A/N: Yes. I made a second chapter to this stupid story. Don't judge me. I get bored. This wasn't originally supposed to happen, but I think that I should just 'cause I can. I promise, this wont be nearly as long as the last part. xD This really has nothing to do with anything and is just for teh lulz.

Neji and Gaara sat on Neji's super awesome bed of awesome, Temari and Kankuro standing in front of them, very disturbed and confused looks on their faces. They'd managed to drag them out of the well. They'd attempted to get Sasuke and Naruto out as well, but that had proven fruitless and fricken impossible.

"Gaara, you're not pregnant," Temari ran her hand down her face in exasperation. "That's not even possible,"

"I am and it is!" he insisted.

"Yeah? How?" Kankuro was getting annoyed. As far as he knew, Gaara was male.

Gaara sighed and rolled his eyes. "Because! I have Shukaku,"

There was a pause. Kankuro eventually broke the silence. "And this means...?"

"That I can get pregnant," Gaara told him as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"How in the hell does that-" Kankuro started to say. "You know what? I don't wanna know. I just. Don't. Want. To know,"

"Gaara, sweetie," Temari started, talking to him like he was six, "Boys can't make babies together,"

"But I can!" He whined.

Temari just sighed. "You realize that that would make you a hermaphrodite, right?"

"No. I'm still a guy," he said plainly.

"But if you can get pregnant, that would make you at least partially female," She explained.

"No, I'm completely male," he insisted.

"Then you can't get pregnant," she explained.

"Yes! I Can!" He yelled at her. "Male seahorses can get pregnant!"

"Yes, but the females are the ones that actually lay the eggs. So unless Neji is a girl and managed to lay eggs in your stomach, then it doesn't count," Kankuro explained to him.

Gaara turned his head to face Neji and stared at him for a moment, asking a question with his eyes. After a few moments, Neji understood what he was asking.

"No I did not lay eggs in your stomach!"

Kiba's head was better now and he was being released from the hospital. He walked out of his room and down a hallway, heading toward the reception desk to check out. On his way there, he passed a candy machine.

At first he just walked past it, not noticing anything weird about it or even really thinking about it. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed something that made him take a double take. He walked back to the candy machine and just stared.

Lee was sitting on the floor, his hand stuck in the slot where you were supposed to take the candy out. He was silent. Kiba just stared, blinking every few seconds.

"My snicker's got stuck..." He explained.

"Ah..."

Kiba just continued to stare for a minute.

"Well, cya," he walked away with no intent on getting anyone to help him.

"Female hyenas give birth through a penis!"

"That still doesn't mean you can get pregnant!"

"Yes it DOES!"

"No! It does not!"

Temari and Kankuro were exasperated.

"Look, the only thing you have to prove that you're pregnant is a crappy home pregnancy test that may or may not be true being no one really knows what it's reaction would be to a guy's piss," Kankuro told him, attempting to finalized this argument.

"That is a lie!" Gaara yelled. He pulled out two sheets of paper out of seemingly nowhere and handed them to his siblings. They looked at them for a moment.

"What are these?" Temari asked.

"DNA tests," he said simply. There was a pause. In the end, their response was simple.

"Touche..."

Neji leaned over and whispered in Gaara's ear. "Where did you get those?"

"Mr. Unicorn has his ways," Gaara whispered back slyly, pointing over to their closet. Neji followed his eyes to where he was pointing and saw that there was a unicorn sticking it's head out of their closet. It was wall-eyed, with one eye pink while the other was blue, had a stitch down the side of it's face, big buck teeth, and long, scraggly eyelashes. There were flies buzzing all around it and Neji could swear that those were his rainbow toe-socks it was wearing.

It just winked at them before backing further into their closet and out of sight. Neji looked back his boyfriend with a terrified look on his face. Gaara was smiling with pride.

"Where the hell did you get that thing?" Neji asked him in terror. "No, wait. More importantly, how long has it been in my closet!"

Gaara clasped a hand over Neji's mouth. "Shh..." he put a finger to his lips. "You'll understand when you're older," he kissed him on the cheek.

Neji pulled Gaara's hand away from his mouth. "You're younger than I am!"

Gaara just slapped his hand back over his mouth, this time with a terrified look on his face. "Be quiet! There are elves inside the walls," He shifted his eyes back and forth suspiciously.

Neji once again forced his hand away from his mouth. "What is wrong with you?"

Gaara started a quiet, rather insane laugh and leaned over and put his head on Neji's chest. "So many things, Neji-chan. Soooo many things," he said, continuing his laugh.

Three Months Later...

Kiba met up with his team at the training field. When he got there he saw Shino, Hinata, Kurenai, and someone he didn't recognize. Hinata was eyeing the stranger warily, but he didn't take any of that into account being she was always so nervous. The man had thick black hair and gray eyes. He was wearing a baggy, white long-sleeved t-shirt and baggy jeans. He was sitting on the ground with his knees pulled up to his chest, watching Hinata while eating a piece of cake.

"Um, Kurenai-sensei, who the hell is that?" he asked with no regard to the stranger's feelings.

The man swallowed the last of his cake and stood up. "My name is Ryuzaki. I-"

"YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING!" Hinata abruptly yelled as she pulled out a random History book and threw it at his head. Ryuzaki fell to the ground, unconscious.

"Dammit, that's the fourth time today..." Kurenai sighed. She picked up his unconscious body with the intent of taking him to the hospital. "Training is postponed until I get back," She walked away, heading back to the village.

Hinata was twitching slightly with wide eyes. Kiba and Shino just stared at her with blank expressions. "Well... uh... I'm just.. gonna... go..." Kiba pointed in a random direction. After a moment of hesitation, he bolted as far away from them as possible.

"Um.. y-yeah... I have to uh... pollish my... turtle..." Shino said before he ran away just as fast as his team member. Hinata just continued to twitch, staring at nothing in particular.

Sasuke and Naruto were still at the bottom of that well. Of course, they'd left to get food. They'd actually installed a mini-fridge. Where they plugged it in, however, I haven't a clue. Why on earth they couldn't just go back to Sasuke's house can't be answered either.

They were still making out. Cause that's all they do. They know pretty much nothing about each-other, but they still consider themselves 'dating'. Because they make out and have sex. ALL THE TIME.

Suddenly, during a short break in their lemon-lime thingy, Naruto noticed something on the floor of the well. It looked like a rock. Or maybe a stick. Perhaps a stick-rock. Or would it be a rock-stick? Or maybe it'd be called a 'stock' or a 'rick'? Or maybe-

"GET ON WITH IT!" Naruto yelled at me. I glared at him but continued typing this story. Naruto stood up and walked over towards the mysterious object half-buried in the dirt floor. It was smooth and off-white. He clawed a bit of dirt away from it, trying to get better look at it. Soon, he discovered it was wrapped in a pale blue cloth, dirty from being buried for so long.

"Hey, Sasu-chan," He called over to him. "Come here, take a look at this,"

Sasuke stood up and walked over to where the blonde was sitting. "What do you think it is?" Naruto asked the chicken-ass-haired boy.

Sasuke just shrugged and helped him dig. They soon realized that it was connected to something that was also buried. It was long and skinny as far as they could see now. However, they weren't really paying a lot of attention to the shape the object began forming as they uncovered it. Not until Sasuke found something that made him pull his hand away like it was burning.

"What's wrong?" Naruto asked, looking worried.

Sasuke just pointed to the spot he'd been digging up, a terrified look on his face. Naruto turned his had to look at what it was. His eyes widened to the size of a giant mutant chicken. And then he saw the object twitch. A loud scream erupted from his mouth as he jumped up and went to the other side of the well, pressing his body up against the stony wall as far as it would go.

It was a dead, human hand that they'd dug up, most likely attached to a body. Sasuke jumped up and repeated Naruto's screaming episode when the hand began to flex it's fingers and move around, like a child's hand searching for something on top of a counter too high to reach. Some of it's rotting flesh was still attached to the bone.

After a few seconds, a second arm bust up from beneath the dirt about two thirds of a foot away from the first. This one had most of it's flesh still on it. The head of the person followed suit, long, dirty, brown hair dangling over the person's face, obscuring their view of it, but they could see it was a girl about 12 years of age, wearing a pale blue dress. It made a low growling sound as it pushed it's self out of the ground and onto two feet.

"You two," she growled. "Have gotten cum, ALL OVER MY GRAVE!"

The two screamed in a very un-ninjaful way and started clawing at the walls in a pathetic attempt to climb back up them. Eventually they remembered they were ninja again and used their chakra to get out just before the zombie girl jumped at them. As they climbed out and onto the ground, panting heavily, she screamed in frustration.

"Why did you have to touch it, dobe!" Sasuke yelled at the blonde.

"Well I didn't know it was going to be a zombie!" Naruto yelled back in defense.

Sasuke sighed. "Well... What do we do about it?"

"Why're you asking me?" Naruto looked at him like he was crazy.

Sasuke took a minute to contemplate this. "I... don't know," he answered, sincerely confused as to why he, the all mighty and ridiculously sexy Uchiha Sasuke with his amazing hair and super powered (lightly spicy) brain-meats, had asked Naruto what to do.

Naruto glared at him for a moment. After the zombie girl screamed again, Naruto was suddenly inspired with a brilliant idea. "How about, we run as far away from here as possible!"

"Good idea!"

And so, our heros ran away from the well. By god! How they ran! They ran like fricken cheetahs! Only not on all fours because they are bipedal! YAY FOR BIPEDS!

*ahem* as I was saying...

Naruto and Sasuke ran all the way back to the village, all while some upbeat 90's song no one knows the name of played in the background. They screamed like little girls the entire time until they, not looking where they were going, ran into Neji. They fell to the ground all heap like and finally stopped screaming. The song also stopped the moment they hit him. How creative.

Neji was standing with Temari and Gaara. Gaara was all six months preggo 'n' stuff, so his shirt was showing his gut. This is because apparently, when a man becomes pregnant, he loses the ability to pull his shirt down. (Actually, it kind of looked cute. I mean.. uh... um... EEEWWW MPREG!) Neji offered them each a hand and pulled them to their feet. Immediately they noticed Gaara.

"HOLYOMFG! You're having a baby!" Naruto exclaimed excitedly. Sasuke looked equally as happy. Neji looked all proud and stuff (You people have no idea how uncomfortable I feel writing this)

"Yes, I believe we told you about three months ago," Neji said.

"Dude, with all the hairspray I put in my hair, I can't even remember what color my pants are," Sasuke said, looking down to look at his pants. Oh... They're purple today... NEAT! :D

"Then you should probably think about changing brands because I really don't think hairspray is supposed to do that," Temari interjected.- biggest word in this entire story.

Sasuke simply waved her off. "Can I touch your belly!" he said, way too happy. Gaara, also way too happy, said yes.

After several seconds of this 'belly touching', Temari had had enough. "Oh my god this is so weird..." Several more seconds went by. They were all so happy... Naruto, that was normal. But, Neji, Gaara, and Sasuke were the angstiest characters in the anime! WTF!

"Okay! That's enough!" She said, grabbing her brother's wrist, pulling him away and beginning to walk down the street. Gaara grabbed Neji's wrist and they started train. A TRAIN OF LOVE! oh.. wait... no... It's just a train.

"Bye! We'll see you guys later I guess!" Gaara called after them as they were pulled away.

"kay! Bye!" Naruto and Sasuke called after them. Once they were out of sight, they turned to each other.

"Ah, well wasn't that nice?" Naruto said.

"Yeah. It COMPLETELY made me forget what we were screaming about," Sasuke agreed.

Suddenly, an extremely distressed looking man ran up to them.

"You two! you're ninja, aren't you?" he said.

Sasuke and Naruto looked at each other. "Are we ninja?" Naruto asked.

"You know, I'm not sure. I mean, we haven't done any ACTUAL ninja stuff in a while... I mean, we've been doing nothing but having sex for the past three months. Surely we must have been fired by now," Sasuke said.

"Yeah, and even if we haven't been, we haven't really trained in like... ever... I mean, we'd have to completely SUCK by now," Naruto agreed.

"Well, either way!" the man started, "You have to help!"

"What's wrong?" Sasuke asked.

The man didn't have to answer. Screaming slowly faded into earshot as well as several explosions who's origins didn't really make sense.

"ZOMBIES!" The man yelled before taking off as fast as he could past the two 'ninja'.

"Oh... Shit..." They said in unison as the start of an extremely large mob of zombies came into view. The little girl they'd awoken before was leading, riding one of the zombies like a horse with a saddle and reins and a whip and everything.

"I'LL TEACH YOU TO DEFILE MY GRAVE!"

Several Minutes Later... After some UNSPEAKABLE events...

Naruto, Sasuke, Kiba, Lee (and the vending machine), and Kankuro floated down a river, having a strangely large issue swimming. There were zombies floating with them as well, all attempting to drown and devour the five ninja (and vending machine). Kankuro was missing both of his shoes and his hat had been replaced with a party hat for some reason, Kiba was for some reason duct-taped to a goat, and Sasuke was missing his pants. Unfortunately for him, he'd probably never find them being he couldn't remember what they looked like.

"This is all you're fault, Dobe!" Sasuke shouted as the current pulled him further down the river.

"MY fault? Clearly this is your fault!" Naruto retorted.

"Nuh uh!"

"Uh huh!"

"No! wait... THIS IS BUSHY BROW'S FAULT!" Naruto yelled.

"Yeah!" Sasuke agreed. "What the hell, Lee? How could you do this to us!"

Lee just looked extremely shocked for a moment and then started to cry. "It's true! It's all true!"

"What? No! This is Naruto and Sasuke's fault!" Kankuro yelled. "We all know that so-"

He was cut off by a loud ship's horn. Suddenly, a ship came floating by next to them. On the side of the ship, they could see Hinata who was handcuffed to that Ryuzaki guy from before who was handcuffed in his other side to a kid/man with light brown hair wearing a brown blazer. The third one was holding a microphone.

"You! You call that, SWIMMING!" he yelled at them. "You are not some cats drowning in a puddle! Now swim! SWIM! SWIIIM! WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH! WITH ALL! YOUR! MIGHT! GO FOR THE GOLD IN THE BEIJING OLYMPICS!"

"DUDE! You're not even in this anime!" Sasuke yelled.

"Yeah! You can't tell us how to swim!" Naruto added.

"Oh, can't I?" he said slyly.

"No! You can't!" Naruto yelled.

"Swim as I tell you or else!" he threatened.

"Or what? You'll write our names down?" Naruto taunted.

"IN A MAGIC NOTEBOOK!" he defended a little too defensively.

"Oooh! I'm so scared!" he mocked. "That's gotta be the suckiest threat ever, man! Really, how does this sound? 'Do everything I'll tell you or I'll write your name in a magic notebook!' Seriously? Me and that pregnant ginger kid have demons inside of us! Do you know how easily both of us could kick your ass?"

"Sh-shut up!"

"Wait a second..." The black haired man said, "That would mean that you're-"

"DID I EVER TELL YOU THAT I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU?" the brunette immediately grabbed the black haired one and started making out with him. Hinata just stared at them for a moment before taking her cellphone out of her pocket and video taping the scene.

"Um... anyway... about the zombies..." Kankuro started.

Just then, they heard screaming in the distance. Neji's screaming to be precise. He sounded absolutely terrified so they assumed he was being devoured by zombies. However, they realized it was coming from the sky. They looked up to see Gaara and Neji riding the most disturbing looking flying unicorn any of them had ever seen.

"Get them! Get the Zombies, Mr. Unicorn! Go!" Gaara commanded. Lasers shot from the unicorn's eyes, hitting the zombies.

Mr. Unicorn used "Heat Vision"

It was super effective.

"Now! Dash (x)!" He yelled.

The unicorn dove down towards the water. He just grazed the surface, but it made a large explosion, blowing up all of the zombies.

"Yes!" Gaara said victoriously.

Everyone cheered because, for some reason, the explosion only destroyed the zombies. Yeah. 200 hundred points for gryffendor!

Back at the village...

"Well I'm glad no one got hurt because of Lee's actions," Sasuke said.

"Yeah, me too," Naruto agreed happily. Everyone watched as three ANBU handcuffed Lee (and the vending machine) and took him away to jail forever. :)

Sasuke put his arm around Naruto's waist and leaned over to kiss him tenderly, all while Lee screamed for his life in the distance. Gaara and Neji sat on a roof top staring at the sunset, completely oblivious to the fact that there were bodies everywhere and pretty much every building accept the one they were sitting on had been destroyed.

"I love you Neji," he said, and then kissed him.

"I love you too, Gaara"

And they all lived happily ever after. THE END

A/N: ah! wasn't that the cutest most fluffiest luff story EVUR? lol. Poor Lee... xD

Also, before anyone points this out, I know that female hyenas don't ACTUALLY have penises. I'm entirely aware that it is simply an external vagina. And for those of you who didn't know that, you now have a new fun fact to creep your friends out with.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! :D