Chapter 1

Ever since Addison left Seattle, Alex was a wreck. Except while at work. But after work he spent most of his time getting drunk at Joe's bar. Trying to forget her. Forget how he hurt her. How he drove her away. But it never worked. He always remembered. Everyone was worried about Alex especially Meredith. One day she finally decided to talk to him about it on the way to work.

"Alex, are you ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine." he replied in a very dry tone.

Meredith sighed. "Alex, you are not fine. You drink way to much. you toss and turn all night and you walk around like a zomby."

" Meredith, I miss her. "

" Who. ? Ava?"

" No. Addison. She wanted someone who barbeques. I don't barbeque. I dont even know how. Derek barbeques. I pushed her away. I hurt her. I acted like I didnt care about her. I made her think all I wanted to do was sleep with her. She moved to L.A. So yeah, I'm probably not fine. but it's my fault. I pushed her away. So I dont get to be upset. I dont get to miss her. "

"Alex. I'm... Sorry. " She now realized they were in the hospital parking lot. She quickly added. "Lets stay in and watch a movie tonight. don't go to joe's. Please."

"Fine. I'll meet you after work."

They walked into the hospital together. got changed and went their seperate ways.

"Evil Spawn looks depressed once again"

Meredith spun around to see her person. "Hi Christina. nice to see you to. how am I? oh I'm fine thanks for asking. I have to go"

"Oh, ok?"

She said as Meredith ran down the hall and puked in the nearest garbage can. She wiped her mouth and continued on with her rounds. This is pretty much how the next hour went for her. Then it stopped until she saw Derek and Rose kissing. she ran right past them and puked.

"Are you alright Mere?

"I'm fine Dr. Shepard, just you pda's with the nurse make me sick. litterally." and with that she walked right by him and sat down at her normal table. none of her friends were there yet.

"where are yang, barbie and Bambi?" She jumped even though she reconized Alex's voice.

"Alex you scared me. " she told him as he sat down beside him.

"Mere, you have been puking all day"

"Really? this is news to me." she said sarcasticly.

" well are you ok? do you have the flu? should you be at work?"

" I'm pregnant Alex. at least I think I am. The baby is not Dereks thank goodness. and I'm thinking about going to L.A."

"L.A.? why ?" Alex looked very confused.

"Well, If i am pregnant.. I'm not doing any tests here. I will not be seattle grace Gossip AGAIN."

"Well why don't you go to Mercy west?"

"If I am having a doctor outside of this hospital. I'm having the best there is"

" you mean Addison. dont you?" Alex said finally realizing.

"Yes.. I mean Addison. We aren't best friends but we talk through email all the time. you can come if you want"

"Does she know you are coming?" he asked quietly

"yes. well. I emailed her just before I came down here"

"So your just gonna drive back and fourth from Seattle to L.A.?"

" Maybe. " Do you want to come with me. I'm leaving right after work."

"Um. I don't know Mere. I don't know if I can see her. I dont know if I'm ready"

"You can't put if off forever. you love her. right?"

"I never said that."

" I can tell. go with me, please lex?''

"Fine. I'll go."

"Go where?" asked a voice behind them. the voice belonged to Izzie Stevens.

"I have to go. bye yang. Barbie and Bambi."

"I will page you when i'm leaving."

" ok. " he yelled over his shoulder.

"go where?" george repreated the question that Izzie had just asked.

"No where." Meredith replied.

"Meredith.I'm asking this because I'm your person. are you dating evil spawn?" Christina asked.

"No, Alex and I are friends. he's like a brother. "

Meredith stood up. "I have to go. I have work to do."