Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, just my character Jade.

Pairings: LxfemLight, NearxfemOC and hints of MattxfemMello

Rated: T+ for perversity & implied sex

Explanation: A slight AU of my story "The Phoenix" and of Death Note. In this universe, Light was briefly Kira for a time, but stopped when he realized that his power was getting to him. Still, he kept the Death Note on his person, but refused to use it. Ryuk, by a stroke of luck decided not to kill Light since he was still an interesting human, even if he wasn't Kira anymore. L knows that Light was once Kira for a brief time, and so he has decided to keep Light under "house arrest" rather than the death penalty or life imprisonment. Now they work to prevent another Kira, along with L's friend Jade (who still has his immortality in "The Phoenix," where there is an explanation about his power in Chapter 4) and Near (whose age I upped to 19), who is one of L's successors. Matt and Mello also help too, but they aren't featured in here, sorry. I might make a sequel that features the scenario though.

~Switched~

"Ryuk, what the hell is this about?!" Light screeched.

Light was mad, Ryuk could tell this much as he saw Light stomp towards him. The Shinigami didn't really care as he looked down at the glaring...boy (yeah let's go with that). He was just cackling in that hoarse voice of his, amusement lighting up his face. Light Yagami's face, on the other hand, was just ridiculously livid. His nostrils flared and his eyes blazed, adopting that reddish gleam that he was so well known for. His face was red with anger, and his luscious lips were twisted into a snarl.

Wait, hold up: "luscious" lips?

Ryuk smirked down at Light. "I was bored," was his blunt excuse.

Light Yagami, former Kira, and Death Note wielder, growled as he dared to double-check the image in the mirror. What was once a handsome Adonis of a young man was now a young woman with his skin tone, eyes and similar hair color–though her hair was about shoulder-length and curly. What should have been Light's masculine face was something more heart-shaped, with wide doe-like eyes, plump lips and a cute button nose. She was shorter by at least a few inches and had curves that would make Misa envious. Light's pajamas, which would have fit him properly, were threatening to fall off her body, had she not been holding most of her clothes in place.

Light closed "his" eyes and took a deep breath, pinching his arm. He opened one eye and then both eyes snapped open.

"GAAAAAAGHHHHH!!!"

Gender bended Light turned her head to glare at Ryuk.

"I'm going to kill you, you damn Shinigami!" cried a high, screechy voice.

Though Ryuk knew that it was impossible for Light to kill him, the Shinigami floated out of the boy-girl's room and out into the rest of the huge mansion, cackling as his charge started chasing him, screaming profanities and vain threats with an octave voice.

Once he was in a familiar hallway, Ryuk phased through the walls as a way to lose Light. Light's feet skidded to a stop in the hall, realizing that he lost him. She glared all around her, looking ready to kill, despite her dainty appearance. Taking a deep breath, Light decided to calm down and get her genius brain working. Surely there had to be a way to fix this, wasn't there?

No, a better question: How the hell did it happen in the first place?! Light was born a male, with all the mechanics of a male! It should be impossible for him to turn into a...a girl!

Then again, Light thought with a snort. In a world where Shinigami and killer notebooks exist, is this really impossible?

She considered that for a second and forlornly answered to herself, No, I suppose not...

But it damn well should be!

"EEEEEK!" a squeaky voice trilled from one of the doors–the door to Jade's room to be more precise.

Though she already anticipated what she was going to see, Light approached Jade's door and opened it.

"Jade?" she asked tentatively.

Light's mouth fell open in shock at what she saw.

A petite girl with a pale baby face and curly brown hair turned her head from the mirror to look at Light with a smile. She was a few inches smaller in height and her clothes were baggy on her now, but those green eyes of her's could only belong to one person.

"Oh, hey Light!" fem Jade greeted with a high voice and a wave. "It happened to you too, huh? Isn't it great?"

"Uh...wha?" Light sputtered. She was shocked that her former male friend was actually happy about his/her transformation.

Jade beamed, hands on her semi-wide hips. "Yeah, I know, right? This is so awesome! I haven't been a woman in centuries! It feels different than I remember," the immortal paused, glancing at the mirror again and then eagerly groping her well-endowed chest. "I mean, look at these. I have boobs…very nice boobs, in fact!" then Jade smacked her curvaceous behind. "And I would so tap this fine ass...if that was possible anyway."

Her eyes widened, gleaming mischievously at the idea. She hummed with a small smirk as she put her hands down her pants...

That became too much for Light.

"Jade, how can you be so calm?!" she screeched, eyes wide and furious.

"Oh, come on Light. I know you're curious about your body as well~"

"Not that curious!"

"You are such a liar Light, it's not even funny..."

"...Are you even aware of the seriousness of the situation?"

"Tch, of course I am," Jade paused, hand on flat stomach. "I'm hungry."

Light gaped as she walked out, shaking her hips slightly to keep her sweat pants from falling off. Light suddenly grasped her soft and now long locks, her temper sky rocketing by the second. After a frustrated groan she started following Jade to the kitchen downstairs, ranting all the way.

"I can't believe you! Ryuk turned us into women, and you say you are hungry?!"

"No way, Ryuk did it?... I guess having a Shinigami around really is handy...Oh, by the way would you prefer your eggs scrambled or over easy?"

"Yes, the damn Shinigami did it, the useless, sadistic, chronically bored, apple addicted bastard...And please make them over easy, with black coffee if you would."

"Coming right up, Mr.—oh, I mean Ms. Cranky Pants."

With a resigned moan, Light flung herself into a chair and waited for her breakfast to be ready. When she had her plate of food and mug of coffee in front of her, she hesitantly ate, still trying to figure out a way out of this.

First, I have to find Ryuk and reverse whatever he did. I'll probably have to bribe him with the usual amount of apples, she thought. And I better do it fast. L and Near should both be coming in any second now...

Suddenly, Light got an idea. She smirked and her eyes gleamed with calculation, her face a feminine version of Light's signature "Kira" face. She slyly glanced at Jade, who was currently wolfing down her own plate of scrambled eggs and some toast.

"Hey, Jade," she crooned. "I just had a thought about L and Near's reaction to this predicament."

Jade swallowed her food, an eyebrow quirked. "Yeah, so?"

"So, our lovers are inside the house right now, probably in their studies working on their cases, if we know them that well. But, eventually, they are going to come downstairs and see us, expecting their male lovers, only to see female copies..."

The other gender bended male's eyes widened as the thought sunk in. Light could practically hear the dusty, and possibly rusty, cogs and wheels of Jade's brain turn.

Any second now...

Jade grasped the sides of her head, her face stricken with a panic that was slightly humorous. Light was almost tempted to burst out into her signature evil laughter (you all know which one I'm talking about), which would no doubt sound like a cartoon villainess.

"You're right! What if...what if Near gets disgusted when he sees me?!" she gasped. "What if all this time he was only with me because I had a dick?! Oh, God he's going to dump me when he sees me as I am now! NO, worse—I'm not gonna get laid tonight!" Jade broke off with a loud, dramatic wail, with exaggerated anime tears flowing down her cheeks.

She sniffled, her watery, doe eyes directed at Light. "What are we gonna do...?"

Light feigned a sympathetic face. "It'll be all right. All we'll have to do is find Ryuk."

Jade recovered at hyper speed, her face aflame with a sudden determination. She even had both of her fists pumped on either side of her head. "Right!" she exclaimed.

Before both of the he-she's could get up and search for the Shinigami, they heard a pair of footsteps from the stairs.

"...What is all that noise?"

Light froze at the familiar monotone voice.

"I believe it's coming from the kitchen."

Jade squeaked, recognizing the second voice, which was in its usual soft, mellow, yet slightly cold tone. She grabbed Light by the shoulders and forced her to stand in front of her, a shield so that her appearance would be hidden. Light was too stunned to resist.

L entered the kitchen and abruptly stopped when he saw the a familiar looking girl who was dressed in familiar pajamas. His eyes roved over her appearance, already wide dark orbs widening even more. Light flushed with embarrassment (and nervousness?) as she saw her lover silently putting the pieces together. He tilted his head childishly, his thumb near his mouth.

"...Light-kun?"

Despite herself, Light chuckled nervously, suddenly wanting to get eaten up by the floor, despite the fact that it was impossible.

Damn it, where was a Death Note when you needed it?

"Um...L!" she stammered with a shaky smile. "Good morning!"

"...Good morning." L tilted his head to the other side, eyes narrowing in thought. "Does this mean that I should call you Light-chan from now on?"

Regaining her frosty composure, Light glared at him. "Do it and you will die."

L hummed, his thumb rubbing his lips. "I see...Up by 20 percent."

A vein started pulsing on the side of Light's forehead. "There's no point anymore, you little panda freak!"

While the argument continued, (yet could you really call it an argument since it was only Light who was yelling?), Jade attempted to slink away from the kitchen and into the safety of her bedroom. Hopefully, in all the commotion, she would successfully avoid facing...

"...Hello, Jade."

Jade yelped when she found herself face to face with her own lover, who looked up at her with unreadable silver-black eyes. Though she was shorter than her male form, Near was still shorter than her by at least an inch. As he stared into her eyes, he started toying with his snow-white locks.

"Near, hi! Uh...I can totally explain this," Jade sputtered out awkwardly. "See, what had happened was–I woke up...and yeah...I have boobs...and a sweet ass...and...and–PLEASE DON'T DUMP ME!" She started crying comic anime tears with hands clasped in front of her face, a gesture of imploring.

Near blinked slowly a few times, not responding for the first few minutes. He hummed thoughtfully, his deep eyes roving up and down Jade's body. Both of his hands touched her bare arms experimentally, much to Jade's growing bemusement.

Suddenly, one of Near's thumbs brushed against the curve of her breast...

Jade gasped, her face going pink with slight pleasure.

She had forgotten how sensitive those things could get at the slightest touch. At least on her body anyway...

Something flickered in Near's eyes as he hummed lowly. "Interesting," he murmured, brushing his thumb deliberately against that same spot.

Jade whimpered through tightly sealed lips, making Near's eyes flicker some more as he took in her reddening face. He lifted a hand in her vision and gestured with his index finger for her to lean towards him, which she obeyed feeling curious. Near leaned his mouth towards an ear, brushing his lips against her lobe as he whispered to her...

Light didn't hear what Near said to Jade, but whatever it was it made his male friend turned girl blush furiously, her lips trembling and her eyes glazing over as they stared ahead at nothing. Near leaned his head back to stare at Jade with a stone faced expression on all but his eyes, which seemed to show a certain heat that was rare for the usually cold boy. He turned around and started walking out of the kitchen and back towards the stairs, with Jade still frozen in place, face red.

"Are you coming?" he called to Jade expectantly.

Near's voice apparently broke whatever reverie Jade had been in, making the girl beam with dazed eyes. Giggling softly to herself, she swiftly walked forward to follow him. Light gaped at her, disbelief written on her face.

"W-wait, Jade, what about searching for Ryuk?"

She attempted to get through to Jade, but it was no use. Jade's eyes might as well have had hearts in them like in cartoons.

"Maybe later Light," she replied dreamily, not really hearing what Light had said.

Light and L watched as Jade disappeared in the direction Near had gone, which was no doubt upstairs. Light's mouth was still open in shock and slight mortification. L just had his thumb in his mouth, eyes blinking only twice. In the faint silence, the two of them heard the faint sound of a door closing upstairs.

"I...I cannot believe that just happened!" Light exclaimed softly. "I mean, I know Jade can be a bit of a sex addict, but to lower himself like that! I had no idea he was capable of that," she paused, turning her head to look at L. "Did you—?"

Light was cut off when she saw L's face and swallowed nervously. The man was looking down at her (for she was now shorter than him in female form), his eyes wide and flickering with such heat that it made Light's throat turn dry. He had his thumb against his mouth and a wide grin that made shivers go down Light's spine.

Light narrowed her eyes, already reading L's mind. "No, L Lawliet! No! No, no, no, no, no, N-to the—mmph…!"

Light was cut off by a pair of pale lips slam on her own, now small and supple, lips. L quickly grasped the back of her head with one hand, while wrapping his other arm around Light's waist, holding her body against his. She put her hands on L's shoulders to try to push him away, but she gave up all effort when she felt a soft tongue probe her mouth and explore its contours with such familiarity. When the wet appendage found her own, Light found her eyes closing with only a slight resistance.

When the two of them parted for air L dove straight for Light's neck, which the male-turned-female arched so he could get more access to the soft skin. As L licked, suckled and bit at all of Light's hot spots, her body slackened as she let out shuddering moans and groans, which drove her lover on.

L smirked against the soft skin, reaching inside his denim pocket and…

Click!

Light blinked, the vaguely familiar sound breaking through her hazy mind. Eyes narrowing, she flickered her wrist, feeling the coolness of metal against her skin and hearing the clinging of a metal chain. She glared at L, who smirked down at her as he put on his handcuff.

"You still have them," Light stated with gritted teeth.

L grinned in that special way he knew that would unnerve Light. "Of course. They bring back such memories, don't they?"

Light shook, her face scarlet. Her eyes widened with some shock when she felt herself being tugged and then realized that L was heading right upstairs.

"L, no!" she yelled, tugging the chain back towards her. It was in vain though, since her female body wasn't as strong as her male form.

L hummed cheerfully. "Trust me, Light. It will be fine."

"L, I swear I will scream rape if I have to! You know how loud I can be, I'll get the neighbors to call the police in a snap!"

"You're right…I am aware of how loud you can be. Especially when I—"

"I'll do it L!"

"Now, sweetheart we both know that it is only rape if one is unwilling, so I do believe your little trick won't work."

"Oh, yeah? And how do you know this?"

"Because, Light, you know you love it when we get intimate."

"Well…yeah, but why now when I'm like…this?!"

"…Why not?"

When they were just a few steps from the landing, Light stopped tugging on her chain and stared up at L. L stared back at her, his face nonchalant.

"…I hate you."

"I love you too, Light-chan."

—Epilogue—

About an hour and a half later, L was lying awake in bed next to a sleeping Light, who was under the covers. His lover was still female, but that didn't faze him in the least. Light was Light no matter what gender he was. He sat up and smiled down fondly at him, stroking the young man's (woman, whatever) hair. Then he gently got out of bed, got redressed in his clothes (which had been thrown onto the floor), and proceeded to go back down stairs.

When he entered the kitchen, L saw Near already sitting down on one of the chairs. He had one leg bent on the seat, while the other was on the floor. The white-haired young man was staring off into space, his eyes glazed over, while twirling a lock of hair on one finger. His white shirt was still unbuttoned halfway, but he didn't seem to pay it any mind. Near's eyes cleared when he acknowledged L's presence.

"So," L said, breaking the silence. "How was it?"

Near hummed, his eyes getting glazed again. "It was…different, yet the same. You?"

He shrugged, hands in his jeans pockets. "The same."

A dry cackle got their attention. Both genius detectives turned their heads to see Ryuk and his eternal grin.

"So, the two of you liked it, I see," he said, amused. "So, do you both have my payment?"

L and Near shared a glance and then nodded at the Shinigami. L nodded his head towards the table, where a basket of fresh, shiny red apples were seated. As expected, Ryuk's eyes glimmered and his mouth started watering with hunger. He lunged towards the basket and started wolfing down the apples, savoring in their sweet flavor and dancing a little as each one entered his mouth. When he was done, he gave the two men a salute, phased out of the house and onto his next stop.

After all, Ryuk still had to collect from that redhead gamer…

Heh, heh.

Near blinked at L. "How long is it supposed to last?"

L went to the fridge and took out a slice of cake that he had saved for the day. As he sat down in a chair and started eating, he replied, "According to the Shinigami, only for a few hours. But then again, Ryuk is a tricky character…"

Near hummed and nodded slightly, causing a small silence to come between the two. L was chewing his sweet silently and Near was lightly tapping his fingers against the table. And then…

"You know L, if they find out about this deal, the two of us will be—as they say—'in deep shit'."

"…And that's why they will never find out. It will just be a nuisance if otherwise. Besides, neither of us is foolish enough to tell them right?"

"…They will still figure it out in some way, at least someday."

"True…"

"And then, I believe it is safe to say that we will be 'screwed'."

A sigh. "I know…"

Once again there was a silence.

L smiled softly as he stared at his cake, memories going through his mind.

"Can't say that it wasn't worth it though."

Though he didn't see, his successor also smiled softly to himself, his soft eyes hidden by his white hair. His pale skin also tinted pink as a slight show of happiness.

"…True."