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Chapter Four
Confrontation
From the moment the pregnancy test had read positive, Sonny had known this day would come. Shortly after Lizzie's birth, she had thought about calling him. Telling him about their beautiful daughter. Then Sonny had gotten the first email. It had been short. Just a quick note to announce the birth of one Kylie Elaina Cooper. There had been a picture attached. One that had shown Chad and Portlyn holding their tiny daugher with her spiky reddish blond hair. She couldn't call, not after seeing that photo. She couldn't destroy what looked to be a happy family. So, she had made the choice to wait. She would wait until her daughter asked about the father who wasn't there. It had come when Lizzie was four. If she had noticed that her friends had fathers, she never said. Not until the end of preschool.
Sonny could still remember that sweet faced little girl looking up at her, from eyes so like her father's, and asking where her daddy was, because she had a card for him. They had made Father's Day cards at school, and she needed to give her's to her father. It had been all Sonny could do not to cry. Instead, she had taken the card from Lizzie, wrote a five page letter to Chad, telling him about their daughter, begging him to forgive her, and mailed it in care of the company where he and Portlyn worked. The letter was returned two weeks later. If it had just been returned, it wouldn't have mattered as much. Except, it wasn't just returned. It had a rather nasty note scribbled on the back from Portlyn telling her to stay out of their lives. She had taken the unopened letter and stuck it in a box. The box was full of father's day cards and what-nots that Lizzie had made over the years, always trusting that her mother was getting them to her father.
Looking over at her daughter, she smiled faintly. She couldn't help it. No matter how ugly a situation was, one look at her daughter and the world was made right once again. Lizzie smiled back at her, dimples indenting either cheek. Funny, she had never noticed how much Lizzie looked like Chad until now. She had never had the guts to take their pictures and lay them side by side. She looked back at Chad, the faint grin fading. The question he had asked was logical. "She told me about Kylie. I'm sorry. I...I can't imagine what Portlyn and you are going through."
Chad nodded, his face growing more somber. There were a million questions running through his mind. That much was obvious. "I need to know if Lizzie is a donor match for Kylie."
Sonny tried not to be angry. He had raised Kylie. From the moment she had breathed her first breath until now, he had been there. Loving her, teaching her things. It was natural that she would be his first concern, but dammit what about Lizzie? Wasn't he the least bit curious about her? Or was she just some useful commodity to save his other daughter? "Did you think I would say no?" That hurt almost as much as him not asking about Lizzie.
"I don't know what to think Sonny," he said softly, looking toward the garage. Both child and dog were soaking wet. Bell-like giggles echoed through the air.
"I know. And...I'm sorry. I truly am sorry Chad." God she was sorry. More than he would ever know.
It had been three weeks before her due date that she had realized she loved him. Realizing that had almost driven her over the edge. If it hadn't been Zora and Tawni, Nico and Grady as well, she would have sunk into a depression. Tawni had been the one to make her realize that she couldn't think about herself anymore. She had to think about her child. She was no longer just Sonny. She was a mother. And mother's put their own feelings aside to do what is best for their child. She could almost hear Tawni saying the words again.
Sonny shook her head sadly. "I should have told you that night. Regardless of how upset I was about Portlyn...I should have told you. I was going to tell you. I was...you...if you don't believe another word I say, at least believe that."
"Yeah. I know. I put two and two together. After Zora told me." Chad shifted around, looking at the damp ground. It was partially wet from the rain earlier, and partially from the running water hose.
"I just...I didn't know what to do. When you told me about Portlyn...I..I didn't know what to do. So, I said nothing. I didn't want to put you in the position to have to choose. So, right or wrong, I made the choice for you. And...I'm sorry. I am." She couldn't say it enough. She was sorry. Not that her apologies amounted to much.
"Stop it!" They both turn when they hear Lizzie screaming. She was on the garage floor, covering her face with her hands while Button jumped on her. She loved the dog. Had loved him from the time she had unwrapped the box he was in on her third birthday. It was when he jumped and got in her face that she became upset.
"Buttons!" Sonny snapped. The dog looked up at her, then lowered his head. He walked off to a dark corner of the garage. To pout no doubt. He knew better. She started up the drive, Lizzie meeting her half way. "Go inside. Get some dry clothes on. Make sure you put the wet ones in the washer, not on the floor." Kissing the smooth forehead, she gave Lizzie a gentle push toward the door that led to the kitchen, via a washroom.
"Do I know him?" Lizzie stared back down the drive where Chad stood waiting.
"No. He's a friend. From my past." As usual, Lizzie trusted what she was said. Watching as her daughter slammed into the house, she let out a sigh of disgust. She should have just told her. She should have worked up the courage to tell her that Chad was her father. Except then Lizzie would get her hopes up. She would ask him about the cards she had made him, cards that were in a box under her mother's bed.
"Is that what I'm always going to be? A friend from your past?"
She jumped. She hadn't seen him come into the garage. "What am I suppose to tell her, Chad?" There. The ball was in his court. 'Please God,' she prayed silently, 'let him want to be a father to her. Let him want to get to know her. She needs him.'
"I don't know, Sonny." It was all she could do not to turn on him and scream. Didn't he even care? No. He probably didn't. He was just so wrapped up in Portlyn and her daughter, that he didn't care. Her eyes burned a bit. She wouldn't cry, though. Not in front him. She would wait until she was in the shower. That was the one place she knew she could cry without worry that Lizzie would see and get upset.
"Then we stick with you being an old friend," she said tensely. She blinked a bit. Before she could stop it one tear slipped down her cheek. It slowly wound down, pausing on her jaw before dripping onto her shoulder. She bites her lip, trying to keep from saying things she shouldn't. The anger of being a single mother for nine years was welling up inside her. "Don't you care? Don't you care one bit about her? Or...what? She's just..just...something else to use to save Kylie? She's your daughter, Chad. Your flesh and blood. And you don't care. You just...you don't care, do you?" Did she even want the answer to that? Probably not. It was better to know, though.
"Is that what you think? That I don't care? What am I suppose to do, Sonny? You kept her from me." He stopped, his jaw tightening.
"I didn't keep her from you! I wanted to tell you! I was going to tell you. You just didn't give me the chance. You were too busy telling me all about your upcoming marriage to Portlyn. And...the child you were going to have together. When, during that little speech, was I suppose to say I was going to have a baby? When was I suppose to say something? I wanted to. I wanted to tell you...but..I just couldn't." The tears she had been fighting burst loose. They streamed down her cheeks. "Then, when she was born...I tried to...I was going to call...but..every time I picked up the phone I couldn't dial the number...because...I didn't know how I was suppose to tell you. When I finally got the courage up to...to call, Zora forwarded Kylie's birth announcement. And...I couldn't...couldn't bear the thought of destroying that baby's perfect world." She wiped at her cheeks. She couldn't explain how good it felt to just say all the things that had been bottled up inside.
"You should have done it. For Lizzie. You should have picked up the damn phone and called!" He was fighting not yell. She knew him well enough to know that. Some things never changed. "Don't you think Lizzie needed her father, too?"
"You think I don't know that! I know that better than anyone, Chad! I'm the one who has to lie to her child. Me. Not you! Stupid damn cards. Every damn year. Every year they make those stupid ass father's day cards...and...she gives it to me. To mail to you. She thinks I mail them to her father. To you. I tried that once, you know? The first one. I felt so sick that she didn't have a daddy to give that card to. So I sucked it up, wrote you a letter...telling you about her...put the card in there...along with a bunch of pictures. Got it back two weeks later with a nice note from Portlyn to leave you alone. I tried...and I know that she needed...needs you!" Her body was shaking. A weight was lifted, though. The weight of keeping it all inside.
The blood had drained from his face, leaving him a sickly yellowish color. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed. "You...you sent me a letter?" She nodded, crossing her arms. It had grown a bit chilly. There was a crisp breeze that hadn't been there before. A sure sign that summer would be ending soon. "Was it open? When you got it back?"
Sonny shook her head. "No. It wasn't open. Portlyn just wrote return to sender on the front of it. Then her little note on the back. She didn't know about Lexie, if that's what you're thinking. If she had...she would have contacted me. About Kylie. And the...the testing. She would have done what you're doing now. Used my child to help her's."
He stared at her, making her shift around uncomfortably. She had thought she had buried her feelings for him a long time ago. Apparently she hadn't, because they were rearing their ugly head. "I didn't come just because of Kylie, Sonny," he said in a husky tone. For the first time, she noticed the hurt in his eyes. "I love Kylie. She's my baby. Despite everything Portlyn and I have been through...despite what we did to each other...Kylie was right. When she first got sick, I was the kind of dad doctors hate. The one who showed up at the appointments with suggestions. Tried every last one of them too. None of them worked. Tried chemo. Watched her swell up. Watched her lose all her hair. Didn't do a bit of good. Slowed it down a bit, but didn't fix anything. Her last appointment, doctor suggested a sibling donor.
"Portlyn was all over that one. Wanted to run right down to the nearest fertility clinic. She knew better than to suggest having one the old fashioned way. I couldn't do it. Not even to save Kylie. I couldn't stomach the thought of bringing a child into this world just because their bone marrow might save their sister's life. Portlyn called me every name in the book. Said I was a sorry excuse for a father. That was always her favorite. I was a sorry ass father. I wasn't, though, Sonny. Every dance recital, every school award, I was there. I might have sucked in the husband department, but I was a good father!" He paused, running a hand over his chin. " I couldn't stay. I couldn't stay and watch her die."
Sonny's heart broke a bit. She didn't know what to say, so she said nothing at all.
"When Zora told me about Lizzie, my first thought was about whether or not she could help Kylie. I'll admit that. You can't blame me for that, Sonny. You can't blame me for wanting to save my child." He was pleading now. Needing her to understand. She did. To a point she understood.
"I don't blame you Chad. And...if Lizzie matches...I'm not going to say she can't help. That you can't use her to help Kylie. But...what about her? What about Lizzie? Where does she fit in your life? Or doesn't she?" It was a lot to lay on him. Asking him where the daughter he had known about less than an hour would fit into his life. She had to know though, for Lizzie's sake.
It seemes like an eternity before Chad answered her. "She's my daughter, too. I'm not going to just walk away. I can't. I wouldn't have...if I had known...I can't just walk away."
A/N: Sorry that it took me awhile to get this one out there. I hope you enjoyed :) Thank you! And please, please review!