Author's Note: I'm bad. I know.

Harvey, Joker, Jonathan, and Jervis sat silently wracking their brains out trying to remember what happened after they touched down in Las Vegas. So far, the only thing they knew for certain was they got ice cream.

"I swear to god Jervis if you fart one more time," Joker warned.

"I'm sorry! I'm lactose intolerant! It had to be ice cream. It's the only thing that makes me this bad," Jervis whined.

Harvey wondered how hard it would be on his own. He didn't need this. Maybe he'd take Jonathan with him. Oh, no, Jonathan just threw up; he had to stay behind with the rejects. He could hitchhike back to Gotham. Or just carjack someone. It was settled. He got up off the couch and started for the door when Jervis groaned and Joker lunged for him. "Fuck my life," Harvey cursed. He turned around and pulled the clown off the poor gassy little man. "Knock it off Jack. More than likely he's in this situation because of you."

"When was the last time I tied someone down and force fed them ice cream?" Joker protested.

"February '97, Victor Fries."

"I don't remember….wait….yeah I did."

"What I wouldn't give to be with anyone else in the world," Harvey muttered.

"Being with you is no picnic either."

"You know what? You three are on your own. Kill each other, lay here and cry, or jump out the damned window." Harvey grabbed his coat off the couch and headed for the door, this time 100% committed to leaving.

"But how will we get home?" Jervis cried.

"Frankly Hatter, I don't give a damn." He slammed the door. It was like a million pounds had been lifted off his shoulders. He got on the elevator and by the time he hit the lobby he was whistling a little tune.

"Good evening Mr. Dent. It's nice to see you," the concierge said cheerfully.

"Hi, uh...um...sorry I'm blanking on the name."

"Kenneth sir. Are you feeling alright? I know Mrs. Dent was looking a little ill this afternoon."

Harvey stopped mid step and turned back to the desk. "Mrs. Dent?"

"Yes, that's right. She, Mrs. Wayne, and Miss Quinn were all down here a little while ago for dinner."

"Mrs. Dent?" He repeated. "Mrs. Wayne? Miss Quinn is the only thing that makes sense."

"I'm sorry?"

"Was one of these women a redhead with an hourglass figure, and the best set of legs you've ever seen?"

Kenneth adjusted his tie and blushed. "Mrs. Dent, yes."

"And Mrs. Wayne, tall busty brunette?"

Kenneth nodded.

"And of course Miss Quinn is the bubbly blonde with the tight ass."

"Sir!"

"You try and describe them."

"Well those are the women. They were with you and your friends last night."

"What room is my wife in?"

"Your room of course."

"What room is that?"

"Penthouse 3."

"Nope, that's where I just left."

"Perhaps in Mr. Wayne's suite?"

"What number is that?"

"Penthouse 1."

"In this hotel?"

"Why of course."

"Really? Really?" Harvey yelled.

"Are you alright?"

"You know what? No. No I'm not alright. God has a really twisted sense of humor. Thanks for the help Kenny."

"Kenneth sir."

"Thanks for the help, assface." Harvey got back on the elevator and headed upstairs.

"I have to pee," Harley chirped making a beeline for the bathroom.

"Thanks for the update," Selina sighed.

"Just sharing with you. Hey! I found a receipt!"

"For where?" Ivy asked rushing over to the bathroom door.

"Viva Las Vegas!"

"Hurry up and pee! We're going!"

Harley did as she was told and a second later they were all rushing for the door. "Does that receipt have an address on it?" Ivy asked as she opened the door and ran straight into Harvey's chest. "Oof!"

"Hello Mrs. Dent," he greeted.

"Harvey!" Ivy cried wrapping her arms around his neck. "I'm so happy to see you."

"Me too. But why is everyone calling you Mrs. Dent? And why are you Mrs. Wayne?"

"Why is anything anything?" Selina asked.

"Good point."

"Are you all by yourself?" Harley asked.

"Nope, as a matter of fact…" Harvey took Ivy's hand and gestured for the rest to follow him. He knocked on the door two rooms down and Joker opened it. "Look what I have, an Ivy, a Selina, and a MISS Harley Quinn." Harvey ushered them all in and closed the door behind him.

"What happened? Little twit wise up and leave you at the alter?" Joker hissed.

"No!" Harley yelled back. "Well…I don't think he did."

Joker smirked.

"I'll have you know I may have had sex with William Shatner!"

"I thought we agreed that no one did anything with the Shat," Selina sighed.

"What about William Shatner?" Jervis asked perking up.

"It's a long story. Or maybe it isn't. I honestly don't know," Ivy answered.

"I'm a little worried," Harvey confessed.

"We all are."

"What do you guys know?" Selina asked.

"We broke Joker out of jail so he could follow Harley and Eddie," Jonathan replied. "You?"
"Ivy, Bruce, and I followed Harley and Eddie here."

Everyone turned and looked at Harley.

"I was drugged and drunk. You can't blame me for what happened," Harley snorted.

"We just found a receipt for Viva Las Vegas and we were on our way there. It looks like the first place we would've gone after we landed," Selina explained.

"What is it?" Harvey questioned.

"A wedding chapel," Joker answered glaring at Harley.

"Well we have a Mrs. Wayne and a Mrs. Dent here so it might be one of them and don't you give me that look! You don't love me!"

"You're right. You're free to boff ever Tom, Eddie, and William Shatner you like!"

"Who's Tom?"

"I just picked a random name!"

"You're an ass!" Harley yelled.

"Well apparently you're a whor…"

Harvey clamped his hand over Joker's mouth to stop him from finishing his thought. Unfortunately, all that did was hold him in place so Harley could give him a swift kick to the family jewels.

Joker's eyes bugged out of his head as his legs turned to jelly and he fell to the floor, hands firmly grasping the package between his legs.

"Sorry, I had no idea she'd go for your junk," Harvey told him.

Joker only whimpered.

"That was the best part of this trip," Jonathan said with a smile.

"Anyone have a phone?" Jervis asked.

"I got the picture," Selina answered. "I'll send it to you when we get back to Gotham."

"You can all go to Hell and die. In that order," Joker wheezed.

"Hi!" Selina greeted with all the fake cheer she could muster.

The desk clerk at Viva Las Vegas eyed her suspiciously and then turned his attention to the large, strange group behind her. "Hi."

"I have kind of an odd question…funny really," she laughed a little. "We can't remember much of last night and…"

"The blonde was here with a tall scrawny fellow. They were about to go in for the ceremony when you, the redhead, and a guy in a suit busted in. Blondie and her boyfriend took off and your group was hot on their tail. I told you last night and I'm telling you again, no refunds. All ceremonies are final whether you go thru with it or not. Annulments are extra," the clerk grumbled.

"Oh..ok…thank you," Selina stammered.

"That all?"

"Um, no, do you by chance know where we went next?"

"Red there got a phone call and said something about the Venetian."

"Crap. Thanks." The group walked out of the chapel and out into the parking lot.

"Well that was semi-helpful," Ivy muttered.

"At least no one got married," Selina offered.

"At least not there. There's how many other late night chapels in this hole," Harvey grunted.

"Thank you for being so optimistic."

Harvey snorted.

"We need to figure out what happened next," Jonathan announced.

"Got any ideas Johnny?" Selina asked.

"What's the deal with this William Shatner stuff?"

"He was an actor on Star Trek, lets leave it there," Ivy warned.

"He might have some insight on what happened," Jonathan pushed.

"I don't want his insight."

"I'm not so sure I want it either," Harvey agreed eyeing Ivy.

"Do you really think I humped TJ Hooker?"

"Look, we were all drunk and drugged up, I'm sure we all did things we're not proud of…" Harvey began cautiously.

"And out of the three of us," Ivy yelled gesturing toward Selina and Harley, "you think I had sex with William Shatner?"

Harvey started to back away from her. Clearly he had gone down the wrong road here.

"I would be pointing the finger at that one," Ivy snorted pointing to Selina.

"Whoa! Why me?" Selina cried.

"Why not? You bone Batman."

"I have…we….that is….if anyone had sex with Bill its Harley!"

Harley squeaked in protest.

"Joker, Riddler, clearly she has bad taste in men."

"Hey!" Joker huffed.

"Oh don't pretend you're Prince Charming," Jervis spat.

Joker took a swing at Jervis and that was the end of the small order they had. Harvey tried to pull Jervis out of the fray but Ivy got a hold of Harvey first which in turn set Two-Face off on her. Meanwhile, Selina and Harley started bickering while Jonathan tried to mediate. After he told them they were both being ridiculous, they turned on him. As Joker shoved Jervis's face into pavement he saw Jonathan pulling back to take a swing at Harley. He grabbed Johnny by the ankle and pulled him to the ground.

"Were you really about to hit my Harley?" Joker asked.

"She's (I'm) not your Harley!" the group yelled in unison.

"Alright! This is enough! We're tracking down Shatner and solving the mystery of what the hell happened right now!" Selina ordered.

"I feel like we've been in here for days," Eddie moaned.

"We may very well have been," Bruce sighed.

""I'm hungry."

"I know."

"I'm thirsty."

"I know."

"I want to see Holly."

"I. Know."

"I'm probably driving you crazy."

"More than you know."

"What are you going to do when you get out of here?"

"Kill you," Bruce thought. "I don't know."

"Are you and Selina a thing again?"

"I don't want to talk about Selina."

"Oh come on! What else do we have to talk about?"

"We can be quiet."

"You're an ass."

"I'm sorry I'm not shitting sunshine and rainbows but I'm not exactly excited about being trapped in a dark closet with you."

"Better than being trapped in a dark closet with Joker."

"I'll give you that."

"Hmph, Joker," Eddie snorted.

"Want to talk about it sport?" Bruce said sarcastically.

"That guy is a real piece of work."

"I didn't mean we should actually talk about it. See, I was using sarcasm."

"Harley and I were happy. We weren't in love but we were happy and he just comes in…"

"And takes her away blah blah blah. I was there, I know. And I also know that you were following Holly around like the sun was shinning out her ass so don't start."

"I feel like this whole closet situation is Joker's fault."

"That I can get behind."

"I smell like Harley."

Bruce rolled his eyes. "I don't understand you people."

"No, really, I smell like her perfume. It's all over my shirt."

Bruce reluctantly leaned over and sniffed Eddie's shirt. It did in fact have the distinct smell of Harley's cupcake body spray. "It does."

"I remember her being at the skating party."

"Probably where you picked it up."

"No this smells fairly fresh. She must've been with us before we got locked in the closet." Eddie sniffed his shirt again. He could see Harley snuggled up on his chest. The memory was blurry, faint, like a dream but it was still there. He closed his eyes and tried to remember more. She was lying on his chest but it was an awkward angle…she was sitting next to him. There was an armrest between them and a low humming. The floor was a cheap blue carpet. Everything was jostled for a second like they had hit a bump only he wasn't driving. "We were on a plane!" he cried triumphantly.

"What?"

"Harley and I were on a plane. She was lying on my chest."

"Where were you going?"

"I can't remember that part. All I can remember was her cuddling with me."

"Think harder."

Eddie closed his eyes and buried his nose in his shirt. Bits and pieces came to him. Harley lying all over him at the skating party, someone's red lips pulling away from his mouth with a satisfied smile, Harley's lips actually. Eddie smiled to himself. "I can remember some of the party, mostly just what Harley and I were doing."

"That's fine we'll start there, what happened?"

"I'm not sure, she was hanging on me, we might've kissed…"

"What is it with this girl? You all want her, leave her, and then obsess over her."

"I can remember bits and pieces of the airport…"

Bruce thought about what Eddie was telling him and suddenly he realized where they were. "We're in Las Vegas."

"What?"

"You and Harley jumped on a plane to Vegas. Selina and Ivy chased after you and I went along."

"You remember?"

"Just everything that happened before we got on the plane. It's a bit fuzzy but that's what happened."

"So Harley, Selina, and Ivy are somewhere in Vegas too?"

"Most likely."

"Harvey probably followed Ivy here."

"I would say that's a safe bet."

"Why would Harley and I come to Vegas?"

"Think about that Riddler."

Eddie tried to think of a reason he'd want to visit the neon wonder and then it hit him. "Shit…am I married?"

"I can't answer that riddle."

"I don't want to ever leave this closet."

"Why not?"

"Joker is going to kill my ass."

William Shatner was not staying at the Venetian hotel and after an hour of searching the group discovered he was checked into the Hard Rock under the name Jim T. Hooker…not very clever. The front desk clerk was very helpful with looking up Bill's room number, after Harvey, Johnny, Jervis, and Joker persuaded him of course. They all crammed into an elevator and headed up to the penthouse suites.

"What if he's not here?" Jervis asked.

"What if he's dead?" Selina added.

"What if pigs shot out my nose?" Joker smiled at them but no one was finding him funny today…not that they usually did.

Harley knocked on the door of the suite in question.

"Yes?" William Shatner yelled.

"Um…Hi, Mr. Shatner?"

"What?"

"I don't know if you remember me but my name is Harley…"

William Shatner opened the door and snatched Harley up in a hug. "Quinny!"

Joker's smile quickly hit the floor and his fists started shaking. Harvey acted quickly, he hit the down button on the elevator and when the doors opened shoved Joker in it and hit all the buttons. The doors quickly closed and he was gone.

"Nice," Ivy said impressed.

"It's all about quick thinking," Harvey replied happy they were once again speaking.

"Oh I see the whole group is here, come on in!" Bill cried happily. "I was sorry I left so early this morning but I had this interview for some sci-fi magazine. You know how it is."

Harley nodded…she had no clue what he was talking about.

"Anyway, I went back to the hotel after the photo shoot and you were all gone. I was hoping you didn't jet back to Gotham."

"We're still here," Harvey interjected. "And we actually have a weird request."

"You see, things are kind of hazy from last night and we're not sure what happened," Selina finished.

"I'm not surprised. You guys were messed up when we started partying. Where's Joker?" Shatner asked.

Harvey checked his watch. "Basement probably."

"I see. Well, where would you like me to begin?"

"How about where and at what time we ran into you and who all was there."

"Not a problem well it was Friday night around midnight…"

Friday. Midnight…ish.

Harley, Ivy, and Selina ran pass the bouncer standing in the doorway of Club Dynamo with waves and blown kisses. Hot on their tail was Joker followed by Jonathan, Jervis, and Harvey bringing up the rear. While three attractive women can pull off jumping a line, men cannot. Especially rogue men in Vegas. The beefy bouncer stepped in front of the door and Joker nearly bounced off the man's chest.

"Where you going?" the bouncer asked, arms folded across his chest, sunglasses on even though it was night.

"I need to follow that blonde!" Joker yelled back.

"That sounds a little stalkerish."

"No, you don't understand!"

"I don't think I want to."

"No, no, no! You see, she was my doctor at Arkham Asylum," Joker began.

An eyebrow shot up above the sunglasses. "Stop. Just stop."

"And I kind of made her fall in love with me and she broke me out and started a life of crime with me."

"You can really stop."

"Ok, so we're in this crazy relationship…"

Jonathan laughed. "Crazy? Try Nuckin futs! So he throws her out constantly and she always shacks up with her gal pal, the red head, and you know what they're up to."

"Are not," Harvey grunted.

"Oh you know they have some girl love."

"That would be hot," Jervis added.

"Not important!" Joker cried. "Now, ok, yes I tossed her out and treated her poorly but then she ups and leaves and yes she moves in with Ivy and then Selina joins them so it's this whole woman fest."

"The blonde and the redhead? Really?" the bouncer asked.

"Oh yeah," Jonathan replied.

"Shut up and listen! She leaves me and goes all Carrie Bradshaw with her gal pals there and…"

"Carrie Bradshaw? Like you watch Sex and the City," Harvey laughed.

"Stop interrupting me!" Joker whined. "Then this skinny little snot steals her! He just asks her out, romances her, and then he asks her to marry him! She says yes and that's when Ivy and Selina start plotting to get her back for me. Long story short…"

"Too late," the bouncer sighed.

"She ditches Eddie, that's the skinny little snot, at the alter…"

"But Joker, that's him, is in Hawaii with Ivy. Not romantically, they hate each other. So he has no idea Harley stopped her wedding for him!" Jervis added excitedly.

"Doing fine on my own! Yes, I wasn't there and Ivy knows the whole time but I won't let her tell me but finally she does so we race back to Gotham…"

"Now your pasty complexion makes sense, you're that Joker."

"Anyway, race back to Gotham, I tell her I love her…"

"The first time he ever says it to her!" Jervis squealed.

"What is wrong with you?" Joker asked.

"I don't know. I'm extra giddy."

"Ok then. I tell her I love her and…"

"How long you been with this chick?" the bouncer asked.

"Um, I don't know…"

"Close to ten years," Harvey answered.

"Close to ten years and you never told her you loved her? What is wrong with you?"

"It was implied!" Joker retorted.

"You're lucky she stayed with your clown ass."

"She did and that's not the story at hand. So some time goes by and we're happy. Then this magazine, this stupid evil magazine comes out and says I can't love. I don't have the ability to. Well what do I know right? I start thinking…"

"Man you didn't did you?"

"I told her I didn't love her."

"Fool what is wrong with you. I oughta kick your ass."

"I did some more thinking now and I do love her which is why I'm here! I followed her to stop her from marrying Eddie…again."

"This dude Eddie love her?"

"No, he's in love with Holly the bartender."

"Holly love him?"

"She did but she might be rather pissed off at him now," Harvey joked.

"Ya'll are twisted."

"He loves the redhead," Joker said pointing to Harvey.

"Basically married," Harvey told him pointing to the ring.

"Congrats man. I'm happily married myself. Tanya, she's a lawyer. Going on fifteen years now."

"That's nice."

"Can I get in or not?" Joker hissed.

"No. You're an idiot."

Inside the club, Ivy, Selina, and Harley were at the bar giggling and panting. Ivy pushed the hair out of her face and calmed down from her laughing fit. "That was close."

"They almost had us," Selina agreed.

"Can we get three Cosmos down here?" Harley called to the bartender.

"Sure thing sweetheart," he replied with a wink sending the girls into another round of giggles.

"So what do we do now?" Selina asked.

"We hide out here, drink, and see where life takes us," Ivy answered.

"What about the boys?" Harley asked.

"Hopefully they stay locked out."

Harley took a step back and bumped into the guy next to her. "Whoopsie. Sorry."

"Quite alright, no harm done," he replied with a smile.

"Do I know you?"

"I don't think so."

"You look super familiar," Selina joined in.

"Oh, well you may recognize me from TV. I'm William Shatner."

"Holy crap it's Captain Kirk!" Ivy cried.

"Yes, I played Captain Jim Kirk on Star Trek, original series," he beamed.

"I liked you on Boston Legal. You were so horny and so hilarious and…you're hand is on my thigh," Harley said looking down.

"Sorry, I'm just being Denny Crane."

Harley laughed. "I love Denny!"

"Can I buy you ladies a drink?"

"We already have three coming," Selina replied.

"Rocko, put these ladies drinks on my tab."

"Sure thing Mr. Shatner."

"It's like being around a funnier, nicer, more perverted Oswald," Ivy joked.

"So you ladies know who I am but I didn't catch your names."

"Oh, well, I'm Selina, this is Ivy, and that is Harley Quinn."

"Pleasure. Well ladies, what are we doing tonight?"

Joker, Harvey, Jervis, and Jonathan were huddled up in the alley next to the club. "We need a plan," Joker announced to the group.

"We could kill the bouncer," Jervis offered.

"We don't want to draw too much attention to ourselves. This isn't Gotham. Arkham isn't waiting for our return here," Harvey replied.

Joker stuffed his gun back in his pocket and whistled an innocent tune.

"Why don't you call Ivy?" Jonathan inquired. "Tell her you're done with us and to get you in."

"She's mad at me."

"She's always mad at someone. Just try."

Harvey pulled out his phone and hit speed dial 1.

"Yes?" Ivy asked.

"Get me in."

"Why should I?"

"I'm done with these morons."

"I can here Joker snickering in the background."

"Who's that?" William Shatner asked.

"Who the fuck is that?" Two-Face growled.

"T.J. Hooker. Someone got testy fast," she teased.

"Damn it woman, get your ass out here and drag those other two with you."

"I don't take orders from men."

"Look Petunia, either you come out or I blast my way in there." He pulled out his glock and started heading back toward the door. Joker eagerly following him.

"Huff, puff, blow the damn house in for all I care."

"I'm counting to three."

"I'm surprised you can."

"One…"

"Yawn."

"Two!" He was standing in front of the door now.

"Look, go home dudes," the bouncer warned.

Two-Face aimed his gun and Joker took the spot next to him.

"Two and a half," Ivy mused.

"Three God damn it!" He started to fire along with Joker while Jervis and Johnny covered their ears. The line outside scattered and the bouncer jumped out of the way, taking a bullet to the leg as he went. Two-Face kicked the door in and the crowd inside ran for their lives while Ivy, Selina, Harley, and a very frightened William Shatner sat at the bar. The three girls were used to outbursts like this, it didn't even make them blink anymore.

"So much for not calling attention to ourselves," Jervis joked.

Two-Face stormed right up to Ivy. "I should shoot your ass too."

She scoffed and took another sip of her martini.

"You're really testing my patience."

Joker sidled up next to Harley who blatantly ignored him. "Hi sweetheart."

"I hear this strange buzzing in my ear," she sighed.

"I have been chasing your ass all over this city. Enough is enough. Let's go."

"No way in Candyland I'm going with you anywhere. I have a new boyfriend, William Shatner."

"I'm married," Bill whimpered.

"Shh! He doesn't know that."

"Now see here…" He grabbed Harley's arm and she lost it. Her knee was in his groin and he was on the floor in the blink of an eye.

At this moment, Selina joined Jervis and Johnny on the other side of the bar. "I got twenty on blondie."

"I don't know, Joker is going to be really pissed when he shakes that off," Jervis countered.

"I'm curious as to the odds on Ivy and Two-Face over there," Johnny added.

"That could go either way. If Two-Face stays in control it could go to him but then again Ivy might pull a power move and force Harvey up," Selina explained.

"Twenty on Ivy and thirty says Joker slings Harley over his shoulder and carries her out Tarzan style," Jervis wagered.

"Twenty on Ivy and twenty says Harley takes off with Denny Crane." Jonathan handed his money over to Selina.

"Twenty on Harl and twenty on Ivy dropping Two-Face and Harvey." Selina pulled the money out and sat the stack on the bar.

Joker finally regained his breath and got back on his feet. "I'm going to kill you."

Selina slyly scooped the money up off the table, snatched Harley and Shatner and yelled, "Ivy we're out of here!"

"Wooohooo! 21!" Selina cheered as Ivy swept a large stack of poker chips towards herself. "You are on fire!"

"I told you, blackjack is my game," Ivy replied.

"Holy crap, look at all these chips!" Harley said excitedly counting them.

"We should go shopping," Selina suggested.

"Ladies, please, don't waste your winnings, let me take you shopping," Shatner insisted.

"Can't argue with that."

They all traipsed into one of the stores in the Venetian shops. For some reason, the gaudier the clothes were, the more they liked them and pretty soon all three girls had hideous new dresses.

"So what are we going to do with all these chips?" Ivy asked.

"Oh! Hotel party!" Harley cried.

Selina ran for the front desk. "We need a suite. Is Mr. Wayne's usual suite free?"

After searching for a couple hours the boys decided to go back to the hotel room and come up with a new plan. They were surprised when they reached their destination to see that room next to them had the door open and loud music blaring. They poked their heads in and were even more surprised to see William Shatner dancing with Selina while wearing a lampshade on his head.

"What the hell?" Harvey asked taking control again and surveying the scene. There were people everywhere and Ivy was doing body shots off a cocktail waitress and Harley danced with a couple strippers.

"I can't even remember why I was angry with her," Joker said watching Harley dance.

"Hello boys!" Shatner yelled. "Join the party!"

They exchanged looks, shrugged, and decided if you can't beat them, keep an eye on them.

Shatner's hotel room…

"That's the extent that I remember. Besides waking up in your hotel room," Shatner told them.

Joker burst through the door, his smile more menacing than usual. "Really funny asshat."

"I saw the humor in it," Harvey replied.

Joker picked a metal candlestick up off the table by the door and started for Harvey.

Jonathan snatched the candlestick away as Joker passed and put it under the couch cushion he was currently occupying.

"Mr. Shatner just told us what happened last night," Jervis informed Joker.

Joker grunted and took a seat.

"Basically you and Harvey acted like idiots, blasted into a club, started yelling, you got dropped by Harley, Two-Face acted like a possesive ass, and then Harley, Selina, and I took off to play some games. And yes Harvey, I'm still mad at you," Ivy explained.

"What the hell? It was Two-Face!" Harvey cried.

"Oh don't act so innocent. Apparently you pissed me off enough last night that I took off and left you with the F-Team."

"F-Team? Don't you mean A-Team?" Jervis asked.

"The F is for failure," Selina answered.

"Anyway," Harvey sighed, "we have another piece of the puzzle."

"We still don't know what happened after the chapel and before we met Mr. Shatner, what happened after, or where Bruce and Eddie are," Harley summed up.

"Yes because we don't want to forget about Eddums," Joker sneered.

"Can I say something?" Bill asked.

"Did you sleep with Harley?" Joker yelled pointing a finger at Shatner.

"What? No!"

"Then you may say whatever you like."

"You're insane," Harley snapped.

"Not you."

"Look, you obviously care for Harley very much. I don't remember a lot of what happened after the club but I can remember bits and pieces of you and her kissing and dancing together and what not. You seemed really happy. All this fighting is because you both care for one another."

"We should figure out what happened before the club so we can find Bruce and Eddie and get back to Gotham," Harley announced getting up.

"I agree." Ivy stood up and joined Harley by the door.

Harvey joined them as well as Jervis and Jonathan leaving Selina and Joker together on the couch. While to the casual observer it would seem like Harley was just dodging the question by leaving and everyone else was just ready to go as well, in truth, Harley had just rejected him and now the group at the door with her were on her side.

Selina looked at Joker and she was right back to that night when Eddie proposed to Harley at the Iceberg and Joker ended up bleeding and heart broken on her couch. Her heart broke for him. She knew what being rejected like this felt like. "We should head back to the hotel rooms and see if we can't find more clues." She stood up and held her hand out to Joker. "Help you up old timer?"

He smiled. "Thanks you crone."

They all crammed back into the elevator and when they reached the lobby Harley pulled Selina aside. "Why?"

"Harley…"

"You hate him."

"I'm not his number one fan but I feel for the guy I can't help it."

"You used to be a hard ass."

"Yeah well all the estrogen at Ivy's made me soft."

"He hurt me."

"I know and I also know he's stupid for believing that dumb magazine…"

Harley shook her head. "I don't think that article had anything to do with it."

"He loves you."

"No. I don't think he does or ever did. Ivy's right, he's just in it for the mind games."

"I can't believe that."

"Why?"

"Because he told me about…" Selina stopped herself.

"About what?"

"This weird dream he has where you're in trouble and he can't help you and then he wakes up and holds you tight but back before you were an item he used to break into your apartment and watch you sleep. It's creepy I know, but it's also sweet and you can never tell him I told you because he swore me to secrecy."

"When did he tell you about this?"

"The night you and Eddie got engaged."

Harley chewed her lip.

"The same night he had a mental breakdown and bashed his head against the table until he bled and I had to take him back to the apartment and bandage him up."

"Doesn't mean anything."

"He told Ivy he was in love with you the next day. To admit that, to her, in front of Harvey, that has to mean something."

"They're waiting for us."

"Just tell me the truth, do you love him still?"

"Always and never."

Selina smiled. "Do you still love me?"

"Of course."

"Hello Mrs. Wayne, Mrs. Dent, Mr. Dent, Miss Quinn, Dr. Crane, Mr. Tetch, Mr. Joker," the concierge greeted as they all entered the Venetian.

Jonathan stopped mid stride. "Damn it!"

"What?" Harvey asked.

"Why didn't we ask the front desk when we checked in and what we were doing?" Jonathan queried.

"Because we're idiots," Jervis answered.

"Hey Kenneth," Harvey said cautiously.

"Oh, now you remember my name. You must want something."

"You angered the concierge too?" Ivy asked in disbelief.

"It's been a rough day damn it."

"We're missing Bruce and our friend Eddie, he's about Joker's height, skinny, black hair, possibly wearing a green suit and we have no idea what time we got here or what happened when we did," Selina blurted out.

"I unfortunately don't know what happened to Mr. Wayne and your friend but I do recall seeing him," Kenneth replied. "I was also here when you all arrived."

After the chapel, before William Shatner…

Harvey, Jonathan, Joker, and Jervis strolled causally into the Venetian hotel. They figured they needed a home base in case they got separated, they could come back to the hotel and regroup.

"Can I help you sirs?" the woman behind the check in desk asked.

"Uh, yeah, we need a room," Harvey said with a wink.

The girl smiled politely but the group could tell she was nervous. "Ok, for four?"

"Yeah. If we need to add more can we do that later?"

"You could rent a villa," she suggested.

"What the hell is that?"

"A suite."

"We can do that." Harvey pulled out a credit card which would be charged but he'd never pay.

"This is amazing," Jervis said in awe as he looked around the suite.

"Yes, it's very lovely," Kenneth agreed as he walked into the suite behind them. "Hello, I'm Kenneth and I'm the concierge. Anything you gentlemen need, don't be afraid to ask."

"Thank you," Jonathan replied.

"Anything I can do for you right now?"

"Got a good place to get some dinner?" Harvey asked.

"Tao is our finest restaurant."

"Great, we'll take a table."

"I'll set that up for you right now." Kenneth walked over to the phone and started to dial the restaurant's number. Meanwhile, Harvey pulled out his own phone and called Ivy.

"Hello," Ivy sighed into the phone.

"Hey gorgeous, you'll never believe where I am."

"Arkham?"

"Nope, the Venetian."

"You're in Las Vegas?"

"Yup. You find Harley yet?"

"We did but we just lost her and Eddie."

"You, Selina, and Bruce should get over here. We're going to get some dinner."

"Whose we?"

"Me, Jervis, Jonathan, and Jack."

"The guys are here and they're at the Venetian," Ivy told Selina and Bruce. "We should meet up with them, it might be easier to find Harley with their help. Harvey?"

"Yes?"

"We'll be there in a few minutes."

"Hi, we're meeting some friends for dinner," Selina told the maitre d at Tao.

"Mr. Wayne! So nice to see you again!" the maitre d cried in excitement.

"You too," Bruce replied with his best fop smile.

"Yeah, hi, I'm not even here," Selina said sarcastically to Ivy.

"Would you like your usual table?"

"No, actually, we have some friends inside already." Bruce threw his arm around Selina's shoulders and gave her a squeeze. "It's Harvey Dent's table."

"Oh! Mr. Dent! So you must be Mrs. Dent," the maitre d said giving Ivy's hand a light shake. "When Mr. Dent said he was expecting Mr. and Mrs. Wayne I didn't think it was the Mr. Wayne. Congratulations on your wedding. She is lovely sir."

"What the he…" Selina started but was cut off by Bruce's hand being clamped over her mouth.

"Let's go see Harvey huh?"

"Mrs. Wayne?" Selina hissed slamming her handbag onto the table. "That's not funny."

"I thought it was," Harvey replied. "You should try this drink. I don't know what it is but it's amazing."

Selina, Ivy, and Bruce sat down. "I'm not in the mood for a drink."

"You're angry, you're in the mood for a drink," Harvey teased.

"I'd expect this behavior from him," she pointed at Joker, "but from you this is just ridiculous."

"You going to gripe at me too?" Harvey asked looking at Ivy.

"I'm married to you pretty much so Mrs. Dent doesn't bother me."

"See, she's fun."

Selina glared at him.

"How did you guys get here?" Bruce asked to change the subject.

"Luthor air," Joker answered.

"What?"

"We asked him to lend us his jet and he was most compliant after Talia started to get testy," Harvey explained.

Bruce nodded.

"Where's Harley?" Joker spat out.

"We lost her at Viva Las Vegas wedding chapel and why is that guy watching us like a hawk?" Selina rambled.

"That's Kenny the concierge. You spend money on a suite and you get royal treatment," Harvey told her.

"So where is she now?" Joker demanded.

"No clue."

"Have you called her?"

"She won't answer."

"We should check all the casinos and some of us can split off and check the chapels," Ivy said.

"Shoot," Bruce grumbled pulling his phone out of his pocket. "I need to take this." He got up and headed for the lobby.

The concierge desk…

"And then shortly after Mrs. Wayne followed him and then came back in to get Mrs. Dent. Mr. Dent followed her out and came back in by himself to get the rest of your group," Kenneth explained.

"Well what the hell happened to Mr. Wayne?" Selina asked.

"I don't know…but it might be on the security cameras."

The group followed Kenneth to the security office. "We can see the tapes from last night and find out what happened to Mr. Wayne."

"There he is!" Selina cried excitedly.

The Lobby…

"Hello Dick," Bruce said cheerfully.

"Are you really in Las Vegas right now?" Dick asked.

"Yes I am."

"I told you to go talk to Selina, not run off and marry her."

"We followed Harley and Eddie here and oddly enough, Harvey, Crane, Tetch, and Joker followed us."

"When are you coming back?"

"When we find Harley. Speaking of which, I just saw Eddie. I have to go." Bruce hung up and rushed over to the hallway where Eddie just walked down. "Eddie!" he called.

"Shit! What are you doing here?" Eddie asked.

"Harvey, Jonathan, Jervis, and Joker are here, they called Ivy, Selina, and me to have dinner."

"Did you say Joker?"

"Yes."

"Damn."

"Where's Harley?"

"The ladies room."

"You guys get married?"

"Not yet and don't try to stop us!"

"I'm not. You guys are adults."

"I'm going to go check on Bruce," Selina announced getting up from the table. She walked out to the lobby and didn't see him but she heard his voice not too far off. She went down a side hallway and was surprised to see him talking to Eddie. "What the fuck?"

"Selina!" Eddie squealed.

"Where's Harley?"

"She's in the ladies room," Bruce answered.

Selina opened her mouth to chew Eddie out when she noticed a door behind him. She smiled, walked over to him slowly, and with the speed of a cheetah, she flung the door open, shoved him in, and closed it.

"Selina, you can't lock him in a closet!" Bruce cried.

"Oh yes, I can, see." She shoved Bruce in, closed the door, and jammed one of her hair pins in the lock. "See you boys later." She walked back into the lobby and spotted Harley. "Hey girl."

Harley froze.

"I just ran into Eddie, he took off with Bruce."

"What?" Harley cried.

"Yup. Let's get Ivy and get out of here."

"But…"

"Just wait here." Selina walked back into Tao, grabbed Ivy, and walked out with Harvey hot on their heels.

"What do you mean you girls are taking off? Where's Bruce and Eddie?" Harvey asked.

"They split," Selina replied simply.

"You're not leaving me here."

"I'll be back," Ivy assured him.

"I'm not going to let you run around Vegas with your girlfriends."

"Excuse me? Let me? I can do what I want. I am not your property!"

"You tell him Shaniqua," Selina joked.

"You are my woman…"

"The hell I am. Let's go." Ivy started for the door dragging Harley behind her. Selina waved and followed.

"Damn it!" Harvey stormed back into Tao. "I just found Harley, she took off with Selina and Ivy. We're following them."

Security office…

"I locked Bruce and Eddie in a closet," Selina said slowly trying to wrap her brain around it.

"I figured I was the one who lost them," Joker admitted.

"We don't even use that closet. It just has extra mops and brooms and what not in it," Kenneth told them.

"So they're still in there?" Ivy asked.

"Probably."

Selina made it out of the security room first but the group wasn't far behind. When they got to the closet no one jumped to open the door. "Bruce is going to be pissed," Selina mumbled.

"Maybe we should leave them in there," Joker offered.

"We can't do that."

"Bruce, Eddie," Jervis called through the door.

"Jervis!" Eddie screamed. "Is that you?"

"Yes. Now, I'm out here with Ivy, Selina, Harley, Harvey, Jonathan, and Joker."

"I'm going to kill that clown!" Bruce yelled banging on the door.

Joker took a step back. It was like Batman was on the other side of the door.

"Ok, well, don't get hasty. You probably assume that Joker locked you in this closet but the funny thing is, heh, he didn't," Jervis went on.

"Who did?" Eddie asked.

"Um, ha, it's really a funny story," Selina started. "Eddie, remember, we're friends and we've been through a lot, and Bruce, babe, remember how I used to call you babe in the morning?"

"Selina, let me out of here so I can kick your ass," Bruce growled.

"See, when you say things like that it makes me want to leave you in there."

Bruce started banging on the door again.

"Eddie, if you knock Bruce unconscious and promise not to beat me, I'll let you out."

There was silence for a moment and after a few minutes Eddie finally said, "Selina, my dear, on a scale from 1 to what is he going to do with that rubber chicken, how mad is Joker?"

Selina turned around to face Joker. His eyes were wide, shiny, and he was salivating like there was a steak in front of him. "I'd say somewhere around, why is there a can of smile-x in my ass."

"I see. I'm prepared to spend the rest of my life in this closet."

Joker pulled his gun out and aimed at the door knob.

"Um, Ed, Bruce, you might want to get away from the door," Ivy told them.

The gun fired a split second later and the door swung open. Eddie and Bruce were huddled against the opposite wall.

Bruce looked bewildered for a second as his eyes adjusted to the light but when he found Selina his anger returned. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Oh, you know, a grocery list of things," she joked nervously.

Joker flew into the closet and started strangling Eddie. "You stupid, little, shit! I'm going to kill you!"

"Help!" Eddie screamed.

"How dare you flee to Vegas with Harley!"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please let me go!"

Joker grabbed his lapel flower and Harley dove on top of him. "No! Puddin don't!"

"Did you just call me Puddin?" Joker asked hopefully.

"It was a slip!" Harley replied quickly.

Joker smiled up at her. "You called me Puddin'."

Harley got up off him. "Don't read into it."

"You only call me Puddin' when you love me."

"Shut up."

"Hahahahahaa! Puddin'."

She stomped out of the closet. "We found Eddie and Bruce, can we go home now?"

Sunday…

The plane ride home had been awkward, silent. No one knew what to say to one another or how to handle things when they touched down in Gotham. Harvey and Ivy stepped into the apartment. Harley decided to join Eddie at the Iceberg to help him smooth everything over with Holly and Selina said she had her own business to attend to.

They both headed for the bedroom. Harvey took a seat on the bed and started taking off his shoes while Ivy pulled some pajamas out of the dresser.

"Is it going to be this weird forever?" Harvey asked.

"You called me your woman. You tried to control me," she replied not looking at him.

"I was drunk and stoned."

"And you threatened me."

"Two-Face threatened you," he corrected.

Ivy sighed. "It was a bad trip."

"I'll go."

"Just like that huh?"

"What?"

"We hit a snag and off you go."

"You ran the first part of our relationship. Hell, you booked it to Hawaii when I asked you to be with me forever."

"You're right, I'm a hypocrite."

"Well then let's talk about it. I'm sorry I acted like an ass. I can't apologize for him though. But the thing is petunia, you went running off like a defiant teenager before I had the chance to even correct myself."

"You're right again."

"So what do you want from me?"

"I don't know. Nothing I guess." She dropped down next to him on the bed. "Everything got screwed up and it's all my fault."

"At least we can say we partied with William Shatner."

Ivy smiled. "Yes, we can say that."

"Are you mad at me?"

"No, I guess I'm mad at myself. And a little mad at Two-Face for threatening to shoot me."

"He's a dick."

"Hey, that's my man you're talking about."

"What?"

"Well I'm practically married to him."
"I thought…"

"What? That I was just in it for you?" she laughed. "I love you, all of you. I know you see yourself as two people but to me you're a package deal and I can't be with Harvey if I don't want to be with Two-Face."

The change was subtle barely noticeable but Two-Face was in control again. "You love me?"

Ivy touched his scarred cheek. "Yes. I love you."

He grunted and released control back to Harvey. "I think you melted his heart."

"I can't believe you two are so stupid." She kissed his forehead. "Let's get some sleep."

"Hello Holly," Eddie said sheepishly as he took a seat at the bar.

"Look who crawled back into town," she snapped.

"I want to talk."

"I'm busy."

"Holly please don't be mad at him. This is all a huge mistake," Harley chimed in.

"I'm too busy for you too."

"Holly I love you," Eddie tried.

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

"Tough shit."

Eddie sunk down into his bar stool. This wasn't working.

"You ran off to Vegas with the intention to marry another girl."

"I was Ivy stoned!"

"And if you ran off with Selina or Ivy it would be one thing but with your ex-fiancé, it becomes a whole new situation."

"Holly…"

"I already moved my stuff out of your place and put your crap in a box and left it at yours."

Eddie started to cry. Not silent tears but full blown "I'm 5 and just fell off my bike" crying. He was emotionally, physically, and mentally drained from the weekend and this was just too much to handle.

"Really?" Holly asked.

He cried harder.

Holly walked out from behind the bar, grabbed him by the elbow, and walked him back to Oswald's office. "Can I borrow this room for a minute?" she asked.

Oswald looked at her like she was crazy until he saw the blubbering mess she was holding. "For the love of god man!"

"Please?"

"Make it quick." Oswald got up and tottered off into the bar.

Holly pulled some tissues out of Oswald's desk drawer and handed them to Eddie. "Please stop crying." Her voice wasn't angry anymore. Now she was sympathetic and calming, like a mother talking to a child.

"I'm sorry I just don't know what to do."

"It's ok."

"I don't want to loose you."

She sighed.

"I was locked in a closet for a day and a half and the whole time I was looking forward to seeing you. I got off the plane and immediately came here."

She smiled a little.

"I never wanted Harley. It's always been you."

"Always huh?"

"No, actually that's not true. For one moment back before I met you I wanted Harley."

Holly shook her head.

"I only asked her out last year because I never thought in a million years you'd want someone like me. When you started up with Dick I figured you two would end up married. He was always the kind of guy I pictured you with." He took a deep breath and wiped his nose.

"Eddie…"

"This is hopeless. I'm sorry I bothered you at work. I'll leave and you'll never see me again."

Holly wrapped her arms around his neck. "Don't say that."

"Why?"

"I would be very sad if I never saw you again."

"But it won't be fair for me to have to see you with someone else."

"Oh there's no one else you ass."

Eddie pulled her closer to him and buried his face in her hair. "Please don't be teasing me."

"I'm not. I was teasing you before. All my stuff is still at your place."

"Really?"

"Yeah I was just trying to see how you'd react."

"You're mean."

"And you're an idiot. You ever do something like that again and I swear I will tell Ivy you were the one who gave her that perfume made from rainforest flowers that secret Santa two Christmases ago."

"You wouldn't."

"Try and run off and get married to someone else again."

Harley waited at the bar while Eddie and Holly talked in Oswald's office. She'd changed back into her regular clothes on the plane and was delighted to find her phone in her pocket. She pulled it out and immediately deleted all the texts. She didn't care to relive any of the Tipster updates. Instead, she scrolled though her menu until she found the pictures folder. Most of the weekend shots were of the floor, her pocket, or out of focus. Except one, a close up shot of her kissing Joker. She smiled. "Puddin'."

The smile fell quickly when she thought back to the day when he told her those two horrible words, "I don't".

"I love you," she had said.

"I don't." It was so quick. He didn't even think about it.

Her finger hovered over the menu button. She wanted to delete the picture. She wanted to forget him, something that would be impossible.

Selina hailed a cab and headed for Wayne Manor. She was hoping that with Alfred around, Bruce would remain civil. It was not the case.

"You locked me in a closet after I went to Vegas to help you," he yelled.

"I know and I am really, really, really sorry about that."

"Dick told me to go talk to you, I do, and I end up in a closet."

"I really appreciate the help."

"Save it. Get out."

"Bruce please."

"Please what?"

"Please forgive me for locking you in a closet."

He waved her off and started to walk out of the room.

"Why did you come to help us anyway?" she asked following him.

"Because I was stupid."

"Come on."

"Because I didn't want you to get into any trouble," he admitted.

"That's sweet."

"And then I got locked in a closet."

"You're going to dwell on that aren't you?"

He grunted.

"Look, I'm not expecting us to go to movies and be buddies. I just want to make sure you're not going to pounce on me when I walk out of the Iceberg."

"Since when do I attack you?"

"With all the crap I put you through? Taking you to the Iceberg, getting the rogues wrapped up in Bruce's life, phone calls from Joker, locking you in a closet…"

"Breaking my heart."

Selina smiled softly. "That one really hurts me too." Silence lingered in the air for a minute longer than she was comfortable with. "Anyway, my point is, I'd probably beat my ass about now if I was you."

Bruce smiled. "Good night Selina."

"Night." She started for the door.

"Good night miss," Alfred said as he went to open the door for her.

Selina stopped, turned around, and started back for the hallway she left Bruce in. "No actually, I lied, kind of. I didn't expect us to be friends, but I did expect a happy ending. I thought maybe you followed me to Vegas because you loved me and I was going to come over here, apologize, and you were going to scoop me up for this big Hollywood moment because I still love you."

There was that silence again. Saying all the things they couldn't. Twice Bruce opened his mouth and both times no words came out. Nothing seemed to be the right thing to say. Selina's phone started to ring in her purse. When she was sure Bruce was just doing an imitation of a fish, she pulled it out and answered, "Hello."

"Hiya Kittie, I just wanted to see if you needed anything while I was out," Harley chirped.

"Are you coming back to our apartment?"

"Yeah."

Selina looked up at Bruce. Behind him, through the window, she could see the Bat-signal over the city. "I don't need anything sweetie but I'll be home real soon."