Author's Note: Oh my gosh, I feel horrible. I haven't updated in like a week because I struggled with this chapter so much and personally I hate it except for the ending but I knew that I had to get it done today otherwise I was going to come back to you guys throwing things at me. I am soooo sorry it took so long to write it. But here it is and I hope you like it and I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who reviewed last chapter and faved it and story alerted. x] For those of you who noticed, I did post up another story during the time that I didn't post anything for this one. And it was because of that story that I was unable to write because I was so determined to work on this one but I had that idea in my head and it wouldn't go away and so finally I had to give up and just write it. But here is chapter nine of this story! But if you could, please go check out Behind Enemy Lines. It's my newest Smitchie and I think it's going to be amazing. x] But anyways, hope you like this! And the idea behind Camp Rock gets revealed next chapter! And the mystery of Orion is finally divulged as well. Oh my. Yep, big chapter coming up!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this story except for the plot, any characters you have never heard of, the song lyrics in chapter one, and the song lyrics in chapter nine.

xoxo

Locked and Loaded

by xo Astral Love

Chapter Nine

xoxo

June 4, 2009

Yo yo.

Yeah I just said double yo. Got a problem with it? I don't care.

So for the past week or so, yes I haven't updated. But that's because I've been mucho busy. The boys have been too. They've started writing their first song and getting the music track laid down for it and in case you haven't heard, the entire CD is being laid down by none other then up and coming music producer Caitlyn Gellar. She's amazering and if you want to check out any of her stuff, just go to .com. And if you haven't heard, the boys are currently looking for their opening act.

And you will never guess who one of the people being considered for that is.

Me, of course.

I'm sure that most of you have heard at this point that I recently came out of the closet so to speak about being able to sing, play guitar, play piano, and violin as well. I'm self taught. I've never participated in choir except for once in my freshman year. And that was in the background because I never actually showed how well I could sing.

But this year, this is my year.

So you had better be prepared.

Because Mitchie Torres is coming out and I'm going to shine.

xoxo

"Oh no, no, no, no, no, no...I can't do this. I can't do this. Shane, I can't do this. I just can't." I was stumbling over my words, slurring them together, sounding like I was drunk, and pacing back and forth frantically while sliding my hands through my thick straight dark brown hair almost constantly. The gold coin belt that had become my trademark with almost all of my outfits was jingling on my hips with each clickety clack step I took and for once, I hated the sound of it. It was just setting my nerves even more on edge and as I turned with a desperate look to Shane, I couldn't help but give a groan of frustration before throwing myself on the couch beside him where he sat smirking. "I'm going to do horrible. I'm going to blow it. They're going to hate me and I'm going to get kicked out of their office for making their ears bleed or deafening them for life."

"No you aren't."

"I bet that as soon as I open my mouth I'm going to forget all of my lyrics and they're going to realize right then and there that Mitchie Torres is a nobody." Every single thing I said, I could imagine in my head and if I could imagine it, then it was definitely possible and therefore I was not going to proceed with it just to make sure that those dreadful nightmare like images would never come to fruition.

"No, you aren't."

"If I play any of the instruments for them, I'll probably strum the guitar too hard and snap a string or press down too hard on the piano keys and they'll do that jarararar thing or if I play the violin I'll screech the bow across the strings. Ohmygod, they would hate me for that because if I can't play an instrument then how could they expect me to sing?" I was staring in horror at my reflection. I looked disgusting. My hair was too shiny to the point it looked greasy and I had lines around my eyes and my cheek area was puffy from lack of sleep and I was way too pale. They were going to take one look at me and realize that I wasn't for them. I just knew it.

"No, you aren't."

"Or what if I -"

"I'll just say it beforehand." I turned to stare at my boyfriend who was still smirking, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he watched me and I glared at him while I pressed my lips together. If he said those words, I was going to...

"No, you aren't."

"How do you know that!?" I stood up and spun around, my hair whipping out around me in a swirl as I planted my hands on my hips and glared at him. I hated his smirk. I hated how confident he was in me. I hated how he thought that I was going to blow them away and that I was being overdramatic. Noting the latter part of that, I threw my hands up in the air and started pacing again as I rattled on and on. "You have no idea how they're going to react to me and if they're going to hate me or love me. You don't know if I'm going to mess up or if I'm going to blow them away. You do not know at all whether or not they're going to reject me based off of how I look and how I dress. I mean, honestly, you can't just sit there and expect me to -"

And once again, he cut me off as he grabbed me from behind and planted a kiss on the back of my neck where my shoulders meet it and I shivered as I gasped. I hated when he did that. He knew that. I hated it because it was so sensitive and just caused me to stop talking and to shiver and melt into his arms. As I melted into him and let him nibble on my neck, I couldn't help but cross my arms over my chest and pout before saying the three words that caused him to break into rambunctious laughter and me to smile for the first time that day.

"I hate you."

xoxo

June 4, 2009

I hate boys.

I hate men.

I never want to see another male for the rest of my life.

I wish they would be wiped off the face of the planet and the women would rule it until we all die out.

I especially hate a male named Shane Grey.

Shane Grey needs to die.

xoxo

"Mitch, stop tweaking. You'll do fine."

"But Naaaate, I'm going to suck." I was pouting like I had been earlier as we sat in the back of the limo and I was driving Nate and Shane crazy with the way I was constantly moving. My leg was jerking up and down and I kept biting my lip as well as twirling a piece of hair around my finger. My eyes were constantly shifting back and forth from corner to window to Shane to Nate and then to the floor before repeating the process. I have never been this nervous and scared and excited all at the same time in my entire life. Okay, maybe I had been, but this was serious, this was about the love of my life.

Music.

I couldn't just sit here and be all calm like Shane and Nate were for some odd reason. I couldn't just sit still and hide my nervousness and try to act all chill and normal. I couldn't do anything that was hiding how I was feeling right then. This was way too important for me to be able to do that. Especially since within the past month, I had gone from hiding it to showing Shane new songs, playing old ones for him, not caring if he was around while I was playing or anything. I had even allowed him to convince Brown to give me guitar lessons and piano lessons while he himself had helped me with vocals. And it had been just yesterday when he had unloaded this on me. When he had told me the news that had kept me up late into the night pacing his room and ranting on and on about how I couldn't believe him and how much I hated him and then random bursts of squealing and pouncing on him as I had told him how amazing he was. Of course, this morning I had refused to let him touch me and had sat there moodily glaring at him while I brooded about how much I was going to epic fail at my audition.

That's right, I said it. Audition. He had managed to convince his manager Jake to get me an audition with the music executives of Lava Records. At first, apparently, Jake had laughed at him and had said that I was doing nothing but trying to ride his coat tails to fame. But then Shane had pointed out the fact that I had known him before he started singing. Since he was only seven and I was only four. So how could I have known he was going to be famous back then? And why had I stuck by him after every failed signing? I had never cared if he was famous, as long as he was Shane - I was happy. I couldn't help but giggle as I remembered when I had sung for Jake the day before yesterday. The look on his face had been priceless. Of course, after that, he had agreed whole heartedly that I needed to get into the studio.

Whatever.

Butt hole.

"Mitchie. Stop. It." Nate drew me out of my thoughts as I blinked at him and noticed his face was about a foot from mine and his hands were on my knees and he was scowling at me. Shane had captured my hand and both were glaring at me as I sat there blinking at them. "You keep moving and it's just...annoying." He shook his head as he leaned back and as my knee started jerking up and down again, he grabbed it again and glared. "Mi."

"Okay, okay, fine, I'll stop. Gosh, you guys can't appreciate anxiety at all. Can you?" I returned the glare that he was directing at me while Shane just chuckled and smirk as he began rubbing the back of my hand and distracting me from the glaring match with Nate. "Shane, stop it." And now he was glaring and pouting while we still had our little match and then Nate blinked and I couldn't help but smirk in triumph as I bounced up and down in my seat. "Ha! I win!" The curly haired boy started to sputter as he tried to say he didn't lose, that I had blinked, not him and that was what had distracted him but I didn't let him try and get away with that. "Oh no, no, no. You blinked. I saw it fair and square. No one likes sore losers." My lips curved into a bigger smirk as he blanched slightly realizing what I was about to say. "Especially not Caitlyn."

"What!? I don't care what Caity thinks. I mean, I do, just not. I don't care." My laughter filled the car as Shane chuckled deeply. "I really don't! I...I mean... Ugh! I don't care what Caity thinks because I swear I don't like her like that and even if I did there's no way she would like me like that because I don't know, I just don't think she would." My eyes widened at the sudden one breath outspurt by the poor boy who was blushing from the roots of his small fro to the bottom of his neck. And then the laughter came as he continued to mumble about how he didn't like her, he didn't understand how we couldn't just accept that, and something about how horrible girls were.

"Dude, just face it, you like her." This was from Shane and Nate brooded there silently as he glared at the both of us. I couldn't help but lean into Shane as he swung his arm around my shoulders and I smiled slowly as I shut my eyes and rested my head on his chest. I hadn't noticed my nerves slip away or how relaxed I had become at the comradery between the three of us. It was amazing what being around two of your best friends - minus the fact that one was your boyfriend - could do to your nerves and how comfortable you could become just by them being there. At least up until the driver piped up not even thirty seconds after Shane had spoken.

"We're at the studios, sirs and miss."

"Oh god, Bernard, I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you." I was nervous all over again and as I shrunk into a corner of the limousine while both boys smirked and Shane started to reach out to me. "No! No! No!" My legs were kicking and I was squirming as I felt his hands slip around one of my legs and grab there, dragging me forward on the seat while Nate grabbed my arms, my flailing arms, that smacked him a few times before he got a decent grip on them. "I'm not going in there! I am not going in there only to subject myself to humiliation! Shane Grey, I swear if you and Nate pick me up... Oh my God, the two of you are dead! You hear me? DEAD! I know where you sleep at night! I'm going to get you! Just you wait and see! I'm going to get you and you're going to wish that you had never been born!"

Even though my rants were well heard and I was fighting tooth and nail the entire time, that didn't stop my boys from dragging me out of the limousine and carrying me inside laughing the entire way while I screamed out my frustration at them and Bernard - damn that driver - leaned back against the black vehicle and smirked.

Like I said before, I hate men.

xoxo

June 4, 2009

I can't breathe.

I can't breathe.

I'm so nervous.

I'm going to fail.

Ugh, I hate my life.

Does anyone want to switch places with me and come live with the triple horror boys?

xoxo

Can you believe that only five minutes before when I had been screaming my head off at the boys, now I was sitting there with my hands shoved in between my thighs and pale as all could be as I tried to figure out what song to see while merely rocking back and forth in silence?

Yeah, if someone had told me that, I wouldn't have believed them either. But believe it, because within the past five minutes, I had not muttered a single word since they had carried me through the double doors and into the elevator. We had acted like it was a normal day occurence between us as they had waved at the ladies and I had just smiled my big goofy smile where my teeth overlap in the front. They had just stared. Until Shane had finally said something and they went back to doing their normal thing. I guess they don't see them carry me like this every day.

Whatever.

I don't care.

I need to figure out my song.

"Shane, I can't think of what to sing." My voice was small as I whispered the words and he turned to look at me, his eyes widening in disbelief as I bit my lip and chewed on it. I had worried the skin on it thin already and I could taste the blood starting to form in my mouth, causing me to make a face. I was hoping I could distract him from what I had just said but that didn't seem possible as he hung his head and sighed while I sat there looking pathetic - or trying my best to.

"Are you serious? Mia, in ten minutes, you have an audition for Lava Records. And you still haven't picked out a song..." He sighed as he ran his hands through his hair before closing his eyes. I hated it when I did this to him, made him stress out for no good reason. Like right then. Suddenly he looked up and turned to face me. "What about that song you were singing that day in my dressing room?" While his eyes were gleaming with excitement at the "great" prospect, I felt the blood rush from my face as I remembered.

Orion.

I couldn't sing that. I just couldn't. I had never been able to before. There was no way I could now. I started to stumble over my words as I sat there. "I can't. I just can't sing that, Shane. I can't explain it but I can't." I was shaking my head as his eyes grew concerned for me and his arm came around my shoulders. How could I tell him that I couldn't? There was no way for me to. At least not without breaking down. "I..."

"No, forget it. Don't worry about it." His words were tense as he studied my face and I just sat there shaking. "What else do you have?"

"My song book is in my backpack." Without asking any questions, he started to dig into the messenger bag that I had been known to carry with me everywhere. It was decorated in all sorts of band pins and charity pins. Random lyrics were scribbled on any showing surface of it including what I had always imagined would be my hit single if I ever managed to make it as a singer.

"Well if you think that this is where it ends
With me just riding his coat tails
Honey you better grab that rail
And hold on tight for deal life
Because I hate to break it to you hard
But this is just the beginning...
Of my breakout."

But that was all I had and as I stared at the loopy cursive, I knew the lyrics would come to me if I made it. "What about this one?" Shane's voice knocked me from my stupor as I shook my head and focused on him, my eyes looking down at the page as he pointed down at it. Immediately I recognized it. Of course, why hadn't I thought of that!?

It was the same song I had used for every audition in the past. The same song that had won me awards in elementary school and middle school when my parents had first enrolled me in private schools. It had been the first song that I had ever sung for Shane even though he didn't remember it. Why hadn't I thought of it?

Because it's a part of your past.

"Mitchie, this song sounds amazing. I think you could wing this audition easily is you used this." Even though I was biting my lip and trying to think of something that would invalidate the reason to use it, even though I was trying to avoid looking at him so that way I wouldn't give him, I couldn't ignore the earnest expression on his face and the way the melody came so easy to my mind. I could hear the music even while I sat there contemplating whether or not I should but yet for some reason, it was his next words that caused me to agree. I was going against everything that I had sworn that day at his house, that I would never sing any of my old material ever again, but for some reason that didn't even seem to compute. "When you sing this, it shows that it's a part of you. You won my heart with this, now you just have to win theirs with it."

But maybe...it could be a part of my future as well.

xoxo

I don't think that anyone knows what it feel likes to each and every person who walks through those double doors that lead to either a rejection or an acception of your musical talent. Well some people, maybe, but everyone? You have no idea what it's like knowing that the outcome of your future, your hope for your future, rests on the shoulders of five guys in uptight business suits. That, in my opinion, were hideous. Obviously the poor men had no sense of fashion and if they considered their choices to be one, well, then...

All I have to say is that I'm scared of what type of business the music industry is then.

But I don't think that I made the greatest impression on them either because of the fact that I kind of had to be carried into the room by Shane and Nate and I was screaming no the entire way. I was scared! Can you blame me? I mean, honestly. I didn't want to get rejected by these guys and have my dreams crushed. Which I knew was going to happen. I just knew it was going to. I'm not the kind of girl that you would consider lucky. I lived with the three most annoying boys on the planet for crying out loud. How can anyone consider that lucky? Beyond the fan girls who were in love with them just because of their music. And looks. And the face that they put up for the media. But anyone who knew them? Oh no. I had actually been told by their mother that she felt bad for me because now I was going to have to be the one to keep them in line. And when Kay came to visit... but Kevin wasn't that bad when he came to visit. Their youngest brother was actually more well behaved then them most of the time. But that might also be because of the fact that I had permission to ground him and take away priveleges if he acted up.

But getting back to the point here.

"Nooooo! Don't take me in there! Nooooo!" That was my war cry as we entered the room that held the men that would determine my destiny in the music industry and by the looks on their faces and the laughter coming from Jake, the scene must have been pretty funny. I was being carried by the waist by Shane and Nate had my legs as I tried to claw at anything I could get my hands on. We spent about three minutes in the door way because I had latched onto it and was fighting tooth and nail to keep from going any further. But none the less, they prevailed over me and my failed attempt left my face burning in shame and me scowling at the floor as they set me down ungraciously on the floor in front of their manager and the executives of Lava Records.

"That was...interesting." Jake was still chuckling to himself as I picked myself off the floor and chanced a glance at them before I hid my face in Shane's arm. Nate and Shane were grinning while I was trying to act like an ostrich and use Shane's arm as my dirt. I didn't want to face them. "If you haven't been able to tell yet, this is Mitchie Torres. Shane's girlfriend and also the girl with the amazing voice that I was telling you about." At my introduction to the men that I didn't dare stare in the eye, I gave a small wave as Shane pushed me away from him and instead of looking up, I focused my eyes on the ground. "And she's also the girl who seems to be really shy."

"Hi..." It was the only word I could muster myself to say as I felt blood rush to my cheeks and I pushed my hair behind my ear. But it didn't seem as if I were going to get the chance to sing my song to the floor as Shane nudged my chin up with his fingers and I was finally able to get a good glance at the men in front of me.

"Hello there, Mitchie."

"Hey, Mitchie."

"Welcome to Lava Records."

"How's it going?"

All of the men before me were relaxed and didn't seem that uptight even though their business suits looked that way and one of them was even laying across the length of one of the couches that were in the room and for some reason, that helped me relax slightly as I gave them a small smile. "Now, let's get introductions out of the way and then we can get this thing going, all righties?" Jake clapped his hands together as he stood up and moved to the first guy in the room. "This is Nikolai Alexander. But we just call him Nick. If you dare to call him Nikolai, prepare to be the number one person on his hit list. He hates his name and will try and murder you in your sleep if you call him that." Everyone laughed at that and I couldn't keep my giggle to myself as he clapped his hand down on the guy that was splayed out across the couch. With curly blonde hair and gorgeous blue eyes, he seemed friendly although from the murderous glare he sent Jake's way as he moved onto the next one, he didn't seem that way.

"Excuse, Jake. He doesn't seem to understand the fact that not even he can get away with calling me that name." The man shuddered as he straightened himself before standing up and stepping forward with a hand offered for me to shake. "It's a pleasure to finally meet the girl that Shane won't shut up about." My cheeks flared to life once again as I shook his hand and glanced over at Shane who was blushing and staring down at the ground. Had he really been talking about me to these people?

"It's nice to meet you." My words were whispered even though I was relaxing. I was still nervous and feeling incredibly shy due to being faced with a room full of people that I had never met before.

"Nick, shut up. You're making the poor girl nervous. Don't mind him. He tends to shut off his brain to mouth filter. I'm Rexas Reynolds." The new voice caused my head to shoot up and my eyes focused on one of the few that I hadn't caught a good glimpse of and I instantly smiled. Now here was a guy who I could be good friends with. Wearing a bright pink suit and with red and black spiked hair and several facial piercings, I couldn't help but instantly relax as he came up and held his fist up for me to fist pump with him. "Can't wait to hear what all the fuss is about." He was grinning good naturedly at me as I pumped fists with him before laughing.

"Not too much fuss going on about me, trust me. I'm pretty sure Shane has upbragged me so much I won't be able to live up to expectations." This caused another laugh as I glanced at Shane before wrapping my fingers in his and planting a kiss on his cheek. He was blushing horrendously and was quiet but gave me a sheepish smile as I giggled at him and poked him in the side.

"Oh no, you'll live up to it. No worries about that particular thing." Jake was grinning wider as he moved to the next guy who reminded me of that guy from the movie Mr. Brookes. He had the same exact hair, the same glasses, and as he stood up and straightened his suit, I got the eerie feeling that he might have been the guy who played him. "And this is Joshua Brookes. Also known as our resident Mr. Brookes. Just kidding. We just think it's funny that he looks like him and has the same last name as that guy from the movie. You ever seen it, Mitchie?"

"Duh, it's a great movie! Shane refuses to watch it though. Apparently it scared him." I was poking fun at him and he graced me with a glare that I only smiled sweetly at as I leaned into him as the man murmured a hello and a chuckle. Good to know that these guys could take jokes at least.

"And then last but not least is our CEO of the company. Jeremy Watts."

The mention of that name caused my head to shoot up and my face to pale as I locked eyes with a pair of shockingly light ice blue eyes that were dancing with merriment and laughter as he grinned a million watt smile at me while reaching forward to shake my hand. With short cut brown hair and a black and grey business suit tailored perfectly to his body, Jeremy Watts looked just as good as he always did and I almost blanched right then and there. It was unheard of for the CEO of the recording label to take interest in upcoming musical talents that they were looking to sign. But apparently I had been the exception as I weakly shook his hand and muttered a hello. Shane's grip on my hand tightened slightly as he realized that all of the nerves that had slipped away during the past few introductions had come back full force.

"Pleasure to meet you. Both Brown and Jake have talked to me about you and told me so much that I couldn't help but be interested in what might be our next superstar artist." Although he didn't seem to be that bad, I still couldn't bring myself to let my shoulders untense and my nerves slip away. I had to make sure that I gave the performance of a life time for this guy. He was the one who ultimately held my destiny in his hands. I couldn't afford to lose this oppurtunity.

"Please to meet you too." The words had lost the life that had once filled them and my voice was small and squeaky as he shook my hand tightly before letting it go and taking his seat again. The CEO of Lava Records was about to listen to me sing. The thought and realization of it was humbling as well as as heady making. How many other artists could say that he had come to their audition?

"Now, if you guys don't mind, let's go ahead and get this underway. We can talk about contracts and stuff later. Right now, let's just blow you out of the water with her voice and then let you guys get going to that meeting you're all pressured to get to on time." A collective round of groans went around the room at this and one of the men even went so far as to pout at the idea of a meeting and Jake was laughing. "They have a meeting with Lava Records Japan to see about getting some American talent out that way. Apparently out music is pretty popular over there. But enough about that. Mitchie, what are you gonna be singing for us today?"

My mind almost immediately went blank like I feared it would but it was the reassuring squeeze that came from Shane before he slipped away to go sit down on one of the free chairs that brought the words of the song back to my head. Clearing my throat as I shook it slightly, I tilted my chin upward and stared them all directly in the eye as I said, "I'm going to be singing an original piece called. This Is Me. I'm going to need a piano though." Without saying anything I heard a key being pressed down and turned around to see Nate standing by the piano. Nodding my head, I turned and walked towards it, my eyes locked on the instrument but they did dart to Nate who smiled before he walked away from it and took a seat next to Shane.

Have you ever had one of those feelins of peace whenever you were doing something that you loved? Like if you loved swimming then you would get it from being in water, that sense of tranquility. That's what I got whenever I slid behind a piano. And when my fingers touched those keys, it was like everyone around me disappeared and it was only me and the piano and the music. Closing my eyes, I just let myself go with the music and as the first notes reached my ears from the song that was so familiar, so close, so real to me, I felt my entire body relax and I let myself immerse itself in the music that I had created.

"I've always been the kind of girl
That hid my face
So afraid to tell the world
What I've got to say."

How true was that? Ever since I was little, I had been the girl that blended into the background at school, the girl that had been primary for picking on when I had been growing up until everyone realized that I was best friends with the boys that had become international superstars over night. And then suddenly, I was liked and popular. I was the girl that everyone knew but no one actually knew. And I had hated every moment of it. I had never shown in any way that I was anything special and then all of a sudden, if you didn't know me, then you were a nobody. I had despised every second of it because I knew exactly how Shane felt when he had one of his rare moments and said that he didn't know who his friends were and weren't anymore. And it was all because of the fact that everyone just wanted to know him and be his friend for the free stuff and the popularity that came with being acquainted with Shane Grey.

It had been those moments three years ago when I had finally begun to understand what he meant when he said that he hated the spotlight but it was worth it for the sake of his music.

"But I have this dream
Bright inside of me
I'm gonna let it show
It's time to let you know
To let you know..."

Since I was five years old, I had been convinced that I would be the next greatest thing to walk the planet when it came to singing. That dream had faded over time but it had never disappeared completely. I still had my moments when I would dream about being world famous and adored like the boys were. That I would some day be known for my music and that people would whisper my name in adoration and that I would touch peoples' hearts with my music. And this song had been what I wrote to show to people that I had a dream that I was going to live out one day, that the words I had bottled up within me were words that would one day help someone else get through a hard time like what I had gone through. This song was my key to my dreams.

"This is real, this is me
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now
Gonna let the light shine on me
Now I've found who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me."

Right here with my fingers on the keys, singing my heart out for people that I didn't know, shining like no other, this was who I was. Music was my life and it made up everything that I had ever dared to think that I could be. It was my blood, my heart, my soul, my spirit. It was me. I had found who I was so long ago but I had never really connected with it. Had never really delved into the mystery that each and every one of us was. But now that I had, now that I touched the deeply seated thing that within me that was me, it was time to show the world that I knew who I was and where I was supposed to be. It was time to show the world who exactly Mitchie Torres was.

"Do you know what it's like
To feel so in the dark
To dream about a life
Where you're the shining star"

Every child at a young age has that dream of being famous, of being known by everyone on the planet and about being loved and adored and hated all at the same time. But only a few held on to the dreams and followed through with them. Like I had. It had been so hard at times to know that in the darkness of the place where I held my dreams closest that I was alone in all of its entirety. It had been so difficult watching the boys rise to fame and then Shane take it for granted. I had always wanted what he had and he didn't even think twice of it, didn't even truly appreciate it for all that it was, after he had changed. And it had stabbed me in the heart and twisted the knife when I had realized that everything we had talked about together he was now living and not even appreciating. Bitter tears had been cried over that, of imagining that one day I would be like he was except I would take a step back and breathe in deeply and know what it was that was so special about achieving the dream I had held for so long. I had promised myself that I would be different and now from where I sat now, he had come back to the same place we had first bonded at.

"Even though it seems
Like it's too far away
I have to believe in myself
It's the only way."

But I didn't have to just believe in myself anymore. I had to believe in the music that poured from my mouth and my finger tips. I had to believe in that as well as the fact that there were people out there who wanted to listen to this and buy it. It wasn't just me facing the world anymore, it was me and my music and my heart and beliefs. It was all of those combined into one. Me.

Singing those words caused what Shane had whispered in my ear that day to flow back through my mind and my throat closed up as I remembered. "You don't have to believe by yourself. You have me too." Those words that he didn't remember but I held so close to my heart and my dreams. Those words that had been the inspiration for a number of songs when I had been lost and had nowhere else to turn for motivation. Those words that kept me going as I pushed on to sing the last bit of the song that had laid unfinished for so long, missing something that I didn't know about. Those words that caused me to sing the last part with as much emotion as I could muster and sing it like I had never sung it before.

"This is real, this is me.
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now.
Gonna let the light shine on me.
Now I've found who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me."

"This is me..." The last words were whispered as the tones of the piano filled the room and then slowly faded as my fingers fell silent on the piano and I bowed my head as a single tear coursed down my cheek. I could feel Shane's eyes on my back as I sat there in the silence that followed, not daring to look up at the astonished faces that I knew sat there in shock, trying to soak up what they had just heard. But even as they roused themselves from their stupor and began to clap and cheer, I couldn't bring myself to glance at them as I raised my head and locked eyes with the only other person in the room that I could see. His eyes were dark with emotions and I couldn't read them but none the less, I still showed him the small smile on my face as my mind whispered the words that I couldn't bring myself to say right then.

You believed in me when I had nothing left.

xoxo

Author's Note: Oh gee oh my. Mitchie just auditioned for Lava Records. Did she get signed? Did they love her enough to do that? And what could possibly be coming in the next chapter? Review and find out when I upload in a few days time! ;D For now, it's off to go work on chapter two of Behind Enemy Lines. Hope you liked it dearies! Please don't forget to review! I love you all. Here's the teaser for chapter ten!

xoxo

Teaser

"Mia..."

His voice was shaky, so shaky, so vulnerable, so filled with concern. It broke me further then I already was as I hugged myself while I knelt there, bowed at the waist and my forehead tickling the grass beneath me while I sobbed out my heart and soul. Why had he come? Why did he have to come and be there for me during my dark day? Why did he have to see me like this?

"Mia..."

"Shay...why...why are you here?" My words were huskily whispered as I continued to sob brokenly, my eyes squeezed shut as my chest ached with each stabbing pain that went through it with each breath I drew in. I could only imagine what I looked like to him. I could only imagine what it was that he was thinking. I could only imagine what he was feeling.

"I...I..." He didn't need to say anything as I felt my breath hitch in my throat. I knew that he didn't have the answer. He had come here thinking that I needed comfort, that I needed help. But now that he was here, he didn't even know how to give that to me, didn't know what to think as he watched me in the most broken state I had ever been in. He didn't know what it was he could do to make this go away.

His arms wrapping around my waist from behind caused my eyes to fly open and my breath to stop in my throat as my heart skipped a beat. But it was his words that broke me and the dampness I felt in my hair as he carressed my wet locks while the rain poured down on us.

"Why are you so broken..."