Torchwood's Got Talent

Hi there- me and kaseykc were talking on MSN a couple of minutes ago and this sort of came up in the discussion.

So, therefore, I would basically like to thank her for the inspiration.

I DO NOT CLAIM RIGHTS TO ANY OF THE TORCHWOOD CHARACTERS OR THE PERSONALITIES ON BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT.

*Britain's Got Talent credits role and Ant and Dec appear*

Ant: Hello and welcome to the show. Today, we're in Cardiff, standing in front of the Roald Dahl Plass where the Cardiff auditions will be taking plass.

Dec: Yes, now let's meet our first contender.

*star wipe to a video of a Welshman who's looking good in a suit*

"Hello, my name is Ianto Jones, and I'm a receptionist for an organisation which is outside the government and beyond the police. I'm basically the 'tea-boy'. Well, my talent can't be called a talent unless you happen to like your hot beverages. Well, I have another talent, but only my boss knows what it is so... I really should not have said that. Erm, well, the reason I want to be on Britain's Got Talent is because my Mam died recently, and she told me that she wanted me to 'get out there and shake of my bashfulness'. And I believe that I can do that via this show."

*cut to Ianto walking on stage holding a tray of coffee*

*Simon Cowell, Amanda Holden and Piers Morgan are looking at him with bored expressions. Simon cocks his head and speaks* "Name"

"Ianto Jones."

Piers: "Talent?"

"Well, it's not really a talent unless you happen to like coffee."

*Ianto hands out the coffee and waits nervously, standing up straight with his hands behind his back as the judges each have some of their coffee*

Piers: Yes.

Amanda: Yes.

Simon: Fuck off and quit wasting our time.

*Ianto starts crying with a mixture of shame and happiness, and runs offstage*

Piers: *quietly* You know, Simon, you didn't have to be so rude to him.

Simon: Why shouldn't I have been? A talent for making coffee is a waste of time. I just can't help but wonder what this 'my-boss-only-knows' talent is. I mean, it has to be better than making coffee.

Amanda: Brilliant coffee, might I add?

Simon: *Gives a disgusted sigh and closes his eyes* NEXT!