Just a oneshot. Came into my head while listening to "Hero/Heroine" by BoysLikeGirls. I have a play list dedicated to Akuroku and hope to write a story about all of them one day, unfortunately, the play list keeps growing…

I feel like a hero,

With you in my head

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Hello, I'm Axel and I'm the villain. I'm afraid I always have been and might never change. Well, at least I thought that was true, until I met Roxas.

But we'll get to that later.

Anyway, as I said, I'm the villain. I'm the bad guy. I've got all the right attributes. I kidnapped the damsel in distress, tricked the hero, and betrayed everyone in the process.

Looking back, I'd say job well done. Then he came along.

Number 13 himself. The Key of Destiny, if you will. But I just called him by his name: Roxas.

I'll get to him in a sec.

I was just a Nobody trying to find my heart as were we all. I had to manipulate, blackmail, murder, and just plain and simple, be the bad guy. And it worked for me. I gave myself a standard and I expected myself to live by it. I played the part I was given and played it rather well.

Of course the part was obvious on the outside. I don't exactly have angelic looks. With my ridiculously spiky, blood-red hair, and my sharp green eyes (yeah, I know I look good), I've been called to be more on the devil's side than a sweet little innocent kid…with blue eyes, and…spiky, golden-blonde hair…

Anyway. I digress. I went through hell to get that rep and I planned to keep it. It was now who I was and I didn't plan on giving that up for anything ever. Funny how things change…

If you've been paying attention (which I hope you had, I hate repeating myself) you would've gotten something memorized: I've been talking in past tense. That is for two reasons and I will explain them now.

Reason one I'm dead. Or faded, if you wanna be technical about it. I certainly didn't die the hero. But at the same time, I wasn't the villain. I died for a purpose (that purpose is my second reason, but in due time). It wasn't what one would call a 'heroic death'. There was no dignity in it as there is no dignity in any death, if you ask me.

But even before that my villain-ish style was dead and gone anyway. Wanna know why?

Roxas.

My second reason

To say he changed me would be an understatement. He did a complete 180 to me. Tuned me upside down, then slowly pieced together all the parts and pieces, forming the new me.

The new me wasn't bad, it wasn't good. It sure as hell wasn't the hero, but I doubted it was the villain as well. The new me didn't go around doing the shit I usually did, but I didn't try to stop the crap that was happening around me, either.

This didn't happen over night, oh hell no. See, the bad guy was sort of an…addiction to me. I lived for the thrill and the dark glory and the pride a villain earned. I loved the intimidation I had on others, the look of fear they got from looking at me.

I lived off it.

Then Roxas came into my non-existent life.

He was quiet. Didn't show any emotion at all. Most of us still smile for God's sake! This was the thing that irked me the most, especially since I spent the most time with him. I couldn't intimidate him. Whenever I got some decent blackmail off him, he would only shrug and not give a damn. To him, I wasn't the villain, I was just another nobody. And it pissed me off.

One day I lost it. After spending so much time with someone who didn't give a rat's ass about my attitude, I was losing my buzz. I was falling from my high and it wasn't good.

I screamed. I yelled. I spat at him, threatened him, even tried to fight him to the death.

You know what he did?

He just stood and waited for it all to be over. You could tell he was growing impatient, but you couldn't tell it was for some maniac. You would think he was waiting in line to take a shit. Not for a lunatic's rant to finish itself.

When it was finally over, he started to laugh. Not just a little chuckle, that we did sometimes before a session of torture, but a flow blown laugh.That was what stopped me completely. This was the kid who didn't smile for Christ's sake. And yet there he was. Laughing so hard, fucking tears were starting to come out of his eyes. I just stared. What else was I supposed to do. I was secretly committing this to memory, unsure if I would ever see this again.

But that wasn't necessary. I saw him laugh again about two seconds after he stopped, and I laughed with him.

Something changed that day. We became…friends so to speak. We hung out, got to know each other better, almost normal. A tradition of ours was to go eat some sea-salt ice cream after a long mission together.

Then something changed. I had a feeling (a thought really, we can't feel, remember) that it was because I kissed him.

Its not like I planned it. I didn't wake up that morning and be all, "Today's the day," or any corny crap like that.

We were just hanging out, as per usual and it just happened. Looking back, I have reason to believe he kissed me. Either way, we were both kissing each other for a good minuet or so before we pulled back.

"Wow," that was pretty much said by both of us, at pretty much the same time. What else was there to say? Apparently nothing, since we went right back to kissing after the exchange of the one vowel word.

We both started acting different after that. In a way, it was a good different. In another way, it meant no more 'villain' Axel. I couldn't even pretend after that. I just felt. I swear I felt. What else would have me longing to see Roxas everyday? What else would make me wanna quit my 'bad guy' lifestyle? Mainly I felt happiness.

I knew I wasn't crazy. Roxas told me he felt the same. He felt as though nothing could go wrong, "The worlds are ours, Axel!" he would exclaim with a grin. I wanted to believe, in fact for I while, I aloud myself to think those thoughts were true.

People noticed our changes as they were pretty obvious. Who wouldn't notice? Roxas was grinning all the time now, especially if I was around. And I wasn't a complete jerk-off anymore.

Eventually The Superior found out. We started to get missions separated from each other until we didn't have any at all.

That was bearable, at least we hung out whenever we were at the castle together.

Then we couldn't even do that. I was always on a mission when Roxas was at the castle, or vice versa. It was becoming unbearable.

I missed him. Feelings weren't all good, I had learned. Every day without him was torture. Some nights I just cried, plain and simple. It was all I could do and it was what I did. Some nights I just went into the training room and killed as many dusks as I could, then scream.

But he took it worse than me.

At first he would sneak off just to see me. He was caught once and beaten for it. But he still didn't give up. He told me as long as I made him feel, he would do whatever he could just to see me, at least one more time.

This made me think awhile. I couldn't stand to see him hurt. But I didn't want him to get killed over a nobody. So I did all I could.

I broke his heart.

I don't wanna go into how I did that. It was painful the first time and I will fucking not relive that moment.

After all that went down, he left. It wasn't immediately after. He had to plan it of course. Roxas sure as hell wasn't stupid. He left about a mounth later timing it perfectly with The Supirier's leaving to check on the other worlds. But I knew.

I could read him like a book, it was a hard college level text book, but I could still read it.

You know how it went, we sorta talked. I wasted breath trying to get him out of it. I just talked a bunch of shit on the organization, and he replied with a bunch of shit about the keyblade. And that was it.

Let's fast forward, shall we? To the time of my untimely fading away.

Roxas was no longer Roxas. He had joined with Sora, and was now a somebody. I had to feel happy for him. He had a heart.

That told me, I had to either be a villain and get him back, without caring what that did to anyone else, or…be a…hero.

Instict had me go with the first. I kidnapped Kairi and hoped that somehow Sora would come and save her. Then I could somehow get Roxas back. That backfired, badly.

I then went with the second option. Saving Roxas seemed just as good as getting him back. So there I was. Quietly fading away, trying to help Sora (in my mind it was Roxas, I'd already helped Sora enough), I hoped this was enough. I gave Sora the right directions and wished that Roxas had herd everything I said. The tear in his eye told me enough. I faded knowing I helped the one who made me feel like a hero for once in my non-lifetime.

I feel like I rushed the ending :(. This is my first oneshot and I hope to right more. Critisism is welcomed (but be nice about it por favor?). Hope to write more soom!

Lots of love,

eileen