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There's nothing absolute about love. You can't map it out inch by inch, breaking it down to examine every nook and cranny of your feelings. Why do we fall in love? Why do feelings fade? How come it's our biggest heartaches that we hold on to the tightest? Love just happens. It doesn't stop for questions and uncertainties. It's something you figure out as you go.

When Ashley Davies was six years old she would sit in the hallway of the second story of her house, watching through the staircase rails her dad sing to her mom as he showed off a new song he had just written. When they were first married Rave Davies had always looked to Christine, Ashley's mother, for approval. Music had been his whole world and he shared it with his wife. Ashley could remember how happy that had made her mom. Then somewhere down the line it all changed. Maybe it started with his first mistress or his sixth Ashley would never know. She just knew that by the time she was twelve the only scenes she saw between the second story staircase rails were her parents fighting. Two years later it was watching her mom drink herself to sleep every night.

She hadn't had much faith in love before she met Spencer, having seen firsthand what it could to people; but she did have some. She had been in a committed relationship with a boy she'd known since childhood, Matthew Blancher for two years before she left for college. He had often talked of marriage and the life they would have together. Ashley broke it off when she left for college. At the time she had had no regrets, not regarding his feelings in any of the decisions she'd make from then on.

In a way, when she fell for Spencer and everything that happened afterward, Ashley had figured it was karma rearing its ugly head for having been so callous with Matt's feelings. Finding out Ashley was gay and making the decision to force her home had been the first thing her parents had agreed on in years. Ashley had fought tooth and nail to be able to return for months. That is until she had seen Carmen kissing Spencer. It had taken all the fight out of her. She knew then what drove her mom to drinking all the time.

And when she ran into Matt a month after that at the mall she didn't fight the offer of drinks and dinner. Ashley hadn't bothered hiding the fact that she was still hung up on Spencer and Matt hadn't hid the fact he was happy she was heartbroken. From there their friendship rebuilt itself and so did a relationship. It burnt out fast though. Ashley loved him but she would never be in love with him and he knew that.

Lying awake now, watching the morning sun dance across Spencer's sleeping face, Ashley finally understood why Matt had tried to be with her again. This feeling of completeness, of rightness was consuming. This was how every morning should start.

Spencer twitched in her sleep, her bottom lip quivering slightly. Ashley smiled. She had almost forgotten about that. Remembering their past mornings together, Ashley was tempted to reach out and touch the pale beauty. Maybe place a light kiss on her shoulder the way she used to. Or trace patterns on her stomach until Spencer woke up, a sleepy slow sweeping grin lighting her face.

"I can feel your eyes on me."

Quickly Ashley shut her eyes, before Spencer could open hers. However, they reopened a second later, feeling the light touch of a hand on her cheek.

"I knew you weren't really asleep." And the sleepy slow sweeping smile that Ashley had fallen in love with so many years ago showed itself.

"Hey." Ashley said softly, staring into light blue eyes, all traces of anger from the night before gone.

"Hi."

Spencer's hand still hadn't removed itself from Ashley's cheek. Her thumb gently caressed the soft skin beneath it. Ashley closed her eyes briefly, turning her head ever so slightly into Spencer's touch.

"I missed you Ash." Spencer admitted, blushing a little. It was safe to admit that in the quiet of Ashley's bedroom.

Gently, Ashley grabbed Spencer's hand off her face, bringing it to her lips to kiss the inside of the palm. She placed their hands between their bodies, not letting go. "I missed you too, Spence."

A pot banged in the kitchen, breaking the spell that had come over them. Blue eyes clouded over. "Last night doesn't change anything does it?"

Ashley sighed, not wanting it to end just yet, but knowing she couldn't fight it. She would need time to process things. Three years worth of beliefs shredded to pieces. She wasn't sure what to believe at the moment. "I don't know." She answered honestly, knowing it hurt the blonde to hear it.

Spencer swallowed, her tongue darting out to lick her lips. Ashley had the sudden urge to kiss her. It had been so long. She wondered if Spencer would still taste just as sweet.

"Yeah. Maybe with time?" Spencer asked, shrugging against the comforter.

"Maybe." Ashley agreed. Her eyes were glued to Spencer's lips though. Were they as soft as she remembered? What would she do if I did kiss her, Ashley wondered absent mindedly.

Sensing where the brunette's thoughts were going, Spencer slid away, slipping out of the bed before something could happen. She knew if Ashley did she wouldn't stop her but it was too soon for all that now. Spencer wanted to know the new Ashley. Alexa, she decided, would just have to deal with it.

"Do you have to go already," asked Ashley, rolling onto her back. She wanted Spencer back in bed with her. Instead she settled for watching Spencer slide her jeans over perfectly toned legs, wiggling just enough to slip them up all the way. Ashley smirked.

After zipping and buttoning her pants Spencer turned to face her ex-girlfriend, catching the smirk before Ashley could hide it. Carmen used to smirk too, but it had seemed more like leering when the Latino girl did it. With Ashley, it spiked her heart rate. Behind the smirk there was always a promise of passion and danger.

It was startling, but not terribly surprising, to find her body still reacted to Ashley the same. The thought caused her cheeks to redden even further, resulting in a grin from Ashley.

Alexa, Alexa, Alexa, she repeated to herself mentally, reminding herself why she couldn't spend the day just lounging around with Ashley all day. "I can't."

"Because of Angelica?"

"You mean Alexa?" Spencer asked. Ashley had kept such a straight face it wasn't until the brunette smiled Spencer realized it hadn't been a mistake.

"Very funny." But despite the slight poke of fun at her girlfriend Spencer couldn't help but smile back. When they had been dating Ashley had always taken to coming up with alternate names for girls that would hit on Spencer.

The funniest, and probably the meanest, had been a girl named Jessie that tried relentlessly to hook up with Spencer. Ashley had dubbed her Jessie Bessie the Moo Cow even though the girl was far from fat or ugly. Like now, Spencer hadn't minded it then either. It had always been Ashley's way of letting her know she was jealous without coming right out and saying it.

This time she called Ashley on it. "Oh I get. You're jealous."

Ashley balked at the suggestion but smiled upon seeing the teasing glint in Spencer's eyes. This was Spencer's way of letting her know she was forgiven for Sunday. "Right. That's it." Ashley replied, trying to imitate Spencer's voice.

Spencer laughed. "I do not sound like that."

"So you think." Ashley grinned, finally getting out of bed. "You don't want to stay even for breakfast?"

Spencer hesitated. She looked at the clock on Ashley's night stand. 10:35.

"I have to meet Alexa for lunch in like an hour." She said regretfully. She was thankful when Ashley let it go there.

"Alright then." Ashley shrugged. "But it's your lost. I make a mean Fruit Loops."

"I bet you do." Spencer shook her head, smiling.

Ashley came around the bed to stand in front of Spencer. The ex-lovers faced off, less angry and more wanton than last night though. Spencer's smile faded. One kiss, if I make it real fast, couldn't hurt, could it, Spencer asked herself. The kiss with Carmen and the image of a broken hearted Ashley watching flashed through her mind. She cleared her throat.

"I should go for real this time." She told Ashley.

"I know." Ashley smiled sadly. She took a step forward, and to Spencer's surprise, Ashley hugged her. Immediately Spencer's arms were around Ashley's waist, feeling herself melt against the taller girl. The hug lasted minutes longer than it should have and both girls parted awkwardly.

"I'll remember my cell phone next time I want to talk." Spencer said after a moment, referring to Ashley's comment the night before.

Ashley nodded. "Tell Flexa I say hi."

"Sure thing." Spencer's smile was back. They both knew she wouldn't be telling Alexa anything. "I'll call you later. Or you call me. Whichever. It doesn't really matter I guess."

Ashley grinned. "One of us call the other later. Got it."

"Bye Ash." Spencer said and turned to leave. Ashley waited to leave her room until she heard the front door open and close.

Then she went out, grinning happily to Kristina, who was in the kitchen making herself some eggs, and went to the balcony. She watched on as Spencer exited the building a few minutes later, crossing the street to reach her midnight blue Celica. She smiled when Spencer paused before getting in to search out Ashley's apartment on the fourth floor.

Ashley gave a small wave.

Spencer grinned, and then got in her car to leave.

"It's always a good sign when they look back, right?"

Ashley didn't turn to answer, her eyes glued to the Celica getting further and further away.

Comments and feedback always welcome :]