Title: Loca
Author: rekkidbraka
Rating: T
Pairings: Tony D. and Ziva D.
Category: Romance
Disclaimer: No infringement intended.
Spoilers: None
Summary: Deeks? Jealous of Tony?

Because Tony was "starving," he, Ziva, Deeks and Kensi opted for dinner at a Mexican restaurant that came highly recommended by Deeks.

"Let me guess: The name is El Mucho Roacho?" Kensi said to Deeks as he sped through the Los Angeles streets from LAX. Tony was getting carsick. Ziva, on the other hand, was rather impressed with Deeks' driving skills.

"As a matter of fact, Fern," Deeks shot back, "Mi Zorillo Poco has the best chile rellenos in town."

"We're eating at a place called 'My Little Skunk'?" Kensi asked. "Really, Deeks?"

"Fern?" Tony asked, leaning his head against the back window. He was turning green. Deeks whipped around another corner. "Isn't your name ... Kensi?"

Kensi and Deeks answered at exactly the same time, with Kensi saying "It's Kensi" and Deeks saying "Nope. Fern!"

"CAN you decide?" Ziva demanded.

"Fern was an alias of mine and TIM here can't let it go, can you, TIM?" Kensi said in a snide tone, narrowing her eyes at Deeks. He flashed her a toothy grin from the driver's side.

"Sorry, no. I can't... KIKI."

Kensi folded her arms, sat back in her seat and shook her head at Deeks. He was going to be like this all day. And they were supposed to be impressing these D.C. agents with their skills. Hetty might not be thrilled to hear back from Agents DiNozzo and David that they'd been treated to the Kensi & Deeks Comedy Hour.

"Tony," Ziva whispered, "I am confused. Is she Fern or Kiki? Or Kensi?"

"Well," Tony gasped, nauseous from the high-speed tour of the seedier parts of L.A., "we know that he's Tim."

Once seated at Mi Zorillo Poco, Kensi chatted up Ziva about how the D.C. office worked its cases, how often they worked undercover and what it was really like to work for Gibbs.

"He's a legend. And not just at NCIS. My dad said Gibbs was..." Kensi began. Ziva, intrigued, interrupted her.

"Your father knows Gibbs?" she asked.

"Knew," Kensi said quietly. "He's dead now."

"Oh..." Ziva replied. "I am sorry."

Kensi forced a kind smile.

"It's okay," she told Ziva. "But, yeah, my dad and Gibbs were in the Corps together. They lost touch, you know? It happens."

"Won't happen to us, Fern," Deeks joked, trying to lighten the mood. "You're stuck with me. You don't have to say it. I can see how happy that makes you."

Kensi rolled her eyes. Ziva snickered and then studied her menu.

"Ahhhhhhh..." Tony sighed with relief as he slid into the booth beside Ziva, "nothing like a little pit stop en el bano to recharge the old batteries. Shouldn't have had that third cup of coffee on the plane. Knew I'd pay for it later. Didn't think I was gonna make it when you took that last corner, Timmy."

Deeks frowned playfully at Tony.

"Timmy?"

"Yeah... Tim. That's what she called you in the car. Heh... funny. We got our own Timmy in D.C. You met him, right? He and the Boss came out here couple years ago for some fun 'n gun in the sun? Couldn't quit talking about all the nerd toys you guys have. Ah, McGeek..."

"Tim's just one of my aliases," Deeks said.

"Oh," Tony sniffed. "Right. Knew that. Your real name's, uh... um... heh... It was a long flight, Tim."

"Tony?" Ziva said.

"Yes, my little chimichanga?"

"Stop talking."

"Did he just call her 'my little chimichanga'?" Kensi whispered to Deeks.

"He did, my little tamale," Deeks replied, eyeing the day's dinner specials.

"Don't start," Kensi warned. Deeks only grinned, pointing out the Dos-For-Uno Margarita Gigante special to her.

"... and THEN," Tony, now on Margarita Numero Cinco, said to Kensi and Deeks, "... THEN she called... called me her Lil' Furry Butt..."

"Furry MUTT," Ziva corrected. She was only on Agua Numero Tres.

"... Furry Smut," Tony self-corrected (or tried to), "... an' thash when I knew she wash... wash in love with me." He smiled drunkenly and, taking Ziva's hand, kissed it sloppily.

"He treats me like a drag queen," Ziva said, giving Tony a big kiss on the cheek. He rested his head on her shoulder, closing his eyes. Kensi and Deeks each raised a wary eyebrow at each other. DiNozzo was toast. And... drag queen?

"Sounds like a fairy tale to me," Deeks joked. Kensi elbowed him under the table.

"And you have how many kids?" Kensi asked, trying to change the subject from drag queens and all things furry.

"Two. And... "Ziva looked down at her tummy. "One on the way. We have a daughter, Sarah, who is almost three and a son, Jack, who is almost two."

"An' ..." Tony, head still on Ziva's shoulder and eyes still closed, was back in the conversation. "An' ... TWO dogsh. Mc... McFEE an' SHEP! Besht dog... DOGSH in the world. They love their..." He hiccupped. "... their daddy."

Then Tony frowned, thinking hard about something.

"No, wait... Shepsh the... the baby... McFEEsh hish daddy... I'm a granpaw..."

Sighing contentedly, he smacked his lips and went back to dozing on Ziva. She smiled, rolling her eyes. Kensi had to laugh. DiNozzo was pretty funny. Deeks was less impressed.

When they'd dropped Tony and Ziva at their hotel, Deeks drove Kensi back to her place and walked her to the door.

"Weird day, huh?" he asked. "That DiNozzo guy's a trip. And he's supposed to be one of their top agents."

Kensi grinned.

"I like him," she said. "He's cool."

"The guy had no clue we were undercover at the airport, he almost puked in my car..."

"I've almost puked in your car," Kensi noted.

"There's nothing wrong with my driving," Deeks said.

"There's nothing right with it, either," Kensi pointed out.

"... and then he got bombed at the restaurant. HE's what we're supposed to shoot for? More like what we should shoot AT."

Kensi eyed Deeks suspiciously.

"You jealous of DiNozzo, Deeks?"

Deeks looked at her like she was crazy.

"Okay, WHY would I be jealous of THAT guy?"

Kensi looked up, thinking it over.

"Hmmm... He's a top agent... Has a hot wife... kids... dogs... Looks great in a suit..."

Deeks threw his head back, laughing at Kensi mockingly.

"Oh, so you like his fashion sense... HETTY? Sounds like YOU'RE the one with a crush, Fern."

Kensi shot him a dirty look.

"The guy's married, Deeks. And I like Ziva. So, no — get your mind out of the gutter."

Deeks smirked at her. He wasn't convinced that Kensi wasn't crushing just a little bit on DiNozzo. Married or not, the guy was good looking.

"Fern..." Deeks said, squinting as if he were putting a lot of thought into something. "Fern... DiNozzo..."

"Stop it, Deeks," Kensi said, not joking. He was starting to be a jerk.

"Fern DiNozzo. Fern and Tony DiNozzo..." Deeks went on, shooting Kensi a goofy smile as he backed away from her doorway. "Tony and Fern DiNozzo... Mrs. Fern DiNozzo... Mrs. KIKI DiNozzo!"

"Shut UP!" Kensi yelled, not caring who heard her.

"Tony and KEE-KEE... Sittin' in a tree-eeee..." Deeks persisted in a sing-songy way, skipping to his car. When he got in, he peeled out, his tail lights fading in the night.

Kensi stood at her front door, watching him speed off.

He'd been starting to piss her off but... she'd kind of hoped Deeks might stick around. For a little while, anyway.

No luck. So she went inside her apartment and, closing the door behind her, called it an early night.