Title: Why Didn't I Turn to Poop?

Summary: Yuki and Tohru are expecting their second child, and their four-year-old daughter is very curious about pregnancy.

Rating: K+

Genre: Family, Romance

Word Count: 1,655

Tohru hated herself. She had been avoiding her adorable four-year-old daughter ever since she and Yuki had explained to her that there was a baby on the way—but really, the conversation had been inevitable after Emi, with her small serious face, suggested Tohru should skip dessert because "her tummy was getting big and round." Actually, it had been quite the miracle that they had been able to hide Tohru's morning sickness from Emi for as long as they had, given Emi's propensity for waking at the break of dawn.

Pregnancy intrigued Emi. Emi had inherited her father's intelligence and had been asking rather astute questions about where babies came from, and Tohru was running out of appropriate answers, but she could never resist that irresistibly precious inquisitive tilt to Emi's head when she asked her questions about pregnancy. Emi seemed determined to learn all there was to know about pregnancy. She had decided she would be the one to tell her future brother or sister where they came from after all. So Tohru hated herself for it, but when Emi bounced over and hopped onto the couch to snuggle beside Tohru and rest her head against Tohru's round abdomen, Tohru felt nervous. Nervous as she stroked her daughter's soft brown hair because she knew in that curious mind of Emi's, more hard-to-answer questions were brewing.

"Mommy, was I in your belly too?"

"Yes, a long time ago."

Okay. Good so far.

"Why are babies in tummies?"

"So mommies can keep their babies warm and safe while they grow."

"So why don't we stay in there forever?"

Tohru giggled. "Because babies get too big."

Emi's mouth formed a small "o" in comprehension and interest. Tohru smiled a little, relieved and proud that she had been able to come up with quick and reasonable answers that Emi readily accepted. It was safe to say that Tohru had let her guard completely down as she helped Emi scamper onto her lap and settle herself on whatever parts of Tohru's legs that weren't supporting the new baby. There wasn't much room with Tohru's stomach nearly reaching her knees, but Emi was bent on sitting on her mother's lap as usual, so she kept her little arms across Tohru's stomach while Tohru kept her hands around Emi's lower back.

"What do they grow from?"

"What—what do you mean?"

Emi peeled her face from Tohru's stomach and looked up at Tohru to explain, "Like daddy showed me flowers grow from seeds. And so do carrots. And leeks. What do babies grow from?"

"They-They grow from seeds too!" Tohru cried out a little too quickly, but she was getting a little flustered with Emi looking at her in anticipation.

"Where do you get them? I never saw baby seeds at the store before. I know. Daddy taught me to read all the names of the seeds at the store."

"Y-Your daddy gave them to me!"

"Oh. Daddy knows where to get all the special seeds."

Feeling the sweat start beading across her forehead, Tohru let out a sigh when Emi looked down in consideration of this new information. Still safe so far, but given how long Emi was taking to process what Tohru had just told her, Tohru knew it'd be a short respite before Emi would think of a new question, and surely enough…

"How do they get in there?"

"What?"

Tohru knew her startle reaction, and she knew it was written all over her face at the moment. She knew she was bug-eyed and sweating more prolifically than ever. She was so nervous that her hands slid off Emi's back, but Emi was happy enough to cling onto Tohru's shirt, pulling more and more fabric as she clamored to her knees to bring herself closer to Tohru's face.

"How'd the seed get in your tummy? Daddy showed me how to plant flower seeds. You gotta dig a hole and put the seed in and put the dirt back and water it everyday. Did daddy dig a hole into your tummy? Do you have dirt in your tummy? How does he water it?"

"Um um…. It's a special seed! You don't have to water it! You see, there's a special wire that connects the baby to mommy so the baby can eat whatever mommy eats."

"Really? Wow! Then won't you get hungry, mommy?"

"Yes! That's why mommy has to eat a lot now."

"Oh. You can have my dessert at dinner then, mommy. I want the baby to have my piece!"

"Oh don't worry, sweetie! Mommy made enough for everybody, including the baby."

"Oh. Good." Emi said with a breath of relief as she hopped back onto the couch cushion and leaned against Tohru again.

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"Why didn't I turn to poop?"

"What?"

Luckily, Yuki seemed to have heard Tohru's silent pleas for him to get home soon because before Emi could open her mouth to repeat her question, she saw headlights blare through the window and heard a key slide into the door. Emi hopped off the couch with an excited squeal and ran over to the door. As soon as he wrung the door open, Emi leapt into his arms with a grin. He laughed and swung her around, making Emi erupt with laughter, before hugging her tightly and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Tohru just smiled and giggled, partly out of pure love for her daughter and husband and partly out of hope that Emi had forgotten their discussion with Yuki's arrival, but as soon as Yuki shifted Emi into one arm so he could shut the door and remove his shoes…

"Daddy! Why didn't I turn to poop?"

"What?" Yuki asked, dropping the shoe he just removed.

"Mommy said babies grow in mommies' tummy and that I was in her tummy before too. Did you know?"

"Yes, I did know that," Yuki replied calmly while shooting Tohru a quizzical look over Emi's shoulder, which Tohru could only respond to with a weak shrug and a half-smile.

"So why didn't I turn to poop? You said everything in our tummy comes out like poop!"

Yuki let a soft smile takeover his face and took a seat on the couch next to Tohru, setting Emi on his lap. Emi eagerly snuggled against Yuki's chest and grinned up at him, knowing her father always had the answers to all her questions. Tohru took Yuki's free hand, drawing his attention to her anxious face. Answering such questions always enervated Tohru. She had always had confidence in Yuki's fathering abilities, and especially in his knack for answering Emi's questions in a way that satisfied both of them, but recently, Emi had started to see through their attempts to divert her attention and had stopped asking easy questions the hour after they told her about the baby. But Yuki wasn't the least bit concerned and just pressed a light kiss to Tohru's cheek before turning his full attention to Emi's nearly impatient face.

"Well, Emi... Babies aren't really in a mommy's tummy. They're in a special pouch by her tummy so the baby won't come out like poop."

Turning her face down with a slight thoughtful pout, Emi seemed satisfied with that answer if not a little disappointed by the simplicity of it. She had developed a rather fanciful imagination after hearing so many of Shigure's fantastical stories, which probably sounded all the more magical given that Emi could not comprehend any of the lewd undertones. But Yuki preferred it that way, or he'd actually prefer it if Shigure didn't tell Emi any stories at all, but stories came with Shigure's babysitting duties, and Tohru trusted Shigure to babysit Emi, probably because she missed the lewd undertones to his stories as well. Tohru didn't miss the implications of discussing pregnancy with Emi, however, so she did not hesitate in sweeping Emi up into her arms and announcing that it was time for dinner.

It worked. Tohru's plan fully distracted Emi as Tohru had decided to cook another one of Emi's favorite dishes for dinner for the fifth day in a row. It was getting harder to direct Emi's attention away from Tohru's pregnancy, but Tohru eagerly came up with new tricks every day.

Yuki just smiled throughout the whole dinner, willingly playing along with Tohru's game to keep Emi's mind off the ever present baby in Tohru's womb. He asked Emi more questions about her latest rendition of the zodiac legend whenever Tohru faltered. So between bites of the rice ball in one hand and the mochi in the other, Emi was narrating her newest tale about how the rat had rescued the rice ball princess and got all the animals to the banquet on time. They kept her so distracted and busy that Yuki had to carry the sleeping girl to her room after Tohru had wiped her sticky hands clean.

After they both had tucked Emi into bed and shut her door behind them, Yuki led Tohru back to the living room, seating them both on the couch while he held her, hoping her anxiety levels would go down now that Emi was fast asleep.

"I never know what to say to her, Yuki," Tohru admitted, ashamed, in a soft whisper.

"It's okay. You can say anything really. She'll believe you."

"I know but… we promised we'd never lie to our children, but I just can't tell her."

"She's four. She's not going to remember any of this."

Tohru looked far from consoled by this. If anything, she looked more contrite. A blush soon hid her remorse, though, incited by the lips pressed against her cheek, which Yuki soon pried off her warm skin to grin at her.

"Well, Tohru, look on the bright side. Emi offered to be the one who explains where babies come from to this little guy or girl, remember?"

I cannot believe I haven't updated this in almost a year! Nice title for a comeback oneshot though, no? Trust me, I am hoarding a bunch of unfinished oneshots that I'm working on! So no, this collection is nowhere near finished. More strangeness/cuteness headed your way! c: