Written for comment_fic on livejournal , the prompt was crackfic with John and Bobby as salesmen

"Afternoon, ma'am. My name's John and this here is Bobby, and we were wondering if we might have a moment of your time?"

"No, ma'am, we are not trying to get you to join our religion. Not exactly, anyway. We just wanted to ask you a question: Do you like saving money?"

"Very good, ma'am, don't we all? Bobby likes saving money too, don't you Bobby?"

Bobby rolled his eyes. "Get to the point, John."

"Yes, well, did you know that the average demonic attack can cost homeowners upwards of thousands of dollars? And wouldn't it be comforting to know that you had the tools at your disposal to deal knowledgeably with any such threat?"

"I thought you might say that. I can tell, you're one smart lady. And I know that a smart lady such as yourself knows how to arm herself with information. I would like to give you a gift, if that's all right. Now what you see here - yes, here, why don't take this, this is your FREE gift just for talking to us today -- this is Volume Six of the 14-volume set of the "Evil Encyclopedia".... No, the books aren't evil, it's an encyclopedia about how to fight evil.... No, ma'am, I promise that the encyclopedia set will not possess you, the books themselves are NOT evil."

Bobby rolled his eyes again. "I told those publishers the title was confusing. But that Rufus, he never listens. Idiot."

John continued, "Each entry, as you can see, comes with a full color illustration, as well as a list of weaknesses that can be used to defeat that particular monster."

Bobby added, "And if you buy a whole set, it comes with free pamphlets. One on how to build a protected panic room, one on which supernatural beings it's physically possible to have sex with, and one on how to detox someone from demon blood. A lot of people assume that there aren't pamphlets like that, but there are."

Then John gave his closer: "And wouldn't all that information make you feel safe? Woudn't you just feel comforted as you browsed through thousands of detailed descriptions of the things that go bump in the night, and all the horrible bloody things they've done? And you would be sitting here reading about it, all alone in this big old house, and you would feel secure in the knowledge that you had all the necessary information. Sounds like a good deal, right? For just $29.99 a month, for 36 months -- ... Okay, ma'am, that's your choice, we understand. No, keep Volume 6, like I said, that is your free gift. I just hope that if and when something attacks you, it's something that begins with either a 'J' or a 'K'.... Okay, ma'am, if that's what you think is best. Have a nice day."

As they stepped out of the woman's house, Bobby gave him an annoyed look. "What now, Mr. Salesman-of-the-Year?"

"Let's try the next street. Maybe we'll have better luck."

"Don't you want to give your kids a call, John? See how they're doin'? They're awful young to be on their own for so long."

John shrugged. "They'll be fine. I left them plenty of ammo."