For Worse

"JJ and I are getting married!"

"Um..." said Senel and Shirley.

"I feel bad for your kids. Real bad," said Moses.

"I...congratulations," said Will, at exactly the same time that Harriet went, "Ew, Dad, do I have to go to her wedding?"

"How fun!" said Grune. "What kind of flowers do you want for the ceremony?"

"Wait, what? Norma, what are you doing?" said Chloe.

After he got done being shocked, then alarmed, then shocked again, Jay just rubbed his temples. "I really do detest you all," he concluded.

And so it began.

:::

Everyone wanted to know what exactly was going on in Norma's head, and what had led her to this enterprise that, as far as anyone knew, Jay'd had absolutely no input on. (Jay couldn't be reached for comment, having taken off almost immediately after Norma had made the blessed announcement. Moses and Senel had traveled to the Oresoren Village in hopes of finding him; no one expected them to return.)

Chloe took it upon herself as a knight and defender of justice and peace to find out.

"Norma, what do you intend to accomplish by holding up this charade? Except scarring Jay for life, maybe," she said.

"Do you think Musette will mind if we use her house for the wedding?" Norma said as she fluffed her hair in the mirror, throwing out ideas at a million miles a minute as a way of saying that she had no intention of listening to reason. "Now, I know that I want you, Shirl, and G-Girl as my bridesmaids, but if you keep fussing like that, C, I might just have to make you my Matron of Honor. Mm...should I ask Hattie to be my flower girl? Would she do it? Hey, maybe if I tell Pippy about our plans, he'll give me some of those shiny shells as an engagement present!"

Grune gave Norma a giant squeeze hug, commenting that happy occasions were so...happy, and Shirley tried to smile and give hopeful advice, but it all came out really awkward.

Chloe gave up and contemplated hunkering down in the hospital until this was all over.

:::

Over in the Oresoren Village, Moses and Senel were having a similar lack of luck convincing Jay to face what seemed like yet another one of Norma's crackpot ideas. (Or at least, they hoped that it was all Norma's idea. Moses wouldn't have put it past ol' Jay to go along with something insane just to make the rest of them all (read: Moses) look like fools.)

"You know what Will would say if he were here: 'If Norma's serious about this and you're not, then you have an obligation to let her down now, and gently.'" Senel said in his best Will impersonation. If Jay had been feeling more normal, he would have pointed out that it was still just a shade unrealistic; he needed to work on his word choice and tone of voice.

"Or he would hit ya' both," Moses added. Giet whimpered in agreement.

"I think things like this are the reason why Will hits us." Senel and Moses looked at each other and both nodded on it.

"I think I need to lay low for a few years; become 'Jay the Unseen' permanently. It could be my only hope of saving my reputation." Jay theorized. The headache that had begun almost prophetically the day before was only getting worse, and Jay didn't see things looking up anytime soon.

But that was alright - he had a plan. He always did.

:::

In retrospect, it was much simpler and safer on paper.

Jay went up to Norma the first morning he got back into Werites Beacon and announced as forcefully as he could, "Norma, I do not wish to marry you and am breaking off our 'engagement'. You must stop spreading lies about me all over the Legacy."

"That's too bad, JJ," Norma said like she wasn't sorry in the least. "I already invited the whole Oresoren Village to our wedding."

It took a moment to sink in.

"...You told them what?"

As if on cue, Pippo, Quppo, and Poppo surrounded him, hopping in their tell-tale dance that they were too excited for words and were probably about to burst into a rousing chorus of, "Jay! Jay!"

They were either in on the ruse with Norma, or were genuinely enthusiastic about something they thought to be true. Jay suspected that it was the former.

"Jay, you were dating a girl this whole time and you didn't tell us?" Pippo said, his little otter body jumping with the energy present in every word.

"You should at least carry these shells as a sign of your commitment to each other." Quppo advised, trying to force Jay to accept the Gemini Shells he was holding out.

"I've already told you, I don't intend to marry anyone, and especially not Norma." he protested. "So put those away!"

"For me? Oh, Quppy, you shouldn't have!" Norma gasped, grabbing the shells and clutching them to her like a hard-won treasure.

Jay sighed - the closest noise to exasperation and frustration he could ever muster - and then retreated to Senel's house to form a new plan, the Oresoren following him and wriggling to their beats of "Jay, Jay!" all the while.

It was going to be a long stay.

A/n: Go read Ties That Bond (and Gag) by Jimmy the Gothic Egg, because this wouldn't exist without it. Crack fic is the only proper way to celebrate my platonic OT3 of Norma/Moses/Jay. Eventually, Moses will have a greater role in this.

(Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Legendia.)