Eh, we'll see how this goes.

This is just basically a crackfic that kind of turned into a somewhat decent story. I still want to be a dumb, meaningless fic, but I'll just see how it turns out.

Who knows, I may not even finish it, depending on my schedule and such…Ugh, High school is pure torture.

Anyway, this was loosely based on Get Smart (the newest movie) and if you've seen it, I'm sure you'll find some very obvious similarities (Because I have zero imagination of my own)

Enough rambling I guess.

Disclaimer: I don't own Tsubasa, otherwise I wouldn't be writing fanfics about it...I don't own Get Smart either, just to be on the safe side. So don't sue me!

CHAPTER ONE: MISSON CONTROL, WE HAVE TWO PROBLEMS…

The somewhat peaceful, serene morning was murdered quite atrociously by a loud banging on Kurogane Suwa's door. Though he was trained for unexpected scenarios and drilled into being always alert and scolded NEVER to be caught unawares, there was just no way he could help but jump awake in an ungraceful manner, thanks to the bombardment raining upon his door.

After taking a split second to analyze his surroundings, he glowered menacingly at the door and cursed the blonde idiot he knew was behind it,to the bloodiest depths of hell.

He then turned his head, shoving a pillow on top, hoping that if he merely ignored him, he'll go away…

Then again, this was Fai Fluorite. When had that tactic ever worked?

"Kuro-sama!!! Wake up!!!"

The pounding on the door was relentless as if to taunt him specifically and Kurogane felt his self-control of violence notching down with every knock.

"Kuro-tan!! It's important!"

Yeah, that's what he said when his favorite TV show was canceled last year because it sucked. With a menacing growl that more or less portrayed him as a pissed-off dog, Kurogane pushed himself up and staggered to the door.

The insistent banging was hitting #1 spectacularly on his nerves. He yanked the door open (wishing briefly that it snapped off the hinges so he could use is as a weapon) and glared fiery, magma-filled holes into the smiling face that dared to greet him this early in the morning.

"What do you want, bastard?" Kurogane addressed warmly to the beaming blonde. Stupid idiot just beat his own record at how fast and early he could annoy the crap out of Kurogane.

"Oh, Kuro-chu! Took you long enough! Yuuko wants us!" Fai's ever-present grin widened, if physically possible. Kurogane had to squint and look away, for fear of losing his valuable and keen eyesight from the intensity of Fai's over-bearing smile.

Fai was a walking hazard, capable of blinding anyone with the sheer combined brightness of his smile and his sporadic, unrestrained personality. Honestly, it was a wonder why the National Guard hadn't hauled him away for being a public risk and a persistent pain in the ass to Kurogane.

They really should lock up idiots like Fai and torture them with lessons upon lessons of proper public behavior and how to keep that jolly attitude of theirs to themselves. For example, lesson one could be: Don't ever call a trained assassin Kuro-kins.

Speaking of which, Kurogane felt the familiar urge to kill Fai as slowly and painfully as possible for daring to call him that damned name.

Technically, he knew over one hundred different ways to kill him with just his bare hands (all of course extremely painful). But killing his partner would only spell trouble out for him with their Chief, Yuuko, the only being on the planet he hated more than Fai.

Speak of the devil.

Or in this case, witch-

"Kuro-chi! Yuuko wants us in the debriefing room! We have a mission!" Fai practically yelled, although he was standing no more than two feet away.

Kurogane had somewhat mixed feelings about that statement.

True, the words debriefing and mission peaked his interest, but Yuuko had him suspicious. That witch better not be yanking their chains again, or else he would execute one of those deadly combat moves on her.

Yuuko's definition of mission seemed to be somewhat mangled, because to her, mission didn't mean going undercover and blowing stuff up and doing secret agent things, but rather sitting in a crowded room with a crappy cup of coffee for eight hours long trying to Google the whereabouts of their targets.

For the past six months he had been locked up in this secret government facility with the most annoying bastard on the planet, forced to hunch over a damn computer all day gathering intelligence about possible threats all around the world. And they dared to call that a mission.

That was not a mission; that was research!

And research was for nerds that actually knew how to operate a freaking computer. Not for the field agents that were trained to go shoot people.

Kurogane held a somewhat impressive amount of stamina, thanks to years of intense training at the academy. He could take a well-aimed hit and he was no stranger to pain. Kurogane was known among the agents of CLOW to keep going; staying strong, no matter what.

Having such endurance, Kurogane was also well-aware of his tolerance level.

And this gathering intelligence crap was taking a serious toll on his tolerance level. He knew he wouldn't be able to take it much longer before he completely cracked from frustration and went on a violent frenzy.

Their last mission seemed so long ago, he was starting to feel a somewhat longing for it-even if it had ended in a complete disaster- and that never happens to him. People would consider Kurogane many things, but nostalgic was definitely not on the list.

The last mission they carried out was in Istanbul where they were sent to locate and collect a party boss who had gained too much power and was becoming a worldly threat. Fai had nearly screwed the mission to hell when he got drunk at the dingy hotel they were staying at and attempted a round of karaoke…

Honestly, if it wasn't for Kurogane, Fai would have been captured and sold into slavery to some perverted, old geezer by now.

Well, that was what Kurogane got for having Fai as his partner…not that he chose the stupid idiot- Yuuko held all the cards and pulled all the strings when it came down to it.

To say he was bitter towards their chief was an understatement.

"I don't care what that witch wants," Kurogane glowered. "I'm not wasting another minuet of my time if she's going to make us go gather intelligence or send us on a stupid mission like spying on her boyfriend."

Which she has done before…

Kurogane made to slam the door closed but Fai, the slippery salamander, sidled underneath his arm and in the way of the door-frame.

"Well Kuro-chan, we won't know until we go there." Fai pointed out.

"Go then." Kurogane grunted. "Tell me how it is. And when she sends you to go get her groceries, don't come crying to me, idiot."

"But Kuro-mii-"

"That's not my name!" Kurogane made a swipe to smack Fai, but as always Fai managed to evade it.

"It could be an extremely dangerous, undercover mission with terrorists and things being blown up!" Fai pulled on his sleeve, issuing the most adorable begging-face on the planet.

It made Kurogane want to punch him.

"Or, it could be us spending the afternoon with those computer geeks listening in on Swedish governors talk about what kind of sandwich they prefer." Kurogane grunted, closing his eyes and folding his arms across his chest.

There was another tug on his sleeve and he opened his crimson eyes slight enough to glare down at Fai who was smiling up at him.

"We won't know until we go." he said again simply.

Damn idiot and his damn persuading powers. He didn't want to admit it, but Fai was right. They wouldn't know what their mission until they went to Yuuko.

----------

Kurogane hated it when Fai was right. Absolutely hated it.

It was an egotistical, dominance thing, he was sure, but that didn't make enduring it any less awful.

Here they were, getting news that they were in fact going on a full-fledge mission, and all Kurogane could do was silently sulk and think angrily that the dumb idiot had called it right.

Fai had been dead-on in fact: This was an undercover mission. There were terrorists involved. And it was extremely dangerous, for if their cover was blown, they'd be utterly screwed.

They were going to have to have flawless acting skills, which is why, Kurogane guessed, they were chosen for this mission. Contrary to what people may think, Fai was a bad-ass actor when it came right down to it. Not that he'd ever admit that to anyone…

So naturally, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life hands you terrorists, send the best actor you have…

"Fei Wong Reed is hosting a beneficial party at his mansion Saturday night." Yuuko informed, as Fai and Kurogane leafed through the file she had given them, containing their objectives and such that a spy would need- although, Fai was having a bit more fun with his than he ought to, as he was making origami flowers with the valuable information…

"Beneficial? More like a sponsorship for his nukes." Kurogane muttered, eyeing the file, critically. This Fei dude had tons of connections dealing with nuclear weapons…

"Precisely what it is, Kurogane." said Yuuko. "Reed has disguised the party as a beneficial occasion for leukemia patients when really, he's using the money to manage his nuclear weapons organization." Yuuko leaned forward, ignoring completely that her low riding shirt was exposing most of her chest. She was always so nonchalant when it came to things like that…

"But, that's another problem for another day, boys." she said. "What we're focusing on is the group our intelligence team has lately been hearing about." She leaned back against her chair and studied both of them with a steady, formal gaze. "A team that is closely affiliated with Fei Wong Reed."

Yuuko gently took a sip of her tea, as if they were discussing something as trivial as the weather. "We don't know much about them, as they manage to keep a pretty low key, but we do know they are connected to Reed in more ways than one."

Fai and Kurogane glanced at each other before giving their attention back to Yuuko. "This group is made up of extremely dangerous terrorist. They call themselves B.A.T." she informed them.

"Bat?" asked Fai with the tilt of his head. Seemed like a weird name for a group of terrorists…

"B-A-T. Don't ask me what it stands for, because no one knows. If you can find that out, I'll give you a bonus." Yuuko answered with the flick of her hand. "Anyway, you two will be heading on the next flight to Moscow, Russia, where Reed is throwing his…party. Your mission is not to capture or kill Reed. We will need him later in the game."

"Then what is our mission?" Kurogane all but growled. He was impatient enough as it was, and he had half a mind believing she was dancing around them in mockery, knowing full well he was having extreme violent-withdrawal. He was ready to go kill someone; ready to chase someone down in a brutal and exhilarating car-chase; ready to jump out the window of a fiery building just seconds before it blows up…

Yuuko smiled her chillingly knowing smile. "Your mission is to take down the B.A.T."

Hmm… taking on a team of terrorists?

That sounded dangerous enough.

-----

Hope you guys like the first chapter. Like I said, this really was supposed to be a MAJOR crackfic, but now it's kind of drifting hazardly between being a decent story…so don't be surprised when something completely random and retarded happens, because that was how it originally was in my mind, I just couldn't relay that on paper (or in this case: computer) very well and it became a somewhat serious story.

Review please, maybe you can help me! (If you even know what I'm babbling about!)

.Tameny.

::preview for next chapter::

Chapter Two: Fai's fear of flying.

"Eh? But Kuro-sama, our targets are dangerous terrorists!"

"I know that, idiot! And we're going to be screwed if they find us!"

"…But…why would TERRORISTS be in an AIRPORT?! That's crazy!"