Short but I like it. This is for my lovely Katraa, love you my twinny.

"But Neku, I thought you couldn't afford to lose..."

The brunet snapped his eyes open and stared at the ceiling, a trail of sweat running down his brow; he frowned slightly and covered his eyes with his arm, a heavy breath left his lips as a shiver ran down his spine. Every night, for the last four years he had dreamt about the silveret.

His words still echoed in his head, haunting, never once leaving him. He sighed and rolled on his side, hugging a nearby pillow close to his still slightly damp body. Even after the game finally ended and Joshua had given them the opportunity to live once more… He just couldn't forgive him.

But he wanted to.

He groaned and punched the mattress. "God damn it, Josh…" There hadn't been a single day, or night, when Neku had stopped thinking about Joshua. "Why did you…" He let out a shaky breath.

"Things would have different if you had…" The brunet couldn't even finish his sentence when he felt a familiar sting in his eyes, tears of frustration, anger, regret… but most importantly, tears of sadness.

He sobbed once and stubbornly rubbed his eyes, refusing to accept he was crying because of him, crying for him.

It was true, during those three weeks; he had to admit Joshua had been his best partner… his friend even. And their bond was deep, strong enough to never be forgotten, to remain even after the betrayal, after all these years. He wanted to see Joshua again, even if he said out loud he hated him, deep down he knew everything was a big lie, that he was just looking for an excuse to justify his tears.

He missed him.

And his heart ached whenever he woke from one of his dreams, because he knew he wanted those dreams to be real, he wanted Joshua to be by his side again, even if it took him so long to realize it.

A tear fell on the pillow.

~~*~~

Neku stopped wearing his headphones long ago but these days he seemed to miss them, like he needed to be alone again to think.

Think about him.

He wanted to remember the silveret as he first met him. Joshua helped him get out of his shell and accept people, in his own twisted way of doing things. Neku chuckled lightly at the memory, before when he thought about Joshua, he always did it with a slight feeling of hatred in his heart, but now… he would smile whenever the silveret popped in his mind.

Then he got to thinking, if things had been any different, would he feel different about Josh? He frowned. After all, it was because of all those things he did he felt this way towards him; he… wouldn't change these feelings for anything in the world.

He had finally come to accept it. Those neglected feelings he had kept caged in his heart for so long.

He loved Joshua.

For everything he said, for everything he did. That's what made him so special, it was the reason Joshua held that unique place in Neku's heart. And he wanted the silveret to come back and claim his rightful place.

He often wondered how the silveret would look now, he remembered him young and beautiful as he was at that time, he frowned and sat down in one of the benches near Hachiko and gazed upon the statue with a sigh, this is where they first met.

"You know, you made quite an entrance that time." He murmured with a small laugh, ignoring the glances he was receiving from the onlookers.

He breathed softly and looked at the sky, it was quite cloudy today. Neku smiled sadly and ran a hand trough his now less spiky hair; since he didn't use the headphones anymore he decided it would be better that way. He also stopped wearing his shirts with huge turtlenecks, Shiki made him.

He stood up and walked towards the Scramble Crossing, hands in his pockets and glance cast downwards. The brunet disliked the noise the city produced since that day; before, it was like music, like a melodic tune… a symphony.

But there couldn't be a symphony without a composer.

So he wondered about Joshua, if he was still out there somewhere and sighed. He kept walking slowly until he reached the mural in Udagawa and admired it once more with a tiny smile.

The mural was fading with the years, and that really bothered the brunet, Neku bit his bottom lip and ran his hand over the now opaque designs taking a deep breath. He frowned and shook his head, he couldn't let it end like this, and he wouldn't let his memories fade away with the mural.

"If you give up on yourself, you give up on the world."

Neku blinked and chuckled. "But I haven't given up." And so the next day he came back with gallons of paint.

He spent over five weeks repainting every corner of the mural, adding his own personal signatures through the whole wall. All the time he did it with a smile, sometimes he could swear he heard Joshua talking to him, encouraging him to go on and then one of his girlish giggles.

He would always laugh at that, perhaps he was going crazy already, but he had come to accept the fact that it was probably because he longed for the other male to be there by his side, he actually wished for Joshua to be there helping him paint, he wanted to have more memories with him, good ones at that.

Whenever he finished a section of the mural, he would sit before it to admire his work with a smile; he often talked to the mural as if it were the silveret that was in front of him. He knew he probably looked like a psycho but he didn't really mind, almost no one passed through these streets anyways.

"I wish you were here you know." Neku murmured, running his hand over the still fresh paint, staining his fingers bright red.

It had been a couple days since he finished repainting the mural, he would still go and admire it often and every day he would talk to Joshua. His dreams of the silveret were less frequent now, and he had to admit he kinda missed them since they were the only way he could see the other and remember his face. "I miss you." He whispered.

Neku didn't even notice how the noise of Shibuya started to change to a more melodic tune.

~~*~~

He woke up suddenly, it was still dark outside; he looked at the digital clock that read three in the morning. Neku sighed and closed his eyes, enjoying warm summer night.

The brunet felt the sudden need to go to Udagawa and talk to him, he didn't know why he felt he had a much stronger connection to Joshua in that place, perhaps because of the memories of the silveret that were held there.

He groaned and rolled on his stomach burying his head in his pillow, he wondered how long it would take him to forget the Composer, to fall in love with someone else and go on with his life. "Please get out…" He whispered. "Let me forget you."

"But Neku, you don't want to forget me."

Neku's eyes snapped open as he scanned his room. Nothing. He was definitely going crazy that was for sure.

But the worst part was that just as the voice said, he didn't want to forget.

"I'm just going crazy and it's all your fault, Josh." He muttered and rubbed his temple frowning slightly. Perhaps he shouldn't go back to the mural anymore, it was only hurting him even more and more.

Then again, he couldn't possibly go on without looking at it and imagining Joshua was once again in front of him, smiling at him with that stupid smirk that annoyed him so much, making comments that lacked decency only to annoy him even more.

He really did miss that jerk.

~~*~~

He sometimes found himself in front of WildKat only to find it closed every time, Neku would sigh and shake his head; he missed Mr. Hanekoma, too. He wondered if he was with Joshua, the brunet groaned pressed his palm against his face, everything had to revolve around the silveret.

Of course everything had to do with Joshua, when you're in love it's all you can ever think about. Neku cursed under his breath and made his way to the mural, he didn't really care people thought he was crazy for talking to a wall, but it was the only way he could feel at ease. The only times he felt truly happy were when he talked to the imaginary Joshua.

He sat in front of the mural; it still smelled like fresh paint after a few days, he smiled and brushed the hair out of his eyes to see his work more clearly, he sighed and closed his eyes burying his head between his knees and hugging his legs close to his crouching body.

"Shibuya was breaking," A familiar voice said softly. "You fixed it, Neku."

The brunet froze his head still between his knees and blue eyes wide. This voice… didn't seem like an echo of his memory. "I'm crazy, that's all." He whispered and hung his head even lower, trying to block the voice.

"You're not," There was a small girlish giggle. "I'm here," He said and sat next to Neku placing his hand in the brunet's shoulder. "Look at me, Neku."

Neku shivered as his head rose, blue meeting violet. "J-Joshua…" He stammered in a broken voice, his feelings getting the best of him. "I thought you… were gone."

"You brought me back," The silveret smiled. "I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you." He said softly and ran his hand down Neku's arm.

The brunet shuddered as his breath hitched. "How?" He finally mustered as his eyes practically devoured the silveret's face; he… looked different, his hair was longer and a bit messier than he remembered, his eyes had sharpened and he definitely seemed taller, even in his crouching position.

"The mural is connected to Shibuya, it was deteriorating and you saved it, you even made it better with your own power," The composer said calmly. "…I missed you, too."

Neku gasped and before he knew it he was between the silveret's arms, he warped his arms around the other male's form and buried his face in his shoulder. "Joshua," He whispered. "Joshua…" He repeated, trying to convince himself he wasn't dreaming.

"I heard you every time, Neku," Joshua said smiling. "When you came here to talk to me, I heard every word."

Neku nodded and held the silveret tighter. "I forgave you, Josh, for everything it doesn't matter anymore." He muttered forcing the tears to stay in his eyes. "I love you so much." He said before he could stop himself, but he didn't care anymore.

Joshua's eyes widened as he watched the lithe brunet and chuckled, his form shaking slightly. "Neku…" He whispered. "I love you, too."

And the symphony was rearranged.