"Tony..." Kate said, fully aware of how spent she sounded. "I don't think anyone cares about me as much as you--"
She couldn't even get the word 'do' out of her mouth before Tony pressed his lips to hers. She immediately felt embarrassment war with arousal. Her face burned and she felt the blood rushing up to her head. To her dismay, Tony broke away first.
"Oh my God, Kate, I'm so sorry; I don't know what I was...Thinking..."
Kate knew why Tony was stalling in speech. She was inching closer back to his mouth. Kate knew her well buried, extremely dangerous impulsiveness took over at times like these, and for once in her life, she decided not to try and stop it. All she wanted was to drink in the moment. All she knew was that she never wanted Tony to let go of her.
Their lips barely touched, but it was enough to send chills down Kate's already quivering spine. She felt an unnerving and uncomfortable halt to the tears, so abrupt that it actually was painful. Her throat burned and her head pounded. She needed to stop for air, but she most certainly didn't want to stop kissing Tony. She didn't think she'd ever want to. She pulled away only slightly and gasped for air. She shifted her arms around him so they were even closer, letting him know she wasn't about to stop.
Apparently, Tony felt the same. He did away with the separation and pressed his lips to the sensitive flesh of Kate's neck. Kate inhaled sharply, the pain from earlier vanishing completely. It was overcome with what she could only describe as absolute pleasure. She gripped the fabric of his shirt with her hands. She couldn't remember a time when her hands felt more tightly clenched, not even while throwing the deadliest of punches. She pushed her entire body against his, so that almost no part of them wasn't touching. A chill ran over her bare arms, and she let her breath escape her mouth. She felt like some force of nature had possessed her, and she wasn't one to argue with it. Her entire body felt like it was starting to give way, and she did nothing to stop it. She was so carried away that it was hard no to let it happen.
As if he read her mind completely, Tony, without moving his mouth from her neck, grabbed Kate's waist and swiftly lifted her off the ground. His mouth was perfectly aligned to her jawbone, and he continued to kiss and bite at her skin. She put her hands to Tony's hair, and pulled him closer into her neck. Kate felt like she was free falling from the tallest skyscraper. She wrapped her legs around his torso and moved her hands onto his strong shoulders with astonishing force. He moved one hand to the seat of her pants and pulled her into his groin. She felt like screaming at the top of her lungs. Too many emotions were running through her head: Love, lust, fear, worry, excitement, adrenaline.
Then, as if some angry force of karma had found her, she saw his face. That cocky smirk, the kind, pleading eyes. She felt his torso pressed into hers. She felt his strong hands tight around her wrist, like it was happening for the first time again. And strangely enough, she was enjoying it.
She opened her eyes. For a split second, her entire body was pins and needles, from her scalp to her toes. Suddenly everything was...Real. Her mind snapped to attention. She felt the wall hard against her back, and Tony's hands move from her hips to the top button of her blouse.
"Tony," she finally blurted out breathlessly. Her tone sounded so alarming that Tony immediately froze. She placed shaking hands on his face. She felt heat radiating from his cheeks. "I can't..." Tears came from nowhere, fast, and slid down her flushed face. She looked directly into his bright blue eyes. "I'm so sorry..."
Without words, Tony gently returned her to the floor. She couldn't look him in the eyes anymore. She didn't even want to believe what just happened, or, more specifically, what she was thinking as it was happening. He pulled her into a hug, something she wasn't expecting at all.
"What's wrong?" He asked, concerned. He pulled away to look at her again. She kept her eyes averted.
He wiped the streak of tears from her cheeks and smiled. "Everything will be fine, Kate. You have nothing to worry about, okay?"
If only you knew, she thought, glancing at him for a split second. He seemed so...loving. It was breaking her heart.
Right on cue, Tony spoke. "I guess we'd better get back to the Squad Room..."
Kate didn't respond. Her gaze stayed locked ahead. He brushed a strand of hair from her eyes. "Are you okay to go back out there yet? Or do you want to stay and regroup?"
Kate steadied her breathing. "You go." She used the wall as support, and sank to the floor. She bent her legs up and hugged her knees to her chest like a five year old girl. She didn't break her gaze of the wall in front of her, and the border of the doorway.
"Kate..." Tony said quietly. He bent down and gently turned her head to face him. She lowered her gaze.
"I love you." He kissed her cheek, stood and left.
"I love you too..."
He couldn't hear her. She couldn't even hear herself.
The second the door shut behind him, Kate felt more tears spilling from her eyes. She wanted Tony to know she loved him. She didn't want to hurt him at all. She didn't want him to have left her anymore. She wanted him here beside her, keeping her safe. She didn't think she could save herself now.
What the hell is wrong with me...Everything was perfect...
She tilted her head back, and her head hit the wall. The pang echoed through the stairwell. She closed her eyes, and there he was all over again. Staring a hole in her head with those smoldering eyes.
She felt her heart pounding. Her pulse was all she could hear for a good minute. His voice in her mind suddenly cancelled it out entirely.
I'm going completely insane...Abby, if you can hear me, please come and get me...
Tears came back even faster. No one was coming for her.
The tears wouldn't stop. She clasped her hands over her mouth to stifle sobs. She cried because she couldn't handle it on her own. She cried because, for the first time in her life, she didn't want to.
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