/N: There is an Eastern legend about a sea turtle that carries the world on its back, as well as the Muslim myth of Bahumut, the fish/monster who carries the whole world and a mountain of rubies on his back. I love mythology, especially when I can incorporate it into my stories. :)

Chapter 28: Surrendering the Burden

Next the Lion Turtle took me even further back in time. A sense of emptiness and yet heaviness spread over me like the folds of an immense blanket. I could see nothing except my own hands, which were glowing faintly blue. The Lion Turtle was moving slowly, and there was a swishing noise of water. The darkness, the liquid, and the occasional eerie cry were the only things to relieve the meaninglessness.

"When is this?" I whispered.

"The Age of Dark Void," answer my monstrous companion. "But it's not completely empty. The Great Forces lived here before the dawn of Time. But this is after Time began. The Void is filled with a few creatures and organisms. They will dwell here for two thousand years before the earth divides and the spirits successfully make light."

I looked around, straining my eyes, but to no avail. "I can't see anything. What kinds of creatures live here anyway?"

"Just the oldest ones. Dragons, Bison, spirits…" Irony came thought again… "And Lion Turtles."

"No humans?" I asked. "Or Badger Moles?

"No place for them to live. Land hasn't been created yet. It won't be for two thousand years."

The concept was unfathomable. Being brought to the distant past and not being able to comprehend so many hundreds of years was baffling enough. Being in the company of a seemingly all-knowing beast was even weirder. There was no denying what I could see with my own eyes, or what I was about to see.

We continued through the darkness for awhile. Then I gasped as something became visible for second right in front of my face. Before I could ask what it was, the thing was in my face again. It was pale and transparent like me in spirit form. It was rather like a fish but with tentacles and odd wings; like spears its eyes were piercing, and as excited as a fresh rainbow. The creature was looking at me.

"Lion Turtle!" I cried in astonishment. "That spirit can see me!"

Something like laughter emerged from the great animal on whose neck I was riding. "Katara, my dear, the Great Forces are not limited by Time. They can see anybody in any time, and being invisible doesn't fool them either."

"You—you mean that little thing is one of the Great Forces?!" I said with a sharp intake of breath. "But it's so…pitiful-looking." Relief flowed over me; I'd been expecting to meet some terrible beings who could knock me flat with a blink of the eye, but it didn't seem like the Forces were so Great after all.

"Don't be fooled by looks, my friend," the Lion Turtle admonished. "Sight is a thing of the physical world. It has no meaning here. The Great Forces are so vast and omnipotent they must find some way to appear in part before the eyes of your kind—but it is not their true form."

I looked again at the spirit hovering before me. It was strikingly beautiful and graceful, and I was vaguely reminded of Yue. Instead of the boring, transparent blue usual to spirits, this one was pigmented a plethora of other hues; deep, rich fingers of colors reaching out of its body and toward mine. The being radiated peace, love, and energy. My depleted Chi energy was instantly restored as I touched the outstretched colors with my hand. I felt like I could water bend an entire ocean using this one spirit's single touch of power. And to think this was only a meaningless guise for the being!

"What do they really look like?" I asked curiously. "I mean, what are their true forms?"

"One form and one presence are the things you know. But the Great Forces are omnipresent—like gravity, they are a force. This makes it impossible to appear fully in a single form. Yet, even though it's a force, the Great Ones have personalities too."

"How many are there?" I asked as we moved through the darkness with the spirit as our only light.

"Great Forces?" the Lion Turtle said. "The Force is the collaborated power of all the Great Ones."

"Okay…well how many 'great ones' are there?"

"Just two, not counting me."

Silence.

For a second I was confused. Then I was astonished. Then I was filled with a mix of rage, awe, and horrible fear.

"You're—" I choked the words out—"you're one of the Great Forces?!"

"Makes sense, doesn't it?"

I had put myself in the power of the strongest being in both dimensions! I was terrified, but the feeling began declining as I recalled how kind this beats was. "Why didn't you tell me?" I questions in a restrained voice. "All this time I thought you were just…an animal."

"You make animals sound derogatory."

"Well," I scoffed; "they can't hold a candle to you!"

If the Lion Turtle could have shrugged without knocking me off his neck, he would have. "I don't know," he said passively; "even animals have spirits. I myself am an animal right now. See, I'm the physical form of the Great Forces. I'm sort of special envoy to the court of the humans. My spirit, though, is still as powerful as the Forces, and I can join my energy with theirs to give me power."

"The kind of power that makes death a small obstacle," I suggested, a little ironically.

"Oh, something like that," he replied. "Anyway, I chose not to tell you before now because I didn't want you to fear me. There's nothing more annoyed than having everyone run away from you just because you're big. Do you know how many people run away from the beach when I come? It'd be a hundred times worse if they knew I was a powerful spirit."

"Well, I'm sure that has nothing to do with your drowning people in giant typhoons." I couldn't resist the urge to be a little sarcastic. Then I shuddered slightly, remembering the wipe-out that just one of the Lion Turtle's waves had given me. I tried my very hardest to bend the wave away or control it, but I was no match. The pressure was too much.

Sensing my thoughts, the Lion Turtle craned his neck around to try to get a good look at me. I made it easier and jumped onto his fore claw, so he could see me clearly with his forward-facing eyes. He told me, "Katara. You know what you were fighting so hard against?"

"The wave?"

"The ocean," he corrected. "You were trying to bend the entire tide, weren't you? Well, you can't ever be good enough to control your own sea. All you can do, really, is rest in mine."

"But I'm a water bender."

"And who do you think gave you that ability? Who do you think is the only one who can cure the Bender's Plague?"

I bowed my head, shamed and awed. But I was still fighting for excuses. "The wipe-out," I faltered. "I can't swim if I'm constantly getting dunked. Just like I can't trust you when you're so…dangerous."

"Think about Zuko and Sokka. Those big-hearted guys could have me so miserable, especially lately. But you trust them both, even though they can disagree with you or act unpredictably. Why is that? Is trusting them easy or safe? Or is it because you know they love you?"

No more excuses came to mind.

"Look, I know you've heard it before from other less dependable sources…but I love you. I want what's best for you. But I can tell you right now, if you choose to trust me, there'll be periods of clam and periods of storm."

It sounded amazing, even desirable—but impossible. I had too much on my plate to think about a real trust relationship. I had too much of a Burden. I dared to say timidly, "I think if I got in water that deep, I'd sink."

"Then maybe you should surrender the burden."

I closed my eyes. It was not ready to take those meaningful words without wincing. When I opened my eyes again, I realized that we had been warping and were now in the cerulean waters of the sunny shore of the Fire Nation. The light hurt my eyes. But it felt good on my skin, and gradually I could look up in the Lion Turtle's face again. His eyes suddenly looked like portals, through which I could see everything that had ever happened to make me so manically miserable.

I blinked, and a solitary tear fell from my eye. "I'm ready," I said, barely perceptible. "I don't even know how to start, but…I want to be free. I want to be rescued."

"The moment you waded out in that bloody water after the battle, you were." The great animal's voice was soft and sincere. "I'm going to heal you." He placed me on the shore, reached out an arm, and touched me gently. One claw-tip made gentle contact with my forehead, the other with my chest, and instantly my normal vision was gone.

Now I only saw a vague silhouette of myself and the Lion Turtle. Out of our eyes and mouths came beams of energy-light. My life was blue and his was a welded mix of countless colors.

'What exactly should I do?' I wondered.

The Lion Turtle's consciousness spoke to me in reply. 'If you want, you can combine your energy and sprit with mine. This way, the Bending Plague will be cured, your spirit will be linked with mine, and wherever you are, you can talk to me.'

'Is this what those peasants were all so excited about? No wonder they all love you.' I was scared, and I didn't know what was going to happen to me, but I trusted this animal with my life. 'I'm ready.'

Our colors mixed together, his overpowering mine. It was not a battle; it was a willing union of spirits. When it was over, I felt exhausted and invigorated at the same time. I would later discover that my bending was vastly improved. Any time I exhausted my Chi, I could get more energy from the Lion Turtle's spirit. The energy would work through me to accomplish certain tasks. Right then, however, I had something else on my mind besides bending.

"Lion Turtle," I ventured, "I need to ask you something. What if I made an agreement with somebody and even though I love him…I don't know if I want to live with him?"

"Be more specific," he urged. "The way you phrased it sounded downright selfish."

So I explained all about Aang and Zuko; and not without getting emotional again, either. I said how much poor Aang needed me, and how much I owed to Zuko for being such an understanding friend. When I was done venting, the Lion turtle was silent for a few seconds.

"You know," he said at last, "it doesn't sound to me like you want to be with either of those boys."

"What?!" I exclaimed. "Of course I do!" But then I halted. I wasn't really thinking about what I wanted at all. I was letting the Burden, the responsibility of making others happy, cloud my judgment. For the very first time I wondered what I could do with my life there were no need boys to take care of. And my mind was further boggled by the Turtle's next suggestion:

"Another thing. Did you ever think about how young you guys all are?"

At sixteen, I was married. By eighteen, I was running a good third of the Fire Nation's affairs plus managing the Avatar too. I had lost both my parents. At twelve, Aang lost his entire people and everyone he loved. At fifteen he was drinking at acting out with other girls to relieve him of his horrible stress-load. Zuko had an abusive father, a sociopath sister dead at his own hands, a workload greater than I could imagine, and an unbalanced, fluctuating relationship with Mai. None of us had been in any way ready for the horrible things we'd been put through. Why put ourselves through even more? Teens were teens. They should be dreaming big and working to fulfill those dreams, not running countries and living like characters in a soap opera.

"Katara, if you want my advice, I'll say this." The beast was frank and earnest. "You're young; you're in the flower of your youth. Yo should live your own life. It's not your job to take care of Ang or repay some debt to Zuko. However," he added gravely, "you did make a promise to Aang. No promise should be refuted without careful consideration, if it must be refuted at all."

"But it wasn't even a real wedding," I admitted. "It was more like an agreement. The promises we made were only to each other—no greater powers involved."

"In that case, take it up with Aang." The Lion Turtle gave me and affectionate nudge that nearly sent me sprawling before he turned away. "I'll be right here when you call me. Whenever you feel too burdened, remember—I'll take it all on me. See that island on my back? That's your burden, and the burden of the world."

The Great Forces could not have chosen a better animal to demonstrate their intentions.

**********************

Back at the familiar Fire Nation palace, Aang was nowhere around. After dinner I retired early and fell asleep almost at once. I needed a night to sleep on all this new info, a night to consider what I really wanted. After a long talk with Freda the next morning and a stress-relieving walk, I sought out my husband.

I found Aang in our room, stroking Momo and gazing wistfully out the window. He stood up when I cam in and the two of us approached awkwardly. We both had things to say.

"Katara…" Aang began, fidgeting nervously. "I'm really sorry about earlier. I know you have feelings for Zuko and me both. I guess we each thought the other was trying to sway your opinion. It was wrong of me to start an argument."

"Happens to us all," I replied, and then became shocked at the leniency of my words.

"Anyway, I really did wan to talk to you about us," Aang said a little more surely. "I've thought a lot about it, and I know I want you to be happy. So I just want to tell you that I'm in for the deal…for life…if that's what you want." Oddly, his eyes shifted down to the floor ad his voice shrank.

"Well," I considered, "I made a promise. And I do care about you. So…I'm in too, if…if…well, I don't want to hurt you."

There was an awkward silence. Both of us were willing to stick together for honor's sake, but there was an obvious lack of enthusiasm and spark. Without thinking I blurted out, "Aang, let's just be honest. Can't we say how we really feel?"

"That's okay with me," Aang smiled.

There was an instant feel of relief in the room.

"I do want to share my feelings," the Avatar went on. "It's just that…I don't want to be offensive. Ever since I got back two months ago, I haven't really been open or honest with you."

"You will have to change that if you want a relationship," I state firmly. "And you'll need to find appropriate ways to relieve stress."

"Yes, dear," Aang said with an ironic grin.

My shoulders sagged as I realized his meaning. "There I go again, huh? I'm sorry, Aang. I don't mean to be so demanding. In fact, besides being annoying…it's hypocritical." My gaze did not meet his this time. "I shouldn't make demands on you when I'm the one…who isn't wholehearted."

"You're not?" Aang asked. Was I mistaken, or was his voice tinted by the slightest bit of relief? "Katara—I'm really sorry, but I gotta say it. I spent a long time with the Lion Turtle and I've got lots of new ides and abilities. As Avatar I have so much that needs to be done—so much I love doing!" He continued excitedly, "Now I know what the Avatar is really supposed to do, and I want to do it more than ever." Then his face darkened. "But it will be a busy life, even if I cut back. And my…attention…will mostly be on my job."

Was I misinterpreting him? Or was he really feeling the same way I was? "I know what you mean," I said aloud. "I'm just realizing lately that I can live my own life. I just—" I felt so inspired, and yet so tongue-tied. "I just want to live. I don't know exactly what I wan to do with my life yet, but I'm gonna find it. And—" I halted abruptly.

"—And you don't want to be held back?" Aang finished for me. He put his arms around my comfortingly. "I know, Katara. I feel it too. We're young, and we need to focus on our big dreams." He added more tentatively, "Someday we might love each other enough to combine our lives and make big sacrifices. Or we might each find somebody else who we care so much about."

"But I do care about you," I sobbed, burying my face in his floppy air bender jacket.

He stroked my hair. "I love you too, Katara. But do you think it's true love?"

I sniffled for a few moments and slowly disentangled myself from Aang. "No," I told him. "Maybe we're too young for that. This might be end of our marriage…"

"But not the end of our friendship," he finished with one of his big, childish smiles.

I looked up at him in astonishment. "What—what happened to you, Aang? You're so different since you got back. If we talked about this last year you'd be bawling and clinging to me like a sticker."

I sighed involuntarily. I would miss his worshipful attachment to me, which seemed suddenly to be shattered. I had suspicions all along that Aang's admiration for me was largely the result of security and parenting issues, or rather a lack thereof. Millions of twelve-year-olds had deferential infatuations with older girls, particularly those who had no mothers. Aang still cared about me immensely, of course—but it wasn't romantic love at this point.

"I guess," said Aang in response to my question, "I finally found some security."

We were both wordless for a little while, thinking about the Lion Turtle. Then we began to walk outside, arm-in-arm, discussing things we hadn't had the chance to before. Aang had canceled all his duties for the day. He told me about his time with the Lion Turtle, and I told him about my miserable time with Azula. To my great surprise, Aang informed me that he and the Lion Turtle had journeyed far out to sea and visited a remote country of islands. The place was called "Twardeb."

"That's not on any map I've ever seen," I remarked.

"No, me either," Aang agreed. "But the world is a big place. The Lion Turtle has been to Twardeb many times. He ferries people back and forth secretly. It's a really strange place. A lot of the people are destitute and there's hardly any benders at all."

Two ideas hit me like lightning bolts out of a cloudy sky. "Freda!" I exclaimed. "And Beka! No wonder they're so unusual—they're from Twardeb! All they ever talk about is the Lion Turtle." Beyond solving that little mystery, my mind was awhirl with fresh ideas and inspiration. There was a whole new world to explore. People to help, routes to navigate, new uses for my bending—all of available and in high demand in Twardeb.

"I'm going to ask the Lion Turtle to take me there," I told Aang late that afternoon.

"You'll have to wait one more month sp we can all celebrate your birthday together," Aang advised. "Sokka's going back to the University in a few weeks and he wants to do something for you. Toph's off military duty too."

But before I made any plans at all, there was one more matter that needed looking into.

Zuko.

****************************************

I met the Fire Lord on the hilltop above the palace. The houses and shacks that surrounded the great ship-filled bay were peaceful and picturesque in the evening light. Even the presence of the frightening Lion Turtle, beyond all the boats, did nothing to render the scene unlovely. The sky was a bright reddish-orange, and yellow light danced gleefully on the bay's moving waters, reflections marred only by the occasional sleepy, purple-tinted could. Zuko was in long, flowing robes of burgundy, and his scarred face was thoughtful. The familiar burning passion of his reddish-gold eyes made my heart flutter. He reached out his hand, and when I took it, I wanted to forget everything I had just said to Aang. I was tempted to throw everything to the wind just to be with Zuko. But the feeling was like a delicious smell in the wind: scintillating and irresistibly coercive one moment, and the next, wholly absent without a trace.

"Zuko," I whispered. "I can't be with you."

A short silence followed. I could see some measure of pain of the Fire Lord's face. But he was as unpredictable as always. "I was kinda hoping you'd say that," he smiled. "It's very convenient, actually."

"What? But I thought—"

"I love you, Katara. Before I got close to you, I never knew what it was like to have a girl as a friend. I never had a sister figure who wasn't trying to kill me, you know? So when I realized how special you are, I interpreted it as the only kind of love I knew."

"The romantic kind," I said, unnecessarily.

"Yeah, and it'll be a lucky man who finally pins you down. You're quite a girl," he complimented me, with a half-hungry, half-embarrassed expression. "But really…I already have a relationship with Mai. I can't betray her again."

"We—we can still be friends, right?" I asked uncertainly. Imagining my life without Zuko was a terrifying thought. He was still a part of my soul. He evoked passion in me like no one else could. He was the most understanding guy I knew, next to Sokka.

"Of course," Zuko smiled. "And look on the bright side—it'll be a lot less awkward for you and Aang now."

I covered my mild surprise at this remark and said, "Oh, actually…Aang and I aren't staying together."

A spasm of anger crossed Zuko's face. "Why? Did he hurt you?"

"Of course not, idiot," I chuckled. "The other day we talked and decided it was for the best—at least for now. But I sure will miss him." I added in explanation, "I'm going to visit some distant islands and lend a hand over there. I hope you don't mind."

"Hey, it's your life," Zuko said, but with a melancholy look that filled me with guilt. "Anyway, I don't know…I just thought…you always said that Aang completes you."

Yes, I'd thought that romantic thought so often. But did I need another person to complete now that I had found so much security? What if I was special and loved enough just as I was? I was renewed daily by the energy of the Lion Turtle. I could go anywhere I wanted, with the wind at my back, a new day's light on my face, and a smile in my heart. I took a deep breath, and for the first time in my life, I spoke these three words with absolute certainty,

"I am complete."

THE END