Disclaimer: I DO NOT own any Hinder lyrics, nor do I own anyone from the WWE. All belong to their respective owners. I own Lauren, my oc.

Author's Note: Hey! I posted this story originally back in January. It was a pretty good story, I believe. One person even noted it at that time as my best story yet. But, I found out as I re-read it... it could be so much better. There was so much to work with and I could really do alot to make it better. So I did and now I'm reposting it. It will resemble the last story alot, but I'm not sure if it will have the same ending. Alot of it also follows the song "Better Than Me" by Hinder, thus the name. I suggest you look up those lyrics if you aren't familiar with the song. Other than that, I hope you enjoy the story and you review... thanks! :)

5:15 a.m.

February 28, 2009

I can remember when I posted a blog for no reason, just to be in touch with all my fans. I remember when I fed off of all the positive comments you'd all say, ready to do anything. I remember when I had a reason to smile, more than just for each breath that comes through my lungs. I remember when I could hear her laughter near me, her body touching mine. I remember touching her, feeling the beauty that covered her inside and out. I remember feeing whole, feeling something other than this bitter emptiness… But most of all, I remember being Matt Hardy. Being the person who stated, "I will not die!"

About a month ago, I had everything I'd ever needed. My job was preparing for me to turn heel, I was going to the star of Smackdown. The true star, for one in my life. I would be the person that was on top, truly on top of the company.

I ruined that chance on January 30th, 2009. Most of you know how and I'm not going to dwell on this blog to why. If you don't know, I suggest you find out. And you can fill this blog with as many hate messages as you want, trust me, each death threat and 'disgusting pig' comment aren't going to bother me anymore… when you hit rock bottom, nothing bothers you.

I lost something on that day I'll never get back, ever in my life. I lost everything. Someone who loved me more than they loved themselves, I lost my job, I lost my fans, I lost my friends, I lost everything that made me, me…

-

February 3rd 2009

Matt Hardy couldn't hear the words they were saying. He couldn't hear the sobs that ricocheted off the church walls, or the organ music that swayed through everyone's ears. He couldn't feel the itchiness of his black suit, or the hand that was laced over his own. He couldn't taste the blood from his tongue, which he'd bitten beyond return, or smell the sweet scent of the yellow roses. Her favorite.

Oblivious to everything, he sat like a piece of granite next to his brother as the minister read over the last bits of the ceremony. She'd be gone forever soon enough.

He didn't want to hear, taste, smell, or feel what everyone was saying anyway. For the first time in his life, he wanted to rely on his sense of sight, wishing it was his only sense. Maybe then, maybe he wouldn't hurt so badly.

Somewhere along the next few minutes, he moved to follow his brother and Beth, his eyes to the ground. Matt could feel the weight of everyone's stares on his back, burning holes into his expensive suit. They could throw something at him and he wouldn't even react.

"Matt," a voice said – a recognizable voice. Shannon Moore, one of his best friends. He came up to Matt, eyes sad, slight reminders of what seemed to once be tears in the corners of those jade crystal balls. Matt didn't reply to his friend. Shannon stared for a minute and then he said, "Are you even going to talk to me? Give an excuse for anything?"

Was he even talking English? Matt didn't know.

Those jade eyes filled with enragement. "Look at me when I am talking to you. She's gone… gone and you haven't said a word about it. Did you plan something like this?" Shannon spat at him, slapping his shoulder. "Because it seems you don't give a damn that she's gone, at all."

Matt didn't budge.

Shannon grew even more impatient. He slapped Matt cold on the face and proceeded to shake him violently, before Jeff pulled him back. "You fucking asshole!" he yelled as Jeff tried to calm him. "She was the best fucking thing you had going for you and you let it end like that! Are you happy she's gone? Tell me, Matt!"

Shannon's shrill words echoed through Matt's head through the entire burial. He couldn't stop the looks either that Shannon gave him from across the lawn. He'd stayed far away so another confrontation couldn't occur.

Are you happy she's gone?

She's gone… gone and you haven't said a word about it.

It seems you don't give a damn that she's gone, at all.

If only he knew the extent of how wrong he was.

So, that was the first chapter. It's short, I know. :( I'll have an update ready in a few days. READ AND REVIEW AND UPDATE I SHALL!!