The Almighty Tallest Zim

Chapter 1 A Perfect Saturday Ruined

Wretched torrents of rain and hail attacked Gaz's window pane as the storm raged on outside. Her one light source in the room was flickering on and off threateningly and only the dark chuckle of the sixteen-year-old on the bed could be heard above the constant spattering.

Only one level left before the final boss, Gaz thought deviously when her Piggy Hunter annihilated the last Vampire Piggy on the game screen.

A flash of lightning briefly illuminated her dark colored room revealing dark purple carpet and a matching bedspread. On the walls were drawings that far exceeded the angsty teen doodles of her generation. They were true masterpieces of the gothic and surreal. Perfectly describing Gaz herself. When she wasn't playing Video Games (must be capitalized for emphasis on the sacred words) she was drawing. Not particularly unusual pastimes but for Gaz, they were all she had.

Right now our friend is experiencing what is commonly referred to as "The Zone", another sacred state of mind that calls for capitalization. It is what happens when everything else in the Universe disappears completely and the only thing that exists in the entire cosmos is you and the alternate reality that is the Game.

Gaz shifted from her stomach to her side, not once tearing her eyes away from her virtual adventure. It was the perfect Saturday morning. The rain was falling heavily, the carcass of a brother was off on some Zim-related mission, and the father was preparing for yet another life-altering announcement somewhere in a TV studio. She had the whole house to herself to do whatever she pleased (whatever she pleased being playing Video Games, pigging out, watching Movies, and sketching out her latest idea).

But the Piggies. They must be destroyed before any manner of peace was to be obtained. They must be first. Her fingers flew, her mind and heart raced, and all time ceased to exist. Nothing mattered except to get to the Zombie Hog.

VICTORY! LEVEL COMPLETE

Finally. Only one more level and she would have mastered The Game Slave Ultimate. This was the point of no return. She angled her Piggy Hunter so that he faced the Blood Hog Castle of Doom. Just as in the real world outside, it was raining and thundering in the game, attempting to intimidate the player. But as always, Gaz was unfazed. She marched courageously into the Hog's lair where her last enemy awaited. Prepared for anything, she wielded her wicked looking sword and assessed her surroundings.

The Hog. He was there. She knew it. He was always there. But where? In every version of the Game Slave up to this point the final Zombie Hog had been in a different location in the Castle. She thought she knew all of his hiding places. She was wrong. Then realization hit her. She tilted the view of her screen to the ceiling. And all hell broke loose.

The Zombie Hog dropped with surprising grace onto the floor directly in front of Gaz's Hunter. Bearing his blood-stained Vampire teeth, he lunged at her player, nearly ripping his shoulder off. A determined look crossed her face.

It's not that simple, pal.

The Piggy Hunter hacked and slashed at the opponent, cutting his life points in half in thirty seconds. Only half of his life points to go.

Every muscle tensed in concentration. There was nowhere for the Hog to hide. The phone rang downstairs. She ignored it. The TV announcer was warning of a major blackout that could occur in the whole city. She ignored it. Someone knocked on the front door.

Her head shot up. The Zone was shattered. Pizza.

Pressing the pause button on her Game, Gaz flung herself off the bed and wrenched open the door.

The young man delivering the Pizza was covered in acne from post-teenage stress and angst. He was skinny as a rail and judging from his oversized front teeth, he clearly was in desperate need of a good orthodontic treatment. But he did his job well.

Before the man even had time to say a very unenthusiastic, "Thank you for choosing Bloaty's Pizza Hog delivery service, that'll be $5.95," Gaz had fished out her wallet, taped the money to his forehead, and swiped the Pizza Box out of his hands. Giving him a quick salute she slammed the door in his face.

He stood there for a moment with his arms still outstretched as though he was still holding the Pizza Box until his brain (which had slowed considerably due to the infestation of pimples controlling his thoughts) decided to process what had just happened.

"Thank you for your patronage." he mumbled stupidly. And got back in his fancy delivery car. And drove off.

Gaz grinned greedily at her prize. Only $5.95 for the most heavenly substance this Earth had to offer. Ambrosia sent by the gods just for her. She set the Pizza Box down on the coffee table and plopped herself down on the couch in front of it. Her own long, violet hair almost curled at the sight of it sitting there. Pizza.

Gently, she opened the Box and lifted out a huge, unevenly carved slice. It dripped ridiculously with grease and cheese. That was all a Pizza needed. No frills like pineapple, mushrooms, or anchovies. Just cheese, sauce, crust, and that beautiful grease that was so generously smothered on her Pizza. I'm starting to gag as I write this.

Let the records show that on this day, Gaz No Last Name Provided For My Use has officially experienced the two greatest pleasures this world has to offer for teenagers. (If you're thinking sex, you and I are going to sit down and have a long, serious chat about the matter of teenage pregnancy)

Those two things being Pizza and Video Games. Somebody alert the press.

Just before she had a chance to chow down on another piece however, the doorbell rang. Gaz scowled at her peace and solitude being interrupted again but reluctantly went to the door anyway.

At first she thought someone had ding-dong-ditched her because all she saw outside was the rest of the neighborhood. Suddenly there came a very high pitched, squeaky, HI! From below. Her gaze dropped downward falling upon none other than Zim's obnoxious little robot slave, Gir. She glared down at him and tried to forget just how darn cute he was.

"What do you want?" she demanded. Gir opened his mouth to say something but no sound came out. He stood there for a second. Finally he closed his mouth and shrugged.

"I forget."

Gaz rolled her eyes and was about to turn around and go back inside but Gir gave a panicked,

"Wait! Master said to tell you something..." he scratched his metallic head as though he were truly attempting to remember the message he was supposed to give her. Gaz sat through a full three minutes of this. Finally his eyes lit up with recollection.

"I remember now!" Suddenly his adorable cyan eyes flash to a horrible blood red. Something equivalent to a tranquilizer gun popped out of his head and his voice turned low and ominous.

"Lights out Gaz-human."

The dart pierced her throat and everything went black.