Castiel was confused. Although, he had to admit, this was no longer a rarity. As of late, his existence had become extremely... complicated. Since he had delivered the eldest Winchester from his place among the raging hellfire, Castiel had experienced an unfamiliar affection for the boy. At first, he had dismissed the strange sensations he felt as sympathy. It was easy to persuade himself into believing this lie, because all feelings were alien to him and at least sympathy was more acceptable than the reality.
The truth was he was in love... with Dean Winchester. He had struggled with the idea for what was weeks on earth but really more than a year in heaven. So many questions filled his mind: Why would God present him with this fractured Adonis, make him love him, and then forbid Castiel from touching him? Was this a test? Was God just being cruel? He found no answers in heaven or on earth, just further encounters with his living temptation.
One night, however, he could no longer stop himself from loving the beautiful young man. Sam had once again disappeared into the night to court his demon lover, while Dean remained asleep in the hotel room plagued with memories of his time in the pit. Watching Dean in such agony made Castiel feel as if his insides were being slowly shredded but there was little he could do to help the tormented young man. All he could do was keep watch over the sleeping Winchester and hope his presence provided some sort of comfort to the young man. It bothered him immensely that, although he had once saved Dean from eternal torment, he could do nothing to save him from the hell that the young man visited nightly in his slumber.
Castiel felt that he had sat there for eons beside the hunter who was tossing and turning violently in his sleep, before the young man awoke abruptly, gasping for breath. At first, Dean failed to notice the angel sitting on his bed; his normally sharp instincts were overwhelmed by the lingering effects of his memories. Castiel couldn't help noticing how open the young man's face was. His entire body radiated fear and pain as he tried to settle himself.
A creaking of the mattress springs alerted the elder Winchester to the angel's presence. The boy's face immediately hardened and all his emotions were once again hidden from view. God's warrior watched as Dean attempted to compensate for the display of emotions, he knew the hunter viewed as weak, with humorous banter. Previously the angel had allowed the boy to evade his inquiries and suppress his emotions, because, he told himself, it would be easier on both of them. However, this time, he could not allow it. He has witnessed the hunter's pain and could no longer ignore it. He had to help the beautiful broken young man.
So he did the first thing he thought of... he kissed Dean. Interrupting the hunter in the middle of some probably blasphemous comment, Castiel had laid his lips upon the young man's in the hope that it could lead to healing. The angel had been pleasantly surprised when Dean began to kiss back with added fervor. The young man quickly took control and the angel found himself pinned between the hunter and the bed with little clothing remaining. Before they went too far Dean put a hand on the panting angel and looked down upon him, silently asking for permission. Castiel took the opportunity to look deep into Dean's face. He cared wholeheartedly for the young man but knew he was risking a lot. He was unwilling to risk his place in heaven if this was just another one of the anonymous one-night stands that the elder Winchester boy was known for, but when Castiel stared into his brilliant green eyes they were filled with love not lust, a love that the angel knew was worth the risk. After allowing Dean to love him, they lay side-by-side upon the motel bed both utterly exhausted.
The elder Winchester quickly fell into a dreamless sleep. Castiel, however, was unable to rest. He was uneasy. He expected Uriel or one of the other angels to come down at any moment and exile him from the kingdom of god. Despite how unsettled he felt as he awaited his punishment, he only had to look over to the amazing young man laying beside him to know that it had been worth it.
The next thing Castiel knew was that his eyes were being assaulted by rays of light. At first, he struggled to recall where he was and how he had gotten there but a glance at the still sleeping man beside him caused the sleepy fog to be lifted from his mind. He had made love to the oldest Winchester boy and then fallen asleep while waiting for his holy brethren to cast him from heaven. He couldn't help but be surprised and confused. God had to know what he had done, but still he lived. He had lain with a mortal man and yet he had received no divine punishment, not from god nor from his fellow angels. Could this mean that God didn't object to what he was doing? Or that his punishment had merely been overlooked for the time being, due to the angels' preoccupation with the apocalypse? He was no more sure of God's stance on his love for Dean Winchester than he had been last night, but, after having finally gotten a taste of what he had been longing for, he was sure that nothing short of a direct order from The Almighty himself was going to make him give this up.
AN: This is the first fanfiction I wrote. I posted it on LiveJournal back in January. I think Cas might be a little OOC. The Cas in my head complained about it. The Dean in my head just laughed. That actually lead to my Choose Your Own Adventure story (which can be found at my homepage).