Written for comment_fic on livejournal

"Good idea, Hardison, I'll be right back."

"Wait - what - where the hell are you going Eliot?"

But Alec could hear the clanging pots and pans in the kitchen and knew it would be useless to intervene. So Alec did his best to keep himself occupied, which was quite difficult since Eliot had a strict no-computers-in-the-bedroom rule.

First, Alec brainstormed witty comments to use in likely situations that might arise. He thought of 3 good comebacks to Nate's "you have a lot of potential, son" speeches and 5 for his "Stop flirting with Eliot and focus on the job" speeches.

Then, wondering why Sophie and Nate didn't just get together already, he decided it would be fun to write a fake love letter. 'Dear Nate' he scribbled on the back of one of Eliot's receipts for throwing stars, 'Sophie here. Luv you lots. I wish you would get sober so we could live happily ever after in a beautiful castle. That I stole from some guy.'

Alec snickered to himself. Nate and Sophie would kill him if they found this, but he could show it to Parker -- she would get a kick out of it. Getting more into his creative writing project, Alec wrote 'Dear Sophie, My love for you is ever so great that I wish desperately I could take the stick out of my butt and be with you forever.'

Then 'Dear Nate, so glad to hear you're no longer a total control freak. As a reward, Parker and I are going to perform a skit in which Uhura and Starbuck are forced by an evil alien warlord to fight in a big tub of apricot jam'

'Oh wait,' Hardison thought to himself, 'that scenario, while awesome, really has nothing to do with Nate. And I probably should never let anyone see it.' Hardison quickly tore up the letter to ensure his own personal safety.

Then Alec tried writing a love poem to Eliot. "Roses are red/Violets are blue/Attila the Hun destroyed his enemies/And so do you!"

No that's terrible, Alec thought, and tried again. "Roses are red/ Violets Are Blue/ Worf is gruff on the outside and smushy on the inside/ And So are you!"

Okay, that's going to elicit some extreme form of violence, Alec thought. One more time: "Your mouth is red/ your eyes are blue/ I want my tongue/On every part of you." There, thought Alec, and he hid the poem in Eliot's pocket so he could find a nice surprise the next day.

Finally, Eliot came back in the room, triumphantly holding two trays of beautifully arranged food. He told Alec what everything was - the mini-crabcakes atop the frisee salad, the bacon-wrapped filet skewers, the Gruyere popovers, and spiced-fig cupcakes with the white-chocolate-ginger buttercream.

"I am both surprised and impressed," Alec said with a grin.

"Yeah, well you said you wanted a midnight snack," Eliot said cockily.

"Yeah," said Hardison, as he kissed Eliot roughly on the mouth and then the neck, "What I actually meant was I wanted a taste of this."