Disclaimer: No suing the broke student. I do not own any characters referred to in this story.

"Sometimes I hate him yanno?" Reno rolled his head lazily to look at Rude. A cigarette was smouldering at Reno's lips. Rude found himself focusing on that. The smoke twisted in interesting patterns. It made being stuck with Reno in a helicopter bearable. "Rufus, I mean."

Rude blocked out the words, focused on the undulating smoke, and waited for them to get to wherever they were supposed to be going. Swirling, swirrrrrllllllling.

"Our boss is just too fuckin sexy, if yanno what I mean," Reno sighed. He turned to pay attention to where he was steering the helicopter as they jerked alarmingly close to the mountain range.

Rude tried his best to ignore when Reno was in the mood to complain about the Boss. It usually ended up being a one-man discussion of Rufus's attributes. Rude didn't want to see his boss in a sexual light. Really, really didn't want to think about-

"I mean, his smirk is so damn smug, like he knows he's going to pound you into the mattress and you are going to like it. I mean, its true but still… damn smug, yo," Reno exhaled a lungful of smoke, and Rude focused on that. The second-hand smoke was beautiful as it pooled in the roof of the helicopter. Peaceful.

"And that ass of his! Wheew, is it ever niiii-"

"Reno. Tseng here," the Turk Commander announced through the headset both Turks wore. Rude silently begged Shiva to help him, eyes fixed on the metal roof.

"Whoa, shit! Bossman. S'up?" Reno subconsciously straightened from his perpetual slouch. Tseng had that effect on people.

"Kindly refrain from discussing the President's… attributes… on an open wavelength. You are distracting Elena-"

"Reno! Do you have any pictures of the Pres-!" Elena burst in.

"-And you are distracting myself. Rude, I am sure, is used to your rants, but I have no wish to know what the President is like in bed. Focus on your job, Turk."

"Yeah, no prob, yo. Elena, I do have pictures," Reno smirked as he remembered them, "… just not for you!" He made a drawn-out "nyeh" noise. A static-y raspberry blew through the headset from Elena. Both Tseng and Rude sighed. Rude let his head hit the glass wtih a soft thump.

Rude found himself wondering why Reno's cigarette never just dropped from his lips. It seemed almost glued there... Or would it fall one day and light Reno's pants on fire? Rude internally smiled at the image. He looked out the window. Reno flicked a switch on the headset.

'So, I was saying that the Prez does this thing with his tongue-" Reno demonstrated, face contorted and cigarette still dangling from his lips, "-like this, that makes you go fuckin crazy…"

Back in his office, Rufus put his head in his hands and wondered why he bothered to bug the helicopters anyways.

Can't you see poor Rude being trapped in a helicopter with Reno for long periods of time? If he didn't distract himself, he'd be clawing at the glass.