Written for comment_fic on livejournal.

Oliver hesitated. No reason to be nervous, he told himself, you are Oliver Queen, you are suave, sexy, and seductive. You can talk anyone into your bed.

He took a deep breath and dialed the phone.

"Clark? It's me. So do you want to come over, I have this new book on tactics that -"

"Did I say book? I meant DVD."

"Yeah, uh, I really miss Lana too. Would you like to come over to talk about her? Or you know whatever you want to talk about?"

"I agree with you totally, Clark, it is all Lex's fault."

"Yes, that's Lex's fault too."

"Yeah, that too."

"Well, I don't think Lex stole your laundry, Clark."

"Fine, fine, maybe he did. Maybe he wanted a pair of your boxers all to himself."

"Yes, to clone you. Because that's why Lex would want your boxers."

"Really? Briefs? You wear tighty-whiteys?"

"Red, huh? With blue long underwear? Geez, Clark, does your mom still pick out your clothes or something?"

"Yes, of course, the Senator's assistant does it now. You know, Clark, it would look totally good if you wore the briefs outside of the long underwear." Ollie tried not to let his voice crack with laughter.

"No, really. It would look hot." But then Ollie remembered the purpose of his call and tried to stay focused. "Look, Clark, I have some information on some um, mutual enemies that I need you to look at. Come over."

"No, I don't mean any of my ex-girlfriends."

"I only asked you to leave Mercy at the North Pole. It's not like I asked you to kill her."

"Well maybe you might have to kill someone some time. It's what heroes do. They make the tough choices, Clark!"

"Well, maybe you should just kill someone once, you know, just to try it. Maybe you'll like it." Dammit, Oliver berated himself, stop lecturing him and find a way to get him in your bedroom.

"You're right Clark. I'm so sorry for even saying it. I feel awful."

"No, that's nice of you to understand but I still feel terrible. You know, why don't you come over and punish me so we can move on from this."

"No, I don't want you to take away my television privileges Clark."

"No, it's okay, Clark, you weren't being too hard on me, it's just -"

"No, I don't need to talk about my feelings."

"ENOUGH CLARK! I can't do this anymore! I have no interest in talking to you about any of this! I only called so I could convince you to come over to my place!"

"Why do you think, you stupid insensitive jackass? Because I was hoping tonight would end with your cock in my mouth."

Oliver felt a gust of air and turned around to see Clark suddenly standing there in Oliver's room, saying, "Well, why didn't you just say so?"