled the images that flashed up on screen. Diagrams, formulas, and calculations copied from Wildfire's dimension jump drive.

Pizzak turned back to M'Aiden, who now sported a matching, ugly grin of his own.

"I think we've got all we need from him to locate the Jadestone, don't you?"

* The End (or should that be: The Beginning?) *

So there we have it, ladies and gents, Rimmer's first ever adventure as Ace. Hope you've enjoyed it, especially the lovely Psychobikerjunkiewhore who asked me to write this fic in the first place!

This now forms part of my new arc of fics continuing the same mini canon, linking chapter five of 'Hidden Depths', 'Only the One', and the pre-Back to Earth fic I'm currently working on due to popular demand - 'Rimmer's Return'.

Reviews would be most appreciated. Thank you!