Title: Underneath You
Pairing: Kakashi x Tenzou
Rating: T
Word Count: 6400ish so far
Warning: I can see someone perceiving the ending as depressing, even though I think it ends happy and well.

Underneath You

by thatreevesgirl/Lemon Drops (both me)

One-shot

Author's Notes: Kakashi is twenty here. I wanted him to seem slightly more maverick than he is at twenty-five or twenty-nine. Just a bit more boyish if you get my drift. Tenzou will not be referred to as Yamato at all in this fic seeing as it takes place years before he was ever given that codename.

When Tenzou joins the ANBU he chooses to stay in the dormitory for high ranking ninja like himself in the hopes that he will be around at least a few other people. He wishes he could have a more normal life, with a normal apartment, and maybe even a run of the mill dog or cat, but it seems so far out of his reach. The elders have seen to it that he will probably never have the opportunity to take regular jounin missions, let alone live as a part of the mainstream life of their beloved village.

"It is too much of a risk," they tell him when he asks for something beyond A-rank ANBU missions.

"To have someone like you interacting with the normal populace of Konoha...no, no, we can't," they tisk him disapprovingly.

"You do know that you must do everything you can to avoid people discovering you carry the Shodai's DNA within you." is the kindest of all the reprimands.

The worst is, "Try to imagine the disgrace you would bring to the village if the villagers knew how Orochimaru bastardized our beloved founder."

So Tenzou, only seventeen, and an exemplary shinobi, is viewed as nothing more than a mistake by the cronies that sat upon the elder's council. He grew up accepting this attitude from people, so they rarely receive any argument from the young man they repress so unfairly.

Tenzou ponders this one afternoon in his room. The missions are slow this month, and he finds himself rotating between duty guarding the Hokage and spending slow afternoons lying on his bed with his thoughts. He prefers to stay busy, because his mind nags him and he gets angry when he thinks of all the things he missed out on simply because Orochimaru used him as a personal labrat.

There is a knock on his door. He wonders which of the other men who stay in this dormitory is stopping by. He doesn't usually get many visitors, since Tenzou has relatively few friends. Lately it is usually Genma or Raidou or other older ANBU coming by if they are looking for someone with a bottle of whiskey or sake to share with them.

Tenzou's bed creaks as he stands and steps to the door. He is greeted by the mostly hidden, but still distinguishable lazy smile from Kakashi Hatake. Tenzou smiles back and welcomes the man inside his room. "I thought you were on a mission for the remainder of the summer," Tenzou says as he offers Kakashi the chair at his desk and he sits back on the edge of his bed.

"Ah yes, well it ended a bit early," Kakashi says as he scratches his head. The only way that Tenzou has to interpret Kakashi's expressions is the copy-nin's uncovered eye and the vague outline of the man's mouth beneath the black mask stretched across most of his face. Kakashi seems tense, and his eye crinkles into some kind of embarrassed smile. "I can't discuss very much since it is classified, but let's just say that the man who hired us wasn't completely honest."

"Was the mission a failure?" The younger man asks his friend.

Kakashi nods, and scratches his head again. "Can I ask you a favor?" When Tenzou agrees, Kakashi lifts the hem of his shirt a bit and reveals a smooth spans of pale skin over lithe muscle. There is also a rather nasty kunai wound by his bellybutton that makes Tenzou shake his head disapprovingly. "I just need a few stitches," Kakashi tells him.

"Senpai," Tenzou bemoans the ANBU captain as he stands to find a first aid kit he has stashed in the closet. "What you really need is to go to the hospital when you come home wounded."

"Meh, I hate hospitals. I hate the smell of antiseptic, and how nurses yell and, well, just everything about them," Kakashi explains. "Not to mention they always try to steal my mask from me."

It is not the first time Tenzou has heard this excuse. The two of them have fought side by side for so long. They were both young geniuses, and though Kakashi is three years Tenzou's senior, they spent a good amount of time training together as young genin. Kakashi graduated from the academy when he was five. Tenzou graduated when he was only six.

Kakashi was nine when he started training with a six year old Tenzou. Kakashi had just lost his father, and that death stunted his growth as a ninja. He struggled with depression and became such a rigid child. Minato, Kakashi's mentor who was in charge of the young man's training, thought that it would be good for both of them to spend time working together. Minato felt that perhaps a friend would help Kakashi break free of the painful memory of his father's death, and it would help Tenzou's loneliness that he suffered from as a young child. It was a time that Tenzou still cherishes, even if during that period Kakashi could be quite the bastard.

That was eleven years ago. Since then so many things had happened. Kakashi joined a genin team at the urging of Minato and easily made chuunin and jounin. Tenzou was placed in a rigorous training program where he was not allowed teammates, and it was suggested that he be promoted through the ranks secretly, and not through the normal chuunin and jounin trials.

Kakashi lost one of his teammates, then his teacher, then his other teammate, and finally joined the ANBU when he was sixteen. Tenzou wasn't far behind, accepting the promotion to special jounin only a year behind his friend when he was merely fourteen.

A certain seventeen year old ANBU captain agreed to take the young new recruit onto his team when other teams shunned the rookie. Kakashi and Tenzou worked well together, mostly because by the time the two of them reunited Kakashi seemed like a completely different person, not at all the child he was after the death of his father.

Kakashi still doesn't like to discuss it much, but when he does he credits most of the changes in his life to his fallen teammate Obito. Tenzou can't help but be a little jealous of the dead friend who impacted Kakashi so greatly. Obito made him a good person and a better ninja. Tenzou learned so much that first year in the ANBU from his senpai. He grew to respect Kakashi more than any other person he had ever worked with.

Tenzou left Kakashi's ANBU team only fourteen months after joining the elite group in order to lead a squad of his own. He was fifteen and more talented than most of the ANBU members who were nearly twice his age. He earned respect quickly by maintaining one of the best mission records in the ANBU, and Tenzou still upheld many of the principals Kakashi taught him. Those principals became the foundation of who Tenzou was as a ninja.

Now the two are seasoned ANBU veterans. It was a long road, but at least they traversed a large portion of it together. Those kinds of things forge unbreakable bonds and friendships.

Kakashi hisses as Tenzou wipes a cloth drenched in antiseptic across his wound. The younger man is particularly insistent on making sure it is cleaned properly before stitching it up. There is another slightly pained groan as Tenzou runs a needle through the end of one side of the gash.

"You know, it would hurt a lot less if you let a professional do this. Med-nin's have come a long way in their ability to heal skin and soft tissue. You might not even have a scar if you went to the hospital," Tenzou says as he concentrates on making nice, even stitches.

Kakashi laughs and then grimaces as Tenzou pushes the needle in a little too deep. "Aren't scars supposed to be manly? I swear women get turned on instantly if you show them off."

"I wouldn't know, senpai," Tenzou says with a grumble.

That is just another issue Tenzou has with how the council has handled his situation. There were very few women in the ANBU. His contact with the opposite sex has been quite limited. Tenzou tries to live vicariously through the stories Kakashi tells him, but it isn't the same. It isn't the same as waking in a warm bed with a woman wrapped up in your arms. Surprisingly, it is something that Tenzou wants desperately.

"You, kohai, are just too deprived for a guy your age," Kakashi tells his friend as Tenzou knots the end of the thread. The younger man wipes the area once more with antiseptic solution and then covers the long cut with bandages.

"Try to keep this dry, and do not rip them out. I'm not even going to attempt to fix it again if you make it worse," Tenzou warns. He puts the rest of the bandages into the med kit and then puts that back into his closet. When he comes back out Tenzou brings a bottle of whiskey with him. He offers it to Kakashi, "Want a drink?"

"Hard liquor? Yes, please," Kakashi says as he almost tears the bottle of whiskey from his friend's hand. He doesn't remove the mask, but somehow manages to take a swig of the hard, burning alcohol through it instead.

Even after all this time Kakashi still hasn't shown Tenzou what is beneath that damn swatch of fabric. The mask remains a permanent fixture of the copy-nin's face. Tenzou is fairly sure that no one other than Kakashi's deceased teacher and teammates have ever seen what lies beneath it. It is just one more reason Tenzou is jealous of the dead.

"Ah, Tenzou, this is the good stuff," Kakashi says with a happy eye-crease. "I'll be completely drunk within an hour if you let me be the keeper of the whiskey. You better get a swallow or two in too before it's gone."

Tenzou accepts the bottle and takes a swig from it. It has a deep woody scent. The distinct taste of smoked cedar chips dances on his tongue before he swallows it down. "Yeah," Tenzou agrees, "That is good."

"Burns like a bitch though," Kakashi says with a laugh. He motions for the bottle and then takes another drink. He is only dressed in the sleeveless, black undershirt and standard issue black pants. Kakashi's sandals are sitting by the doorway next to Tenzou's. Even now it is rare for Kakashi to be this casual with Tenzou. "We might have to go buy some more. I'm thinking this won't be enough."

Tenzou sees the flash of sadness in Kakashi's uncovered eye. The mission must have gone very wrong for the older man to be drowning his sorrows in a bottle of whiskey.

"Are we drinking for anyone in particular?" Tenzou asks. Kakashi's body tenses at the question, and it is obvious that the mission didn't just fail, it must have gone very wrong. Kakashi lost a man, Tenzou can tell.

"Hiro Hyuuga," Kakashi says as he raises the bottle up. "He was such a regal pain, but..." Kakashi's eye closes and his unoccupied hand pinches the bridge of his nose, "He was a good teammate and a brilliant ninja."

Tenzou takes the whiskey from Kakashi and drinks down a large gulp of alcohol that burns as it travels down his throat. He wants to cough and choke, but he swallows it down and gives the bottle back to Kakashi who does the same.

"To Hyuuga-san," Tenzou says respectfully.

"To Hiro," Kakashi echoes.

They drink quietly for awhile, passing the bottle back and forth. Kakashi downs much more than his younger cohort, but Tenzou takes his fair share too. It leaves him feeling light-headed and foggy. Tenzou thinks that if he had more control of his faculties he might go chase down another bottle for the two of them.

Kakashi swallows the last of the whiskey and puts the empty bottle down on the desk he is sitting beside. He looks at it longingly before finally deciding to aim his gaze at the ceiling instead. It isn't like there is much to look at, the room is small and the decor sparse.

Tenzou has a desk, his bed, and a closet that isn't even half-full with personal belongings. He once again feels the familiar twinge of unsatisfaction. Is this really all that Tenzou's life has to offer? He looks over at Kakashi, who despite being allowed to live normally and interact with other Konohans, chooses to room in the ANBU dormitory.

'Why would anyone give up an opportunity for something better?' Tenzou wonders.

Kakashi is somewhat annoying when he his drunk. He tends to be patronizing, and sometimes he reverts backwards and latches onto the superiority complex he suffered from before Obito's death. "Ten-chan," he murmurs from his spot at Tenzou's desk until he has Tenzou's attention. "Mah, we need some more alcohol."

"You've had *hic* enough," Tenzou responds before he lies down on his bed in an attempt to get the room to stop spinning.

"Not enough, Ten-chan," Kakashi says as he stands. "You have any more in your stash?"

"Just some plum wine. I opened it a few weeks ago. I bet it has turned to vinegar by now," Tenzou says as he closes his eyes and tries not to fall asleep. His bed is warm and comfortable. He would be more than happy to stop drinking now and just go to sleep, but Kakashi is almost desperate for more. Tenzou opens his eyes to find Kakashi digging through his closet. "Hey!" he calls out.

"Plum wine tastes like shit anyway," Kakashi says as he sways ever so slightly back and forth in the opening of the closet. "Vinegar will do just fine as long as it gets me drunker."

"It'll get you sick, not drunk," Tenzou warns.

"That's good too. I'd rather feel ill like that than ill like..." Kakashi stops. He's said too much, and it is too serious. If he doesn't lighten his mood he is liable to say more than he really wants to. He still isn't much for letting down emotional walls. He is just as stubborn as he was as a child in that respect.

"How about in your room? Didn't you have some shochu?" Tenzou suggests as Kakashi uncorks the half empty wine bottle he discovered beneath an assortment of small weaponry.

Kakashi takes a swig and struggles not to spit the wine out. "Ugh, Ten-chan, this is awful stuff," he says between making mild gagging sounds.

Tenzou chuckles, "Don't say I didn't warn you. And stop calling me Ten-chan."

"Well," Kakashi begins as he sets the bottle of plum wine down next to the empty whiskey bottle. "I don't have any shochu left, but I think Genma does. He's deployed on a long-term mission on the border with Wind Country. I'm sure he won't mind if we borrow it now and replace it later."

Tenzou knows for a fact that if Genma caught either of them pilfering any of his alcohol he'd make swiss cheese out of them with his senbon, but inebriation made it seem less like a stupid idea, and more like a great one.

"Genma's shochu it is," Tenzou says as he wobbles up to his feet. He isn't very steady, but Kakashi, who drank so much more than Tenzou, seems fairly sturdy. Tenzou wonders how his friend manages to have such a high alcohol tolerance.

"Are you sober enough to deactivate his traps?" Kakashi asks as he slips back into his sandals.

"Not in the slightest," Tenzou tells the copy-nin honestly.

"Me either," Kakashi says. He takes Tenzou's arm and slings it over his shoulder to help the unsteady younger man stand. "Here's hoping we don't get killed."

"Here's hoping," Tenzou groans.

The two of them make it down the hallway and down two flights of stairs. Genma's room is on the second floor, but at least the hallway is quiet and empty when the two of them arrive. Witnesses would have made this much more difficult, and Tenzou is grateful that there isn't even the faintest of chakra signatures flickering around.

Kakashi is quick with the lock and they slip inside after the copy-nin disarms two traps. They close the door with a quiet click. Inside it looks almost exactly like Tenzou's room except for the dirty magazines sitting on the desk and the posters of some half-dressed actresses that Tenzou didn't recognize tacked to the walls.

"He has two bottles. Should we take the imported one or the cheap one?"

Tenzou isn't sure, and doesn't really care. "Whichever one is stronger," he mumbles. He does not like to feel out of control, and with one arm around Kakashi and the whiskey hitting him hard, Tenzou wishes he could just crawl into bed and sleep this awful feeling off.

"Expensive import it is," Kakashi says before dragging Tenzou out of Genma's room and relocking it. The two of them make it up one flight of stairs before they decide Kakashi's room on the third floor sounds like a much better option than going one more floor back up to Tenzou's.

Upon entering Kakashi's room the copy-nin releases his friend so he can stumble to the chair or the bed, or wherever Tenzou wants to sit. Kakashi leans down and tugs off his sandals. Tenzou doesn't remember putting his on back before they left on their mission to steal Genma's liquor, but he is wearing two standard issue sandals. It would be rude, even in his state of intoxication, to enter a room without removing them.

Tenzou makes an attempt, but bending over is a very bad idea. Kakashi's arm reaches out and catches him before he plunges head over heels onto the floor.

"Careful there," Kakashi warns. His hand is firmly secured to the front of Tenzou's chest. He holds him steady until the dizziness finally begins to fade.

"Thanks," Tenzou says. He notices that while Kakashi is shoeless and he is not, he is actually a good centimeter or two taller than the copy-nin. It is an odd observation but it makes Tenzou smirk. Anything to get ahead of his senpai. He looks down at his feet again and wonders how the hell he is going to get his sandals off. He doesn't really want to ask for help, because that is just down right embarrassing.

Kakashi is turned the other way in order to lock the door and activating a couple of protective barrier jutsu. If a ninja is going to get pass-out drunk, then they better be careful. Moments like these can be just as life and death as a mission. Even when a ninja is within the protective borders of their village.

Kakashi turns back around, and Tenzou is still staring at his feet. "Get comfy, Ten-chan."

Tenzou snaps his head back up. He is really getting irritated with Kakashi calling him Ten-chan. It is an annoying nickname and is grating on his nerves. He's almost too drunk to be tactful. Tenzou is about to make his disdain for the name clear, but when his eyes meet Kakashi's face he notices one very big difference. Kakashi is naked.

Okay, not naked, naked, but his face is uncovered. Kakashi is not wearing his hitae-ate either, so it is completely bare.

"Don't stare, Tenzou. You'll make me blush," Kakashi says with a cocky smirk.

It is such a Kakashi kind of expression, and though Tenzou has never really seen it in his life it just fits. His full lips form a lop-sided smile. The right side of Kakashi's mouth, which is the side of his face Kakashi seems to favor more anyway, curls more than the left. In the right corner is a hint of a dimple.

His face is a bit on the long side, but not overly exaggerated or misproportioned by any means. The droopy eyelids still give Kakashi the appearance of being lazy. The smirk makes him seem devilish, but in a way that makes a person want to join in on the wrongdoing.

Tenzou trips and stumbles over words a few more times as he lets the fact that he has seen Kakashi's face sink in. Why now? Why this moment? Of all the opportunities, why would Kakashi choose this to be the right time to reveal his face to Tenzou?

Kakashi knelt before Tenzou and started tugging gently at his friend's sandals. Still with no small amount of unsteadiness, Tenzou leaned down and held onto Kakashi's shoulder as the copy-nin removed one sandal, and then the other.

"Thanks," Tenzou says. He can't hide the awe in his voice. He knows it is there. He knows Kakashi knows it is there too.

Kakashi helps Tenzou over to the bed and they both take a seat on the edge of it. "It isn't a problem," Kakashi tells Tenzou. The younger man isn't sure if Kakashi is referring to Tenzou seeing Kakashi's face or just responding to the thank you. Maybe it is a little bit of both.

Kakashi slips the bottle of sochu into Tenzou's hands. "I don't have any ice, but we could mix it with a little water if you want," Kakashi tells him.

Tenzou decides straight from the bottle is fine. He chugs down the first gulp. It isn't the wisest decision, because it isn't at all smooth like the whiskey was. It probably isn't even as strong.

Kakashi takes back the bottle and joins in. He manages to drink down a good portion of the bottle before handing it back to Tenzou. "Genma needs a better supplier," Kakashi says as he wheezes. "I'm going to have one hell of a hang over tomorrow."

"Me too," Tenzou says as he takes another drink. Kakashi aids him by helping hold the heavy glass bottle up to his lips.

Tenzou is very woozy now. He slips back and lies on Kakashi's bed. Kakashi chooses to just keep drinking. It probably isn't good for him, but who is Tenzou to argue with a man who wants to drink away his problems. Tenzou has problems of his own he wants to drown, so he can sympathize.

"To Hiro," Kakashi says quietly as he sips down one last drink and sets the half-full bottle on the ground by the edge of the bed. He buries his head in his hands and is quiet for a long, long time.

Tenzou wants to say something, but he can't string together anything that remotely resembles comforting words. He's sure that Kakashi would be offended by it anyway. There are rules and lines that are not meant to be crossed. Especially if a person is hellbent on drowning his sorrows. Sympathy just reminds someone of the emotions they are trying to strip themselves of. It could hurt as much as any kunai.

After awhile Tenzou begins to drift in and out of consciousness. He feels warm and safe and sometimes he wonders if it isn't because his friend is with him. Kakashi is probably the person he is closest to in this world, seeing as friends came few and far between for Tenzou.

"Kohai...Ten-chan," Kakashi murmurs in his ear. "Move over, you're hogging the bed."

Tenzou is too drunk to recognize the feeling of a solid body behind him, or the strong hand that holds his hip possessively while another hand curls around his chest. He doesn't understand that the annoying draft on the back of his neck is actually Kakashi's steady, deep breathing. He doesn't know why this feels good and right and safe.

It is probably best that he sleeps through his senpai's shortlived breakdown, because it isn't something Tenzou would have known how to handle. Kakashi's sobs do not wake Tenzou, and Kakashi doesn't even remember having done it come morning. The alcohol they consumed is a blissful erasure for the copy-nin. Kakashi has always been the stronger one. Tenzou wouldn't know how too assume that role, even if he had to.

Tenzou wakes in the wee hours of the morning still drunk. He isn't even to the point where he can begin the process of recovering from a hangover. In a way it feels more merciful than waking to a migraine and the faint need to vomit. He wonders absently if Kakashi is feeling okay, especially since the older man consumed so much more alcohol than he did.

Tenzou shivers and realizes that there is a significant draft at his back. He doesn't even realize what he is missing, or that Kakashi had been lying against him only minutes before. Kakashi is sitting on the edge of the bed. He is staring at nothing in particular, but the nothing seems to have captured his attention quite raptly.

"You talk in your sleep," Kakashi says as he reaches over and pulls a blanket over Tenzou's body.

"Do I?" Tenzou asks. He takes comfort in knowing the draft is gone, but the bed still feels a bit cold and empty.

"You have a lot of bad dreams, don't you?" Kakashi asks as he stands and slips into the very tiny private bathroom by the closet. It only has a toilet and a small water basin for providing water and washing hands and sometimes clothes if a ninja got desperate enough.

Tenzou chooses not to answer the copy-nin's question. The answer is yes, but he already feels a bit too vulnerable from the alcohol and being in his senpai's room. He decides to just ignore it.

He can hear Kakashi taking a piss, and it reminds him that his bladder is also very full. He stumbles up and waits for Kakashi to finish.

Kakashi comes out and looks Tenzou straight in the eyes. He doesn't even blink as he says as clear as day, "I have a lot of bad dreams too."

Tenzou feels embarrassed by Kakashi's admittance and chooses to step around him and make his way into the bathroom. He's not sure that he is ready to start this kind of conversation with anyone, especially a man who he truly respects. A man should decide who he shows his weaknesses to very carefully. Tenzou isn't sure he can be that kind of confidant to Kakashi.

When Tenzou finishes he returns to the main room and finds Kakashi sitting on the edge of the bed again. It feels oddly uncomfortable between them and Tenzou isn't sure why. He takes a seat by his friend.

There is a long silence, but it is broken when Kakashi sighs and takes the conversation in a very different direction. He says very quietly, "Tenzou, I've killed so many people that I've actually lost count. How is that even possible?"

Tenzou doesn't really know how to answer. This is what he was afraid of, but now that the moment is here, he cannot bear to turn Kakashi away. He just shakes his head and murmurs, "I'm not sure."

The next question is even harder than answering the first. "How many people have you killed, Tenzou?" the copy-nin asks.

Tenzou feels horrible for actually knowing, for having a concrete number stuck in his head. It isn't like he really wants to keep tally, but part of him, the most human part, makes him. He chooses not to tell Kakashi though, because he has the distinct feeling it will wound the older man.

"I don't know either," he lies.

"Does that make us terrible men?"

Tenzou doesn't know how to answer this question, because having your hands stained with so much blood that you actually lose count of the people you've killed is terrible, no, horrendous, but he can't bring himself to tell Kakashi that either.

"I don't think you are a terrible man, senpai," is what Tenzou chooses to say. "I believe in my heart that you are a good man, and you do these things to protect the people and village you love."

Tenzou lays a sympathetic hand on Kakashi's shoulder. He notices when Kakashi leans into the touch. It is something he doesn't really comprehend the implications of. He just gives Kakashi a small, sad smile and lies back down in the bed. He is too tired and too drunk to put his sandals back on and return to his own room. Besides, there is something comforting about being here with Kakashi that is addictive and new. Tenzou might not understand exactly what it is, but he knows he doesn't want to reject it.

Tenzou is almost asleep when Kakashi makes an admittance that digs deep into Tenzou's heart. "I think I'm going to quit the ANBU," Kakashi states with no hesitation.

Kakashi is probably Tenzou's only true friend in the entire ANBU. Sure, there are men who respect Tenzou, and ones who are friendly acquaintances, but no one who the young ANBU captain truly feels at ease with other than Kakashi. There is no one else he could trust to help him break into Genma's room or even get drunk with. A man could kill Tenzou in a compromised situation like this, and ANBU were known for that kind of instability. It required a great deal of trust for Tenzou to allow his guard to come down this much around his friend.

He knows immediately that he doesn't want Kakashi to quit, because then he would be alone. It is jealousy rearing its ugly head again, but he can't help it. It isn't fair that Kakashi can decide to quit the ANBU and start a normal life. Kakashi would be a normal jounin and take normal missions. The mere thought stabs at Tenzou's heart, because that is his dream, and his friend is going to take it and leave him here alone.

"You should quit too," Kakashi suggests as he places his hand on Tenzou's cheek.

Unlike Kakashi, Tenzou shies away from the touch. He is angry and he cannot seem to make his brain think straight. It is a giant, jumbled, tumultuous mess. He doesn't edit his tone at all as he irritably responds, "I can't quit, you know I can't quit."

"Why not?" Kakashi asks. "Who is going to stop you?"

Tenzou makes a noise that is something akin to a snort. It is a hurt, wounded sound. "The council, Kakashi. They wouldn't let me join a genin team or participate in the chuunin and jounin exams. My choices of places to live were here, the extra guard quarters in the Konohan detention facility, or with ROOT. I'm not allowed to shop for groceries or eat in local restaurants. They aren't going to let me quit."

There is silence between them for a long, long time. Tenzou begins to feel guilty for taking his feelings out on Kakashi. It isn't his fault at all, and he didn't deserve being yelled at for something he has no control over. Tenzou wants to apologize, but he just can't seem to bring himself to admit that he really needs to. He is even afraid Kakashi will yell back until he feels a hand softly ruffling his hair. It is a soothing feeling, and Tenzou doesn't refuse Kakashi's touch this time.

Kakashi lowers himself down until Tenzou feels as his friend's warm breath breaks on the skin of his cheek. Tenzou represses the need to shudder at the sensation as Kakashi wraps a hand around the back of his neck so tenderly that Tenzou swears the bed just plunged from beneath him. It is the free and frightening feeling of dropping and his stomach clenches as he holds a breath in his lungs.

He refuses to breathe. He refuses to fall.

"Tenzou..." Kakashi whispers so very quietly that it almost sounds like nothing, but Tenzou knows it isn't nothing. "Tenzou, don't let them hold you down. Don't let them control you. You're better than that. You deserve better than that."

Tenzou's hands begin to shake. There are no other words that can both hurt and heal him more than what Kakashi has just said. He reaches out and balls his trembling fingers into Kakashi's shirt and then pulls. Tenzou doesn't want Kakashi to see how hard it is to keep the emotions pushed down deep and hidden, or how hurt he really is. He especially doesn't want Kakashi to know that tears are forming slowly in the corners of his eyes.

Tenzou is a man, a ninja, an ANBU, and the power of the first Hokage flows through his veins; he is strong and full of talent and fire; he is intelligent and stubborn; but Tenzou is human. He splinters and cracks and breaks just like anyone can, and beneath Kakashi he finally allows himself weakness. Something tells him that Kakashi will protect his secret, and perhaps even embrace him wholly despite it.

Kakashi has always been the strong one. He is a brilliant ninja, but he knows his limits. Kakashi isn't built to be an ANBU captain, and Tenzou is, even with all his faults and weaknesses. Also, the village and the council will not allow Tenzou to be anything else at this point. He is not a normal man, and it is his extraordinary circumstances that chain him to this fate.

Kakashi holds his friend until the tears stop, and somehow they both know this is goodbye. Kakashi leans in and kisses Tenzou softly. Tenzou returns it, not sure why or if this is even something he really wants. It is bittersweet, because Tenzou knows that it isn't something he will have the time to explore either. Soon Kakashi will be gone. This is why he decides to kiss his friend back and not withhold his own feelings. Kakashi deserves that at the very least.

This time the two of them fall asleep together, arms and legs in a tangled mess. Kakashi is the first to rewake. Tenzou watches him as he begins to pack a couple of bags with his possessions. There is an orange book that Kakashi is known to read during his downtime, a picture of his genin team and teacher, and then his clothing and weaponry.

Kakashi sets the two bags by the door and returns to the bed. The first words out of his mouth are an apology. Kakashi smells like stale alcohol and his appearance is nothing short of a sorry mess. Tenzou likes this, because it makes it easier when Kakashi kisses him one last time. Tenzou can choose to focus on the barely grown in stubble that rubs against him in an irritating way, or the way Kakashi's breath almost verges on putrid from their drinking, and not how he was breaking inside again. He doesn't want Kakashi to see that, or he might stay. Tenzou knows that is the last thing he wants for Kakashi, because his friend deserves to be free, even if he can't be.

Kakashi whispers goodbye, and Tenzou echoes it. He wonders absently as Kakashi walks out the door, bags in hand, if he will ever see him again. It is possible that this is goodbye forever, but Tenzou hopes that it isn't. Somewhere he believes he will see his friend and senpai again.

Eight years later:

Lady Tsunade chooses Tenzou specifically for this mission. He knows it is best to get briefed not only by Hokage, but by the jounin whose place Tenzou will be taking. Tenzou cannot deny it is odd being assigned a mission where he is so publicly exposed, but he does not argue. It is his first taste of freedom, even if it comes with a strict set of guidelines and a codename. Yamato will definitely take some time getting used to.

Tenzou turns the corner into a hospital room and smiles at the man sitting in the bed. Kakashi is bandaged and looks completely exhausted. It doesn't matter though, the copy-nin finds the energy to greet his old friend with a pleasant, "Yo," as Tenzou takes a seat at his bedside.

The End