20. sleep

pucks P.O.V

Pumpkin pasties are great. Great, great, great; even when they are suspiciously… normal looking. But then, it was Sabrina who made them, so I suppose it would be slightly more suspicious if the pastry were, say, a lovely purple hue. Oh well, baby likes pasties, I like pasties, Sabrina is nowhere in sight. Ahh, the world is a happy, happy place. Not that it wouldn't be nice with Sabrina in sight, it would be wonderfu-tolerable. Tolerable. Not even tolerable, I can't stand her, she is not attractive whatsoever and holds no sway over my emotions at all . Ahem. What I was pointing out was that she would probably right now be in the process of ridiculing me for using my abnormally wonderful and effective skills in the handling and understanding of children. She's just jealous she can't sing as well as I can. Jealous I tell you. Jealous…

Oh dear. The baby has stopped happy gurgling. Stopped gurgling at all in fact. Scrunching up its face now… I wonder if it's related at all to a mole rat… it's opening its mouth now –argh!

""

oh dear. It's wailing, crying, SCREAMING! What do I do? What does she need? A list, compile a list so I know what I've left out… that's what people do don't they? When they're trying to remember things? Or is it when they're going shopping. Oh well worth a try.

What fred needs as a baby – cleanliness –tick!

Food – tick!

Awesomeness in the form of a mischievous amazing fairy guardian – ticked off the level!

…

…

ummm – what is it babies like again?

MILK! Though I heard cow milk is bad for them at this age.

Milk from their mother then. but fred is motherless.

I think about it for a moment. Mothers are female, so there must be a reason for men not giving babies milk. It must be made only by females! I consider my plight. Well, this whole baby thing may have created a little argument between myself and brina… but I'm sure she wouldn't say no to helping fred and I out a little…

"SABRINA!"

no reply… odd. Perhaps she simply couldn't hear me over fred's wailing.

I try it a little louder – "SABRINNNNAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"WHAT PUCK! I'M BUSY!"

she comes storming down the stairs in a glowing ball of fury. Well… not so much a glowing ball as a… glowing Sabrina. Odd. I blink.

"Fred is suffering." I announce to her, incase she is unable to determine this from the babies screaming.

She sniffs "I knew you wouldn't be able to look after a child properly. What have you done to her!"

Outrage! On my facial features! Me! Harm the baby? I think not.

"I have already discovered the source of her discomfort, and I am afraid, as I am of the male species I am unable to cater for her needs. You, however are female, and so, I have deduced, must have the ability to give the baby the milk that it craves."

I smile winningly at her.

Her face freezes, then turns an interesting shade of grey, before morphing into a pink and then a more purple hue, before she burst out laughing.

The insult!

Sabrinas P.O.V

I laugh, honestly, I can't help it. I mean, it just makes it worse that he is being completely serious. Someone help me, I think I'm going to suffocate. Me? Breastfeed? Is he crazy! No, no, he is looking very insulted… he actually doesn't understand any basic human concepts does he? I sober up, chuckling slightly.

"puck, I'm afraid – giggle – that i'll be of no use to you in this endeavor of yours – giggle"

he actually looks completely non-plussed. Confused. Sad?

I sigh and try to explain.

"puck, your almost there, only women can feed babies the milk they need. But also only specific women, those who have given birth for one, and whose, uh," I stutter as I think of the best way to phrase it for him, so his poor little innocent mind isn't scarred for life… oh screw it. "basically puck, this milk you so desperately want me to hand over comes from women who are lactating and it come from their boobs." I gesture for him to get the picture.

His eyes widen comically. He looks between me and the baby. Blinks rapidly.

I sigh and take pity on him.

"Did you ever think that perhaps Fred jut needs some sleep?"

Eyes still abnormally large he nods frantically and picks up Fred.

"yep, sleep, sleep is exactly what is needed in this situation, sleepy time Fred com along now" he keeps muttering as he pelts up the stairs, "no milk, just sleep… much nicer… safer…"

A/N: sorry for the long time no see. But I've been off colour with my writing and no one had really bothered to review. So, this one is dedicated to creamychocpudding786 for bothering to review and arithmetic13 for reviewing and prompting me to get off my lazy arse and write up another chapter. Probably not my best, but then, at least it's something, right?