Title: Domestic Conspiracy: the Bird and the Turtle

Disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn is Amano Akira's

Warning: sex theme presiding over major parts of the story, although the yaoi intercourse itself is not awfully detailed

Author's Note: I'd be glad to accept correction for any mistake – be it spelling, punctuation, grammatical or misinformation. I don't know Hibird's gender, so I just pick male since this is a shounen-ai fanfic. Do correct me if I'm wrong.

This fanfic was written to honour my most favourite author's birthday.

'I'll bite you to death!'

Following an ephemeral, yet impregnable pause, the old turtle gave out a sigh. 'To be honest, Hibird, it looks convincing when Hibari speaks those words but now it looks odd when you do it.'

The little golden bird dropped his imaginary tonfas at once, leaving his wings drooped to his sides. Dispirited, he gazed at the wooden engawa verandah of his owner's residence and remarked, 'Yeah, thanks for letting me know what I've already known, Enzo.'

'If you knew it all along, why still bother to imitate your master?' asked the turtle again.

'I'm bored; our humans have been in that room for hours now,' pouted the young bird as he pointed to the shōji door behind them.

'That's understandable. They are mating after all,' patiently the turtle responded, 'And this is not the first time.'

As snow dropped from the nearest tree branch, Enzo spoke again, 'Five more months before Hibari turns eighteen, the age considered as "adult" in Japan − as far as marriage and sex concerned, at least. Nevertheless, he is a Mafioso; screw the law! This is the third year he and Dino screwed each other.'

There were, of course, times when Hibari hesitated about this not-so-legal activity, considering he was the head of the discipline committee in Namimori Middle School at that time, but the pleasure from the near lawbreaking was worth dying for. Thus, he kept repeating it from time to time.

Back then, he would pretend he didn't enjoy sex, that he was seeking Dino for pure martial arts related affair rather than the other carnal need. In fact, almost all of their intimacies had to be initiated by heated combats. Funnier still, he also pretended to be reluctant while engaged in copulation. Had my master not been familiar with Hibari's nature, he would have stepped away from the Cloud Guardian's life for good.'

'Yeah,' Hibird agreed, 'There's always be the pride issue. I won't be surprised if Fuuta's ranking system declares Hibari to be one of the top five proudest men.'

'But I still don't get what exactly Hibari was looking in Dino. I mean, sure my master has his own positive and negative aspects, but well, Hibari doesn't normally likes a friendly person … he doesn't have any tattoo fetish either … is Dino's appearance simply his type or what?' replied the Italian turtle.

'You are saying those things, but what about your side? What makes Dino fall for Hibari?'

'Basically everything,' the old turtle explained, 'When I asked him about this, Dino recited such a long list, from the tip of Hibari's hair to how he cast a deadly glare. Don't ask me to go through them one by one; I don't bother to remember most of them!'

'Well, same here then!' responded the golden bird enthusiastically, 'When I asked him the same question, Hibari just stayed silent for a long time. Initially, I thought he had no intention to answer me, but then he did give me the reply I was seeking for. He said, after such extensive pondering, "It's easier to mention the things I dislike about him rather than the things I like about him." So I made another enquiry about it, and you know what, his answer was: "That damned herbivore was way too kind with anyone. Can't he keep that behaviour for me alone?" You see, Enzo, that means Hibari like everything about Dino and he's jealous when Dino is kind to anyone but himself!'

Hibird gave Enzo a hearty laugh. 'Who's the seme between them, do you think?'

'Let's see,' answered the green turtle, 'Dino is older and therefore more experienced.'

'You're on the wrong timeline to deduce sexual dominance based on those criteria!'

'Dino is also taller and has larger built than Hibari.'

'Hibari is still growing; don't tell me you haven't noticed!'

'Dino is manlier.' Enzo's tone started to escalate.

Hibird replied with a smirk, 'Since when the definition of "manly" means "amiable" or "giving out loads of smiles"?'

'No, no, what I mean is Dino visit Hibari's place more often than the other way round.'

'Didn't you put into consideration that their meeting place − and mating too, for that – depends on the location of their mission? Besides, Tsuna, the Vongola Boss, stays in Japan; it is only natural if Hibari is not going to Italy, apart from occasional duties. Furthermore, Hibari can't stand crowds and Cavallone's lair is so full of humans.'

'Well, Dino's undoubtedly stronger too,' Enzo persistently defended his master, 'Hibari was Dino's disciple, wasn't he?'

'"Was" − that's the keyword; not "is",' replied the yellow bird rather defiantly, 'My human has been through a helluva fighting experience these days; surely he's getting stronger!'

'But so has my master. Being a Cavallone heir is not easy, young'un. You know, it would be a miracle to pass a week without an attack.'

'You seem to forget one crucial key, o senior of mine,' Hibird asserted while looking at Dino's men who stood guard outside the walled fence of Hibari's residence, 'Dino is only adept when he's accompanied by his men, but Romario and the others wouldn't stick around to witness the intercourse, would they?'

'A-anyway, sex is not the same as fighting. That rule is inapplicable,' Enzo tried to keep his voice calm, but couldn't help stuttering a little.

'Ho, what makes you think their congresses are unprecedented by battles of dominance? Even if Dino is a peace-loving man, Hibari wouldn't let himself be taken without resistance.'

'Hmm,' pondered the green turtle, 'Rather than averring a hypothesis based on random guesses, why don't we eavesdrop to find out the fact?'

Agreeing with Enzo's suggestion, Hibird flew towards the shōji door and pressed his head against the shōjigami, taking a great care so as not to prick the white paper with his beak. Enzo, meanwhile crept as fast as he could, but he was minutes behind, being a turtle.

With every step he took, alternating visualisations flashed in Enzo's mind.

Hibari crouching on both hands and knees, biting his lips so as not to moan to Dino's invasion from behind…

Dino standing vis-à-vis Hibari, his back pressed against the wall, his front meeting his lover's and his arms fumbling around the teenager's neck…

Hibari sitting on Dino's lap, stationing his arms on Dino's shoulders an encircling his legs to wrap Dino's lower back…

Dino lying down on the futon mattress with his fingers desperately grasping the sheet and his thighs hoisted to flank Hibari's torso…

'So, how was it?' Enzo inquired his master's inamorato's pet when he finally reached the door.

The bird answered, 'No good. I can only hear rustling sounds, but no voice at all.'

'There's no other way than to watch them with our own eyes, then!' concluded the turtle.

Hibird gulped. Must he intrude upon Hibari's privacy that much for the sake of validating his point in this silly chat? Nevertheless, curiosity got the better of him. 'Okay.'

With combined strength, the aves and the reptile managed to slide one of the doors. Once opened, the scene inside made them sigh contently: Dino and Hibari were seated on the tatami floor, leaning back-to-back with their winter kimono on, each was holding a book.

THE END

Omake

'Those two can actually find an activity to spend time together other than fucking and fighting … how sweet!' Hibird nudged Enzo.

Enzo smiled. He could even picture a stallion galloping merrily on the lush pasture with a skylark flying around him. 'Let's not disturb them!'

Thus, both pets slid the door closed and left in peace.

'Now that they're gone,' Dino told Hibari seductively, 'Shall we pick where we left off, Kyouya?'

Nevertheless, Hibari was too busy to answer. His hands were unfastening the obi belt of Dino's kimono once again whereas his lips were nibbling the crook of Dino's neck.

Owari