Did you love him from the beginning?

No, I don't think that it would be possible for me. I've always felt that love is something that builds gradually over time and as you learn more about a person you come to understand them much more personally. You can't love them someone if you don't know who they are or at least enough to be able to adore each misgiving. It's mostly a theory – I don't exactly have much experience to say for certain what love really is – but I'm not a believer in love at first sight. I didn't know who he was, I didn't understand what he was like so I wouldn't expect to fall in love with him instantly… but even so there was something special about him. I can't describe it too well, it was very instinctive at the time, but I always felt that he stood out somehow, out of everyone. It wasn't just physical attraction although there was that too but… when I talked to him… it was always as if he were someone I knew I could come to like. I don't know why, it was just natural, the way things were… and I'll always be grateful for it. I wouldn't sugar coat it and say that we were destined to be together but it was similar at least. We were just lucky in that we understood there was something more than basic first appearances.

How did you meet?

He came into the shop where I work – a jewellers, a small business owned by a friend kind enough to offer me a job. And he took out a box from his pocket, still in perfect shape and condition, and he placed in down on the counter roughly, heavier than most people would. He said that he'd bought a ring a few days before and wanted to return it.

So how did the conversation start up then?

He seemed highly-strung… his movements were really tense and stiff. His eyes kept on darting and glowering so I just assumed he was annoyed with something. It didn't bother me per say but at the same time I couldn't help but feel slightly unsettled by it, as if somehow part of it were lying on my shoulders. But I couldn't say anything, I just bit it down and smiled, as you do at a customer, that fake, plastic smile and went about business, sorted out the matter of the ring – the receipt, its condition, the money etc. So it started off professionally at least. While I was working though, I could feel his eyes on me, steadily boring into my skin. I hadn't done anything particularly interesting or wrong, he was just watching me without a reason or a motive, while I was putting the ring away and at the till. In a way it felt more peculiar than unnerving… Ultimately I think that's what gave me the confidence to speak to him, that fixed interest he seemed to hold in me.

What did you say?

I sent him a smile once I'd reached the till, as polite and friendly as I could, and I asked him if everything was alright, he seemed a bit unsettled… He just stared at me at first; I'd been avoiding eye-contact the whole time before, going about business as usual but now there I was, looking straight at him with a smile on my face, asking him about his personal life. So I flinched, I looked back to the money, trying to keep a straight face although I was furious with myself. I didn't have to ask that, I didn't have to say anything to that man or be involved in anyway but at the time it had felt almost natural.

How did he respond?

Kuro-sama was as composed as he always is. Even though it was clear that he was wondering why a sales assistant would remark on something that small and insignificant, he didn't seem too bothered by that fact. If anything he seemed to have been looking for an ear for the news to fall on. His girlfriend had left him the day before. She hadn't even warned him. I'd been expecting a story like that so I smiled and I nodded sympathetically. Not that I didn't sympathise with him, I truly did, I felt that what he must have been going through would be tough so I tried to be as kind as I could without delving any further. But he did that himself, he carried on and went into more detail. He hadn't even had the chance to show her the ring or get her to try it on, she hadn't spoken to him either, just vanished into thin air, leaving one phone call and that was it. He went about that far. By this point I must have been slightly apprehensive. He didn't seem the type to spill his guts out…

So why would he tell you that?

I don't know how to put it clearly but everything he did seemed to stem from frustration, as if he were trying to form a temporary type of release for it. His jaw was pretty tight, he was putting a lot of pressure on to the glass counter, leaning against it with his fingers curled heavily around it… He had a frown on his face like he wasn't sure how he was going to deal anything yet… it was none of my business but at the same time… somehow it felt that there wasn't an option for him, there was no one else he could tell so, since I'd asked, he'd admitted it to me. And it felt lonely. Not in a pathetic way - he was and is in no way, shape or form, a pathetic man. I'm a pathetic man perhaps but he's so emotionally strong, it felt … important that he'd mentioned anything at all.

What did you say to him?

I had to consider it for a moment actually. There was no clear reason why I was contemplating on pressing him or being involved in any way but really it felt almost natural at the time. By this point I had his money refunded, he was just waiting patiently for his card back. So there must have been a pause but eventually I looked towards him and asked as seriously as I could if he wanted to talk to me about it. I told him that I would be on my lunch break soon and there was a nice place I knew a street away where I usually went if he wasn't busy. And even though I must have been smiling towards him as kindly as I could without seeming insincere, I felt somehow terrified of my own words, like they'd been suddenly forced out my mouth by something controlling me, putting me in strange situations I wasn't sure how to deal with. But at the same time I was next to certain that it was the right thing to do… he didn't seem like a horrible person at least or a dangerous one. By the way he was staring at me, perhaps he was even trying to judge me more than I'd read him. It was just an awkward meeting in a jewellers shop but… it was worth more than that somehow. I could feel it. I wanted him to say yes. And, in his own way, unique to him, he agreed. He broke off that harsh, critical stare, he replaced it with something softer then nodded curtly, like a signature on the deal, and told me he'd he waiting outside in a few minutes.

And then what?

I thanked him for coming, handed him back his card and wondered how stupid I was as he walked right out the door… Although sometimes I like to believe in destiny even if it sounds strange to me. If there is fate anywhere then I feel we were destined to meet. In our own small and strange way we were brought together.

What about the café?

We did as I suggested – we talked. I did most of the listening, he did most of the speaking although I gained the impression that he wasn't too used to that position, found it awkward to be talking about his life full stop, let alone to someone he'd only met a few minutes ago. But he told me what he needed to about it. We bought sandwiches and coffee, pulled up chairs in a quiet corner and sat square on, facing each other attentively. And he started speaking, not sure where to start so he started at the very root of things, at the origin – his girlfriend's name was Tomoyo, a few years younger than him, dark hair, flicked between photography and clothes design, although there was nothing haphazard about her. I know first hand now, I've met her before. She's very steady and very calm. She talks to you like she's known you all her life. She's difficult to stir or provoke and has a sweet smile like sugar… she was very pretty, very cute, a case of opposites attract I suppose. And he'd decided that now was the time to ask her the big question and I never doubted for a second that he might have been wrong or misjudging the situation because the way he spoke about her sounded fond. There was very little emotion in his voice but even so it was easy to tell that this person was someone incredibly special to him, someone he'd want to get engaged to.

So why did she leave?

He was never told. She gave him an incredibly vague explanation but… He bought the ring from the shop on Tuesday which happened to be my day off. I run quite a few errands so I wasn't there to meet him or help him choose the ring – overall traditional but with its own unique charm: a gold band with a triple diamond cluster in the centre. After that he left and went to ask her if there was anything she really wanted to do on her birthday but she wasn't at her flat and she didn't answer her phone. At the time he hadn't been incredibly concerned – she sometimes left her mobile at home and she was probably out preparing photographs or dresses. Apparently she never indulged him in much of what she did, her professional work, but that appeared to suit him alright. He didn't seem to be a very controlling partner, on the contrary, very laid-back and independent. By the next day she hadn't answered any of his calls, she still wouldn't pick up her phone or answer the door. The lights were out in her flat, not a sign of anyone residing there so he decided to give it one more day, wait one more day for her to answer him before he acted on his suspicions. And then the phone rang. She wished him a good evening in her usual tone, nothing particularly out of the ordinary, but as he began to speak she cut him off, interrupted, apologising and explaining that there was something he needed to know. There was a pause on the line, Kurogane was about to say something, picking up on the situation, suddenly dreading it but let her continue and explain. So in the end he was never able to say any final words, tell her anything important, admit to her about the ring in his pocket. She told him very calmly with a sad whisper in her voice that there was something she needed to do. At first she had wondered if he could somehow still be with her but in the end she had decided that she didn't want to involve him, that she would let him live his own life just as he always had. She was terribly sorry and she didn't think that she would be back again or at the very least not for a long time so he shouldn't wait for her. She was leaving him but believed it was for the best. And hung up.

How did he react to that?

He told me that he'd started to yell down the phone, asking what the hell she was playing at and then heard the tone, that dead noise telling him she was gone, and threw the phone down. He spent a lot of time pacing about, wondering how he might be able to get in touch with her but he couldn't think of anything. He had no leads, no clues or ideas and no choice but to abandon the matter and leave her like she'd told him to. But apparently the thought made him sick. He isn't a man to simply give in, he still isn't. We've had arguments before that have lasted so long or been so fierce I've been worried sick that we wouldn't last together or that he'd leave me. So far so good but he didn't let Tomoyo go for a long time. He reasoned that if he wasn't able to search for her then he'd wait for her instead, concentrating on picking up some sort of trail or idea as to where she might have gone or why. She hadn't exactly been in any trouble or had any problems, as a couple their relationship had been perfectly secure. It was basically a mystery.

Was that all he told you?

Yes, that was about everything. He frowned, he took a deep breath, exhaled it in a slowly burning temper and then drank a large dose of coffee. It didn't appear that he expected me to say anything at all.

But you did?

It wasn't as if I was going to ignore him or walk out on him now that he was finished, as see-through as I seemed to be to him at the time. I told him that if it helped, it sounded as if she had been incredibly reluctant to leave him; that she must still love him and would always remember him. He looked at me for a moment, thinking about what I'd said and then nodded, taking another gulp of coffee and stating that what I'd said did nothing to explain why she'd left him, in fact made it even more unclear than before. So I said something that may have been slightly personal for the time, I remember saying it with a soft and unsteady voice, but either way he could have no idea what I was referring to. I told him that sometimes when faced with a decision you needed to hurt others, perhaps yourself or those you loved, in order to achieve a goal or avoid things turning out for the worst. If it was something you truly desired then you'd be willing to make the largest of sacrifices. I saw his eyes light up, I saw them glow in surprise, watched his smirk, heard his low and rumbling chortle. He nodded in acceptance, feeling something begin to heal over and I smiled. I looked towards my watch, saw the time and thanked him for the talk and said I hoped it had helped him. He nodded again, rather gruff and emotionless, a lot calmer now with it all off his chest, able to think and little clearer now and asked if I was free again the next day.

A date?

No, not yet. Just another coffee but I was still surprised. I stared towards him again, smiled softly and said, 'Same time, same place?'… He agreed, watching me carefully as I put my jacket back on, picked out some money for my lunch. And when I was about to leave, I turned back to him, grinned more personally, stuck out my hand towards him and told him my name. He smirked, took it, shook it roughly in a small motion with a firm and plain grip, nothing subtle about it, and introduced himself as Kurogane.

And that was the start of everything?

Yes. From then on we met every few days for lunch mostly, talking about ourselves in general, our lives, our work and so on. He lived further into the outskirts of town in a flat in a quieter area. I didn't live very far from the centre, within short walking distance of the shop where I worked. Otherwise I made a little extra money or volunteered working errands, buying spare ingredients for a nearby restaurant, doing my land-lady's shopping, preparing flowers for the shop next door when they were too busy, taking care of a friend's cat while they were on holiday, that sort of thing. I kept myself busy that way. I don't exactly have any hobbies to speak of… or at least I told him that and he managed to figure it out eventually. He works as a mechanic, mostly on trains believe it or not. I was fascinated. How did he find himself in that line of work, what was he responsible for, where did he study for it? He was slightly bewildered at first, he had absolutely no idea what was so interesting but I suppose it's one of those jobs that becomes so routine to the worker it loses its initial ring and curiosities. It sounded peculiar at least. In contrast my work sounds incredibly dull and I guess that it is but in ways it's more complex than it first appears. He seemed surprised about how much I know about the gemstones – their origins, their cuts, the carat, that sort of thing. But yes, there we were discussing diamonds and trains in a little café two days a week during lunch.

How long did it take him to ask you out?

He never actually asked me out. Instead it was more of a gradual progression. First he asked me out to lunch in the park. Except it rained and we had to take shelter, half wet and frozen. I hadn't laughed like that in a long time… in fact I looked forward to each time I would meet Kurogane, I smiled every time I saw him, laughed more often while he was around. I never realised at the time that it wasn't wholly platonic but it would have spoiled it if I'd known. Ignorance is bliss and so was getting to know him.

When did you realise?

A few months after I'd met him. We went to see a movie, just the two of us. He reached for his phone at one point. It might have been embarrassing that it was ringing but at the time I just chided him jokingly with a grin on my face as he scrabbled about for it. And when he reached for his jacket pocket, lying on the ground, his hand brushed over my leg, completely innocent and unintentional. I nearly blushed, I felt a little shiver up my spine. It was exciting but at the same time it was awful, I felt guilty not knowing how he felt about me in return.

But he liked you in return. When did that become obvious?

It never was, we spent half a year in a relationship wavering between close friendship and love, spending all our free time together and forming a tight bond. I'm thankful it wasn't romantic from the beginning – there was less pressure, more happy moments and times. It enabled us to become a lot closer than we might have before. He'd invite me round to his and we'd talk, maybe watch a few films and order take-out. I had absolutely no idea how he felt for me until he kissed me.

How did it happen?

We were in my flat at the time, the second time he'd ever seen it, and I was in the kitchen putting away dishes while he was flicking through my bookcase in the living room when something caught his eye. Suddenly he realised that the entire bottom shelf was dedicated to trains. Once he took them out and started to leaf through them, some of them second hand and some of them recent, some yellow and others glossy, he found they were dedicated entirely to types of trains and their histories, the lineage of the makes and so on. And in the corner, resting against all of them lay a lined notebook and, Kuro-chuu being as rude as he is, started to flip through it. So when I came back through he asked me why I had a journal full of train times for every two Sundays and I responded that I train-spotted. I enjoy the noise and the engineering, I love the scenery and the facts, I find the systematic linkage between everything fascinating. He just nodded, flipping through the book, at every recording I'd meticulously timed and dated, everything in straight lines and edges, and once he was done, once it had clicked that for me this wasn't a particularly strange hobby, he set it down and simply said, 'Ironic, isn't it?' And I agreed, I told him that sometimes fate seemed to work in strange ways… He stared at me almost as if he were attempting to guess if I truly believed in the inevitable, if I really viewed our relationship in such a sentimental manner. He said nothing, I said nothing…there was a huge and empty silence digging away at us. And then suddenly I asked, 'If the emergency brake runs through the full length of the carriage, where does it start and end and how does it link together between the carriages?' He smirked, half a laugh and brought a pen and paper over to the sofa. I sat down next to him, curled over as he started scribbling a diagram, explaining the whole procedure to me, how the brake worked, how it took effect, how it all fitted together in one nice and fitted system. We must have sat discussing the brakes alone for twenty minutes on the sofa. And when we ran out of things to say we both realised how close we'd come to each other, how we both held and leaned over his scrawled picture, how happy we were sitting talking about trains… and I don't know which of the three brought it on but all I know is that it happened slowly – slow enough for me to realise and act, for my heart rate to suddenly drop and shoot up again. He frowned once in thought, placed a hand over mine and leaned in gradually, bit by bit until his over hand was laid against my shoulder and I could hear his breath brush warmly against my face. He brought his lips to mine, a tentative and careful touch, beautifully gentle. I pressed my lips against his in return, feeling suddenly elated. It barely lasted a moment, our lips met cautiously in a brief but wonderful touch and then we pulled apart slightly. I smiled preciously to him, I brought my hand over his and whispered, bare fractions from his lips, 'Tell me more about trains, Kurogane.' And Kuro-sama is so cruel because he ignored me completely, just grinned, finally relaxing and pulling me in for a longer, harder kiss.

You fell in love over trains?

Why not? It was a common interest. Like I say, what's coincidence, what's fate and what merely has a high chance of occurring? In this case we were brought together by our interest and knowledge in trains.

It couldn't just be about trains though…

It wasn't. It was a piece of common ground that we escaped to when we first started dating. But … really we began to fall properly in love after that. I adored everything about him and I think he felt the same about me. I remember hearing him on the phone to his mother, breaking the news, telling her, 'My boyfriend sits in a field with a thermos flask of coffee and a classic French book and waits for the trains to start passing by,' as if that were the best way of describing me. And it's true, there is nothing I enjoy more than taking a thermos flask of coffee, a packet of Hob-Nobs and an old novel out to some field by a railway line and watching trains every second Sunday afternoon. He even went with me one day and it was wonderful and a luxury - he has a car, a recent-ish Volkswagen model I'm afraid to say anything against because frankly I can't talk, I can't even drive, I tend to take the bus and then walk for a mile or so to reach a half-decent and abandoned spot. We kissed and we talked in the back-seat of his car, talking about our favourite curries and oven cleaning products. Random but somehow incredibly nice. We nearly missed the trains.

Was it that easy?

If there was a problem then we managed to overcome it. If there was a difficulty then we'd manage to smooth it over somehow even if we were close to breaking apart. We wanted to be together. He has a temper, it's easy for any disagreements to fall into arguments and Kuro-tan is too stubborn, I never learn either… But every time he came to my flat he made a full inspection of my bookcases for the first few months. He was correct in that respect as well, the best way to get to know me would be to check my bookcase. I have small collections and interests gathered in there, novels of certain types and genres. But sometimes there would be something… that would change things somehow, that would bring me into a different perspective for him. It happened with the trains and it happened here. He found my old university textbooks. Naturally the first thing he would ask is why I was working as a sales assistant if I had a degree, did I drop out? No, I told him, I'd stayed on, received my degree in Geology and I'd even managed a PhD as well. He found that a little strange. So I looked towards him, I thought about how much I trusted him, how special he was to me and I told him everything I could manage in one go. I had been admitted for psychiatric help twice, once after I left university and began to panic about what might happen to me, breaking out of a certain structure, but the first and worst time was after my brother had died… He was ill, he was dying and losing strength… he wanted to die before I started to suffer because of him… he made sure of it… I don't think he realised how dependent I was on him, how much I came to him for my own personal strength and reassurance. I lost it. And after that I just wanted a simple life full of gems and train-spotting. That's basically how the story went. I smiled towards him, grinning almost, emitting a steady breath as something dark and personal fell off my chest. I was expecting him to absorb it slowly and gradually, for there to be a gap between us before he attuned to the fact… Instead he came over, he wrapped his arms around me and… I burst into tears against his shoulder, thinking of how wonderful he was for being right there for me, for loving each and every mistake in my life… I think after that everything became a lot more noticeable to him, why I kept a hobby almost like therapy, why every week I would follow the same routine over and over, keeping times like immobile boundaries, the slight OCD tendencies that showed up in the way I wrote and cleaned and lived. He accepted them all as part of who I am, the things that make me special. And I've always been grateful for that. I loved him for that as well.

So it didn't make anything harder?

It made things easier. Now that I'd said it, now that I'd admitted that part of myself to him it felt like a solid part of our relationship somehow, perfectly natural and unimposing. I began to feel a lot more secure about everything, I gained a lot of confidence in myself and tried to embrace spontaneity and change more, take more things upon myself. I told him one day that I wanted to become a lapidarist. Yuuko, the owner of the shop, had a few contacts and maybe she could arrange some form of training. He stared at me, that frown pressed into his brow, asking in his usual blunt and tactless style what the hell that was… It's the person who cuts the gemstones. It's a broad term but really what I was trying to say was that I was interested in trying to facet them. I had the experience from my studies and from the shop and it takes a lot of immaculate attention to detail, something I was good at. He asked me what had brought this on. And I just smiled towards him, nestling comfortably to lie against him on the sofa, burying my head in his shoulder, his hands instinctively moving over to brush his fingers through my hair and I said that it was him. He'd changed everything… and that I loved him… He wasn't sure how to react to that at first, whether he should be shocked or glad, but in the end he said nothing at all, just pressed me closer.

But he did love you?

The fact he didn't respond didn't worry me. He might be big and strong but he's a shy romantic at heart. Nearly a year and a half after we first started dating he did something special for my birthday. He turned up at my door with a full bunch of roses and thrust them straight into my hands with an expression just as red, as if he knew that this was exactly what he wanted to do but somehow felt awkward expressing his emotions. It was so adorable. And then once I'd found a container for them he bundled me into his car, drove me out to the train station and caught a train to the city with me… which you'd think I'd be used to but really I hadn't been on a train in five years. And when we arrived he took me to the museum of transport for the day to look at all the old trains, which was incredibly sweet of him, understanding me perfectly. We spent hours pacing about the exhibits, making small talk about the engines. He didn't like the old and basic technology so much, said it wasn't manufactured as well and it was all really clumsy. I adored all of the machines, things over a hundred years old, I thought they were so simple and obvious their designs were charming. It was a friendly disagreement. After that he took me out for dinner, an Italian restaurant that was expensive but not pretentious, more romantic than anything else, wine and candles. Then we caught the train back again and naturally I dragged him back to my flat and made love to him like I'd never done before, like there wouldn't be a tomorrow. I thought it was the most beautiful and thoughtful day that I could be given.

Happily ever after?

No… I wish it was. About a week after my birthday I was over at his flat watching TV, flicking through all the channels as you do, searching for something interesting. Suddenly he spun around, his eyes widened and he ordered me to go back, more in surprise than anything else. I pushed the back button, slowly filtering past all the channels and he told me to stop when we reached an arts channel featuring classical music. I was incredibly confused but didn't press him too much. He was staring in complete disbelief towards the screen. 'That's Tomoyo,' he eventually admitted to me, nodding his head towards the Japanese woman stylishly and impeccably dressed in an evening gown, in a pause between singing. And there was something about the way he said it that made my heart sink, that made me realise I wasn't the only person in his life.

Opera?

Not like you're thinking. She had a very subdued and sweet tone to her voice that still matched the classical styling. But it seemed that she'd left Kurogane for a stage career which would fit in with her apology. She could have taken him around the world with her but she didn't want to change his lifestyle.

But she was still gone, wasn't she?

She came back… Once she had pushed her way through to become a mildly respected performer she returned for him. I was lying with him in bed swithering between spending the entire night with him and going home to give my cat its belated third square meal when she came to the door and rang the bell. That day I wasn't able to meet her, I didn't see her either, I just overheard a tiny part of their conversation, understanding perfectly who she was. Kurogane threw on his trousers and a t-shirt. There wasn't anybody he knew to ring the bell at ten at night so he was suspicious from the very start. When he opened the door there was only silence, heavy and uncompromising. Eventually he invited her in - I knew it was a she, I could tell all the way from the bedroom, could hear her heels clicking softly on the laminate flooring in the kitchen. They sat down, a scrape of chairs, and his voice resounded roughly through the air to me, sounding muffled and detached while I lay curled naked under his sheets, with my ears wide open and my fingers clutching anxiously at the edge of the cover, completely still and silent. It felt as though he might never have come back somehow, this frozen and lonely atmosphere as he talked to Tomoyo in the kitchen. But her voice rang clearly, saying, 'This isn't a good time, is it?' as if she knew him better than her own self. And they both mumbled something quick and awkward to each other and she left, opening the door herself, closing it herself… Kurogane never returned to the bedroom. So I got out of bed and got dressed, feeling hurt and alone, silently distraught, just a tiny emotion lingering distractedly within the core of me. And when I came through to the kitchen I found him sitting at the table, arms folded, eyes closed, brows furrowed in frustration and thought… he glanced up to me, something almost apologetic in his plain expression. I told him, with a shakier voice than I'd hoped, that I had a cat to feed and, after he failed to respond other than with an understanding nod, I pressed a kiss on to his forehead with only half of my affection in the touch and left. I didn't see him again or hear from him again in four days… I was worried sick, I was terrified beyond myself that he was going to leave me. And maybe I should have called if I was only making myself sick with fear but I wanted to give him time and space. He'd not seen her for over two years; it was a lot of air to clear. And a large decision to make too I suppose.

What did he say the next time you saw him?

I was working at the time during really quiet hours, arranging the displays more carefully than I might usually, trying to distract myself. And then he walked in. He walked all the way over to the counter with a shuffle, with his head dropped further than usual, this pained and bitter expression, and my heart sank. I could tell just by looking at him who he'd chosen out of the two of us and … I was on the brink of falling apart in the middle of the shop as he said it, as he asked for the ring back. I shook my head, my eyes filling with tears, saying that it wasn't there anymore, it had been sold a long time ago. So he took a breath, nodded briefly and pointed to a band, platinum, plain if not for a single tiny diamond embedded in the surface. I felt so stupid, I felt furious with him, inadequate myself. But I just nodded with this tear rolling helplessly out of my eye, trying not to choke in front of him, quickly unlocking the cupboards, throwing them open, clasping shut the box and placing it against the counter loudly, still crying silently for the time being. I could barely look at him, felt sick with him for letting me find out this way, pushing the box over to him and I was about to retract my hand when he suddenly placed his hand on top of mine, covering it gently. I bit down on my teeth and finally looked up towards him, flinching when I saw how he was staring at me – careful and apprehensive. He started to speak… he said, breaking off now and then uncomfortably, 'Fye… will you… share my life and… join me in this union which…' I had to finish for him in complete disbelief. 'Marry you?' He nodded, grumbling shyly, 'Yeah, that,' and smirked, almost a smile, something rare and wonderful, anxious and still clasping my hand over the ring. 'What do you say?'

What did you say?

What do you think I said? I said nothing, I couldn't speak, I was overwhelmed, floating somewhere between ecstasy and shock and all of a sudden the tears were actually flowing faster from my eyes as I smiled in complete relief towards him. Then Watanuki came through and told me he would cover for me. And while I was sprinting through the back of the shop, it gave me time to wipe the tears out of my eyes, to smile properly, clutch the box to my chest, flying out of the back door while he was making his way up the back alley and I ran straight into him, feeling him hold me tightly to his chest as I gave him my answer… It was wonderful. I've never felt so happy… just elated in pure delight… And maybe later I would start to wonder aloud to him if we were ready for marriage but… through everything, each train and jewel and dream, we were both certain we were in love. And that we would manage it somehow.

a/n: Where I live, gay marriage is and isn't allowed. Marriage is specifically between a man and a woman and implies a religious ceremony and union whereas two men or two women can have a union but it's not religious so it's not technically marriage – it has some other name which sounds really bland and silly. Pardon me for being incorrect but I'd rather be romantic about it here.

This fanfiction was written for a friend's birthday and I really pandered to a few of her random whims including the roses and the coffee but mostly the train spotting. I really don't know where that came from but I was adamant it wouldn't work until I wrote this =) The idea itself comes from a prompt I gave her, worked into just about the cheesiest plot ever and then abandoned in shame. When it resurfaced, it appeared in this format and the characters began to morph into something that interested me. And considering I only learnt the word lapidarist half way through this and a day before her birthday you can just guess how hastily this was written. It probably shows.

But I would appreciate reviews more than ever here. I'm considering using this AU and transforming it into a multi-chapter set just after their engagement and focusing on their relationship both weakening and strengthening as they achieve certain ambitions (i.e. the path to becoming a lapidarist), battling old personal demons (didn't go into Kurogane or Fye's brother or Tomoyo much here) and new encounters (Syaoran, Sakura, Yuuko, anyone?). So please, please tell me how you felt this worked and if you would read that multi-chapter. Any opinions would be much appreciated!